dieting and being shunned by my over weight friends

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george29223
george29223 Posts: 556 Member
in Chit-Chat
......... disclaimer !!!!!!! warning theres no punctuation in this post and god forbid theres gonna be spelling errors........... read at your own risk . not responcible for any eye strain or any underwear twisting that might occur while readind this post............



you can say all you want but going out to eat is almost impossible to do and stay on track when first dieting, the only time i eat out is when i go on a date or a gathering of friends call for a get togather, first i wanna talk about whats happening being single and dating women are far more senstive about there weight than men anyway i find that now iam dieting and take a woman out on a date and order i get something low in calories and lol awful tasting campared to the rest of the menue i can almost feel the uneasyness felt when they place there order if i am out with a overweight woman they almost feel like its a direct jab at them for ordering healthy and they almost sound apologic when they tell the waiter what they want it pretty much ruin the meal because they feel like they cant order what they want,

and now i am pretty much completly cut out of the guys night out at the sports bar type thing because they know iam on a diet and cant eat junk food or i decline just for the fact i cant eat out and remain on the diet iam on , so iam being called less and less ,and am becoming left out the loop

so my question to yall is now that your dieting do you feel like your being left out?
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Replies

  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    But their reaction is their problem, not yours. And it's because they feel guilty not being able to accomplish what you're doing.

    Have I been shunned myself? Gently, comments like "oh so you're healthy now huh!" (jokingly). Doesn't stop me from enjoying my salad.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    You go to a sports bar and don't eat the same things as your friends, and because of this, they don't want to socialize with you anymore? Were you prized for your eating ability? Your friends are jerks.
  • Twilightsunflower
    Twilightsunflower Posts: 330 Member
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    i have friends who are dieting too. they are usually more supportive then non dieters because they are trying too... i have a friend who out and out trys to ruin my diet and actually gets offened when i dont eat what she feels i should...

    if we do a meal together i do the sides mostly so i can control what they are and what goes in them... and she will do the main dish like the meat.. this way we can still hang out and she is eating better without knowing it..and i dont get left out because of my "diet"
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    You don't get cut out if you have a free day once a week.

    Yes, this.

    I have to say, though, last Friday I hung out at a Mexican bar/grill place (in the bar area) for a few hours with friends and didn't eat any of the chips and salsa and didn't have a drink. I just sipped my water with lemon and chatted with my friends. I hadn't done my daily run yet and I didn't want to be bogged down with junk food and margaritas while running. :laugh: My friends were ok, besides a few "You're not gonna have a drink?" comments.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    i've been thinking about the social impact of weight loss as well because i'm a HUGE football fan and like watching in sports pubs.

    i'll probably end up doing it the way Pu suggests and consider Sunday as a cheat day, because i have to have beer and nachos with football :laugh:

    as for the dates, why dont you try organizing more active dates or dates that dont revolve around food? most women are going on dates to get free meals, they go to get to know the guy and honesty that's easier if you're doing some activity where you can team up or learn something together rather than just bending the elbow.
  • george29223
    george29223 Posts: 556 Member
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    You go to a sports bar and don't eat the same things as your friends, and because of this, they don't want to socialize with you anymore? Were you prized for your eating ability? Your friends are jerks.

    lollll ohhhh i once ate 6 plates of crab legs and buffet and dessert i was actually proud loll

    lol my friends are all jerks lol there like family ha haa
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
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    So I felt the need to stalk your profile prior to commenting, and I'd like to say first of all, congrats on taking this first step towards getting healthy!! Second of all, you are an attractive and funny guy (so it seems), and I'd like to say that it is your friends' loss that they can't respect your dedication towards getting healthy. Frankly, if I were out with a guy who ordered healthy, I'd be relieved that I wouldn't be judged for doing the same. I hate going out to eat with a guy only to hear "that's all you're going to eat???" I'm sorry, like grilled salmon and steamed veggies isn't filling? I'd rather save some calories for a glass or two of wine to relax and unwind.

    That being said, do take the opportunity to relax from time to time, but don't undo all your hard work. Many places that are "sports bar" type places do have a "fitter fare" type option. For example, Buffalo Wild Wings has naked fingers, and you can get the sauce on the side. That and a veggie boat are great finger foods, so along with a lite beer, you can unwind and chill with your buddies.
  • RavenhairedWoman
    RavenhairedWoman Posts: 661 Member
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    You can still go to the Bar just eat something healthy before you go or leave extra calories free so you can eat a couple of things there but eat most of your "dinner" else where.

    As far as the ordering dinner on a date. Why are you going first?!?! Ladies order first and then you can order whatever you like. If they are insecure in their weight and or aren't committed to a healthier life style then you are going to run into bigger issues later down the road if you keep dating. When you have met your goal weight you will then have the fight of maintaining it. Someone who isn't into a healthier lifestyle is going to constantly tempt you to eat things that aren't healthy for you. Then you will be put in a situation where you have to choose them or your health. Someone who really has your best interest in mind won't care what you order on the menu.

    Basically, stick to your guns, you are getting healthier you are fighting for a better, healthier life. The people who matter shouldn't mind and the people who mind shouldn't matter. I think it is kind of cool that your buddies aren't trying to force you to go out with them and break your diet. They are respecting that you want to be healthier. If you are disappointed that you can't hang out with them as much anymore then find a work around. Go out with them but stay within your calorie range. You have self control, use it to find a work around so you can still see your buds.

    Best of luck to you!
  • Living4Liz2012
    Living4Liz2012 Posts: 312
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    As weird as it may seem yes...

