I REALLY need help starting this thing out.

Options
musicsavesme
musicsavesme Posts: 3
in Introduce Yourself
I'm 27. I am a 5'8" female and weigh 192lbs. I use to be athletic. I use to weigh 135-140lbs max. I use to have a lean fit body. Dealing with what life was throwing at me, I fell into a deep depression. I'm still stuck here. I've tried to swim up to the top to take a clean healthy breath but, I always fall short. I feel like no one has felt I am worth it to stick around. I've been betrayed. I've been used. I've been cheated on. I've been broken.

My depression became worst when my ex left me. She said I drank too much. She told all of her friends that I was depressed and suicidal. The suicidal part is not true. (I got past that in my high school years as I attempted and it left me with a second life and a new look on life as far as living) I have a lot of resentment towards her(my ex). I think of her often, but mainly with disbelief that I always thought she would be there no matter what obstacle challenged us. Which leads me to my next obstacle...

I am gay. It's been a hard interesting road as I have slowly gained "acceptance." And I do admit, I did drink a lot. At least more often than a normal person should. She was very needy and It just relaxed me. It made everything quiet in my head. I was obsessed with anything that had to do with sadness.

I've never seem to be able to hold on to any true friends. In my profession, I meet a lot of people. I have a butt load of acquaintances, but that does me no good. I need friends. I need a support system.... so that I can have the power to make myself a better person.

I know this is pretty deep for a "myfitnesspal" account, but in order for those to understand or help motivate me, I feel it's necessary to share what has got me so low.

My goal is to lose 50lbs. I would also like to feel free to just be me. I think there is a strange thing that most people wouldn't hesitate on changing that has affected me. It's my hair. I have always had long hair. It's the girly thing to do right? I'm far from "girly." I mean, I am feminine in my own ways but I am not your typical girly girl. Something I've always wished I had the 'balls' of doing is cutting my hair short. I'm talking super short like a short fohawk type of cut. I'm just scared of what my coworkers would think. I'm scared I will look ugly. More ugly than I already feel inside, but I know it's something I've always wanted to do.

I need a friend, even if it's online, to talk to from time to time to keep me in the game. We can share photos of our accomplishments, we can share our life stories. I just need somebody. Feeling lonely is no place to live my life forever.

Will you help me? I will be there for you. I am actually a lot stronger when it comes to dealing with helping others.

Thank you for hearing me out. Please let me know if you are interested in becoming a supporter and friend. Thanks, seriously.

Replies

  • crystalyvang
    crystalyvang Posts: 10
    Options
    I'm new too! and I also in need to lose about 50 lbs. I'm hard to motivate ): but I'm willing to help you and motivate you. We will cry and complain to each other.

    Though I'm a lot younger, 10 years, I'm sure we will learn a whole bunch!

    Stay strong, beautiful :D
  • shaynak112
    shaynak112 Posts: 751 Member
    Options
    1. You're gorgeous.
    2. Props for posting all this, it can take courage.
    3. Losing weight won't change all your problems, but it can help you feel better about yourself.

    Be yourself. Be who YOU want to be. Maybe start your weight loss with a smaller goal as well. 50 lbs is a LOT to lose aha, maybe start out at 10? Then 20? And see where you go! See what makes YOU happy.

    I've found that eating healthy and exercising is really helpful to feeling good about myself. When I have "bad" days where I eat a lot of junk, I just don't feel as good in general.

    Also, have you thought about therapy? I had a mild case of depression in high school. I'm currently seeing a therapist about my anxiety and she's really great. It's nice to talk to someone who has education and training and experience in that kind of thing.

    <3
  • musicsavesme
    musicsavesme Posts: 3
    Options
    HA! Yes, thank you for being there and trying to understand. We can totally be there to complain to one another! You look amazing PS
  • musicsavesme
    musicsavesme Posts: 3
    Options
    Wow. Your post really made me smile. Thank you for being supportive. Thank you for recognizing the strength it took to type those words. It really makes me feel better. I am really glad you responded.

    As far as therapy.... I have been going to therapy for a year. It's expensive too lol. It's funny because I can see my therapist kind of sort of admires me because I think she sees my heart. She knows how DEEPLY I love. and its pure. cause well, it really is.....

    therapy has helped me a lot..... but...... I'm still lonely. She has had some affect on me realizing that I really am a good person but ... its hard when I don't get the physical reassurance!

Categories