Should I tell my boyfriend?
lafl3ur
Posts: 15
I'm currently in a relationship that recently turned long distance. I gained 20-30 lbs while we were dating, but I have about 60-65 to lose overall.
Should I tell my boyfriend that I'm attempting to lose weight? He's the type of guy who can't put on weight no matter how hard he tries (he's actually very underweight for his height), so while I have no doubts he'll be supportive he might not understand my struggle to lose weight. If I don't tell him, I'm worried about him asking me about my eating patterns when he comes to visit.
Additionally, I'm doing this for me, and not him. I don't know how much it'd help, because I don't plan on telling him about my daily diet or exercise anyway.
What do y'all think? If you were me, what would you do? Thanks!
Should I tell my boyfriend that I'm attempting to lose weight? He's the type of guy who can't put on weight no matter how hard he tries (he's actually very underweight for his height), so while I have no doubts he'll be supportive he might not understand my struggle to lose weight. If I don't tell him, I'm worried about him asking me about my eating patterns when he comes to visit.
Additionally, I'm doing this for me, and not him. I don't know how much it'd help, because I don't plan on telling him about my daily diet or exercise anyway.
What do y'all think? If you were me, what would you do? Thanks!
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Replies
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Wow. That is some serious analysis-paralysis.
Just tell the BF you're on a health kick. Don't mention the weight.0 -
Thanks! I am also thinking that's the way to go.0
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I would just talk about getting healthy and everyone needs exercise. Plus nobody needs to know everything- LOL0
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I'm currently in a relationship that recently turned long distance. I gained 20-30 lbs while we were dating, but I have about 60-65 to lose overall.
Should I tell my boyfriend that I'm attempting to lose weight? He's the type of guy who can't put on weight no matter how hard he tries (he's actually very underweight for his height), so while I have no doubts he'll be supportive he might not understand my struggle to lose weight. If I don't tell him, I'm worried about him asking me about my eating patterns when he comes to visit.
Additionally, I'm doing this for me, and not him. I don't know how much it'd help, because I don't plan on telling him about my daily diet or exercise anyway.
What do y'all think? If you were me, what would you do? Thanks!
I wouldnt even let him know. Just do what you need to do to get where you wanna be and then surprise him with a hot new body when yall get to see each other again. Im sure he wont have any complaints about the new you.0 -
I have about 100 to lose. and my boyfriend is wayyy underweight too. I was nervous about telling him, but I did and he is soo supportive and kind about it. (i did not expect that) It is hard and not right to keep a secret from him.0
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... Im sure he wont have any complaints about the new you.
And if he does he's a jerk or overly possessive.0 -
...I don't see why you should keep it a secret from him? Then again, I usually don't keep any secrets from a significant other, that's kind of the point of a serious relationship, no secrets, total honesty.
If I was in a long distance relationship, and my significant other kept something as innocent as losing weight/getting healthy from me, that would send up red flags about what other possible secrets are being kept, and it turns into a slippery slope from there.0 -
while I can't advise you whether or not you should him, I will say that as a gainer myself who has a lot of trouble gaining, my friends here are made of at least 2/3 losers, and I have absolutely no problems supporting them and cheering them on, I am happy for anyone who achieves their goals, and I totally understand that it is a struggle for them as well, as I'm sure he will too!0
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I didn't tell my husband because I wanted to see how long it would take him to notice. But I don't really see why it's a big deal?0
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I think most boyfriends have the mind-frame that as long as you don't lose all your boobs then they're happy. I wouldn't mention it. Then, if he notices that you've lost weight when he sees you it will be a genuine compliment
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Personally I do not think you even need to broach the subject unless it comes up. You do not share meal times so he wil have no idea what you are eatting; I hope you are not tethered 24/7 so you will have time to exercise {should you choose}.0
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Firstly i feel for you being in a long distance relationship, i was in for for over 6 years before my fiance got a place of his own and i emigrated buti think you should be completely transparent and honest with your boyfriend as deception regardless of its form is bad for any relationship especially a long distance one im sure he will understand and spupport you as for his weight gain issues my fiance is the same eats what he likes and doesnt gain a pound in weight where as i think of chocolate and i gain a stone
So in short tell him the full story if he loves you he will understand0 -
Get a new BF; get one that will be supportive of goals and dreams... if you can't even talk to him about something like weight loss and exercise doesn't sound like much of a relationship...0
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Don't say anything. It will just put extra pressure on yourself. Besides, this way you'll get to see his jaw drop when he sees you again in 3 months... ;-)0
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So you're changing your lifestyle. Could be a good conversation topic and you'll need them :-) If you can't share this with your boyfriend then who can you? If you want to express yourself, do it, if you don't, don't.0
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I'm a very open and honest person in the first place, so of course wanting to lose weight and doing so would absolutely come up for me, only because I need the support, and the support from those I love. I'm sure he would understand that we aren't all built the same and support you, he may even help you with your food selections. And hey...if he doesn't understand is a complete jerk about it, do you really want that kind of man? I want the kind of man that loves me right now...the way I am...and when I get thinner, I will say wow...you stayed with me even when I wasn't at my best. THAT my dear is true love.
