Suportive Signifacnt Others Or Are They Making It Harder?

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Replies

  • stinamarie17
    stinamarie17 Posts: 47 Member
    well... originally i had a similar problem, the BF always wants to go out to eat and everyone knows restaurant food is crap for you, even the salads... but he was being supportive of ME trying to eat better... well... i had him download the app and track his calories for one day and it was a total eye opener for him and now he's using it too! so it's easier now that we both are trying to eat healthier and be mindful of our calories... but as for getting dragged down the junk food aisle at the grocery store.. best thing you can do is ditch him and go grocery shopping alone! clean out your cabinets, don't rely on him to throw stuff out for you... if you clean out the junk food and buy healthy food on your own then it takes away a lot of the temptation... the only person who can control your health is YOU! if he's not being supportive then maybe it'll be easier to go shopping without him.
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
    Only you can take responsibility for your choices with regards to your weight. The first choice you should make is to get rid of the lazy freeloader you call a bf.
  • purplegoboom
    purplegoboom Posts: 400 Member
    Tell him if he wants McDonald's he can go and get a job and buy his McDonalds.

    Just out of curiosity, is he in shape or overweight?
  • fitpilatesqueen
    fitpilatesqueen Posts: 337
    I want to thank all of you for you support.

    i have talked to him over and over about it

    now i jsut let him read what everyone had to say lol

    He really didnt like the no junk in the house one but if it has to be that way. we started out with different coubords. i put my food in one and his in the other so i didnt see the junk all the time and said if you wanna munch out please dont do it around me, (considering it is my house i pay the rent and buy the food i dont think that is to much to ask for he has a pretty easy ride but we will touch on that one leter, dont worry i am in counsling for it lol)

    Now it is no junk. you can get it on your own but i am not "paying for you to torture me" in a sence.

    it was alwasy a pick your battles thing is iteasyer to give in and get the junk that i end up eating because it is here or deal with the whining and littlaly being told it is not fair i get my stuff and he does not get his.......... i alwasy say you wanna talk about fair, is it fair i work and you dont, is it fair i clean the house you are suppost to have clean, is it fair...... ect you get the point lol.

    once i saw the weight getting bad again i desided that this is one of the battles i wanna pick. just maybe needed a little support and wanted to ask if other people thought i was being as rude as he thought i was being lol.
    You are not rude. I think it´s about time he looks for a job and does something around the house. He is suppose to be a grown up and that means he is responsible for himself, not you. Stop paying for him, he shouldn´t live off of you.
    The fair thing would be for him to pay half the rent, half the food and if you run a car then half of that as well. He needs to learn how much it really costs to live.
    Do it for yourself, don´t let him use you like this and then on top of everything menaly break you down.
    I feel so for you.
    I ones had a man in my life trying to live off of me, he wanted to life in my house for free, get free food and clothes, I said no and got rid of him and I´m so glad I did.
  • FTClown
    FTClown Posts: 181
    Seriously, like a few have said it, only you can allow him to mess with you or make you fail.
    But on a related note, I am going through the same thing here.
    I posted on my page that I am actually using the American Ninja Warrior as my motivation (that and the Jason Statham, I am planning on trying out on the next Ninja Warrior (2013) right here in Miami.
    When I told my family and GF they had all negatives to say (about not even being able to quilify) and my GF said (and I quote) "Sweets, please do not get your hopes up for a failure, I doubt you can get that fit by February"
    I am someone who does not need full support from everyone, I use it as motivation to try harder, but I need some support so thankfully coming here I was aided in that field.

    What I can say to you, from a man's point of view, ignore him. I do not mean just ignore his negative energy, but I mean just outright ignore everything about him while you are doing your work outs and eating right. That is IF you still want someone that negative around you. If you do want him around you, then ignoring him will wake his *kitten* up to be nicer and pay more attention to you in a POSITIVE way, either that or you will realize he a negative hater who shouldn't waste your time. Reason I point out the "man's" point of view, is because the one thing we hate the most is being ignored.

    Good luck with your health, keep it up and do not let anyone bring you down.
  • lchansen1
    lchansen1 Posts: 22
    I think you are relying on the wrong person. You are making this change for yourself. You can't expect him to too. This is YOUR lifestyle change, and you are going to need to be that much stronger because of it. Instead of asking him to walk away... you are going to have to. Instead of asking him to throw out the bad food, you are going to have to. I am not saying it is going to be easy, but it WILL get easier and in turn you will be that much stronger.

