i've changed my engagement setting...

kbc525
kbc525 Posts: 149
in Chit-Chat
OK. So my fiance and I were never going to get engaged (no engagement ring - just a nice eternity band for me) - but when it came crunch time for my 30th birthday present I asked him to finally get me an aquamarine ring (his birthstone) that I would wear in place of an engagement ring...

now for years, i've had a classic eternity band with cushion cut in mind.. but since this was to be a non-traditional (and he wasn't proposing - or so we thought at that time) i went with a halo style setting and a small aquarmine...

I picked the first setting.

A week or so later, my mom and I were back at her jeweler picking out a more substantial setting... more like what SHE LOVED AND I thought was pretty (but didn't necessarily like for me)... more gold bigger diamonds - more antique/vintage feel with begets as well.. but it wasn't ME

So the other day, for p00ps and giggles, I was searching aquamarine engagement rings online, and came across the eternity setting with a beautiful cushion cut in the center... mine currently is more setting and small aquamarine..

We're going back - my mother and I tomorrow - to get a bigger aquamarine and the setting I want...

Am I crazy? Am I ridiculous? My fiance won't be mad because he didn't pick it out at all.. he wanted me to be happy with it.. he was just happy and thought it was beautiful I wanted the aquamarine. (which by the way, before de beers made diamonds forever aquamarines were a popular gemstone which were meant to symbolize "happy marriage" in an engagement ring)

Ladies? Thoughts? It hasn't even been a full month and it will be 3 different rings.

Replies

  • lizsmith1976
    lizsmith1976 Posts: 497 Member
    You are the one who has to live with it, get something you are happy with :)
  • HeatherMN
    HeatherMN Posts: 3,821 Member
    You have to go with what you will be happy wearing. As long as your fiance doesn't mind, I don't see why you shouldn't get what you truly want. Best of luck and congrats on your engagement!
  • tweetybaby69
    tweetybaby69 Posts: 258 Member
    If he truly does not mind and will not be offended, get what you want because ultimately, you will be the one waring this for years to come, therefore you have to be happy with it. Congrats by the way.:flowerforyou:
  • Dragonwolf
    Dragonwolf Posts: 5,600 Member
    A ring is an investment, and something you have to put up with every single day. I think it completely matters that you love it entirely, and if it requires a few exchanges at first (assuming it's not costing an arm and a leg to make said exchanges), then so be it.

    If you're worried about what your fiance thinks, why not talk to him about it? It sounds like he'll say the same thing - what matters is that you're happy with it.

    :smile:
  • susieq101178
    susieq101178 Posts: 305 Member
    You are the one who has to live with it, get something you are happy with :)

    ^^Diddo
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
    If your fiance doesn't mind, get the one that makes you happy! :flowerforyou:


    And I love the aquamarine idea! Debeers is credited with one of the most successful advertising campaigns of all time by getting diamonds to be synonymous with engagement.

    DeBeers
    N.W. Ayer & Son
    If one is to propose to their significant other these days, a diamond ring seems to be par for the course. But as passe as it might be now, it wasn't always the case. In fact, with the great explosion of discovered diamond mines in the late 19th century, and, largely, for the early part of the 20th century, diamonds were reserved as a collector's item of the affluent.

    DeBeers, a concerned interest in the production and sale of diamonds -- they owned 80% of all diamond trade at one point -- started pursuing marketing for their product, as the overabundance of diamonds produced was far outweighing the demand for them. Harry Oppenheimer, the chairman of DeBeers, met with NWA&S (a funny acronym, now that I'm looking at it) in 1938 to try to turn the market around. And for almost a decade, the two companies worked feverishly, targeting young men and women with heavy campaigns to associate the idea of a diamond with love, religious unity and commitment.

