Eating myself through a break up

CoralConnor
CoralConnor Posts: 42 Member
in Motivation and Support
Tonight and last night I ate SO much food. (last night - pizza, beer and cupcake. Tonight, overate at dinner and several cookies & milk late at night)

I felt disgusting but kept eating because I've been getting so depressed at night. I broke up w/ my boyfriend of 3 years last month - and suddenly it's settling in that I'm single, for real. As in alone. It really sucks.

I just want to go running back to him, claim him (I know he's talking/flirting with other women). I want to pretend like we didn't have the problems we did and focus on how much I truly love & miss him outside of those issues we had. The issues were that were long distance and he won't live closer to me. He wants kids in the next couple years and I want kids maybe in the next several years (I'm 23). Also I'm achieving a lot in my life, taking risks and getting rewarded for them and he's still in the same town, same job, same friends. He's happy, but we're so different. Anyways I feel like i made the right choice. However it's extremely hard. And the difficulty makes me feel like I made the wrong choice. How do I know? I don't want to be alone & feel happier when I'm busy/ have close friends around me. Must be why I get depressed at night and eat.

Wish I didn't "comfort" myself by eating so much! It just makes me feel even worse and more pathetic/depressed. Don't mean to be a downer - I'd just love to hear whatever wisdom or insight you guys have. Thanks in advance! -C.

Replies

  • RAF_Guy
    RAF_Guy Posts: 230 Member
    Coral,

    do not be so hard on yourself, you are not pathetic nor disgusting, you are just hurting, and that is a natural thing after a break-up.

    For what it is worth, and I am by no means a realtionship expert, it sounds like you made the right decision as your lives are going in different directions and this gap will only get bigger to the point where you will start to resent or even dislike each other. You should never stay with somebody for a fear of being alone.

    I know being alone just now probably feels like the worse thing in the world but you are a beautiful, young and intelligent lady with a very bright future who will make somebody very happy someday.

    The next time you are feeling depressed and want to binge, try to do something different, ring one of your gilrfirends or go out for a walk, anyhting to take you mind off what you correctly say is comfort eating. Once you have done that, write a diary about how you felt before you did something different and how you felt afterwards. Then the next time you feel like comfort eating, look at the diary and the try and repeat the process, eventually your brain will start rewarding this different behaviour.

    One last thing, do not be hard on yourself if you do end up overeating, learn to forgive yourself. Remember that such blips are just small detours on your route to a healthier lifestyle.

    Good luck, but I know you wont need it because you are a strong person who will get all she wants from life.
  • lovesiwo
    lovesiwo Posts: 8
    Wow I know exactly how you're feeling - my fiance and I have been together 3 and a half years and we're going through a really tough spot where we want different things in the future/want to return to our respective home countries for a while (we're from two different countries, but both living together in China right now). We're coming to the realization that we may actually need to break up in the near future.. has been extraordinarily painful and while I haven't been eating too horribly, I've been hitting the bars with my friends a lot in the past week and getting plied with way too much alcohol (my food diary will attest to this :-().

    I can't offer much advice on the diet front but I really hope things get better for you. Take it one day at time.
  • wasveganvictoria88
    wasveganvictoria88 Posts: 249 Member
    If it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be. Why beat yourself up over it? Do you want to look at this milestone in your life and say...I wish I hadn't done that or wow this really had an impact for the better?

    I had a terrible break up many years ago now (lasted about 3-4 months of him saying he didn't love me to a breakup) and all I wanted to do was run back to him (he was an emotional abuser) I didn't care what he said. Then one day during this turmoil...I met Andrew and I am so so glad I didn't think twice about starting something with him...because 5 years on and its amazing!

    I'm not trying to tell you this to make you jealous...hell no...but so you can see that things happen for a reason and more often than not they are for the best - even if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Keep your chin high, let him be the one that comes out of this worse...why should it stop you if its not stopping him?

