Struggling with anorexia... please help me

FindingInnerBeauty
FindingInnerBeauty Posts: 8
in Health and Weight Loss
Hello everyone. I was a tad bit nervous to post this, but I am truly looking for advice. I have already been forced into the hospital before and am now going into counseling for my eating disorder. I am having such a hard time with all of this because I know I need to recover, but Ana has a strong hold on me still. I know what I need to do, but whenever I start to make progress I mess it all up and go back to eating close to nothing.

I used to eat 200 calories a day. I slowly getting myself to eat more, and still cry at night some times. I have a lot of fear with all of this. I am now eating more, and I will be doing better for a few days, then get on the awful scale and my mind thinks its okay not to eat for a couple of days. I focus so much better on an empty stomach, and I feel so much more confident. When I eat I feel like everyone is staring at me, snickering, and it makes me scared to eat in front of everyone.

I know this may seem stupid to some... but i truly am battling this mentally.

I want to make baby steps. No one around me understands that. They think I can go from 200 calories a day to a lot more. And that is so hard on me mentally. But I don't know how to start to make progress so that I don't start to get scared, worried, and feel like a complete mess.

Any advice?

Replies

  • FindingInnerBeauty
    FindingInnerBeauty Posts: 8
    Just to add I went from 200 calories to about 500-600 now on my higher days. When I eat that much I end up going for a light jog just because I have enough energy and I feel less regret about eating more..
  • curvykim78
    curvykim78 Posts: 799 Member
    Kudos to you for being smart enough to get some help...but it sounds like you need more. You need surrounded by positive people who can help you. Continue eating and don't beat yourself up over it. It's part of life and you need it to survive. :) Stay strong and work on you...it won't be fixed overnight and just give it time to heal. Your body and your head need to work together! Good luck!
  • yarwell
    yarwell Posts: 10,477 Member
    Eat a few almonds every day, even if its only 10 or 15. A bit more energy from a healthy source.

    Lock the scales away, or give them / throw them away. You'll know how your body is progressing from the mirror. Weight is only a number.

    Good luck.
  • FindingInnerBeauty
    FindingInnerBeauty Posts: 8
    It makes it very difficult to be surrounded by family and people who do not understand and get so frustrated with me. I do really like almonds, will have to start adding them in since they do not have the "bulk" feeling.

    Does anyone have any suggestions of a good daily goal to start out with? Going from eating 200 total is making me have a difficult time figuring out where to even start or how to progress. I want to start with slow baby steps, but have yet to get any advice from those around me.

    I really appreciate the judgement free help everyone :heart:
  • laceylou0702
    laceylou0702 Posts: 226 Member
    You are worth so much more than a number on the scale! You have made the right steps and for that you should be so proud. Surround yourself with people that build you up, continue with therapy & look forward to the fact that you will have so many more healthy & happy years ahead of you!!! Sometimes we have to take it day by day or hour by hour, you'll get there, chin up!

    God bless,
    Lacey
  • Cocochickdeleted
    Cocochickdeleted Posts: 342 Member
    As a recovered anorexic, I really have very little advice because I know the mental struggle--and I know that even when I wanted to do the right thing, I didn't want anyone TELLING me what the right thing was. I had to come to terms with it in my own time and under my own circumstances. I pray that your counselor will be able to give you the tools you need to succeed. I know it's difficult, but try to view food as your friend, not your enemy. Your body needs nutrients and calories to function and be healthy, and depriving yourself of those nutrients will only make you weak and sick.

    There is hope. Just decide every single day to live your life in a way that is healthy and beneficial, and if you have a bad day, start fresh the next day. Best wishes to you!
  • jmruef
    jmruef Posts: 824 Member
    I have recovered from Anorexia and Bulimia.

    It is a scary, scary thing to work as hard as you need to work on recovering...but let me tell you: IT IS WORTH IT. *YOU* are worth it. I am healthy and happy today, loving the life I lead free of eating disorders.