    For the large part, these targeted campaigns did little to stand out in their customers' minds. What DeBeers needed was a solid sales line. It wasn't until 1947 that a lowly copywriter at NWA&S, working late one night in the offices, prayed that she would receive the right line from on high. She would have history believe that God, should he exist, is a genius marketer, because not too late after, she scrawled the line "a diamond is forever" on a picture of a honeymooning couple.

    The line was incorporated into the campaign, and in less than a year, DeBeers' new slogan was "A Diamond Is Forever." Now DeBeers, owning only 40% of the market share of diamonds enjoys yearly revenues in excess of $6 billion, and a top-of-mind product, nay, rite of passage, that each proposer must complete before they can prove their eternal love.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    You have a choice...either not have what you want and then not feel so compelled to wear it....or have exactly what you want and be excited to wear it on your finger every day.

    From my experience, our other halves are just SO excited that we want to wear a ring that symbolises we are WITH them...show the WHOLE world that we have a great partner, that they don't really care what it looks like.

    so make yourself happy so you guarantee you wear it every day, and it makes him happy to see you wearing the ring with his birthstone every day.

    WIN!
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
    I think it's more important to get exactly what you want, since you will be wearing this ring forever. :) It sounds lovely, I hope you post pictures of it when you finally decide/receive it! :)
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 846 Member
    get what you want, i'm on my 4th wedding ring, well technically it's my 21st birthday present ring from my mum as the last wedding is way to big after losing 80lbs & we can't get it sorted till we go back to thailand (thai gold, UK jewellers have no concept of "pure" gold only 18ct ****e!") The ring is not the thing, it's the point behind it but if you have to look at it every day then chose what you want not what your mum or anyone else thinks you should have. Congratulations.
  • lorib75
    lorib75 Posts: 490 Member
    A good friend of mine has a pearl ring as her wedding ring. AND she loves it... it's all in what you know you will love for "eternity"...LOL:flowerforyou:
    CONGRATS!!
  • bellatrixed
    bellatrixed Posts: 19 Member
    Its ok, I did something much worse.

    So, Boy/fiance and I had a ring picked out for months -- this one specifically, with a sapphire (because I also don't really understand the diamond love) if you'd like to know: http://www.celticrevival.com/wedding_detail.php?vars=0~engagement_rings~er12.gif -- not the keepers, just the main setting. The knotwork goes all the way around, it's really a gorgeous thing of Beauty.

    So, months go by. He and I discuss finances several times, I think he's saving for the ring. (Much less than listed because no diamond)
    About a month ago he comes to me and says "Look, saving is hard, I know how much you love this ring, but it would be much easier on me if I could buy a ring from somewhere that does financing - a major jeweller - rather than come up with all the money at once.

    Bummed, I say I understand, and we go to a Big Jeweller and found another lovely ring. No really, it was lovely and I would be very happy to wear it - except that it was more than twice the price of The Celtic Ring. And, I felt like this was a terrible idea, going into that much debt over (albiet an important) peice of Jewelry. In our current and projected near furture situation, it seemed foolish to spend that much money - on a ring that while beautiful didn't have the same hand-crafted, Artisanal element to it.

    So I spent hours the next day trying to convince him to PLEASE find a way to make the less expensive ring work, even if it meant putting things off, even if it meant a loan from parents, really anything to avoid that kind of Credit Card debt over a ring. He eventaully came around.... and then a few hours later said he'd be home late. When I asked why he said "well, no sense in hiding it from you, I have to go cancel an order at the Jeweller"

    DERP.

    I felt like such an *kitten*, but I know it will be much better for us, financially, in the long run.

    Moral: You're fine, get the ring you want, and have conversations about debt BEFORE you go into the Big Jewelry Store.
  • kbc525
    kbc525 Posts: 149
    I THINK I'M MORE INTIMIDATED AND SCARED OF WHAT THE JEWELER'S REACTION WILL BE AND WHAT HE WILL SAY.. I know I shouldn't care as long as it makes me happy and you're right ladies... It's forever and I want to look at it and smile every day.. not have to put it on and grin and bare it...