I wish you the very best in whatever decision you make. 0 -
...I don't see why you should keep it a secret from him? Then again, I usually don't keep any secrets from a significant other, that's kind of the point of a serious relationship, no secrets, total honesty.
If I was in a long distance relationship, and my significant other kept something as innocent as losing weight/getting healthy from me, that would send up red flags about what other possible secrets are being kept, and it turns into a slippery slope from there.
And yep...that would be what I would think also...if you are keeping secrets about one thing, he may think you are keeping the about others. To me the truth is always better...that way you don't make up one lie after another to cover the first lie. ((you know how that works)) Good point here....0 -
Are you thinking he will be judgmental? In a relationship you should be able to share everything with your partner.
I can see not telling him if you wanted it to be a surprise though!0 -
Thanks for the advice, everyone!Are you thinking he will be judgmental?
I'm basically afraid that he will be judgmental and won't like my body afterwards. I think this fear is unfounded, because he is completely supportive of everything I do and want to achieve, but it's still there.
I'm thinking about this because he is coming to visit in 5 days, and I know he'll notice my eating patterns. I wouldn't know how to bring it up before he comes without being awkward, but I'll probably at least say something about trying to be more healthy, which is good for people in general. I'll think about it some more, and will let y'all know what happens. Thanks for being so wonderful and supportive to me!0 -
I doubt he would be judgmental of you, or dislike how you look afterwards, so I wouldn't worry so much. If he's staying with you even long distance, I doubt picking up healthier eating habits is going to run him off. 0
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Especially since you put on weight while you were dating, I can't see why he wouldn't be supportive of your losing weight? Don't most guys want a hot girlfriend? My bf is always supportive of anything I do to improve my physique. Now if you said you wanted to be the fattest woman in the world, honey, will you support me? That would be different. I can't imagine him not wanting you with a healthy, fit body. That would be odd. But if you don't want to tell him you're trying to lose just tell him you're trying to eat healthier. Everyone does that at one time or another.0
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Thanks for the advice, everyone!Are you thinking he will be judgmental?
I'm basically afraid that he will be judgmental and won't like my body afterwards. I think this fear is unfounded, because he is completely supportive of everything I do and want to achieve, but it's still there.
I'm thinking about this because he is coming to visit in 5 days, and I know he'll notice my eating patterns. I wouldn't know how to bring it up before he comes without being awkward, but I'll probably at least say something about trying to be more healthy, which is good for people in general. I'll think about it some more, and will let y'all know what happens. Thanks for being so wonderful and supportive to me!
See - that's a good reason to tell him something. I don't mean make a big emotional deal out of it, but let him know how your life is going because he's an important part of your life. He might need to know something just for practical reasons. Don't wait until he says "Let's eat at Greasy Joe's! They have all you can eat cheese fries!" and you feel hurt or conflicted because he's sabotaging you without knowing. Just tell him "I'm trying to eat healthier foods. Can we eat somewhere more nutritious?" Then he gets the chance to show you that he is a supportive guy who wants to see you happy. He sounds like a great guy.Trust him to continue being a great guy, but also understand that even the best person needs information to know how to best support the people they love. Good luck with it!0 -
I'm in a long distance relationship and I've told him. Same deal too; he's really slim and eats like a starving child but doesn't gain much weight at all. I won't see him till Christmas so I don't have to worry about him noticing my eating habits for a while, but I tell him everything that's going on with me, and this has become a big part of my daily life, so it'd be weird not to share it with him.0
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i told my boyfriend when i started to lose weight. he was brilliant and supportive at the beginning and told me i looked great etc. but to be honest now i wish i hadn't bothered :P 37 pounds later at 5'6 at 121 pounds he is paranoid about what and when i'm eating and whether it is enough.. he has even gone as far to say he thinks i am developing an ED! he's such a worrier..
