Should I tell my boyfriend?

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  • kazzari
    kazzari Posts: 473 Member
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    Especially since you put on weight while you were dating, I can't see why he wouldn't be supportive of your losing weight? Don't most guys want a hot girlfriend? My bf is always supportive of anything I do to improve my physique. Now if you said you wanted to be the fattest woman in the world, honey, will you support me? That would be different. I can't imagine him not wanting you with a healthy, fit body. That would be odd. But if you don't want to tell him you're trying to lose just tell him you're trying to eat healthier. Everyone does that at one time or another.
  • Levedi
    Levedi Posts: 290 Member
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    Thanks for the advice, everyone!
    Are you thinking he will be judgmental?

    I'm basically afraid that he will be judgmental and won't like my body afterwards. I think this fear is unfounded, because he is completely supportive of everything I do and want to achieve, but it's still there.

    I'm thinking about this because he is coming to visit in 5 days, and I know he'll notice my eating patterns. I wouldn't know how to bring it up before he comes without being awkward, but I'll probably at least say something about trying to be more healthy, which is good for people in general. I'll think about it some more, and will let y'all know what happens. Thanks for being so wonderful and supportive to me!

    See - that's a good reason to tell him something. I don't mean make a big emotional deal out of it, but let him know how your life is going because he's an important part of your life. He might need to know something just for practical reasons. Don't wait until he says "Let's eat at Greasy Joe's! They have all you can eat cheese fries!" and you feel hurt or conflicted because he's sabotaging you without knowing. Just tell him "I'm trying to eat healthier foods. Can we eat somewhere more nutritious?" Then he gets the chance to show you that he is a supportive guy who wants to see you happy. He sounds like a great guy.Trust him to continue being a great guy, but also understand that even the best person needs information to know how to best support the people they love. Good luck with it!
  • small_ninja
    small_ninja Posts: 365 Member
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    I'm in a long distance relationship and I've told him. Same deal too; he's really slim and eats like a starving child but doesn't gain much weight at all. I won't see him till Christmas so I don't have to worry about him noticing my eating habits for a while, but I tell him everything that's going on with me, and this has become a big part of my daily life, so it'd be weird not to share it with him.
  • obolton756
    obolton756 Posts: 261 Member
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    i told my boyfriend when i started to lose weight. he was brilliant and supportive at the beginning and told me i looked great etc. but to be honest now i wish i hadn't bothered :P 37 pounds later at 5'6 at 121 pounds he is paranoid about what and when i'm eating and whether it is enough.. he has even gone as far to say he thinks i am developing an ED! he's such a worrier..

    so yes, i agree with the people on here who are saying to tell him you are trying to be fit and healthy.. don't mention words like diet and weight loss...
  • wingednotes
    wingednotes Posts: 279
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    I understand a little. My husband is super-thin and never even gave a thought about eating healthy until I started. Since we are married and it is impossible not to talk about it - since my food choices are changing his food choices, I had to, but otherwise, I consider my weight loss MINE and just don't see how he can help support me since he just doesn't have a frame of reference on what its like to be overweight, or addicted to food.
    I think when it comes up, you can just mention that you are making healthy choices as much as you can now. Then change the subject.
    (unless of course, you feel moved to tell him all about it - but be aware that he may not get it or understand how to even be supportive even though he may want to. sometimes you have to teach someone how you need to be supported.)
  • lafl3ur
    lafl3ur Posts: 15
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    Thanks again, everyone! I really appreciated your insight and the fact that all of you took time to reply to this topic. :)
    i told my boyfriend when i started to lose weight. he was brilliant and supportive at the beginning and told me i looked great etc. but to be honest now i wish i hadn't bothered :P 37 pounds later at 5'6 at 121 pounds he is paranoid about what and when i'm eating and whether it is enough.. he has even gone as far to say he thinks i am developing an ED! he's such a worrier..

    I honestly didn't even think of this! I can understand how people worry and I've definitely seen friends, significant others, and family members do this to people I know.

    I'm sticking with the plan of talking to him about being fit and healthy. If he asks specifically about my weight, I'll definitely tell him all about it (not trying to hide anything here!), but I think that I agree with wingednotes in that the weight is my battle to fight directly. I guess I just want him to be part of the "healthy eating and exercise is good for you" bit and not part of the "I want to change how I look because I don't like it" bit. For me, that's a distinction. I don't want him to know that there are things I don't like about my appearance, because I don't want to bring that into our relationship. That's why I'm not going to talk to him about weight per se.