    Thankfully, the aquamarine isn't expensive and I think the swap/trade will be about even... my mom is going to pay any sort of rework because she feels so bad this is affecting me so.
  • zerbe6982
    zerbe6982 Posts: 68
    Don't worry about how many rings you go through. My fiance and I went through tons of websites and jewelry stores before I finally settled on the perfect set.

    We all have our moments of switching things because something just isn't right. Mine is my dress. I've changed my mind at least 5 times and will possibly make it 6. :)

    Go with a ring you love because you will be wearing it everyday.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    You are wearing it forever. Make sure you love it.
    My now fiance kind of jumped the gun on mine he wanted to do it so much.
    So he wants to change it a bit.

    But I love it.
  • zerbe6982
    zerbe6982 Posts: 68
    I THINK I'M MORE INTIMIDATED AND SCARED OF WHAT THE JEWELER'S REACTION WILL BE AND WHAT HE WILL SAY.. I know I shouldn't care as long as it makes me happy and you're right ladies... It's forever and I want to look at it and smile every day.. not have to put it on and grin and bare it...

    Thankfully, the aquamarine isn't expensive and I think the swap/trade will be about even... my mom is going to pay any sort of rework because she feels so bad this is affecting me so.

    Don't worry about the jewelers. Now that I have my set, my fiance has changed the specifics at least 3 times with the jeweler. And this has gone on over a 3 month time frame.

    The jeweler will do whatever you want because he/she either cares about your happiness with the product, and/or wants to make the sell.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    get what you want, i'm on my 4th wedding ring, well technically it's my 21st birthday present ring from my mum as the last wedding is way to big after losing 80lbs & we can't get it sorted till we go back to thailand (thai gold, UK jewellers have no concept of "pure" gold only 18ct ****e!") The ring is not the thing, it's the point behind it but if you have to look at it every day then chose what you want not what your mum or anyone else thinks you should have. Congratulations.
    They don't make rings of pure gold because it's way too soft for something that's going to get that kind of wear and tear.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    I THINK I'M MORE INTIMIDATED AND SCARED OF WHAT THE JEWELER'S REACTION WILL BE AND WHAT HE WILL SAY.. I know I shouldn't care as long as it makes me happy and you're right ladies... It's forever and I want to look at it and smile every day.. not have to put it on and grin and bare it...

    Thankfully, the aquamarine isn't expensive and I think the swap/trade will be about even... my mom is going to pay any sort of rework because she feels so bad this is affecting me so.

    They honestly don't care...and frankly if you are happy about it, you are going to gush about it...and when people say where did you get it...you're going to say "such and such a place"

    so really? They want you happy.
  • Psychoanalytic
    Psychoanalytic Posts: 261
    We were engaged 2 years ago. I'm on my 3rd wedding set ... the one he picked, the one from my daddy, and then one I picked out. Get what you like. It's nobody's finger but yours ;)
  • DonM46
    DonM46 Posts: 771 Member
    You asked for comments from the ladies, but may I interject a male comment?
    I bought my wife's engagement and wedding ring as a 'set.' She made the selection; I just paid for it.
    After a dozen or so years -- styles change, tastes change.
    She had a jeweler re-tool the two rings into one and rearranged the diamonds.
    Another dozen or so years -- my wife's aunt passed away and left her some diamond earrings. A jeweler removed the stones and worked them into the new presentation on the ring.
    My mother-in-law died two years ago and left her another set of diamond earrings. My wife is now wanting to redo the rings again and incorporate these new stones.
    SHE'S the one wearing the ring, so why shouldn't she have what she likes/wants? Why should she wear jewelry from the 60s? Would she wear shoes or clothing from the same era? Only to a costume party!
    Doesn't bother me one bit, even tho' I bought the original. Technically, it's still there -- same gold, same stones (even tho' some have been added, and likely more will be). But even if the original were in a drawer, it wouldn't bother me.
    So, if your fiance says it doesn't bother him, take him at his word.
    Get what you want.
  • morganhccstudent724
    morganhccstudent724 Posts: 1,261 Member
    YOU have to wear it. Don't regret it later.

