Motivation - Wrong Kind?

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ScarredVampiress
ScarredVampiress Posts: 76
in Motivation and Support
So, I started dating my bf when I weighed 66kg..and now I weigh 59kg (that's.. 145 to 130.) so I was feeling pretty good. I already lost 15lbs, whoohoo! But my bf still says the same ol' 'you're always pretty' and 'you never have to lose weight' and crap like that. I know I shouldn't be motivated on what he says about it, but it's like he doesn't even care.

And I feel I get better-looking or whatever when I lose weight, and he doesn't even notice. Yeah, it's kinda nice that he still likes me anyway, but it's not very motivating for me to lose weight and it kind of depresses me a little to think that it didn't even make a difference.

You ever feel like you need an extra push of motivation? Or just want appreciation at LEAST?
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Replies

  • tialynn1
    tialynn1 Posts: 886 Member
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    I believe whatever motivates you is what works. I can understand that your boyfriend saying those things motivates you. He probably doesn't quite see it yet. Usually it takes a little more weight before people you see all of the time to notice the weight loss.
    He probably does feel like that. But, he will be proud of you as you lose weight!
  • Sam3622
    Sam3622 Posts: 172 Member
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    My boyfriend is just the same as yours. I was 149lbs when i met him and he thought i was lovely just as i was, but i wasnt happy with my body or my eating habits and managed to slim down to 128lbs and i'm really proud of my body now, but he doesnt really take much notice of how i've changed. It is sweet that they love us no matter what we look like, but they are the ones we love most so we need their support!!!!
  • lil_pulp
    lil_pulp Posts: 701 Member
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    Sounds like you'd prefer boyfriend who was more interested in your size and less interested in your personality.
  • ScarredVampiress
    ScarredVampiress Posts: 76
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    Sounds like you'd prefer boyfriend who was more interested in your size and less interested in your personality.

    It's not wrong to want to be a little appreciated.
  • parkers93
    parkers93 Posts: 80
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    Well sorry but he sounds like a *kitten* hole to me lol.
    Your young and very attractive and it shouldn't matter what u look like on the outside anyhow.
    Personally I don't think there's nothing wrong with your weight and think your doing a great job...
    Set yourself a goal and try and reach it log as much as u can to get help and support where needed.
    I can't say much as not been doing it long myself and what i say prob sounds a load of crap, but u need to be head strong and have a bloody good go at this if it's what u want !!
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
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    O_o So.. wait... you're complaining that your boyfriend loves you at any size?
    Wow, I always appreciated that my girlfriend loves me no matter what I weigh with no exceptions and finds me just as beautiful at my highest and lowest weights. She takes pride in me for my dedication and accomplishment with weight loss, but it has neither decreased nor increased my attractiveness to her.
    I just..I don't understand.
  • ScarredVampiress
    ScarredVampiress Posts: 76
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    My boyfriend is just the same as yours. I was 149lbs when i met him and he thought i was lovely just as i was, but i wasnt happy with my body or my eating habits and managed to slim down to 128lbs and i'm really proud of my body now, but he doesnt really take much notice of how i've changed. It is sweet that they love us no matter what we look like, but they are the ones we love most so we need their support!!!!

    ha, yeah, it's at least nice to know if they notice or not, or SOMETHING.
  • ScarredVampiress
    ScarredVampiress Posts: 76
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    O_o So.. wait... you're complaining that your boyfriend loves you at any size?
    Wow, I always appreciated that my girlfriend loves me no matter what I weigh with no exceptions and finds me just as beautiful at my highest and lowest weights. She takes pride in me for my dedication and accomplishment with weight loss, but it has neither decreased nor increased my attractiveness to her.
    I just..I don't understand.

    It's not that I don't like that he still finds me attractive even at my highest. I just want a little appreciation for all the hard work I've put into it, that's all. At least to..take notice of it. It's like working really hard and you feel good about it and then no one notices a difference, you feel kind cruddy about it, ya know? Like maybe it DIDN'T make a difference at all.
  • lil_pulp
    lil_pulp Posts: 701 Member
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    This is kind of like cooking your favorite dinner for someone else and then being pissed off that they're allergic to a few of the ingredients you used.
  • ScarredVampiress
    ScarredVampiress Posts: 76
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    This is kind of like cooking your favorite dinner for someone else and then being pissed off that they're allergic to a few of the ingredients you used.

    ? that's a kind of weird analogy. And I don't really see the similarities. O.o

    If you work hard at something, do you not feel better and want to work even harder when someone notices what a good job you're doing or compliments you on it?
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
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    O_o So.. wait... you're complaining that your boyfriend loves you at any size?
    Wow, I always appreciated that my girlfriend loves me no matter what I weigh with no exceptions and finds me just as beautiful at my highest and lowest weights. She takes pride in me for my dedication and accomplishment with weight loss, but it has neither decreased nor increased my attractiveness to her.
    I just..I don't understand.

    It's not that I don't like that he still finds me attractive even at my highest. I just want a little appreciation for all the hard work I've put into it, that's all. At least to..take notice of it. It's like working really hard and you feel good about it and then no one notices a difference, you feel kind cruddy about it, ya know? Like maybe it DIDN'T make a difference at all.

