How You Can LOSE Weight, But Feel LESS Confident

JanieJack
JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
edited November 12 in Chit-Chat
Hi Everyone... I posted this on anther forum and would like to get your thoughts...
Excerpt from the original topic:
Since I lost weight, I can't go on first dates anymore....I can't sit across from someone in a pretty restaurant without wanting to run to the bathroom and crawl out the window because I dont feel comfortable with their eyes on me- complimenting me- just LOOKING- it hurts physically....Before I lost weight- I was freaking hilarious, engaging, charming... interesting. Now Im just worried that Im killing myself over he details before the date...Im not fat enough to be interesting anymore, and Im not skinny enough to fit in normally...Im now certifiably chicken-sht and caught between certainty that Im the butt of a 'Shes All That' joke and a throw away date so his schmuck can just get laid.

Excerpt from one of the responses:
I used to have so much confidence and felt like I was absolutely gorgeous, funny, charming, etc. Now that I'm on this weight loss thing and am down about 35 lbs...

I'm freaking out all the time about how people must think I'm hideous ...

I'd never heard the phrase that men "do fat girls and date thin girls" until I joined here. Now I can't get it out of my freaking head! Every time a guy shows interest in me I figure it's because he just wants to get laid and figures I'm desperate for sex!...

It's hard when everyone around you looks hot and aren't necessarily as talented, but still get the gigs over you because they look better in the dress.

And now my response:
Exactly... When I was big all my life, I didn't *KNOW* any different. I didn’t *KNOW* people thought of me as the fat girl. Then I lost all that weight (unhealthily, unfortunately) and all the sudden I was cool, I was "normal" and I began to hear about the "fat girl treatment." And hear people make fun of "fatties" and "lazy fat xxx'x"

And I began to make new friends through running groups and new social activities opened up to me. People weren't embarrassed to invite me before (yes, if you're heavy, some of your so-called "friends" are sometimes embarrassed to invite you to the party but you don't find that out until you lose the weight). And guess what? Those new friends were even more critical. Rather than being happy about my progress, my self esteem suffered, made even worse by my ex-husbands continual pushing for me to lose even more weight.

It seems like to so many "normal" people, you're only worth what you look like. Especially men. When my marriage fell apart and I put on a lot of weight, I TOTALLY stressed about how fat I was and what people would think of me.

Its only been in the last year or so that I have really regained my confidence, which is interesting to me considering that I’m heavier now. You can't TELL me I'm not awesome now, lol.


So... What do you think?

Replies

  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,519 Member
    You're never going to find self-confidence in material things, that includes your body.
  • SilentRenegade
    SilentRenegade Posts: 243 Member
    I wouldn't say I feel less confident... I would say I don't feel as comfortable, especially at bars and such. It is also eye opening when people start talking trash on "fat" people that look like you once did. I felt more comfortable wearing my hoodie and sweatpants everywhere! It could also be that once you lose weight, you buy clothes and look in the mirror at home and are like "hot damn!" Then you leave your house and feel naked. That's how it is for me, anyway.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
    I've noticed I've become more critical now and see more flaws in my looks than I did when I weighed more. Its like I can't be satisfied until I reach the end of my journey.
  • wilson76
    wilson76 Posts: 5
    I didn't think anyone else felt the way I do! I told my husband I think I am the only person who lost weight and needs counseling for it! I don't feel comfortable in my new body yet. I thought when I hit a certain weight everything would be great and I would feel like I had accomplished a goal. Don't get me wrong, losing 50 pounds is an accomplishment, but I can't feel it on the inside yet. I am constantly looking at myself in the mirror now trying to figure out how to make my body what I want it to be. I never even looked at myself in the mirror before I lost weight. I suppose I didn't like what I saw then either. I was comfortable in big clothes and felt if I wore baggy shirts and jeans, no one would notice me. Now, I want to wear things that show off how hard I worked but I don't feel comfortable yet. Yikes! How do we overcome this?
  • walkwithme1
    walkwithme1 Posts: 492 Member
    I completely understand this. As I started losing weight I began struggling with my confidence. It's still hard sometimes to take a compliment sometimes but it's not about what's on the outside. You have to look at what you've accomplished. My journey really wasn't just about my weight loss but at my attitude and how I was dealing with life. Congrats on the progress and you can't do it for anyone BUT you. Good luck.
  • TLCEsq
    TLCEsq Posts: 413 Member
    I agree with previous posters... people think I must be so confident because I went to law school and became an attorney, but what really makes me confident is making my husband and family happy :-) It's individual and no one ever 100% likes the way they look. Losing weight just like gaining weight takes an adjustment but neither situation is a measure of true happiness or self-worth.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    no one ever 100% likes the way they look.

    You make a great point... I just want to note that this is not always true.

    After my pregnancy, I lost all but about 5 of the 60lbs gained during pregnancy a healthy way (through diet and exercise). I had been stressing about getting back down to that original number until one day I realized that I was at least back into my clothes. My confidence came back, even though I still wanted to get all the way down. Unfortunately, about a month later, my marriage fell apart, and when that disappeared so did my confidence.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    It is also eye opening when people start talking trash on "fat" people that look like you once did.

    I think this is the worst part about it! And people who've always been "normal" or "average" or "fit" just don't understand. But when you've been a size 22, you get it when someone else comes along after losing that weight yet feeling less confident.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    I was comfortable in big clothes and felt if I wore baggy shirts and jeans, no one would notice me. Now, I want to wear things that show off how hard I worked but I don't feel comfortable yet. Yikes! How do we overcome this?

    Sorry I'm just now responding to these... How to overcome it?? Practice and good friends. I have good friends I send text messages of stuff I want to wear that I may never have worn before and they are pretty good with "yes! buy it" or "uh, that might still be too tight."
  • wildprincess1621
    wildprincess1621 Posts: 9
    So glad to know im not the only person who feels this way.. So far in down about 55 lbs and when I should be happy with that fact I still just don't feel confident. No one around me gets it people always say I look great but i just don't feel it. I knew when I was fat that people were juding me based on my chunky spots and now i find reasons to think people are juding me based on everything else. Does anyone have any tricks that help to stop feeling so self concious about how you look
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