I've let myself down..

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heatherblose21
heatherblose21 Posts: 12
in Motivation and Support
My name's Heather, I'm about to turn 24 on the 17th and, I weigh 283 lbs. I'm 5' 7'' and, 6 months ago I started on my weight loss journey. I had started out at 286 and, went down as low as 272. Unfortunately we just moved and, I spent 3 weeks eating out because we were staying in a hotel. I really tried my best to maintain my weight and, I'm proud that at least I didn't gain all my weight back. I feel like I wasted the past 6 months trying and, trying and, trying to do everything I can and, I end up here with 3 lbs lost. Although my clothes haven't changed I can feel that I gained that weight back. I feel disgusting all the time, full because I was so use to eating a little more then 1200 calories and, now I don't even count my calories because I'm so ashamed of what I'm eating and, how much I have been eating. I plan on starting this journey all over again because I know that it is not going to be easy, it hasn't been easy but, I just know that i can do this I'm just not sure if I can handle going through this all over again and, end up losing only 3 more lbs because of yo-yo-ing and, just not being able to really focus my time and energy on losing the weight. My biggest fear is to weigh myself one day and that scale say 290 lbs. I think about getting surgery or going to a clinic but, I don't have that much money to spend. I just don't know what to do next.... I just don't want to end up brokenhearted again. All my life I have been overweight and, I have dealt with it. The names, the looks, the cruel jokes. Now, it's different. I look at myself in the mirror and, I'm disgusted at what I see, although I know I have alot of muscle in my legs I do not have 283 lbs of muscle. There is fat and flab. I have a closet full of clothes and, never feel comfortable in anything I wear, I have a husband that loves me and, I love everything about me but, my size and my shape. I have a child that is my life but, I struggle at being able to keep up with him. My knee hurts from all the weight that I carry around 24/7. I just wonder if I'm suppose to be overweight for the rest of my life.. I would love to have another child but, once I put on all that baby weight I'll definitely be over 300 lbs which would break my heart. I guess I'm just having one of those days where you feel so discouraged and, upset that you let yourself down... Excuse me if this post is random but, I'm just typing but, I'm thinking..

Replies

  • peachykyshy
    peachykyshy Posts: 5
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    Heather, Never apologize for expressing your self. I understand how you feel. I am sitting here eating a chocolate bar and eating chips thinking to my self, " what the hell?!" But the thing is we all get that way sometimes. But what turns it all around is you. You have to be so tired of feeling this way that you start making smart realistic decisions as far as food and exercise. Start small if you have to. Just cut out 250 calories a day for a week and then go up to 500 keep dropping calories every week until you get to the point where you are losing weight comfortably. :flowerforyou: I promise you can do this. Make your 24th year the year you didn't ALLOW yourself to fail at anything.
  • tatumrh
    tatumrh Posts: 2
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    We are human and all get off track at times. This is a journey and it cant be accomplished in a day, take it one day at a time and remember that everyday is a new opportunity to prove to yourself just what you are capable of! You can do it, just think of what you have done already!!
  • heatherblose21
    heatherblose21 Posts: 12
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    Heather, Never apologize for expressing your self. I understand how you feel. I am sitting here eating a chocolate bar and eating chips thinking to my self, " what the hell?!" But the thing is we all get that way sometimes. But what turns it all around is you. You have to be so tired of feeling this way that you start making smart realistic decisions as far as food and exercise. Start small if you have to. Just cut out 250 calories a day for a week and then go up to 500 keep dropping calories every week until you get to the point where you are losing weight comfortably. :flowerforyou: I promise you can do this. Make your 24th year the year you didn't ALLOW yourself to fail at anything.

    Thank you so much. It is so difficult at times. I just think wow it's been 6 months and I what to show for it ya know? Half a year and, I accomplished 15 lbs to gain it back. But, tomorrow is a new day so, just have to remember to stay positive. Just hard to remember that when you start falling down that hill...
  • scorpiotwinkles
    scorpiotwinkles Posts: 215 Member
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    Hey hun, loads of people have been where you are/ Take solace from the thought that, when you are at the bottom, the only way out is UP! You have done it before so you can do it again.

    Try to take one day at a time, one meal at a time. If you only manage one meal a day that's "good" then so be it, try for two tomorrow, or next week.

    You need a proper goal. Set yourself a small goal and go for it. It doesn't even have to be a weight goal. I need a knee replacement and was in constant pain (I still am at times and will be until I get a replacement) and I can say I have benefitted so much from losing 64lb but I did it one day at a time - literally - I had a countdown in my bedroom on my wall, and ripped off one day at a time towards my goal day. You will be amazed how quick the days go by and by ripping off the days you can keep your mind on how quick life passes you by. When you meet your small goal, set another small one and aim for that. My goal day passed and I got half way towards my target of 112lb, so I have set myself another goal day of my birthday on 5th November. I will reach my new goal by then.

    Go for it, you have nothing to lose.
  • geezer99
    geezer99 Posts: 92
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    NO, you didn't let yourself down because you are here, you are still trying, you are posting. Yes, there have been some tough months, but you have evidence that you can lose weight and no reason to believe that you can't get back on that path. So, pick yourself up, dust off your self-confidence and get back to doing what needs to be done. That is a lesson that you want your child to learn, and what better way than by example. Think ahead five years when you and your children will look at an old photo album and you will have a story, not of perfect or instant success, but of how determination and willpower can overcome obstacles.
  • Runs4CupCakes
    Runs4CupCakes Posts: 132
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    Hey chick its ok to get down happens to the best of us...right now i am starting over like a have had to do over and over but the point is not to stay down....you can do this we all can its all about telling your self that you can....and sticking to it its hard and it sucks i am 25 and feel like crap but im starting over all over again...we can do it together if you awant add me...my husband is my drill sargent he stays on me not because he doesnt love me the way i am but because he wants me to reach my goals i set for myself

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