    Maybe he secretly likes fat chicks. :tongue:

    Unless you lost it all in a week I'm sure the change is not noticeable to him. Gradual changes are hard to see.
    My girlfriend lost 15lbs since starting her job a couple months ago, and I can barely see a difference because it's been gradual. Plus, she's unconditionally hot to me so the change doesn't mean anything to me other than she's a bit smaller looking. It's neither a positive or negative thing in my eyes. If your boyfriend is anything like me, he's probably said he's happy for you and everything, but I don't think he's going to be super enthused over a superficial and subtle body change.
  • _Emu_
    _Emu_ Posts: 45 Member
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    maybe mention to him that it would be nice if he commented on your weight loss/toning as your trying to be healthier & need a bit of support, if he's anything like my husband he probably hasnt said anything because he doesnt want to offend you
    he's probably thinking if he says " you look so much better now youve lost weight" you'll hear " you were fat before"
  • ScarredVampiress
    ScarredVampiress Posts: 76
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    O_o So.. wait... you're complaining that your boyfriend loves you at any size?
    Wow, I always appreciated that my girlfriend loves me no matter what I weigh with no exceptions and finds me just as beautiful at my highest and lowest weights. She takes pride in me for my dedication and accomplishment with weight loss, but it has neither decreased nor increased my attractiveness to her.
    I just..I don't understand.

    It's not that I don't like that he still finds me attractive even at my highest. I just want a little appreciation for all the hard work I've put into it, that's all. At least to..take notice of it. It's like working really hard and you feel good about it and then no one notices a difference, you feel kind cruddy about it, ya know? Like maybe it DIDN'T make a difference at all.

    Maybe he secretly likes fat chicks. :tongue:

    Unless you lost it all in a week I'm sure the change is not noticeable to him. Gradual changes are hard to see.
    My girlfriend lost 15lbs since starting her job a couple months ago, and I can barely see a difference because it's been gradual. Plus, she's unconditionally hot to me so the change doesn't mean anything to me other than she's a bit smaller looking. It's neither a positive or negative thing in my eyes. If your boyfriend is anything like me, he's probably said he's happy for you and everything, but I don't think he's going to be super enthused over a superficial and subtle body change.

    He doesn't really say anything about it. If I say I lost something, he's like. 'well, you dont need to' nothing suppourtive or anything like that. -_-

    I DO think he like fat chicks. O.o or at least chubby ones. His past gfs were even bigger than I was. Of course I have very less amount of boob, even when bigger I was the same size. Then again, lots of people like bigger boobs...even I do, so I can't complain about anyone not liking mine. haha But I'm not going to chub myself up just so he likes me more. XD

    I guess it may have been the gradual thing. I lost the first 6kg in a month in January, so I guess you can't tell so much, especially when you're around them all the time.
  • htmlgirl
    htmlgirl Posts: 314 Member
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    I know my husband is hesitant to say anything to me because he doesn't want me to feel like he wasn't attracted to me before. I think it's tough for guys to know what the right thing to say is.
  • lil_pulp
    lil_pulp Posts: 701 Member
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    Last comment: Taking into account your post from yesterday about your size versus his size, maybe he goes out of his way to NOT mention your size/weight because you seem kind of obsessed with it. I'm seriously done now.
  • Poods71
    Poods71 Posts: 502 Member
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    What you have to understand about men is, they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. He is thinking about the fact that there is always the possiblity that you put some weight back on, for whatever reason, and he knows that if he tells you how great you look thinner you are going to feel really crappy and down on yourself if you do put some weight on. So he is hedging his bets. They have learned to keep their mouths shut as they can't win :laugh: . My husband is the same and it would be nice for him to say that he sees a difference but I understand why he doesn't. He did say once years ago after I had my first daughter to someone, doesn't she look good and I still remember that and when I was bigger after having my second I thought, he must think I am hideous now, so probably better for them just to stick to the safe "I love you at any size".
  • k2charmed4u
    k2charmed4u Posts: 282
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    Not sure how to respond to this one really lol.

    My husband and I started dating when I was 216lbs and he was about 190lbs we both put on loads of weight in the following 16 months but it never changed how we felt about eachother. I love him no matter what and he says the same to me. I think he's handsome no matter what and he's always said he thinks i'm beautiful even now that i'm back up to 258lbs.

    To be honest I think you've got a good guy there as he loves you for you and not just looks (which in my opinion is quite shallow as looks aren't everything) "never judge a book by its cover" and all that. I'm sure he's proud of your determination to a healthier lifestyle etc
  • DerDude
    DerDude Posts: 170
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    You know what I hear from my girlfriend? I am so selfish with that health and workout stuff! I should better drink and smoke and take pills while she is the main thing my mind is about! She, nothing else...thats it.
  • roachhaley
    roachhaley Posts: 978 Member
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    I understand completely. My boyfriend does the same thing. I wish he'd at least acknowledge that I'm losing weight, since the fact that I am and am going to continue is not negotiable. Meh.
  • TheSlimWithin
    TheSlimWithin Posts: 82
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    I suppose it would be nice for him to notice, but maybe that just means you've got yourself a keeper as he's not centrally focused on how much you weigh. :) But don't worry, I'm sure he does. Maybe he doesn't want to say it aloud because he's scared of saying something rude or strange? Not sure. But don't feel bad about it!

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