Motivation - Wrong Kind?
ScarredVampiress
Posts: 76
So, I started dating my bf when I weighed 66kg..and now I weigh 59kg (that's.. 145 to 130.) so I was feeling pretty good. I already lost 15lbs, whoohoo! But my bf still says the same ol' 'you're always pretty' and 'you never have to lose weight' and crap like that. I know I shouldn't be motivated on what he says about it, but it's like he doesn't even care.
And I feel I get better-looking or whatever when I lose weight, and he doesn't even notice. Yeah, it's kinda nice that he still likes me anyway, but it's not very motivating for me to lose weight and it kind of depresses me a little to think that it didn't even make a difference.
You ever feel like you need an extra push of motivation? Or just want appreciation at LEAST?
And I feel I get better-looking or whatever when I lose weight, and he doesn't even notice. Yeah, it's kinda nice that he still likes me anyway, but it's not very motivating for me to lose weight and it kind of depresses me a little to think that it didn't even make a difference.
You ever feel like you need an extra push of motivation? Or just want appreciation at LEAST?
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Replies
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I believe whatever motivates you is what works. I can understand that your boyfriend saying those things motivates you. He probably doesn't quite see it yet. Usually it takes a little more weight before people you see all of the time to notice the weight loss.
He probably does feel like that. But, he will be proud of you as you lose weight!0 -
My boyfriend is just the same as yours. I was 149lbs when i met him and he thought i was lovely just as i was, but i wasnt happy with my body or my eating habits and managed to slim down to 128lbs and i'm really proud of my body now, but he doesnt really take much notice of how i've changed. It is sweet that they love us no matter what we look like, but they are the ones we love most so we need their support!!!!0
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Sounds like you'd prefer boyfriend who was more interested in your size and less interested in your personality.0
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Sounds like you'd prefer boyfriend who was more interested in your size and less interested in your personality.
It's not wrong to want to be a little appreciated.0 -
Well sorry but he sounds like a *kitten* hole to me lol.
Your young and very attractive and it shouldn't matter what u look like on the outside anyhow.
Personally I don't think there's nothing wrong with your weight and think your doing a great job...
Set yourself a goal and try and reach it log as much as u can to get help and support where needed.
I can't say much as not been doing it long myself and what i say prob sounds a load of crap, but u need to be head strong and have a bloody good go at this if it's what u want !!0 -
O_o So.. wait... you're complaining that your boyfriend loves you at any size?
Wow, I always appreciated that my girlfriend loves me no matter what I weigh with no exceptions and finds me just as beautiful at my highest and lowest weights. She takes pride in me for my dedication and accomplishment with weight loss, but it has neither decreased nor increased my attractiveness to her.
I just..I don't understand.0 -
My boyfriend is just the same as yours. I was 149lbs when i met him and he thought i was lovely just as i was, but i wasnt happy with my body or my eating habits and managed to slim down to 128lbs and i'm really proud of my body now, but he doesnt really take much notice of how i've changed. It is sweet that they love us no matter what we look like, but they are the ones we love most so we need their support!!!!
ha, yeah, it's at least nice to know if they notice or not, or SOMETHING.0 -
O_o So.. wait... you're complaining that your boyfriend loves you at any size?
Wow, I always appreciated that my girlfriend loves me no matter what I weigh with no exceptions and finds me just as beautiful at my highest and lowest weights. She takes pride in me for my dedication and accomplishment with weight loss, but it has neither decreased nor increased my attractiveness to her.
I just..I don't understand.
It's not that I don't like that he still finds me attractive even at my highest. I just want a little appreciation for all the hard work I've put into it, that's all. At least to..take notice of it. It's like working really hard and you feel good about it and then no one notices a difference, you feel kind cruddy about it, ya know? Like maybe it DIDN'T make a difference at all.0 -
This is kind of like cooking your favorite dinner for someone else and then being pissed off that they're allergic to a few of the ingredients you used.0
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This is kind of like cooking your favorite dinner for someone else and then being pissed off that they're allergic to a few of the ingredients you used.
? that's a kind of weird analogy. And I don't really see the similarities. O.o
If you work hard at something, do you not feel better and want to work even harder when someone notices what a good job you're doing or compliments you on it?0 -
O_o So.. wait... you're complaining that your boyfriend loves you at any size?
Wow, I always appreciated that my girlfriend loves me no matter what I weigh with no exceptions and finds me just as beautiful at my highest and lowest weights. She takes pride in me for my dedication and accomplishment with weight loss, but it has neither decreased nor increased my attractiveness to her.
I just..I don't understand.
It's not that I don't like that he still finds me attractive even at my highest. I just want a little appreciation for all the hard work I've put into it, that's all. At least to..take notice of it. It's like working really hard and you feel good about it and then no one notices a difference, you feel kind cruddy about it, ya know? Like maybe it DIDN'T make a difference at all.
Maybe he secretly likes fat chicks.
Unless you lost it all in a week I'm sure the change is not noticeable to him. Gradual changes are hard to see.