    If you don't LOVE it, don't get it.
  • kbc525
    kbc525 Posts: 149
    You asked for comments from the ladies, but may I interject a male comment?
    I bought my wife's engagement and wedding ring as a 'set.' She made the selection; I just paid for it.
    After a dozen or so years -- styles change, tastes change.
    She had a jeweler re-tool the two rings into one and rearranged the diamonds.
    Another dozen or so years -- my wife's aunt passed away and left her some diamond earrings. A jeweler removed the stones and worked them into the new presentation on the ring.
    My mother-in-law died two years ago and left her another set of diamond earrings. My wife is now wanting to redo the rings again and incorporate these new stones.
    SHE'S the one wearing the ring, so why shouldn't she have what she likes/wants? Why should she wear jewelry from the 60s? Would she wear shoes or clothing from the same era? Only to a costume party!
    Doesn't bother me one bit, even tho' I bought the original. Technically, it's still there -- same gold, same stones (even tho' some have been added, and likely more will be). But even if the original were in a drawer, it wouldn't bother me.
    So, if your fiance says it doesn't bother him, take him at his word.
    Get what you want.

    :) - it doesn't bother him but I think he thinks I'm a looney hahahahah.
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 846 Member
    get what you want, i'm on my 4th wedding ring, well technically it's my 21st birthday present ring from my mum as the last wedding is way to big after losing 80lbs & we can't get it sorted till we go back to thailand (thai gold, UK jewellers have no concept of "pure" gold only 18ct ****e!") The ring is not the thing, it's the point behind it but if you have to look at it every day then chose what you want not what your mum or anyone else thinks you should have. Congratulations.
    They don't make rings of pure gold because it's way too soft for something that's going to get that kind of wear and tear.

    they do in asia :)
  • Jain
    Jain Posts: 861 Member
    I've had my wedding ring & engagement ring re-worked into one ring. My hubby just wanted to make sure the same gold was used, he's a closet romantic like that. The new setting he left up to me.
    At the end of the day, you're the one wearing the ring, and hopefully for a very long time. Make sure you get one you like.
  • Im_NotPerfect
    Im_NotPerfect Posts: 2,181 Member
    I'm a non-traditionalist when it comes to my engagement/wedding ring styles. I do have diamonds, however, my engagement ring is an eternity band and I actually found my wedding ring in the "fashion diamond" type section of the store. It's has all real diamonds, but it's not a traditional wedding ring. I couldn't find anything I liked in the wedding section because it all looked so generic and I'd seen the same settings on person after person. I wanted something different.

    So I say go with what you love. You're the one who has to live with it. 10 years later and I still love my wedding ring set.
  • laurenbausch
    laurenbausch Posts: 146
    My husband and I looked at rings before he proposed, and he just told me to pick what I liked. Of course that was daunting for me...What if the ring is too big? What if it's too expensive? I didn't want to look like I was that girl who had to have a lot of carats to be happy. I originally though I wanted a princess, ascher, or emerald cut solitaire, but that isn't what I have now. We went to a local jeweler, tried on many rings, and he picked a ring with an oval diamond solitaire. I tried it on, but I didn't like it...Lucky for him! It was $20,000!!! I know that if I wanted it, it would be on my finger right now. We went to another store and found the ring of my dreams, a three stone, round cut (I didn't even know that was what I wanted until I saw it) at a small fraction of the cost. I was happy, and my husband wasn't broke! The men in our lives just want us to feel loved and happy.

    I'm sure your fiance would understand. Aquamarine is a fabulous choice! My husband bought me an anniversary ring with aquamarine hearts, and I love it! Congratulations on your engagement!

Categories