    Message me if you want to chat :)
  • scarlettsky7
    scarlettsky7 Posts: 128 Member
    coral~ i broke up w/ a bf because of the distance and same issue w/ children too. its been 6 months now and i still often wonder about what it would be like if we were still together. but i remind myself that we broke up for a reason, and we would just find ourselves in the same predicament all over again. we would be fooling ourselves if we thought we were in the same places in our life both physically and metaphorically speaking.

    veganvictoria~ you are gorgeous and im so glad that you were able to get out of a toxic relationship and find love again :)

    anyone is feel free to add if youd like a mutual support system. breakups are rough!!!
  • wasveganvictoria88
    wasveganvictoria88 Posts: 249 Member

    veganvictoria~ you are gorgeous and im so glad that you were able to get out of a toxic relationship and find love again :)

    Thank you so so much I really appreciate that! What a nice thing to say :)
  • CoralConnor
    CoralConnor Posts: 42 Member
    Thank you all for responding and for your support. It means a lot to me. I think I'll refer back to your words at times when I'm struggling with this. I know it's going to take some time.
  • kelseyhere
    kelseyhere Posts: 1,123 Member
    Hi Miss Coral. I've been here too. I broke up with a BF a few years back and was living alone at the time, so that meant every night I turned to food. For about three weeks I felt miserable. Then I picked up the phone and called my mom, and that's when things started to turn around. When you feel like calling him, call a friend or call your grandma or another relative you haven't heard from in a while to catch up.

    Do something to make yourself feel pretty everyday. Soak your feet in the bubble bath and paint your toenails, or maybe rub some coconut oil in your hair and do a hair mask. Treat yourself. When you are in a relationship you spend so much time doing stuff for that other person, this is the chance to focus on YOU and improve yourself.

    The other thing I'll suggest- don't turn any invitation down, even if it sounds nerdy, silly or even boring. You never know when an astronomy lecture might inspire you, or a bowling date with a nerdy guy turns out to be really fun. Also you can go on meetup.com and start looking for activities in your area to keep you busy- there are lots of great hiking groups, co-ed softball meet-ups, even hula hooping. You can meet new people and get some exercise at the same time.

    I know it's cliche but as time passes it will get easier. Keep yourself busy in the meantime and soon enough you'll be feeling better. You're a pretty, young girl who sounds like she's motivated in life. You've got all you need inside you :)
  • officereric
    officereric Posts: 9


    Wish I didn't "comfort" myself by eating so much! It just makes me feel even worse and more pathetic/depressed. Don't mean to be a downer - I'd just love to hear whatever wisdom or insight you guys have. Thanks in advance! -C.

    I'm sorry you're going through such pain and I can more than relate. I made a very difficult decision to leave my girlfriend of 8 years earlier this year. She never trusted me and never had a thing to worry about with me looking for another woman. I was committed and loved her, but never was free to do anything on my own because of her trust issue. I forced the issue and couldn't take the accusing game anymore. I stood up for myself for once, but still love her and wanted to work something out. She agreed to counseling but skipped the second session becuase she had "other plans." I cry myself to sleep more often than not because I still miss her. She's moved onto another relationship and that's her decision, but I know it will wear off and the same issues will again present. Unfortunately, she is now avoiding and blocking me, which makes it difficult now but will be the best in the long run, as it forces me to grieve and get over it - but it's almost like a death because I know she is out there and living her life, having fun and pretending I never lived. Again, her decision. I'm taking this time to work on myself - staying focused on exercise and food tracking, along with doing things now I wanted to do. I'm considerably older than you and i know "time is ticking," but I am a good person and if it's meant to be, someone will see my conidence and good looks, and want to be with me for who I am, and not what they want me to be. I wish I would have known that I could not "fix" her, despite my best attempts to give her everything and do anything for her. I tried to assure her, but it was never enough.

    Do your best to stay on track, and even if you eat something for which you feel you shouldn't....so what. Stay faithful to MFP, and try to pour your energy into it. If you go over in calories, so what! Give yourself a break and recognize the pain you're going through is a process, and not an event. It will ease with time, and I wish I could fast forward through my pain. It's his loss, because it sounds like you really cared and loved him.

    Of course there are two sides to every story, and your version is truth to you, just as his is to him. He said, she said. So what. Pick up and move on. I've been given advice not to talk to her or even think about her. Good luck with that, because it does not work. Time seems like it stands still particularly when it was time to do things together. Keep the faith...just like me....Eric

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