Difficulty having close female friendships.
megmay2591
Posts: 621 Member
in Chit-Chat
Here is my rant: I've always seemed to have bad luck (or bad friends) when it comes to having and keeping meaningful female friendships. I've gone for years now without having a close friend that I hang out with often.
It started in 6th grade when my best friend found a new group of friends. Then in 8th grade I had a close girlfriend but she was destructive and pretty opposite of me at the time. In 9th grade, I made some good friends, but then I moved 50-60 miles away. In 10th grade I made a good friend, but our friendship fell apart because of problems with her dating my boyfriend's brother, she lied, she was jealous of me wanting to hangout with my boyfriend often.
(I can admit this one was partially my fault, but it seems she overreacted.)
In 11th and 12th grade I made a couple of good friends, but then after we graduated, my friend got pregnant. We stayed friends, I attended her baby shower and such. Then, I moved to college and she had a kid so it was hard to hangout anymore. I tried, but there always seemed to be conflicts in time and other factors. In college, I made some new friends, but my friend's closeness to her religion pushed us apart because she wanted to be closer friends with people who shared her beliefs. A girl who also was friends with us became closer to me, and now we hangout every once in a while. Now, she is in Japan (where she is from) for the summer.
I have female acquaintances, and people who I hang out with in groups, but I feel so lonely without a female confidant. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 1/2 years and he is my best friend, but he still has his guy friends. I just wish I had someone to confide in, to text, to laugh with, and be girly or stupid with. I feel like I've been missing this part of me for a long time. It's obviously not the hardest thing to make friends, but I feel like I don't know how to make good friends anymore.
/rant over.
It started in 6th grade when my best friend found a new group of friends. Then in 8th grade I had a close girlfriend but she was destructive and pretty opposite of me at the time. In 9th grade, I made some good friends, but then I moved 50-60 miles away. In 10th grade I made a good friend, but our friendship fell apart because of problems with her dating my boyfriend's brother, she lied, she was jealous of me wanting to hangout with my boyfriend often.
(I can admit this one was partially my fault, but it seems she overreacted.)
In 11th and 12th grade I made a couple of good friends, but then after we graduated, my friend got pregnant. We stayed friends, I attended her baby shower and such. Then, I moved to college and she had a kid so it was hard to hangout anymore. I tried, but there always seemed to be conflicts in time and other factors. In college, I made some new friends, but my friend's closeness to her religion pushed us apart because she wanted to be closer friends with people who shared her beliefs. A girl who also was friends with us became closer to me, and now we hangout every once in a while. Now, she is in Japan (where she is from) for the summer.
I have female acquaintances, and people who I hang out with in groups, but I feel so lonely without a female confidant. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 1/2 years and he is my best friend, but he still has his guy friends. I just wish I had someone to confide in, to text, to laugh with, and be girly or stupid with. I feel like I've been missing this part of me for a long time. It's obviously not the hardest thing to make friends, but I feel like I don't know how to make good friends anymore.
/rant over.
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Replies
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I agree totally. Theres anothe thread on this topic and its such a shame that so many lonely women are out there who could be such great friends. I too miss female friends terribly0
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My husband hangs out with the guys and texts with his buddies way more than I do with any of my female friends. I really only have 2 women in my life right now who I consider "close" friends and neither one of them even get full disclosure of things I wish I could share with a close girl friend.
I think it's the nature of women, though. Men have an easier time of it b/c they keep things pretty surface level. Women want deeper, more meaningful connections with their friends. There is a lot more ability to hurt/offend/disappoint when we let people that close to us.
I'm sorry you're struggling with it. It does get lonely sometimes.0 -
I am the same way i have one friend that I have been friends with since 6th grade. She has always been there for me no matter what! I guess i just hangout with guys easier than girls. I sometimes think girl can be rude or *****y. I like girls who are like me and tend to hang with guys more. I hate drama and have no reason for it in my life.I really hope you can get one good friend it makes all the difference in the world. :flowerforyou:0
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Growing up i had one ... well that i thought was... a true girlfriend but we conpletely drifted years ago. I was always closer to guys... it's just easier for me to be myself around guys. my closest friend now is a guy. maybe because i dont feel like they critique me for what i look like instead of who i am. women can be very shallow!
