Am I Rude or Not?

Santa14
Santa14 Posts: 14
in Motivation and Support
So today i went to a cookout with family and i went 800 calories over my limit, and i didnt exercise. How do you deal with having to eat with family and keeping ur diet a secret? My other family members say we are all genetically big and they are not big on the idea of dieting. I ate because i didnt want to be rude and be thought of as ungreatful. How do you deal with these types of setting since my family gets together alot over summer to have cookouts? Thanks

Replies

  • lilorphann
    lilorphann Posts: 138 Member
    Changing your life, getting healthy and fit, should be no secret. Don't eat out of obligation and don't be afraid to bring your own food. Your family should be proud of you and want you to succeed. If you have to be rude, then be rude! This is YOUR life and health. Do not let the actions of others control what you do.
  • enyo123
    enyo123 Posts: 172 Member
    Tell them that you're working on your health. Or just tell them that you're not super hungry and only have half portions.

    Or there's my method: every Sunday, we have dinner at my in-laws' house. Sometimes dinner is something reasonable like a chicken ceasar salad. Other times, it's burgers that are around 300 calories each... and small enough to require eating two in order to not be hungry in 15 minutes. I never know what I'm getting until we get there. So I work out like mad on Sunday mornings under the assumption that dinner at their house will be grotesquely huge. Worst case scenario, I'm even or just a tiny bit short. Or I may end up with a huge deficit because it's a salad dinner.
  • veronicacannon
    veronicacannon Posts: 107 Member
    I wouldn't exactly say you're dieting. Just tell them your trying to eat better! I have similar problems, my families get togethers revolve around food. Don't reject all the food, pick the best options or just eat everything in moderation, good small portions. They should be able to support you on that!

    By the way, most of my family knows about my trying to eat better. They don't know about Mfp (except my boyfriend) but its your choice. They should be happy you want to better yourself!
  • myfitnessval
    myfitnessval Posts: 687 Member
    my family is the same way (mexicans) and its hard keeping to my diet when i'm around them. i find loading up on salads (if there is one) and offering to bring food (that is obviously healthier) helps. also just reducing portions can help. learn your portion sizes (a cup is about equivalent to your fist) so that you dont end up over doing it.
  • morkiemama
    morkiemama Posts: 894 Member
    Take smaller portions of everything and fit it within your calories for the day. Budget for it and only eat what you pre-log. Exercise can help with this.

    Also, bring your own dish! Bring a nice healthy salad or something YOU can eat. Then eat more of that than anything else, but still partake in small portions if you wish and also not to offend if you think it would. :) Bringing a dish to share is not rude and is often seen as a nice token to the host/hostess! :D Win-win.
  • debinewb1
    debinewb1 Posts: 50 Member
    I know exactly what you mean! We always get together and have tons of food. I try to get a small plate for starters and then I drink a ton of water, cop to a upset tummy if necessary ~ so I don't always say much about the my weight loss program because it doesn't seem to be taken seriously anyhow. So I guess I don't consider it rude, I consider it survival with those I love!
  • Santa14
    Santa14 Posts: 14
    Yea thats what Im thinking next time I ll just eat slower and do some more pt the next day thanks! Yea my family can be sort of hard to convince but I ll keep going.
  • Mindmovesbody
    Mindmovesbody Posts: 399 Member
    Sorry to hear you are in this situation. Your family should be accepting of your journey. Simply tell them you are making choices for yourself based on how your lifestyle makes YOU feel. If being/ eating healthier and taking control of your own life bothers other people I would be hard pressed to call those supportive loving family members. Maybe they will surprise you. Explain that it is not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. Make healthier choices when eating and smaller portion sizes. Ask them to be supportive of your choices. You shouldnt have to hide things from your family:grumble: Good Luck!
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
    Curious - why are you keeping your new lifestyle a secret? I assume you're looking to change your habits for the long-term. If so, don't call this a "diet". Diets are short term. And you're allowed to go over your limit once in a while, so don't beat yourself up (not saying you are, but just in case - STOP!). You can still go to the cookouts, just watch your portions. You can even contribute to the food by bringing something healthier to eat (they don't have to know it's healthy, by the way). Drink water instead of coke. Skip on fried foods. Avoid the mayo and dips. You should probably learn how to live in the real world by attending these BBQs - teach yourself portion control. Use these get-togethers as practice. I'm sure these won't be the only get-togethers or BBQs that you'll ever attend in your life :-) It can be done :-)
  • Santa14
    Santa14 Posts: 14
    Yes I get you haha! Carne Asada, so hard to ressit and not much on the healthy side either. Tortillas are a diet killer too.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    I hear ya. For family gathering I'm always over my count. I don't plan it, but tomorrows a new day so maybe just try to burn a few extra calories then. Just eat a few bites of everything, and cut down on portions. Do Not go back for seconds! That's my big issue. I used to always eat and eat, 2-3 plates at a gathering. Yikes! If they ask why your not eating a lot, just tell them your full, or a little white lie, such as your belly aches.
  • bm99
    bm99 Posts: 597 Member
    Just don't eat that way anymore, it shouldn't require an explaination. Is anyone really gonna ask why you aren't eating? If they do just say "no thanks".