    I'm very, very glad you are seeing a counselor for this.

    The thing about eating disorders...they don't just rob you of your physical health. They take up so much TIME and energy because you're always so scared and so worried and so obsessed - with the scale, with the number of calories, with whether or not what you're eating is going to make you gain weight. It doesn't leave much time to do anything fun, healthy, or productive.

    Baby steps is the right approach.

    One thing I learned is that each meal should consist of 3 different food groups - fruits/veg, grains, proteins, dairy, and satiety foods (fats) were the categories my therapist used.

    I had to give her my scale. It was as difficult as if she'd asked me to cut off my right arm. But...it takes away at leat one of the obsessions.

    As soon as I started filling in my skinny clothes, I took them to Goodwill. That got rid of the temptation to want to fit into them again.

    I asked my friends/coworkers to stop talking about dieting and weight loss. That was hard and didn't have universally positive results, but most of them were really supportive and made the effort.

    I made a list of things I wanted to do with my life - anything from career to trips I wanted to take, to having pets, to just silly goals, like singing Karaoke. Eating disorders plus productive lives just plain don't mix. The more you find to fill your life with, the less you wind up needing the eating disorder.

    Identify your triggers if possible. What need is the ED filling? Can you find a way to address those needs in a way that's healthy? (This is where a therapist comes in handy.)

    It can be done. It truly, truly can. One step at a time - and stick with it. You are so very worth it...and the eating disorder is NOT.
  • Kristy_Elizabeth
    Kristy_Elizabeth Posts: 435
    http://www.something-fishy.org/ is an awesome site for this kind of support.
  • Queenb1212
    Queenb1212 Posts: 108 Member
    I don't know much about anorexia except its the opposite of gluttony. You are doing great by participating in counseling and taking it day by day. It's just like those of us trying to lose weight. We are afraid sometimes, struggle with our thoughts and anxieties, but you can get through them. My greatest support is God "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." Keep striving for your goal. Write down things that will motivate and encourage you daily and tape them in your bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen. You could even print out everyone's encouraging comments and read them daily to help you make it through the day and eat those calories.

    Before you know it, we will all be at a healthy weight. Be encouraged. Your life is just beginning.
  • mariacolumbus
    mariacolumbus Posts: 227 Member
    You have taken the first big step - admiting it is a problem and wanting help. you are obviously a very wise person, so I am confident you can conquer this. I have no magic words, but if you would like to message me or add me as a friend, I welcome you to do so. Sometimes all one needs is a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on.

    There have been a couple of resonses from people who are recovered anorexics - i would encourage you to stay in communication with them.
    good luck!
  • jminette
    jminette Posts: 81
    Can you be admitted for inpatient treatment?
    That way you can live with those who understand and rebuild your lifestyle.
  • seamonkey789
    seamonkey789 Posts: 233
    I am also in recovery, but a little further along if you want to send me a friends request for support.

    My wake up call was having to switch doctors. My new one does not mess around and started running blood work, which I always failed, got sent to like 5 specialist last year and I had my gall bladder out this morning.

    I am also in therapy and my therapist is awesome, but what made me really want to change my eating habits? I got tired of the constant doctors visits, going in for blood work every 3 months, feeling like crap all the time.

    I'm one of those people that likes to go go go all the time and I just couldn't do it any more
  • burbanum
    burbanum Posts: 38 Member
    I am not a specialist on this but i want to support you too. I know you mentioned you are adding calories a little at a time and that is what i would continue doing. Try adding 100 calories a day until you get to a healthy amount (1200 or more) I eat way more than that so I can fuel my body and feel healthy, but i think adding things like nuts and even nut butters is good. Also add butter to a slice of bread or plate of veggies, or full fat salad dressing to a salad. These things willa dd 100 to 200 calories and not make you feel bulked. Hang in there and I pray you are able to continue growing and recovering.
  • Travelfixer
    Travelfixer Posts: 137 Member
    Could you drink a protein shake?
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    Heres a group that I imagine is very supportive in trying to recover. Hope this helps and good luck