I wish i had actual true you can count on me kinda girlfriends. i always thought i was alone in this department. glad to know im not!0 -
My only girl friends are just dudes with girl parts. I'm not a girls girl. I do guy things for the most part. When I go to mom events at my kids schools, I want to hang myself. I just don't fit. I know there are others like me out there... I think we're just too jaded to dig thru the gossip to find each other.
Wow. That didn't sound negative at all. Lol0 -
That's how I am too. Most of my friends are guys but i wish I had a female friend to talk about female things with. I can't really tell my guy friends certain gory details.
I hang out with my coworker but she's a lot younger and I can't relate to her. My partner is a love but he has his own thing going on most of the time so...yeah. I hear ya.0 -
I'm the same way. I had friends throughout school, but none that were true blue. Since then, it seems like whenever I make a close friend, she moves away. It's almost to the point where I want to make any new friend sign a clause that says they promise to never move! I'm in Texas, and I had a close friend for 16 years and she moved to New York. Then, I finally, after six years, made another close friend, and she moved to California. It's crazy. I understand where you're coming from and wish you the best in finding that true blue friend for life. Maybe somewhere along the way, I'll find one myself...again. lol0
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I'm hoping that day will come sooner than later, because it get's pretty lonely sometimes.0
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Just read through the posts and have to admit that I am the same. Most of my life I have been somewhat of a tomboy. I played a lot of sports, went fishing and rode my bike through the mud tracks. Connecting and trusting another woman is hard for me. I work with women and they can be very petty. Any male friends I have had have always been very good to me and to this day I can still call them friends. Having said that, It is very lonely at times. A couple of years back I met a girl that was young enough to be my daughter and we hit it off. There was nothing we could not say to each other. Her and her husband moved away and I still miss her terribly and her hugs.0
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I feel like I'm in a similar situation to you. My boyfriend is really my best friends. We've been together for two years, we just moved in together. He knows everything about me, etc. Besides my boyfriend, the only person I talk to extensively would be my sister, and that's just through email, text, etc. (not even IRL). I don't have any females that I just "hang out with". But it has never been like that for me either. In high school, I did have two female friends that I was good friends, I'd say best friends, with. We hung out quite a bit. But then when we went off to college, things kind of went downhill. We email and chat online like once every few months now. I had a couple friends in college too who I hung out with. The one friend got a boyfriend and stopped hanging out with me and the other, well we just drifted apart. I have acquaintances. I have "friends" who I see at parties and stuff. My boyfriend and I have some "couple friends" (of course there is a gay couple that we're friends with so there isn't even a female there!! lol). But even when my boyfriend and I go out and hang out with friends or party, it seems like the majority of them are male anyway.
Sometimes I'm a bit sad that I don't have any close female friends. But I just don't feel the need for it. I figure, if I really "clicked" with someone, then I'd try and hang out with them some more. But I just don't feel the need for it.
Maybe you don't need that friend right now. It does get lonely but who knows when you will meet someone!!
Isn't it funny though ... I've seen many people who have tons of good friends but are looking for the guy (romantically). In both of our situations, it seems very reversed. The love life is perfectly fine but it's the whole friend thing that is difficult.
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I feel the same way. I always wanted that friend that I could tell anything to - that was like my sister. And although I have some close female friends... when I try to tell them things they often seem like they don't care
I find it much easier to make guy friends - and my guy friends are great. But there's definitely something to be said for female relationships...0 -
Agree with this - luckily I do have sisters, but it is lonely not having a "bff". Still, got my cat and my hubby.....so going to be a crazy old cat lady aren't I.0
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You are definitely not alone. Same sort of thing here. I haven't ever been able to keep girlfriends.0
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I have always been "one of the guys." I only have one close female friend, and I've known her since we were in third grade (so about 17 years). My two other close friends are guys and I live with them. One is my husband and the other is my uncle, who is 20 years older than I am.
Growing up, my group of friends was mostly guys with the random couple girls thrown in. It never really bothered me, I've actually always like being considered one of the guys. I'm not into the girly girl stuff lol0 -
I say relax a little.. I know its really difficult, but it seems good things come to you when you're not looking... Accept that people change and you may not have similar interests any more. It's kinda like dating guys... invite other girls to events or to just an evening out... Females tend to put their guard up right away with other females they don't know very well, but break the ice and they usually are very nice!0
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I feel ya....all my best girl friends have stabbed me in the back...one way or another.