    Today I mentioned to him that I've been eating more healthily and that I'm tracking my nutrient intake via an online food diary, so I think it's a good start. I'm glad I opened up; he said it was great that I'm eating more fruits and vegetables and said that he should probably start keeping a food diary himself. I end up mentioning to him if I go exercising during the day as part of the whole "what did you do today" thing, so I feel like I'm not leaving anything critical out of our relationship, which is good. I'm really happy with how it turned out, and thank you all again for weighing in on this topic...you really helped me figure out how to phrase it in a way that wasn't awkward and came off very openly!

    Regarding my fears about how he'll perceive me after I've lost weight. He really, really likes the current size of my breasts and butt, and there will definitely be less padding there after I'm done, but I'm sure he'll still love my proportions...after all, I'm going to be more fit overall and have better self-confidence. I'm personally afraid of this change, but it's something that's necessary for my health, and I hope this process prepares me so that I'm not afraid when I reach my goal weight.
  • wolveslovemee
    wolveslovemee Posts: 156 Member
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    Hey Lalf-

    Just for my two cents input, I recently started my plan to change my life and my body and health as well, and Ill just say two things:

    1) If youre boyfriend is awesome, he will be really happy for you. For one you're going to live longer, two you're going to be healthier and, three, you're going to be more confident and FEEL amazing. How is that not totally sexy?

    2) If he does anything other than this, he may not understand, may not be supportive, may be uncomfortable with it, whatever....either way...think about this a lot if this IS his reaction. That is bad news.

    I wish you luck! <3
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    I think you should just tell him. If you want it to be a surprise when he visits then maybe not.
  • LindaLouLu
    LindaLouLu Posts: 271 Member
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    Just tell the BF you're on a health kick. Don't mention the weight.

    ^^ This. Keep it Simple :wink:
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    ...I don't see why you should keep it a secret from him? Then again, I usually don't keep any secrets from a significant other, that's kind of the point of a serious relationship, no secrets, total honesty.

    If I was in a long distance relationship, and my significant other kept something as innocent as losing weight/getting healthy from me, that would send up red flags about what other possible secrets are being kept, and it turns into a slippery slope from there.

    ^^^^

    I'm with him.

    Err...not with him, but I agree with him lol.
  • YennaBean
    YennaBean Posts: 77 Member
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    The only reason I told my husband is so he'd stop bringing me home sweets. Lol!

    I think you should just tell him you're trying to live healthier.. you don't necessarily have to say you're trying to lose weight!
  • mrs_deg1983
    mrs_deg1983 Posts: 157
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    Get a new BF; get one that will be supportive of goals and dreams... if you can't even talk to him about something like weight loss and exercise doesn't sound like much of a relationship...

    i think on of us misread what she wrote. She didn't say he would be supportive, she said she didn't know. lol sorry not being rude just making sure who said what.
  • gayje
    gayje Posts: 230 Member
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    I would venture to say that he WOULD understand. If *gaining* is very hard for him to do he'll be able to understand (and support) you trying to loose weight because that is also a hard thing to do.

    You said you are doing this for yourself so maybe just do it and surprise him when you see each other next. Either way, good for you and good luch in your decisions, whatever they may be.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    Get a new BF; get one that will be supportive of goals and dreams... if you can't even talk to him about something like weight loss and exercise doesn't sound like much of a relationship...

    Bazinga? I really hope that was a bazinga.

    @OP: I personally need to know more about the kind of person he is. I myself think you should tell him for couple of reasons. First, if he's gonna be supportive, then how is that bad? I mean I'm not a vegan and I don't get it but I still support people who are :)

    You're going to need support. I have some very good friends on MFP but nothing beats a personal support. Then theres the doubt thing. Trust is like a piece of paper, once you crumble the paper, it'll be be smooth like it was before. Long-distance relationships are hard enough.
    Its an awesome thing to talk about too. You can talk about losing, he can talk about gaining. Both of you can start weight-lifting which should help you lose weight and help him gain weight. You with less calories and him wiht more calories ofcourse :)

    Good luck. I still can't believe somebody wants you to dump him for...literally nothing. Its like breaking up with somebody because you had a dream about him talking to some stranger. *sigh*
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    My boyfriend is naturally thin. He struggles to gain weight. When I decided it was time to lose weight and get healthy, I asked him if he wanted to join the gym with me. At the time, we were a long distance couple though we did see each other regularly. We joined a gym that is nationwide so he could workout at one close to his house when he was at home and I could workout close to home when I was at home.

    We started at the gym for totally different reasons. I started eating better and he followed along - even though he didn't NEED to do it. There were some tough moments when I was frustrated at the lack of weight loss and he couldn't understand since he's never, ever, ever struggled with his weight (he's 36 yrs old and the SAME weight he was in high school).

    I say tell him. Let him know what you're doing. Give him the chance to be part of your support system.

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