    I never tell anyone I'm on a diet and I let my newfound healthy choices and lifestyle speak for themselves. I HATE hearing people go on and on about "Oh I don't eat that kind of food anymore, I'm on a diet" and other such nonsense. It's rude and annoying.
  • DaughterOfTheMostHighKing
    DaughterOfTheMostHighKing Posts: 1,436 Member
    when you know there's an event, plan for the high end cals to be there too. look for what you know is low in cals and steer clear of the mayo laden items like mac salads. eat clean hamburger patty, no bun, no condiments. hot dog, no bun, no condiments and only !. they are high in sodium.

    if it's bbq sauce, discretely wipe the sauce off as much as possible unless you want it. :) it's okay to indulge once in a while you know...

    pile your plate with veggies and a little dip if you need it. I eat my veggies plain. if there's a green salad, use the vinaigrette not the ranch, remember that anything creamy usually has lots of fat or cals. low fat doesn't mean low cal.

    corn is a starch. limit to one.

    it's all about moderation and really monitoring what you eat.
  • SweetSammie
    SweetSammie Posts: 391 Member
    Tell a white lie - blame it on a doctor...

    People just take it way more seriously and tend to not give you a hard time, if you say a Dr. suggested your weight loss.
    In my case, my ob-gyn did.... that backs people off.
  • Santa14
    Santa14 Posts: 14
    Yea that was my point i don't wanna be "that guy"
  • noirnatural
    noirnatural Posts: 310 Member
    I get it....I am a private person and I dont like to let people know when I am dieting...what I do, drink alot of water around people or diet sodas...if you keep your hands full people dont notice or...eat salad or veggies or plan for it, if you know there is a cookout eat a light breakfast get a good workout in so you have more calories to eat....and good luck
  • islandnutshel
    islandnutshel Posts: 1,143 Member
    You shouldn't be ashames of getting healthy, and you may serve as a good example to them. Just be carefull not to be preachy about your diet, they will observe the positive changes. Bring good food you can eat to these cookouts, and drink plenty of water. When these occasions stop being about food you will get to enjoy just socialising. Try to get someone to play sports or go for a hike with you. Keep trying different things till you find what works. If the pressure gets to great, you may just have to do fewer cookouts and more phone calls. Keep your priorities.
  • SweetSammie
    SweetSammie Posts: 391 Member
    I usually just don't say anything, choose foods that fit as best I can, and/or workout like a maniac. BUT, if you have people who give you a hard time, quietly tell them your Dr. told you to watch what you eat.
    In my family, "no" is not an accepted answer when cake is offered...
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,071 Member
    I looked at your profile to check out your age. Tell them you are a man/adult now and are making different food choices for yourself. I don't think keeping your weight loss plans a secret is a good idea. Your family will hopefully understand, respect, and support your decision to eat healthier. Funny thing is, you may motivate some others to do the same, especially after they see your body change! If you don't feel you can do this, just eat a small amount (golf ball size or less) of the foods you "have" to eat to be polite. Like some of the others said, bring your own food to share.
  • WildAngelJoy
    WildAngelJoy Posts: 140 Member
    Making life changes is already hard and even harder when others don't take them seriously or agree. Many others have given great ideas and tips. My feeling is that you have to be true to yourself...if you are serious about adapting a healthier lifestyle and that means sticking to a certain amount of calories per day then you have to do it. Bringing a healthy dish to family events or eating smaller portions of food provided isn't rude...you are still enjoying the family event/food but are staing within your caloric limits. If you think your family will be receptive, sit them down and talk to them about how important this is to you...if they know how important it is, they may support you. If you don't think they will be receptive or supportive then just go and eat portions you are comfortable with....as long as you are partaking, they probably won't notice the amounts you are eating. If they press you to eat more/seconds/etc., thank them but say you are already full. I know it can be tough but also remember that you will also run into other life situations where you may feel you *need* to eat or drink so as not to be rude but you need to do what is best for you :) Best of luck on your journey to a healthier lifestyle!!

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