My girlfriend lost 15lbs since starting her job a couple months ago, and I can barely see a difference because it's been gradual. Plus, she's unconditionally hot to me so the change doesn't mean anything to me other than she's a bit smaller looking. It's neither a positive or negative thing in my eyes. If your boyfriend is anything like me, he's probably said he's happy for you and everything, but I don't think he's going to be super enthused over a superficial and subtle body change.0 -
maybe mention to him that it would be nice if he commented on your weight loss/toning as your trying to be healthier & need a bit of support, if he's anything like my husband he probably hasnt said anything because he doesnt want to offend you
he's probably thinking if he says " you look so much better now youve lost weight" you'll hear " you were fat before"0 -
O_o So.. wait... you're complaining that your boyfriend loves you at any size?
Wow, I always appreciated that my girlfriend loves me no matter what I weigh with no exceptions and finds me just as beautiful at my highest and lowest weights. She takes pride in me for my dedication and accomplishment with weight loss, but it has neither decreased nor increased my attractiveness to her.
I just..I don't understand.
It's not that I don't like that he still finds me attractive even at my highest. I just want a little appreciation for all the hard work I've put into it, that's all. At least to..take notice of it. It's like working really hard and you feel good about it and then no one notices a difference, you feel kind cruddy about it, ya know? Like maybe it DIDN'T make a difference at all.
Maybe he secretly likes fat chicks.
Unless you lost it all in a week I'm sure the change is not noticeable to him. Gradual changes are hard to see.
My girlfriend lost 15lbs since starting her job a couple months ago, and I can barely see a difference because it's been gradual. Plus, she's unconditionally hot to me so the change doesn't mean anything to me other than she's a bit smaller looking. It's neither a positive or negative thing in my eyes. If your boyfriend is anything like me, he's probably said he's happy for you and everything, but I don't think he's going to be super enthused over a superficial and subtle body change.
He doesn't really say anything about it. If I say I lost something, he's like. 'well, you dont need to' nothing suppourtive or anything like that. -_-
I DO think he like fat chicks. O.o or at least chubby ones. His past gfs were even bigger than I was. Of course I have very less amount of boob, even when bigger I was the same size. Then again, lots of people like bigger boobs...even I do, so I can't complain about anyone not liking mine. haha But I'm not going to chub myself up just so he likes me more. XD
I guess it may have been the gradual thing. I lost the first 6kg in a month in January, so I guess you can't tell so much, especially when you're around them all the time.0 -
I know my husband is hesitant to say anything to me because he doesn't want me to feel like he wasn't attracted to me before. I think it's tough for guys to know what the right thing to say is.0
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Last comment: Taking into account your post from yesterday about your size versus his size, maybe he goes out of his way to NOT mention your size/weight because you seem kind of obsessed with it. I'm seriously done now.0
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What you have to understand about men is, they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. He is thinking about the fact that there is always the possiblity that you put some weight back on, for whatever reason, and he knows that if he tells you how great you look thinner you are going to feel really crappy and down on yourself if you do put some weight on. So he is hedging his bets. They have learned to keep their mouths shut as they can't win :laugh: . My husband is the same and it would be nice for him to say that he sees a difference but I understand why he doesn't. He did say once years ago after I had my first daughter to someone, doesn't she look good and I still remember that and when I was bigger after having my second I thought, he must think I am hideous now, so probably better for them just to stick to the safe "I love you at any size".0
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Not sure how to respond to this one really lol.
My husband and I started dating when I was 216lbs and he was about 190lbs we both put on loads of weight in the following 16 months but it never changed how we felt about eachother. I love him no matter what and he says the same to me. I think he's handsome no matter what and he's always said he thinks i'm beautiful even now that i'm back up to 258lbs.
To be honest I think you've got a good guy there as he loves you for you and not just looks (which in my opinion is quite shallow as looks aren't everything) "never judge a book by its cover" and all that. I'm sure he's proud of your determination to a healthier lifestyle etc0 -
You know what I hear from my girlfriend? I am so selfish with that health and workout stuff! I should better drink and smoke and take pills while she is the main thing my mind is about! She, nothing else...thats it.0
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I understand completely. My boyfriend does the same thing. I wish he'd at least acknowledge that I'm losing weight, since the fact that I am and am going to continue is not negotiable. Meh.0
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I suppose it would be nice for him to notice, but maybe that just means you've got yourself a keeper as he's not centrally focused on how much you weigh.
But don't worry, I'm sure he does. Maybe he doesn't want to say it aloud because he's scared of saying something rude or strange? Not sure. But don't feel bad about it! 0 -
Love is supposed to be unconditional. I was going to suggest that you just focus on making yourself happy. Clearly, you need validation, in the worst way. Then you started talking about chubbing up, which is a little insulting, so maybe you just need to grow up!O_o So.. wait... you're complaining that your boyfriend loves you at any size?