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/309-disordered
  • claricecollins
    claricecollins Posts: 54
    I am recovering from anorexia and bulimia. If you need a support, I'm here so feel free to add me. It's tough, my family is not supportive and makes me feel terrible about everything that I do. But we can recover. :)
  • cassietn
    cassietn Posts: 48
    You can add me if you want and I can help as best as I can :) I'm good for motivation and support.
    I am also struggling to overcome an eating disorder.
  • cassietn
    cassietn Posts: 48
    As a recovered anorexic, I really have very little advice because I know the mental struggle--and I know that even when I wanted to do the right thing, I didn't want anyone TELLING me what the right thing was. I had to come to terms with it in my own time and under my own circumstances. I pray that your counselor will be able to give you the tools you need to succeed. I know it's difficult, but try to view food as your friend, not your enemy. Your body needs nutrients and calories to function and be healthy, and depriving yourself of those nutrients will only make you weak and sick.

    There is hope. Just decide every single day to live your life in a way that is healthy and beneficial, and if you have a bad day, start fresh the next day. Best wishes to you!

    ^^THIS.
  • carrotstick2012
    carrotstick2012 Posts: 161
    Has anyone suggested considering residential treatment? This might give you space to concentrate on achieving your goals with full time professionals there to support you. Could you discuss this with your counselor or family? Please share what you have shared here with your counselor.
  • eireannyoung
    eireannyoung Posts: 154 Member
    I've never had anorexia, but through my life I have often struggled to eat enough from lack of appetite, forgetting to eat, resenting the time it takes to eat, etc. I go through long periods where I find it hard to eat as much as I need to. And I do understand what you mean about focusing better when eating lightly - eating a heavy meal makes me feel dull and weighed-down, and I really do best in the morning when I don't eat very much at one time.

    What helps me most during these periods is eating light, nutrient-dense foods - ie. raw fruits, vegetables, and some nuts and seeds! Some people eat ONLY these foods daily, having adopted a diet called Raw Veganism. When done correctly, many of these people are healthy and have plenty of energy. No certain diet is good for everyone, so I'm not suggesting that you take up this diet for life, but as a temporary measure to get used to eating again, I think it would be healthy to try out because even if your calorie count is still low at least you'll still be getting a lot of vitamins and minerals that you need. And it would probably be much less taxing mentally than trying to force down heavier foods like meat or cheese.

    Just remember, the people who succeed with the raw food diet are the ones who eat the calories that they need to thrive, so you'll still have to slowly up the amount of calories you are consuming. If you find that you're able to gain some weight and feel good, then it's generally safe to continue eating this way as long as you're eating a large variety of foods and eating sweet fruits with fiber and protein to keep blood sugar levels stable. If you'd like to add in some cooked and heavier foods after a while, I'd recommend starting on the lighter end with yogurt and soups, and save meat and pasta for last.

    A sample menu for a day when you're just starting out might go something like this:

    Breakfast: herbal tea (nettles and oatstraw are soothing to the nervous system and contain many micronutrients such as calcium and magnesium), fruit-and-green smoothie (ex. banana, berries, lettuce, spinach, celery, flaxseed, hemp protein powder)

    Mid-day brunch: Carrot and celery sticks and/or a piece of fruit

    Lunch: Kale salad with other greens, tomatoes and avocado

    Afternoon snack: Coconut water, fruit salad

    Dinner: Herbal tea, soaked nuts and seeds, sea vegetables/seaweed

    Best of luck to you!
  • Civeng1
    Civeng1 Posts: 11
    I can't offer any advice, having not been where you are. However, I will pray that God will come alongside and assists you with overcoming this. After all, he doesn't view you by your physical appearance, but loves your soul.

