Striking balance with body fat, abs, age, etc

Woolooloo
Woolooloo Posts: 82
in Motivation and Support
Over the course of a year I met my weight loss and fitness goals, and then for a contest at my gym, I pushed further, lost 55 pounds total, dropped my body fat to about 8%, and got pretty reasonable abs for a 41 year old. The contest ended a month ago about the time my 2nd child was born and I've indulged quite a bit in that time. I mentioned this evening to my wife that I needed to get serious again because my weight is up 10 pounds (to 170) from the low I hit and she said that I look better at this weight. She said the lower weight aged my face and that several people had commented that I looked too skinny, even like I might be sick.

That was kind of hard to hear, I had worked hard to get down to that weight, and it was a weight where my abs were probably as good as I can get them. Unfortunately genetically I seem to lose weight in my midsection last like a lot of guys. At 170 you can see them but they really aren't very pronounced. I admit at the lower weight I could see the "aging" at times in photos or in the mirror, I think it is mainly in the chin and neck area.

I guess I should listen to my wife and stay at higher weight where I "look better', but with a beach trip coming up in a month, I was really looking forward to walking the beach with nice abs. It really sucks to have finally reached my goals and find out that I can't really be at my goal without looking like I'm "too skinny", I guess in large part because at 41 I'm just too old to pull it off.

Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant, just feel a little defeated and don't know what to do. I wish I had done this 10 years ago...

Replies

  • Amy911Gray
    Amy911Gray Posts: 685 Member
    It's okay--someone told me today at work that I shouldn't lose anymore weight...that I would look like a breakable object..but I just carry weight better than most people...at 151 I look 130, so it stands to reason that at 130 I would look 110. And I'm going to be okay with that...and on the trend I'm on, I'm looking at my 48th birthday!

    Best of luck to you!
  • KyleB65
    KyleB65 Posts: 1,196 Member
    I am 47 and I have lost almost 90 lbs over the past year.

    I have been married for 22 years this coming Nov. and my wife has never seen me this fit.

    Although she is happy that I have improved my health. She is not entirely happy with my new physique.

    Like you I am trying to find a balance in life. My needs, wants & goals vs my wife's.

    It is a constant struggle. Lucky for me, my wife is very supportive!

    Best of luck on your journey!
  • 6heatherb6
    6heatherb6 Posts: 469 Member
    You're NOT to old to pull anything off!! :noway:

    It is discouraging when love ones say things like you're too skinny! :grumble:

    I had this earlier in the year when I got to my goal of 54kg and then went down another 2kg before an overseas trip (lol...just so I could eat it back!!) I was so HAPPY at 52kg ...finally got new clothes etc and felt on top of the world! Then came the comments from my parents and sister that I was too skinny for 'someone MY age":sad: :sad:

    I'm back up to 57.9kg and if I'm honest my 'face' probably does look better but definately NOT my waist!! I'm determine to get back down at least to 54! :drinker:

    I'd say in regards to waist loss...PLEASE YOURSELF!!! That's what I'm going to do from now on....:wink:

    Anyhow.... go you for having 'abs'....wish my hubby did!!

    All the best

    :flowerforyou:
  • gazz777au
    gazz777au Posts: 157 Member
    MAAAAAN you look great. Don't listen to the negativity (some of it is from within - I know this with myself!).

    My mid-section still has the spare tire look but I understand with strength training I can kick it eventually... Even if not, the rest of my life should be longer, healthier and happier.

    I am at the point in my weight loss if I do not do things in balance, I look gaunt. Plenty of veggies and water and I feel and look better and don't gain.

    Enjoy YOUR life now, you've rocked it !

    Cheers
  • shelbiejo
    shelbiejo Posts: 283 Member
    Do what makes you feel good about yourself. Don't change what you were doing just because of some peoples opinions. Everyone has a different one.
  • Rayman79
    Rayman79 Posts: 2,009 Member
    I completely understand the need for balance and keeping your wife happy.

    If I could offer a suggestion it would be to look at going through a slow bulk. If you added a little more muscle to your frame you could afford to carry a little extra fat and still have a low bf% and some ab definition.
  • Woolooloo
    Woolooloo Posts: 82
    I completely understand the need for balance and keeping your wife happy.

    If I could offer a suggestion it would be to look at going through a slow bulk. If you added a little more muscle to your frame you could afford to carry a little extra fat and still have a low bf% and some ab definition.

    I am actually working towards this. I think I might be something of a hard gainer, although to be honest I've been on a calorie deficit while lifting so that obviously makes it difficult to gain. I'm a little worried that it is the low body fat % that is making my face look more aged, so I'm not sure that adding overall muscle is going to help, and I'm not sure my abs will have definition at a higher percentage. I think it is my best option to try though, so thanks for the tip.
  • Woolooloo
    Woolooloo Posts: 82
    Thank you everyone for the encouragement :)
  • Woolooloo
    Woolooloo Posts: 82
    I completely understand the need for balance and keeping your wife happy.

    If I could offer a suggestion it would be to look at going through a slow bulk. If you added a little more muscle to your frame you could afford to carry a little extra fat and still have a low bf% and some ab definition.

    I didn't completely think this through last night, but now that I have I understand better that by carrying more muscle I could still carry more pounds of fat and still keep the same low body fat %. So hopefully the additional pounds of fat would fill out my face a little more, but the low body fat % would allow me to keep my abs. Sounds like a good long term solution, it will probably take me a good while to put on the muscle, but I need a new goal so there it is!

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