    When I was 270 everyone wanted to hang out with the chunky girl because I was fun to be around, and never a threat to the skinny girls:)

    Yet now that I'm 80 pounds lighter, and I'm hotter than my friends(yup I said it with proud, and what..lol). They tend to ALWAYS have little things to say like you should be proud of me not hate but I HAVE LEARNED WHO MY REAL FRIENDS AND I CAN DO BETTER:)

    I still drink, go out to eat, and enjoy myself. It is all in portion control....nothing wrong with having a little once a week just don't overdue it:)
  • islandnutshel
    islandnutshel Posts: 1,143 Member
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    I find different types of entertainment. Such as meeting for a hike around the lake. Or fishing, or movies, bowling, a trip to the wild life sanctuary, use your imagination and your friends will enjoy a change of pace. Food doesn't have to be the centre of the universe.. You have lost lots of weight, good job, it has been worth it, hasn't it?
  • Jladd42
    Jladd42 Posts: 23 Member
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    I am a female, and I work with primarily guys in my line of work (i work for a flooring company). I used to go to lunch with a couple of friends and we would go for fast food or pizza or what have you.

    After I started MFP again (about 2 months ago) I stopped going with them. It took me awhile to actually start dropping the pounds, and at one point one of the guys (who happens to be overweight...he looks pregnant) was mad because I didn't want anything for lunch and he said "oh yeah I forgot you're on some kind of bullsh*t diet that's not working."

    It did hurt my feelings of course, but I didn't let it stop me; and now he's eating his words because I KNOW people are seeing a difference in my body.

    Don't let people deter you EVER!!!! 9 times out of 10 they are jealous of your progress and/or willpower to eat healthy.
  • still_crafty
    still_crafty Posts: 692 Member
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    I have a couple girlfriends that have started asking less and less for me to go out with them on the weekends and since I'm still just as sarcastic and b!tchy as I've always been, I can only imagine its got to do with my weight loss.

    Giving yourself a day off may be the solution if it's truely that they are "put out" by you not participating in the food and drink but good friends would want your company either way. You can't eat to please others, like a date that wants a fat cheeseburger while you order something sensible so maybe date night could be your day off. I'd order whatever I wanted on a date, wouldn't matter what the guy was having, but that's just me.

    :drinker:
  • jamiem1102
    jamiem1102 Posts: 1,196 Member
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    Part of the difficulty of this entire thing (healthy living) is being able to juggle your social life AND a healthy lifestyle. A couple beers (or more) once a week or every other week with some wings isn't going to derail all of your hard work. :drinker: You can't be afraid of going out into social situations... this is something I've seen more and more on the forums. :noway:

    So... plan ahead, go out with your friends, go out on dates, have a good time, make good decisions, and work out. You'll be much much happier AND you'll still lose weight, I promise. :flowerforyou:
  • ScottyNoHotty
    ScottyNoHotty Posts: 1,954 Member
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    **** em.....get new friends.
  • HollywoodDJ
    HollywoodDJ Posts: 296
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    I once read in a book that said, "If you want to be an Olympic Athlete...who do you hang out with? other Olympic Athletes! " I will most likely be an Olympic athlete but the point is determine the kind of person you do want to be and surround yourself with those types of people. As for me...I want to be a healthy , positive, vibrant and strong person....accountable, responsible, funny and compassionate....so that is who I choose to surround myself with.

    You may have to find new friends that share and support the direction you want to go. It doesn't mean you have to eliminate all those friendships from before but you might have to keep them at a distance for your own self-preservation, peace of mind and serenity.

    I too have noticed my friends treating me differently. The jealousy from some is hard to take but again like another person said "It's not YOUR problem it's theirs" It doesn't make it sting any less but if you put the focus on the truth then it will start to help.

    Keep doin what you are doin and keep moving forward. Don't look back!

    God Bless you!
  • montana_girl
    montana_girl Posts: 1,403 Member
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    as for the dates, why dont you try organizing more active dates or dates that dont revolve around food? most women are going on dates to get free meals, they go to get to know the guy and honesty that's easier if you're doing some activity where you can team up or learn something together rather than just bending the elbow.

    ^^This! There are plenty of things to besides sitting in a restaurant. And some women like it when men come up with more original ideas for a date :happy:
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Friends who don't want to hang out with you because you're not eating junk aren't friends. They're a group of enablers. You may think they're like family, but family doesn't shun someone for trying to make an improvement in their life.


    Aw crap! I've become my mother...
  • Christine1110
    Christine1110 Posts: 1,786 Member
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    When your all fit & trim....they probably won't want you there anyway. You'll be the guy that can pick up the girls....while they are eating & drinking with just the guys....wishing they were you!!
  • shaelataylor
    shaelataylor Posts: 224 Member
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    no, if i know im going to go out somewhere that day, i just save up extra calories. some places actually have really great tasting lower calorie meals. i LOVE the chicken bella at ruby tuesday's for example. i normally look up the menu online before i go somewhere that way i know what i want. could you maybe go out for drinks with the guys and drink a light beer or two? and the dates, maybe go for a walk after dinner? then you work off a bit of whatever you decided to eat :)
  • amnsetie
    amnsetie Posts: 666 Member
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    Arthur Janov said that what annoys you most in others is something you hate in yourself

    not sure if he said this next bit but this is what I do....
    Once you know this you can do this to the haters.
    You just put a metaphorical mirror between you and them pointing at them.
    and once you have a quick check to make sure you are not being obnoxious, passed that test? Move on and leave them with their own pain.

    It's a powerful statement
    and know
    haters gonna hate

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