you deal w neurotic friends?

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muscravageur
muscravageur Posts: 73
in Motivation and Support
Hi folks.

So here is the scenario:

I announce quite innocently on facebook that I am quitting bread loaves from the bakery for the time being(as I am a serious carb-lover, a lot of dishes in my culture require carbs). Later that day almost at midnight, I pick up the call, resting on my back on the floor because I'm sore, and my friend is wanting to pick an argument with me. About bread. Okay? She wanted to know my motives as if my choice were impractical and pretentious and asked me "isn't eating without carbs, like, expensive?" I never said something like I was swearing off bread forever! If I buy healthy food and she acts like it were a luxury I couldn't afford.Every time I make a decision to improve my nutrition (and I would like to follow the example of many here), she calls me all offended as if it were a personal attack against her! And she started to ask me all these questions in regards to my lifestyle, but all annoyed: "how do you find time to work out?" and things of the like.

In addition to that, I've had other friends make fun of my dietary choices before. Like it were serious or I had an eating disorder or something. Has this happened to you? How do you respond? What do you do?

Replies

  • jbarlow715
    jbarlow715 Posts: 13
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    This is the classic "diet" buster - friends! You have to get to the point where you don’t care what they have to say. You are doing this for YOU, not them. The possible reasons for their comments are numerous. They are jealous, they don’t understand, they feel like they will lose a friend . . . . It doesn’t matter. Don’t get sucked into the conversation. It will destroy your motivation (subconsciously). Nothing you say will convince them, and you don’t need them to be convinced! Have a line that you use. Maybe - "This is a choice I am making to be healthier, I don’t want to talk about it any further." A friend should respect that and move on.
  • silkysly
    silkysly Posts: 701 Member
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    Tell her you’re worth it…, period!
  • enewsome2
    enewsome2 Posts: 355 Member
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    I'd say, keep as much about your diet to yourself as possible unless other people ask first.

    For me that has (ironically) helped a lot. If no one knows you're "dieting" than no one will bother you.

    I just pretend I'm not hungry when people offer me foods I'm trying not to eat.
  • hooperkay
    hooperkay Posts: 463 Member
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    There are a few "haters" at my job. I had lost 20 lbs dropped a pant size and one girl looked me up and down. She actually said "hmmm well I can't tell yet". What do you say to comments like that? I don't grace them with a response. Donuts, candy, and other goodies magically appear on my desk. I give them to other people and there is no way in H*** I will ever eat anything left on my desk (out of spite, even though those fresh made donuts smelled sooo good).
  • muscravageur
    muscravageur Posts: 73
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    There are a few "haters" at my job. I had lost 20 lbs dropped a pant size and one girl looked me up and down. She actually said "hmmm well I can't tell yet". What do you say to comments like that? I don't grace them with a response. Donuts, candy, and other goodies magically appear on my desk. I give them to other people and there is no way in H*** I will ever eat anything left on my desk (out of spite, even though those fresh made donuts smelled sooo good).

    gosh, that is so mean. That has happened to me too, in a sense, People giving you the stink-eye because you won't buy or participate on hot dog/burger/taco/junk food/lots of bad red meat day.
  • muscravageur
    muscravageur Posts: 73
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    Nothing you say will convince them, and you don’t need them to be convinced! Have a line that you use. Maybe - "This is a choice I am making to be healthier, I don’t want to talk about it any further." A friend should respect that and move on.

    The first sentence could not be more true.
  • almostatgoalweight
    almostatgoalweight Posts: 234 Member
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    You had a friend call you just before midnight because you said on Facebook that you weren't buying bread.

    Karazy.

    You know you can make it that someone can't see your status updates? I'd suggest that you do that for a while. Choose custom then put their name down on the "hide this from" when you post, on the drop down list at the bottom right.
  • muscravageur
    muscravageur Posts: 73
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    After this incident, she messaged me she was going to get herself a new cell phone with new phone number and no texting...
  • almostatgoalweight
    almostatgoalweight Posts: 234 Member
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    That's probably a good idea. Less contact means less chance of being thought of as having problems. She probably knows that she's got issues, and is making an attempt to control them.
  • SavageRabidBeast
    SavageRabidBeast Posts: 481 Member
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    personally I would tell your friend to mind her own business. You are not starving yourself, you are eating healthier and becoming healthier in general. Maybe she is jealous cuz so doesn't have the determination to do it herself so she wants to drag you down or keep you from going after your goals. Personally if I had a friend like that I would just tell them to zip it cuz it's my life. Hope you find a way to get past your dilemma :). Best of luck with yours goals also :)
  • geojeepgirl
    geojeepgirl Posts: 243 Member
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    I always get it from my family. But Im used to it, anytime I try something new they always give me the negatives. When I said I was cutting grains and dairy all I heard was how expensive other foods were going to be. But I guess Im lucky because eventually they always come around and ask me how its going and interested in what Im eating today, if there are any good recipes that they would be interested in...etc. Workmates are usually great we are all trying to do our own diet thing and try to support each other. I find it horrible that people get into other peoples business all offended, what you do isnt affecting them personally or physically but it sounds like it is emotionally. Sometime I think we have huge dependencies in our friends in that we can go out to eat and think well if she is having that, then I can have this. But now thats gone and they dont know what to do.
  • loribenfield
    loribenfield Posts: 120 Member
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    I have had to make a few "friend" changes also. It was like if I changed then we could no longer be friends. I putting my health before them. I am sad that some of my friendships have been lost but I have made many new ones that are supportive, motivating, and have the same interest, our health. I never would have thought being healthy would be the reason for the end of a relationship. It is not an easy choice but sometimes letting go of a relationship is the better choice. Very sorry that your friend cannot support you and be happy for you. :frown:
  • BandedTriaRN
    BandedTriaRN Posts: 303
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    There are a few "haters" at my job. I had lost 20 lbs dropped a pant size and one girl looked me up and down. She actually said "hmmm well I can't tell yet". What do you say to comments like that? I don't grace them with a response. Donuts, candy, and other goodies magically appear on my desk. I give them to other people and there is no way in H*** I will ever eat anything left on my desk (out of spite, even though those fresh made donuts smelled sooo good).