so yes, i agree with the people on here who are saying to tell him you are trying to be fit and healthy.. don't mention words like diet and weight loss...0 -
I understand a little. My husband is super-thin and never even gave a thought about eating healthy until I started. Since we are married and it is impossible not to talk about it - since my food choices are changing his food choices, I had to, but otherwise, I consider my weight loss MINE and just don't see how he can help support me since he just doesn't have a frame of reference on what its like to be overweight, or addicted to food.
I think when it comes up, you can just mention that you are making healthy choices as much as you can now. Then change the subject.
(unless of course, you feel moved to tell him all about it - but be aware that he may not get it or understand how to even be supportive even though he may want to. sometimes you have to teach someone how you need to be supported.)0 -
Thanks again, everyone! I really appreciated your insight and the fact that all of you took time to reply to this topic.i told my boyfriend when i started to lose weight. he was brilliant and supportive at the beginning and told me i looked great etc. but to be honest now i wish i hadn't bothered :P 37 pounds later at 5'6 at 121 pounds he is paranoid about what and when i'm eating and whether it is enough.. he has even gone as far to say he thinks i am developing an ED! he's such a worrier..
I honestly didn't even think of this! I can understand how people worry and I've definitely seen friends, significant others, and family members do this to people I know.
I'm sticking with the plan of talking to him about being fit and healthy. If he asks specifically about my weight, I'll definitely tell him all about it (not trying to hide anything here!), but I think that I agree with wingednotes in that the weight is my battle to fight directly. I guess I just want him to be part of the "healthy eating and exercise is good for you" bit and not part of the "I want to change how I look because I don't like it" bit. For me, that's a distinction. I don't want him to know that there are things I don't like about my appearance, because I don't want to bring that into our relationship. That's why I'm not going to talk to him about weight per se.
Today I mentioned to him that I've been eating more healthily and that I'm tracking my nutrient intake via an online food diary, so I think it's a good start. I'm glad I opened up; he said it was great that I'm eating more fruits and vegetables and said that he should probably start keeping a food diary himself. I end up mentioning to him if I go exercising during the day as part of the whole "what did you do today" thing, so I feel like I'm not leaving anything critical out of our relationship, which is good. I'm really happy with how it turned out, and thank you all again for weighing in on this topic...you really helped me figure out how to phrase it in a way that wasn't awkward and came off very openly!
Regarding my fears about how he'll perceive me after I've lost weight. He really, really likes the current size of my breasts and butt, and there will definitely be less padding there after I'm done, but I'm sure he'll still love my proportions...after all, I'm going to be more fit overall and have better self-confidence. I'm personally afraid of this change, but it's something that's necessary for my health, and I hope this process prepares me so that I'm not afraid when I reach my goal weight.0 -
Hey Lalf-
Just for my two cents input, I recently started my plan to change my life and my body and health as well, and Ill just say two things:
1) If youre boyfriend is awesome, he will be really happy for you. For one you're going to live longer, two you're going to be healthier and, three, you're going to be more confident and FEEL amazing. How is that not totally sexy?
2) If he does anything other than this, he may not understand, may not be supportive, may be uncomfortable with it, whatever....either way...think about this a lot if this IS his reaction. That is bad news.
I wish you luck! 0 -
I think you should just tell him. If you want it to be a surprise when he visits then maybe not.0
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Just tell the BF you're on a health kick. Don't mention the weight.
^^ This. Keep it Simple 0 -
...I don't see why you should keep it a secret from him? Then again, I usually don't keep any secrets from a significant other, that's kind of the point of a serious relationship, no secrets, total honesty.
If I was in a long distance relationship, and my significant other kept something as innocent as losing weight/getting healthy from me, that would send up red flags about what other possible secrets are being kept, and it turns into a slippery slope from there.
^^^^
I'm with him.
Err...not with him, but I agree with him lol.0
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