I dont like what being large has made me become!

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nicolebeck89
nicolebeck89 Posts: 68 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have never been really skinny but I was tone and tight and I liked my body. I had what I would consider great self confidence. 6 months ago I had my son and came home from the hospital 70 pounds heavier. I have yet to lose that weight. I have just started really working on it for about a week now.

I hate what this weight has made me become. I am sad, mad, uncomfortable everywhere I go and all of a sudden turned into the jealous maniac when it comes to my fiance. He doesn't do anything wrong really and nothing he has never done before, but all of a sudden I am jealous of every girl he looks at. Every girl that happens to be in a picture that he looks at on facebook. Every friend of the female gender he has. I am jealous of his buddies girlfriends and no longer want to hang with the group anymore because even though they are awesome and I know non of them would ever view me as this but I am now the "fat" girl of the group. I feel as if my fiance is the guy with the "fat" girlfriend. This is soo not fair for him. He is amazing and loves me and one of the reasons that he loved hanging out with me when we first dated is that I was not jealous (and I really truly wasnt), He has always had a lot of friends that were girls, most of them couples and friends from the marine core that he has known for years and I never had a problem with it but now it kills me.

So I am officially done! This is officially my start to getting my life back and feeling like I am good enough because I am and I deserve to feel like it again.
Ready, Set, Go

Thanks for listening!

Replies

  • Discoveri
    Discoveri Posts: 435 Member
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    So I am officially done! This is officially my start to getting my life back and feeling like I am good enough because I am and I deserve to feel like it again.
    Ready, Set, Go

    ^That is a great attitude to have!
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    Very proud of you for being strong enough to not make excuses for yourself, people like you truly are few and far between...Good Luck and please keep us posted on your progress
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    I had a lot of similar issues with insecurity when I was big. I suggest talking to your fiance about it in detail, specifically that this behavior from you is a defensive mechanism to deal with your own insecurity. This is really important so he knows what is going on and can help you stay on track or be a little more understanding if you got slightly nuts along the way.

    I also suggest trying to suppress those insecure feelings as much as you can. The old "fake it 'till you make it" theme seems to apply. It worked well for me until I started really feeling better about myself and getting my confidence back.

    Good luck to you!
  • Mercenary1914
    Mercenary1914 Posts: 1,087 Member
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    So I am officially done! This is officially my start to getting my life back and feeling like I am good enough because I am and I deserve to feel like it again.
    Ready, Set, Go

    Thanks for listening!

    NO...Thanks for sharing...This was a great post ...a diamond in today's hot mess of threads!
    :flowerforyou:
  • SexyCook
    SexyCook Posts: 2,253 Member
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    Definitely a good read!! You will definitely have a great success story to share!!! Wishing you tons of awesomenss on your new journey to healthier living!
  • stubbysticks
    stubbysticks Posts: 1,275 Member
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    The silver lining is that seeing this about yourself has brought to light that changes you need to make to yourself. I did it too...2 years ago I had a similar revelation about the person I had become, not so much jealous, but definitely insecure, antisocial, & feeling like I wasn't being fair to my husband by being his fat wife. It's a painful realization...but know that you are on your way to changing it with your commitment! Stay positive & you'll get to where you want to be faster than you think!
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
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    I have a feeling you're going to be successful here... great start! We're all cheering you on!!!
  • monicamk1975
    monicamk1975 Posts: 298 Member
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    Best of luck to you in your journey :)
  • Octopies
    Octopies Posts: 157 Member
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    You have a really great attitude and I admire that so much!
  • jgray08
    jgray08 Posts: 11
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    Great post I always say fake it to you make it!!!
  • jgray08
    jgray08 Posts: 11
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    I understand how you feel, I can relate although I haven't started jealours or anything like that but because I am uncomfortable with myself I don't feel as sexy to my husband as I should but he always seem to make me feel loved and wanted. My problem is that I have become mean and not really wanting to be bothered not because of anything that he is doing but because I just don't feel that great about myself. In time this shall pass we just have to stay focoused on our goals and what we want for ourselves. Although it isn't easy for any of us but just making a start is a start and as time progresses we will feel better better about ourselves. So hang in there and keep logging in those calories you will eventually see a change at least that's what I tell myself.
  • upendrah
    upendrah Posts: 14 Member
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    Thank you for sharing. I feel the same way you do and I see a lot of myself in your description. I can remember my husband and I walking the mall and I would always get mad at him if a nice looking girl come in the midst. I don't have a child so there are no excuses for me but you had a baby.

    I am going to join you with this commitment to lose those 70pounds. We can do this together.


    **smiles**
  • utahgirl247
    utahgirl247 Posts: 370 Member
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    you'll get through it!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvPH8oGW4f8
  • nicolebeck89
    nicolebeck89 Posts: 68 Member
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    Well I have always been the kind of person to take responsibility for myself and my actions!!!! Thanks to all I am so excited see the change!!
  • sazzyp1973
    sazzyp1973 Posts: 517 Member
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    Lovely post and good luck. I am going to send a friend request and hope we can support each other on the way. All the best!
  • labtracks
    labtracks Posts: 108 Member
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    Same boat here... my son is 4 months old and this weight has been hell to get off while trying to nurse! I finally had to break down and buy clothes for the summer that would fit because my old ones won't right now. They are nice clothes, but I hate them. Every time I put them on, wash them or see them in the closet I know they are my "fat clothes". They inspire me to keep motivated, but every second I'm in them and out in them I feel lumpy and gross. Feel free to friend me. I'd love to follow your journey. You've got a great attitude and will do great things for yourself and your relationship, just be patient and keep at it.

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