How do you deal...

It is tough. There for awhile my wife's family wanted us down for every single holiday since I guess stole Ashley and moved here a million miles away(code for 5 hours away). Now that we have our own family, we just have to much **** to load up to make every holiday.

Now we usually take a week vacation down there once a year and go for Christmas since I get a week off for that as well.

meh, the only annoying one is mother's day because my mom is a mom (duh) but so am i and i realy dont want to be traveling 45 minutes on a sunday and for some god forsaken reason my sisters do and always plan something and im like really, you guys are moms too, apparently im just the asshat that likes to sit home and do nothing any chance she gets...

so i didnt go this year and guess what, my mom was okay with that -- cause she gets it...frick, she had me and then twins nine years later...she knows how exhausting this mother hood sh it can get...

but otherwise, we are a small family and only live about 30 mins away from each other at the most so we pick a house each year and rotate them to "host" the holiday...

My husband's solution is to plan events at our house and invite both sides (this is 4 sets of parents, as we both have stepparents). I hate this because it's a lot of work and stress for me, but I like it because he feels happy and everyone is included (if they want to be).

We try to split as evenly as we can... Mine is even more complicated as I have divorced parents, so I already have had to deal with split holidays my whole life and now I have to split them one more way!

This year is the first year that my boyfriend and I have spent all holidays together, previously as we were in college, we would just each go to respective homes for certain holidays. Although, his family is in PA and mine is in CT/RI, and currently we're in Boston, so we do see my family more often.

Christmas is the most hectic.. Luckily we have a system that works well, although it requires a lot of driving on our part. His family traditionally has a big celebration on Christmas Eve (dinner of the seven fishes, it's an italian thing) so this past year, we drove to PA on the 23nd, went to NY with them for the xmas eve dinner, then after dinner we drive to my Mom's house and spent christmas morning with my Mom's side. This is a big deal to me because I have young siblings (9, 6, and 1) so christmas morning is still special with them believing in Santa and all. Because my parents are divorced, it has been tradition to have "christmas morning" all over again the next morning at my dad's house. So we have xmas dinner at my moms and then that night we drive to RI and have xmas morning again at my dads. Then back home because we have to work on the 27th!! haha. It's so hectic.

Thanksgiving we spent with his family because we spend christmas day with my family... Easter we spent with my family because they're closer so we just took a short trip home.. This year we spent Mother's day with his family because my graduation was the next weekend so I celebrated with my Mom that weekend. This year we are spending Father's day with his family because it's the only open weekend that his family could throw his cousin's graduation party that we could go to, so they scheduled it so we could visit. Also we are going on vacation with my father in two weeks so we'll celebrate Father's day with him then.

I think it has to be a give and take. everyone has to compromise, if everyone lives near each other it's not as difficult to see two families in one day. Another good thing to keep in mind is that in a few years you'll probably have a family of your own so you'll probably not visit your extended family as you'll be celebrating with your own new family. Do what makes you happy and take turns!

This sounds like my family and my fiances. They plan things very last minute while mine, a rather large family, plans months in advance and has their days and holidays all planned.

If there are conflicting dates, like during Christmas, we just go seperate ways. I go see my family, he sees his and then we will visit them both over the next few days.

After we're married in August, we plan on cutting back on both sides and making our own holiday traditions. Good luck

I have 3. My divorced parents (with SO's) and my SO parents. Father's Day & Mother's Day aren't too bad, then there's only 2. Christmas, Thanksgiving etc are a nightmare as it means we drive around the province non stop for a weekend. It would be to easy if they all lived close by. They're all about 2 hours from my SO and I...and 4 hours from each other.

We sit at home and enjoy the family we created. If a relative is in town or wants to come see us on a holiday, they're always invited--I will cook and bake something lovely. My mom died when I was in my 20s, it becomes a holiday any time I get to see my lovely sister, and there is no one else on either side worth flying on Dec 23 for. I firmly believe kids should wake up in their own house on Christmas (and not have to jump in the car 20 mins after opening all their presents to drive to someone else's house). It's pretty liberating to just own it--we won't be there. Ever.

I have their grand kids. I make them come to me for all the major holidays.

For Fathers day or Mothers day, we come from a restaurant family so it's one of the busiest work days of the year. I am always able to take my mom or dad out the week before or after. Plus, my parents hate crowds. We'd rather celebrate everything late if it means avoiding a big 60 minute wait for a table.

I don't have that issue because my husband's family is half way accross the country. However, my sister handles it by designating certain holidays for certain families, and then only splitting a few of them. For instance, she does Easter with one family, Christmas Eve with one family, Christmas day with one family. She splits thanksgiving, but you could divide it up any way you want as long as you communicate it everyone should be ok with it.

If the SO family planned things well in advance, couldn't you just let your family know what your availability is and let them plan accordingly?

This is becoming more and more of a problem for us over the years! We have too many family dinners to attend: my parents, his parents and siblings, his dad's parents, his mom's parents, my extended family, etc. Every holiday, we are expected to balance this all out. And buy presents for everyone.

We used to drive ourselves crazy trying to be everywhere, but since we had our daughter, I've started putting my foot down a little more each year. We don't leave our house before late afternoon on Christmas Day (grandparents are welcome to visit before that). We only buy presents for children. Some holidays we don't go anywhere.....or we might go out of town (spent Easter at a water park!). Holidays can be celebrated AFTER the fact (Mother's Day a week late or Christmas on New Year's Eve).

We try to make it work, but I'm of the opinion, that if we have to miss, then we have to miss. I only worry about getting to the events where my daughter gets to see her grandparents and cousins. That's what's important these days.

My wife and I went through this when we were younger. We would spend all of Thanksgiving and Christmas days driving all over the state so we could visit family. We decided when we had children we would end that and we have.

We have friends (who may as well be family) who we visit on Thanksgiving. We go to one home, eat watch football, eat some more, nap, eat, and then go home. If family doesn't like it? Tough $h!t.

On Christmas we stay home. I'm not doing Christmas morning at home, then the in-laws, and then my family. Nope. Not happening. We get together with family in the days and weeks before the holidays.

They may not like it, but as someone else so elequently put it "I have the grand kids" they pretty much go along with whatever we say we're doing.

Those are really the only holidays I even consider traveling *anywhere* for. Mom or Dad's Day? The 4th? Uh... no. I'll call. Maybe.

Do what makes you most happy and screw the rest.

How do I deal? Wine helps
Our situation is crazy. My parents live 100 miles away (west), his parents are 1000 miles away (south). My daughter's paternal grandparents are 150 miles away (north). My husband has 4 grown sons, 2 are in the military and are around the world.

Manage Expectations: Everyone accepts that there is no possible way to physically see everyone, so no one expects to. That alone takes a LOT of pressure off.

Be Flexible: We rarely celebrate holidays on the actual day - maybe not even within the same week. My ex-in-laws have Christmas with my daughter around New Years.

I know another family that gave up on having Thanksgiving at someone's house - they rent rooms at a lodge that's somewhat central to most of the family and party over the weekend. People come and go as best they can, depending on their schedules.

Another family celebrates the non-religious portions of Christmas on June 25th - they can't do it in December so they do it at the "half" point. My grandmother used to celebrate her birthday every day for at least 1 if not 2 weeks, by the time various faimly members made it over to see her (we called it the Week of Genevieve). Invent something that works for you!