Wow, I always appreciated that my girlfriend loves me no matter what I weigh with no exceptions and finds me just as beautiful at my highest and lowest weights. She takes pride in me for my dedication and accomplishment with weight loss, but it has neither decreased nor increased my attractiveness to her.
I just..I don't understand.
It's not that I don't like that he still finds me attractive even at my highest. I just want a little appreciation for all the hard work I've put into it, that's all. At least to..take notice of it. It's like working really hard and you feel good about it and then no one notices a difference, you feel kind cruddy about it, ya know? Like maybe it DIDN'T make a difference at all.
Maybe he secretly likes fat chicks.
Unless you lost it all in a week I'm sure the change is not noticeable to him. Gradual changes are hard to see.
My girlfriend lost 15lbs since starting her job a couple months ago, and I can barely see a difference because it's been gradual. Plus, she's unconditionally hot to me so the change doesn't mean anything to me other than she's a bit smaller looking. It's neither a positive or negative thing in my eyes. If your boyfriend is anything like me, he's probably said he's happy for you and everything, but I don't think he's going to be super enthused over a superficial and subtle body change.
He doesn't really say anything about it. If I say I lost something, he's like. 'well, you dont need to' nothing suppourtive or anything like that. -_-
I DO think he like fat chicks. O.o or at least chubby ones. His past gfs were even bigger than I was. Of course I have very less amount of boob, even when bigger I was the same size. Then again, lots of people like bigger boobs...even I do, so I can't complain about anyone not liking mine. haha But I'm not going to chub myself up just so he likes me more. XD
I guess it may have been the gradual thing. I lost the first 6kg in a month in January, so I guess you can't tell so much, especially when you're around them all the time.0 -
What it sounds like to me is maybe he doesn't see it as much because he probably sees you all the time. It's a gradual change and he's less likely to see the full effect compared to a person who hasn't seen you in months. Be proud in what you've done and let that motivate you.0
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and....I'm doneLove is supposed to be unconditional. I was going to suggest that you just focus on making yourself happy. Clearly, you need validation, in the worst way. Then you started talking about chubbing up, which is a little insulting, so maybe you just need to grow up!
It's a joke..maybe you should lighten up, f-cker.0 -
My husband doesn't comment (nor compliment me) on my loss and I really don't care. I didn't do this for him, I did it for me. I do see what you mean - that a little acknowledgement from your significant other would be nice. Why they don't - I haven't a clue, but I refuse to be bogged down by it. I'm happy with me and my hard work - and that's what counts! :flowerforyou:0
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I know watch you mean.
IMy SO is telling me every day how great I look now, that I have lost weight and it's very very nice to have him say that.
I know he loves me in all sizes (and I range from size 4 to 14)
but I also know he finds me more attractive when I'm size 6-8, nothing wrong with that, we are only humas.
He really makes sure that I know how much he likes my body now and I think that is fantastic,
Maybe talk to your bf, tell him that you know he has good intentions
but if he likes more what he see now, it would mean a lot to you if he could express it.0 -
Why are some people so mean about this...what the F kind of community is this when I dont get suppourt from ANYONE in my F--cking life?! You mean-a.s MFs can kiss my a.s and stop taking your crap out on ME!!! I just wanted to see if others had the same thing, not for you to shove it in my face and say it like that..is your goal in life to make others feel WORSE about themselves?! CONGRATS! I'm done being nice to you...
I'm tired of this..... I'm out.
When I read you're first post, I was going to agree with the response about guys having to "be safe" and being "damned if they do, damned if they don't," because its true. Now that I see THIS comment, I believe he truly IS damned either way.
This isn't a personal attack. This is simply my opinion and I hope it helps. You're being a little needy. You should be doing MFP for yourself and be satisfied and happy with yourself. If you are doing this simply for your BF and you don't get the precise response you were looking for, you shouldn't let it destroy your world.
Geez! What attitude!
Vampires suck!
LOL
(That's a joke, too.)
Perhaps you SHOULD go to bed. The sun will be up soon.0 -
WinnerWhy are some people so mean about this...what the F kind of community is this when I dont get suppourt from ANYONE in my F--cking life?! You mean-a.s MFs can kiss my a.s and stop taking your crap out on ME!!! I just wanted to see if others had the same thing, not for you to shove it in my face and say it like that..is your goal in life to make others feel WORSE about themselves?! CONGRATS! I'm done being nice to you...
I'm tired of this..... I'm out.
When I read you're first post, I was going to agree with the response about guys having to "be safe" and being "damned if they do, damned if they don't," because its true. Now that I see THIS comment, I believe he truly IS damned either way.
This isn't a personal attack. This is simply my opinion and I hope it helps. You're being a little needy. You should be doing MFP for yourself and be satisfied and happy with yourself. If you are doing this simply for your BF and you don't get the precise response you were looking for, you shouldn't let it destroy your world.
Geez! What attitude!
Vampires suck!
LOL
(That's a joke, too.)
Perhaps you SHOULD go to bed. The sun will be up soon.0
This discussion has been closed.
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