Should I tell my boyfriend?

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lafl3ur
lafl3ur Posts: 15
in Motivation and Support
I'm currently in a relationship that recently turned long distance. I gained 20-30 lbs while we were dating, but I have about 60-65 to lose overall.

Should I tell my boyfriend that I'm attempting to lose weight? He's the type of guy who can't put on weight no matter how hard he tries (he's actually very underweight for his height), so while I have no doubts he'll be supportive he might not understand my struggle to lose weight. If I don't tell him, I'm worried about him asking me about my eating patterns when he comes to visit.

Additionally, I'm doing this for me, and not him. I don't know how much it'd help, because I don't plan on telling him about my daily diet or exercise anyway.

What do y'all think? If you were me, what would you do? Thanks! :smile:
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Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,019 Member
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    Wow. That is some serious analysis-paralysis.

    Just tell the BF you're on a health kick. Don't mention the weight.
  • lafl3ur
    lafl3ur Posts: 15
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    Thanks! I am also thinking that's the way to go.
  • mscoco10
    mscoco10 Posts: 527 Member
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    I would just talk about getting healthy and everyone needs exercise. Plus nobody needs to know everything- LOL
  • milkdudd0486
    milkdudd0486 Posts: 21 Member
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    I'm currently in a relationship that recently turned long distance. I gained 20-30 lbs while we were dating, but I have about 60-65 to lose overall.

    Should I tell my boyfriend that I'm attempting to lose weight? He's the type of guy who can't put on weight no matter how hard he tries (he's actually very underweight for his height), so while I have no doubts he'll be supportive he might not understand my struggle to lose weight. If I don't tell him, I'm worried about him asking me about my eating patterns when he comes to visit.

    Additionally, I'm doing this for me, and not him. I don't know how much it'd help, because I don't plan on telling him about my daily diet or exercise anyway.

    What do y'all think? If you were me, what would you do? Thanks! :smile:

    I wouldnt even let him know. Just do what you need to do to get where you wanna be and then surprise him with a hot new body when yall get to see each other again. Im sure he wont have any complaints about the new you.
  • mgnmsn
    mgnmsn Posts: 133 Member
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    I have about 100 to lose. and my boyfriend is wayyy underweight too. I was nervous about telling him, but I did and he is soo supportive and kind about it. (i did not expect that) It is hard and not right to keep a secret from him.
  • fredd500
    fredd500 Posts: 106 Member
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    ... Im sure he wont have any complaints about the new you.

    And if he does he's a jerk or overly possessive.
  • tigersword
    tigersword Posts: 8,059 Member
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    ...I don't see why you should keep it a secret from him? Then again, I usually don't keep any secrets from a significant other, that's kind of the point of a serious relationship, no secrets, total honesty.

    If I was in a long distance relationship, and my significant other kept something as innocent as losing weight/getting healthy from me, that would send up red flags about what other possible secrets are being kept, and it turns into a slippery slope from there.
  • Meg_78
    Meg_78 Posts: 998 Member
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    while I can't advise you whether or not you should him, I will say that as a gainer myself who has a lot of trouble gaining, my friends here are made of at least 2/3 losers, and I have absolutely no problems supporting them and cheering them on, I am happy for anyone who achieves their goals, and I totally understand that it is a struggle for them as well, as I'm sure he will too!
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    I didn't tell my husband because I wanted to see how long it would take him to notice. But I don't really see why it's a big deal?
  • Klamber26
    Klamber26 Posts: 212
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    I think most boyfriends have the mind-frame that as long as you don't lose all your boobs then they're happy. I wouldn't mention it. Then, if he notices that you've lost weight when he sees you it will be a genuine compliment ;)
  • Newf77
    Newf77 Posts: 802 Member
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    Personally I do not think you even need to broach the subject unless it comes up. You do not share meal times so he wil have no idea what you are eatting; I hope you are not tethered 24/7 so you will have time to exercise {should you choose}.
  • Assassins_Angel
    Assassins_Angel Posts: 329
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    Firstly i feel for you being in a long distance relationship, i was in for for over 6 years before my fiance got a place of his own and i emigrated buti think you should be completely transparent and honest with your boyfriend as deception regardless of its form is bad for any relationship especially a long distance one im sure he will understand and spupport you as for his weight gain issues my fiance is the same eats what he likes and doesnt gain a pound in weight where as i think of chocolate and i gain a stone :p

    So in short tell him the full story if he loves you he will understand
  • Cindylou321
    Cindylou321 Posts: 66
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    Get a new BF; get one that will be supportive of goals and dreams... if you can't even talk to him about something like weight loss and exercise doesn't sound like much of a relationship...
  • Prahasaurus
    Prahasaurus Posts: 1,381 Member
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    Don't say anything. It will just put extra pressure on yourself. Besides, this way you'll get to see his jaw drop when he sees you again in 3 months... ;-)
  • Feed_the_Bears
    Feed_the_Bears Posts: 275 Member
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    So you're changing your lifestyle. Could be a good conversation topic and you'll need them :-) If you can't share this with your boyfriend then who can you? If you want to express yourself, do it, if you don't, don't.
  • CrysButcher3
    CrysButcher3 Posts: 322
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    I'm a very open and honest person in the first place, so of course wanting to lose weight and doing so would absolutely come up for me, only because I need the support, and the support from those I love. I'm sure he would understand that we aren't all built the same and support you, he may even help you with your food selections. :) And hey...if he doesn't understand is a complete jerk about it, do you really want that kind of man? I want the kind of man that loves me right now...the way I am...and when I get thinner, I will say wow...you stayed with me even when I wasn't at my best. THAT my dear is true love. <3 I wish you the very best in whatever decision you make.
  • CrysButcher3
    CrysButcher3 Posts: 322
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    ...I don't see why you should keep it a secret from him? Then again, I usually don't keep any secrets from a significant other, that's kind of the point of a serious relationship, no secrets, total honesty.

    If I was in a long distance relationship, and my significant other kept something as innocent as losing weight/getting healthy from me, that would send up red flags about what other possible secrets are being kept, and it turns into a slippery slope from there.

    And yep...that would be what I would think also...if you are keeping secrets about one thing, he may think you are keeping the about others. To me the truth is always better...that way you don't make up one lie after another to cover the first lie. ((you know how that works)) Good point here....
  • KeKy4
    KeKy4 Posts: 62 Member
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    Are you thinking he will be judgmental? In a relationship you should be able to share everything with your partner.

    I can see not telling him if you wanted it to be a surprise though!
  • lafl3ur
    lafl3ur Posts: 15
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    Thanks for the advice, everyone!
    Are you thinking he will be judgmental?

    I'm basically afraid that he will be judgmental and won't like my body afterwards. I think this fear is unfounded, because he is completely supportive of everything I do and want to achieve, but it's still there.

    I'm thinking about this because he is coming to visit in 5 days, and I know he'll notice my eating patterns. I wouldn't know how to bring it up before he comes without being awkward, but I'll probably at least say something about trying to be more healthy, which is good for people in general. I'll think about it some more, and will let y'all know what happens. Thanks for being so wonderful and supportive to me!
  • octoberfalling
    octoberfalling Posts: 34
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    I doubt he would be judgmental of you, or dislike how you look afterwards, so I wouldn't worry so much. If he's staying with you even long distance, I doubt picking up healthier eating habits is going to run him off. :)

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