I have a friend now, she really offers support and advice. She doesnt just nod and say "yeah"....but we dont get to spend much time with each other. Hectic lives with kids....we NEED to make time
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Me and you are in the same boat! I have ZERO girlfriends. My boyfriend is my best friend as well.0
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I so know how you feel. I could have written this.
I don´t have female friends (close) but I have a lot of aquantences but that´s it.
I too feel like I just do know how to make friends with people and if I do find someone they usually live on the other side of the country or in a different country.
Sometimes I wish I had someone I could talk to, trust, go places with.....but I the older I have gotten the less it bothers me.
I hope you find someone0 -
I also have two sisters, but one is having major life problems (drug addiction) and the other hangs out with my cousin a lot more than me so it doesn't feel like we're super close to each other. I'm trying to make more of an effort with her, but she lives almost an hour away. *sigh* Someday I'm sure I'll find a real friend.:flowerforyou:0
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I don't have girlfriends either. I was invited to a birthday party tonight, but I don't want to go specifically because when they are all together they talk about other people. I can't stand gossip because I like to be friendly with everyone! I also have girls I know who say they will call or text to hang out, and they never do. My husband feels bad for me. I've always gotten along better with guys, since I'm into more guyish things... but I'm extrememly easy to get along with... So yeah, I have a hard time with girls too.0
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Guys are just easier to hang out with IMO...no vindictiveness on their end! Girls are ALWAYS competing against one another whether they want to admit it or not!0
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Me too Honestly the only female friends that I have are right here in MFP but in real life, nada. Anyway I'm always feel more comfortable hanging around with guys than girls from the start. I have one close guy friend & we've been friends for more than a decade but now he's in Spain although we still keep in touch sometimes. Right now my best friend is my boyfriend. 0
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May I attempt a little advice? I know it is difficult when it feels like a relationship is onesided (though, I have no clue what your effort level was in these relationships), but sometimes it takes a lot of effort on one person's part. I am lucky, and I do have a (very small) group of very close girlfriends who know pretty much everything in my life, and I know theirs. There are times when none of them call me for months, and I just have to suck it up and call them. Why? Because maybe they think I'm the one not putting in the effort. Also, it is important to be certain you are opening up to them. We all like to feel needed, and it is very difficult to have a decent relationship with someone who is not telling you how they are doing. If a girlfriend is not feeling like she is valued, she will likely not put in too much effort or thought.
IT's all about the effort.0 -
Guys are just easier to hang out with IMO...no vindictiveness on their end! Girls are ALWAYS competing against one another whether they want to admit it or not!
^^^^
This. I FINALLY have one chick friend, and I have my sister in law, and thats good enough for me. Only problem is I cant have a "girls night out" my sis in law is unable to come hang with me and my friend leads a different lifestyle (no partying.. eh Im young) but I cant really complan, Ive had my fill of crazy, and usually thats what you'll get with women. Cling to your man, thats who you really wanna be with anyway (unless you're gonna go get a sister wife) lol0 -
Im a guy, and I have a difficult time maintaining close friendships with other guys around my age. And no, I am not gay.0
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I totally get how you feel. It's difficult meeting and keeping quality friendships. Hang in there...hopefully, you will find your best bud soon. 0
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join some groups to find people who have the same interests you do. Book clubs, exercise classes, bunco, church group, etc are good ways to meet friends. I met my current bestie through my daughter (it's one of her BFFs mother). Gossip ruins a lot of relationships and so does jealousy, but not all girls are like that. It's summertime, so maybe hang out at the local pool to meet people. I think you'll find as you get older, it will be easier to find girlfriends, once a lot of the typical pettiness wears off. Good luck to you in finding someone you can confide in. They are out there! Feel free to chat with me if you'd like. I have had and still have several friends that I am close to. Best wishes!!!0
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Friendships change and evolve over time. I've "lost" close friendships simply because we changed as we grew up, into different people. There's always new people to meet. Don't take it too hard.0
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I'm the same way! I have friends that I keep in touch with but no really close friends anymore. Its not that I am picky about friendship but it seemed as though all my friends took advantage of me in some way or another. If they needed something I was supposed to be there but when I needed something they were "busy". The past 3 years, I have limited most of my friends. I keep in touch here and there.. but there are things that they have done that are unforgivable. I agree on the backstabbing most women are. I always wanted a best friend that I could tell every single thing to without it EVER being repeated no matter what. I don't have dark secrets but it still would be nice to know that my "friends" are not spreading my business.0
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