    wow, was that my sister? do you live in Nashville now?
  • LindaLouLu
    LindaLouLu Posts: 271 Member
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    I have one crazy friend. When she calls and complains about my food choices (Like her FRIED EVERYTHING is Sooooooo much better!) I simply tell her that until it's her buying the food for my house she can just go right ahead and mind her own. I didn't complain the day she called and told me her whole menu (Chicken fried steak, cheesed mashed potatoes, French fries, fried okra and a fried pickle<--- Ok MOST of that makes me want to hurl) so she has no right to fuss if I make a comment about Eggplant Lasagna (that I wasn't even eating. I just said it sounded yummy). Luckily, we've been friends long enough that I can lay it out Big Bird style because she knows that I know that she knows that she's more than a little crazy :laugh:

    Good luck with YOUR Crazy!:flowerforyou:
  • muscravageur
    muscravageur Posts: 73
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    That's probably a good idea. Less contact means less chance of being thought of as having problems. She probably knows that she's got issues, and is making an attempt to control them.

    mega bump-bump-bump.
  • muscravageur
    muscravageur Posts: 73
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    personally I would tell your friend to mind her own business. You are not starving yourself, you are eating healthier and becoming healthier in general. Maybe she is jealous cuz so doesn't have the determination to do it herself so she wants to drag you down or keep you from going after your goals. Personally if I had a friend like that I would just tell them to zip it cuz it's my life. Hope you find a way to get past your dilemma :). Best of luck with yours goals also :)

    BUMP.
  • muscravageur
    muscravageur Posts: 73
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    I have one crazy friend. When she calls and complains about my food choices (Like her FRIED EVERYTHING is Sooooooo much better!) I simply tell her that until it's her buying the food for my house she can just go right ahead and mind her own. I didn't complain the day she called and told me her whole menu (Chicken fried steak, cheesed mashed potatoes, French fries, fried okra and a fried pickle<--- Ok MOST of that makes me want to hurl) so she has no right to fuss if I make a comment about Eggplant Lasagna (that I wasn't even eating. I just said it sounded yummy). Luckily, we've been friends long enough that I can lay it out Big Bird style because she knows that I know that she knows that she's more than a little crazy :laugh:

    Good luck with YOUR Crazy!:flowerforyou:

    The issue with her is that she has been using me as a punching bag for her manifold frustrations since 2007, when she made some key decisions with her life and would not understand why I would not go ahead and do the same. She wants to feel in control of it by comparing her situation with my seemingly less fortunate one. She wants to hear from my end that my condition is less advantaged to feel good about herself. If I tell her otherwise, she appears to snap. When I decided to try a vegan diet, she would get information on casein to then argue with me about it. If I went to the doctor, she would say it was expensive and unnecessary. When I expressed my desire to move into a bigger apartment, she warned that I could not afford it. Things like that and I'm annoyed by it. I really don't like people limiting me at all.
  • muscravageur
    muscravageur Posts: 73
    Options
    I have one crazy friend. When she calls and complains about my food choices (Like her FRIED EVERYTHING is Sooooooo much better!) I simply tell her that until it's her buying the food for my house she can just go right ahead and mind her own. I didn't complain the day she called and told me her whole menu (Chicken fried steak, cheesed mashed potatoes, French fries, fried okra and a fried pickle<--- Ok MOST of that makes me want to hurl) so she has no right to fuss if I make a comment about Eggplant Lasagna (that I wasn't even eating. I just said it sounded yummy). Luckily, we've been friends long enough that I can lay it out Big Bird style because she knows that I know that she knows that she's more than a little crazy :laugh:

    Good luck with YOUR Crazy!:flowerforyou:

    That and really not wanting to be involved in her personal life. Many people have given her advice and she just ignores everyone.

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