    If you eat 6 donuts you better log 6 donuts, because next time you will really know what you are putting in your body. I don't know much about emotional eating but I do know about instincts. No matter how upset you are you still have a choice. When your upset your instinct may be to eat but you should fight it and replace it with something more constructive like an intense gym session. not only will you be able to get rid of the stress you won't feel guilty afterwards.

    If you can't bring yourself to throw it out, maybe save a small, appropriate sized piece for yourself. If you are going to indulge better to indulge once than until eat a whole pan of baklava. If you are supporting him financially then i would say you have two options. 1. Do not go down that aisle with him, and don't buy the things you don't want in the house 2. Go shopping with out him and let him go get his own snacks on his own time with his own money.

    I have been doing this diet thing since October and am 8 months in, I have lost 20 lbs, look better and feel great. I am proud and I am strong for all those times I have said no when before I would have said yes.

    My boyfriend started out just like yours. He told me i didn't need to loose weight and he loves fast food, always has. He likes eating and things and dint give a hoot what i do. I found support in a friend instead, a friend with similar goals and we have been absolutely killing it.

    I lost 20 lbs and 2 pants sizes. My boyfriend noticed that first. The he noticed when I was saying no to things I had been saying no to for months, like coffee everyday and mcdonalds. He would go and id be with him and id just say no, i don't want anything to eat from here, and i would watch him eat, he hated that. For a while we did compromise on subway -- and if he wanted pizza we got a salad too.

    It is my own results, self-determination and perseverance that made him change his tune. He saw what I was doing for myself and was inspired. He got a gym membership about 2 months ago, started asking me about healthy food 1 month ago, letting me help him with pick out his groceries and teach him about food about 2 months ago and just this week we went to the gym.. together. You have no idea how amazing it is to see him make that change FOR HIMSELF. There is no way on gods green earth that he would have just because I had asked. And same goes for me, theres no way I could have changed me by asking for someone else's help, it comes from within and is strengthened by the support of others. You know, because you've been on this journey, no one can make you make the right choices, you've gotta do that for you and want that for you.

    My advice to you is not to rely on him and start relying on you. If you want this you have gotta say NO, its that simple. If he's smart he will see how good this is for him and want to get on with you -- but not until he is ready, and he may never be. If you keep pressuring him his answer will always be no. Oh, and next time he puts cake on the god damn night stand i think you should smoosh it in his face, just saying :flowerforyou:

    Good luck and friend me, i'd love to help support you!
  • aliciamariebaybee
    aliciamariebaybee Posts: 11 Member
    I too have a hubby that loves junk and eats it all the time! Last night we ate Tilapia and he complained that it wasn't MEAT. He was still hungry! So most of the time I make what I want and cook what he wants too. It takes more planning on my part and that can get really annoying. As far as the cravings - my hubby askes me everytime he eats chips or cookies if I want one. I kindly reply no, then he askes again....more sternly I say no thank youuuuu. Then the third time he asks I just yell at him - Jerk, I said no!!!!!!!!!
    My defense is to make sure your drinking tons of water! Also make sure your eating breakfast - SNACK- lunch -SNack - dinner. Seams simple but snacking has been a new concept for me and I love it. If you crave sweets - eat fruit! Natural sugar. I prefer raspberries on yogurt. I eat smoothies like crazy! They are sweet, creamy and pretty darn simple to make. Us ladies with junk food junkies in the house really have to work on will power!!! Don't cave - you can do it. Ok so once in awhile lets say you give in to the hubby - don't beat yourself up about it. Work harder on exercise the next day and forget it ever happened!!!! Good luck, I feel your pain!!!!
    This is some very good advice.
  • melissamykes
    melissamykes Posts: 1
    I have gallbladder issues and I'm a type 1 diabetic so I really have to watch what I eat. I have a bf that is very supportive. If he wants junk he needs to purchase it himself. I'm the one that does the grocery shopping so he eats what I make. I don't want to be rude but I would never make 2 meals. I feel that if you don't like what I'm making well then make your own. I find it hard enough to create healthy meals for myself I'm not coming up with 2 ideas. You can still go to Mc Donalds you just need to make the right choices. BE STRONG
  • impyimpyaj
    impyimpyaj Posts: 1,073 Member
    My husband is quite supportive of my desire to get healthier. He still buys donuts, chips, pizza, and McDonald's. Because HE didn't make the decision to change his eating habits. I decided to change MINE. I don't see how it's not supportive for a significant other to keep eating the way they're used to eating. Sometimes he brings home donuts and I eat a bunch of them. Not his fault. *I* made the choice to stuff them in my mouth.
  • xBettyBoopx
    xBettyBoopx Posts: 11
    Tell him if he wants McDonald's he can go and get a job and buy his McDonalds.