    Good luck.
  • aburris94
    aburris94 Posts: 3
    you are beautiful. i know this is harder said than done, but never believe differently.
  • RitaB19
    RitaB19 Posts: 221 Member
    I see you now have deactivated your account. Please get the help of both a Registered Dietitian and Psychologists to help you recover. If you believe in God, then pray that he will get you through this. I will pray for you. I am a Dietitian myself but not a lot of experience in this area. May I suggest a place like the Renfrew Center in Philadelphia? Not sure where you live though. Wishing you the best in your recovery.
  • petreebird
    petreebird Posts: 344 Member
    Her account has been deactivated, so she isn't getting all of these responses.
  • angiereid
    angiereid Posts: 158
    i have struggled for years with this mental battle i was very bad in highschool, i wish i could tell you that it goes away but i would be lying if i did. at 35 i still feel so ugly in my own body and wish that i could be pretty and super skinny lol. i know ppl get sick of hearing this all the time because they think you want attention and you need someone to constantly say you are pretty but it is not it. it is a self esteem problem that only you can fix. i had endometriosis very bad and right after highschool i had like 6 surgies it was decided to stop my periods and put me on depo shot. well this was very hard for me for i gained 30 pounds off of this and as the years went on 17 to be exact i gained more and i didnt even eat more just d/t the medicine and steriods they put me on. i was 196 pounds after all of this and i was so unhappy, i never looked liked i weighed this much because i am tall and i exercised everyday but i became very thick and muscular which can translate to fat if you have our problem. i just had a hysterectomy last year and i am off all my meds and i still have issues but i am 170 pounds now feeling better and i will try and get to 130 because i feel comfortable there i do not want to get to 100 pounds as i was in high school because i seen myself not too pretty way too skinny.
    word of advice throw away the scale or put it away until you can just weigh yourself periodicially, weighing yourself everyday is tortue and it will hinder you if you cannot cope with numbers fluctuating. when i was in therapy for anorexia we weighed in backwards so we could not see the number. remember it is just a number and the number does not define you, i think this disease is more about control and being able to control what you eat and how and when is vital to us. however, for me there came a time when i had no control of my weight gain no matter what i did. as scary as it was and still is i have learned that you cannot control everything sometimes it is beyond are reach. with that said i had to accept my new life and focus on how to get healthy and i have lost weight and i eat 1300-1600 a day and exercise 4-5 times a week and i feel good. upon doing this i have found a new way to control my life and it is by portions and mini meals by eating 4-6 times a day small meals i do not feel overstuffed and i am very healthy and happy. do i still have self esteem issues yes and i probably always will but not eating i know has caused me many problems health wise and it is not worth it.
    everyday i exercise i feel better maybe one day i will feel more confident in my own skin but until then i will continue this battle and fight head on
    if you ever need help please message me. Why I Want To Get In Shape
    i want to be healthier and feel good about myself
    It's a lifestyle change, not a diet ~
    It's a marathon, not a race~
    It's about getting healthy, not getting thin~
    It's about doing what's right, and you will win~!
  • hazelovesfood
    hazelovesfood Posts: 454 Member
    Try drinking meal repalcement drinks if alot of food seems to much. I can feel for you even though I have not surrefered this I have had times when the emotianal battle with food as made me angry and upset. A few weeks ago my husband wanted to take me out for dinner and the thought of it was actually making me feel stressed, its stupid I know and i must have sat for a hour trying to talk myself out of this way of thinking. I think it can get a hold of you and its so easy to be obbsessed with what your eating but its also easy to let go and eat too, I swing from one to another or so it seems. If I really let myself go I would be massive and struggle with everything. I love to eat and love to eat nice foods, try eating high calourie foods, even a couple of bowls of cereal will get you higher each day, you want to live and not be unhealthy. A proper living weight is what you need, forget about what the media say about being thin, being healthy is far more important, I really hope you get well soon.

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