    Just out of curiosity, is he in shape or overweight?

    he is mostly in shap, he is not puggy bot no fit either lol one of these guys blessed with a high mattabalism
  • josiecowboy69
    josiecowboy69 Posts: 80
    I am not sure if you guys are having the same problem as me, I have asked my bf to please be suportive and not sit and eat a bag of chips in front of mo or worse pester, nag, bug and whine to go out to mcdonalds or out to eat. Most of the time I cheat (not all but most) it is becasuse i just gave up and said yea fine it is right there lets get something. Every time we walk threw the food court of the mall he picks out my faverit food and asks me if i want it.

    I know it is just becasue he is a big child not that he is trying interntionlly to hinder my secsses. I personly think it is very rude. I told him he was welcome to go get a job and get mc donalds every day if he wanted. just please stop asking me if i want it.

    dragging me to the doughnuts is not helping me and i crave sweets when i am upset i am an emptional eater so when he gets to me last time i was so mad i eat 6 doughnuts when i got home. (I need to find a way to curve that lol)

    I started on here yesterday and had baklava in the coboard. he asked me today if i wanted it i told him twice to throw it out for me please so i dont have the temption to eat it. he put it beside me on the bed and when i smelled it i ate it. i know if i can keep them away from me i can not eat them.

    I even told him it is only for a few weeks when i get back into eating healthy i will not wants all the junk so for a week i asked him if he is goin to eat junk eat it away from me. Instead he pulls me down the junk isle at the store and asks for everything.

    Am I Asking To Much?

    Ok, I'm gonna be brutally honest. Quit throwing out the food, instead throw him out. Just saying, that may be an option for you He is only going to sabotage you. My husband was supportive to begin with. Now he's still supportive, but since I've lost some weight and feeling more confident. I get 900 questions, about what I'm doing and so on and so forth. Your boyfriend is sabotaging from the get go. I hope you can build up your confidence and will power, to kick the urge to give in. Best of luck.
  • xBettyBoopx
    xBettyBoopx Posts: 11
    I want to thank all of you for you support.

    i have talked to him over and over about it

    now i jsut let him read what everyone had to say lol

    He really didnt like the no junk in the house one but if it has to be that way. we started out with different coubords. i put my food in one and his in the other so i didnt see the junk all the time and said if you wanna munch out please dont do it around me, (considering it is my house i pay the rent and buy the food i dont think that is to much to ask for he has a pretty easy ride but we will touch on that one leter, dont worry i am in counsling for it lol)

    Now it is no junk. you can get it on your own but i am not "paying for you to torture me" in a sence.

    it was alwasy a pick your battles thing is iteasyer to give in and get the junk that i end up eating because it is here or deal with the whining and littlaly being told it is not fair i get my stuff and he does not get his.......... i alwasy say you wanna talk about fair, is it fair i work and you dont, is it fair i clean the house you are suppost to have clean, is it fair...... ect you get the point lol.

    once i saw the weight getting bad again i desided that this is one of the battles i wanna pick. just maybe needed a little support and wanted to ask if other people thought i was being as rude as he thought i was being lol.
    You are not rude. I think it´s about time he looks for a job and does something around the house. He is suppose to be a grown up and that means he is responsible for himself, not you. Stop paying for him, he shouldn´t live off of you.
    The fair thing would be for him to pay half the rent, half the food and if you run a car then half of that as well. He needs to learn how much it really costs to live.
    Do it for yourself, don´t let him use you like this and then on top of everything menaly break you down.
    I feel so for you.
    I ones had a man in my life trying to live off of me, he wanted to life in my house for free, get free food and clothes, I said no and got rid of him and I´m so glad I did.

    I was depressed and unmedicted for a bit so i let thing go that i shouldnt have just becasue i did not want the stress. I woke up last week and desided non of this is ok. he comes with me groshery shopping because he never goes away we never have any space. this is an unhealthy relationship and it needs to change.

    He has a job starting in a week and a half he starts and i tell him before we go to the groshery store not to ask or i will send him to his room lol jk jk.

    things are changin fast when i posted this is when i had my wake up call.

    Thank you for your support :-)
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