ALSO HAVING ISSUES- lack of support!

LoFoSho100
LoFoSho100 Posts: 66 Member
edited December 23 in Motivation and Support
Even worse than a spouse/partner who doesn't want to get healthy together and make exercise a group effort is one who seems to blatantly sabotage your efforts. I feel like every time I say, "I'm really going to do this... No more eating crap and 96 oz of pop a day... And I'm going to exercise..." I start getting calls, "Do you want anything from McDonalds or Sonic?" or he just brings home ice cream! (Ice cream is totally my weakness!) Or he brings me 44oz Diet Cokes from QT (also a weakness!). It is so frustrating because it isn't like he's being MEAN... Actually, he thinks he's being NICE. It just seems to me like the frequency of these events increase when I'm on a mission. But it is so hard for me to not yell and scream and throw things! Don't dangle a double cheeseburger and onion rings in front of a food addicts face! I have mentioned repeatedly that this bothers me and it makes me have anger and animosity towards him- and that stops it for a few days or a week, but it always starts back up. I just don't get it?!?! I was much smaller when we met- so that was the girl he fell for- why does he insist on not supporting me getting back there (and even more fit)?!?!

Anyone else have these experiences? Any brilliant ways to handle it? LOL

Replies

  • jwins0923
    jwins0923 Posts: 3
    I have had those experiences with my husband. He truly isn't trying to be destructive he just knows I am a chocoholic! I just went through this this past weekend. He brought me home a bag of peanut M & Ms....my very favorite. I told him to put them in the cupboard. I forgot about them thankfully...and HE got up in the middle of the night and ate half of them :laugh: They are still sitting up there. I don't have any great advice other than to just keep reiterating to him that you need his support. My husband says he loves me no matter what size I am, and I say thank you but remind him that I am only doing this for me. I'm 41 but my body believes it is 81. The weight is literally making me hurt. Even if you are doing it for more aesthetic reasons, just telling him the stats on all that unhealthy food might help him understand that your path is a good one. Take it from me....the older you get, the harder it is to lose and the damage it does to your joints and bones is hard to fix.
  • LoFoSho100
    LoFoSho100 Posts: 66 Member
    I have had those experiences with my husband. He truly isn't trying to be destructive he just knows I am a chocoholic! I just went through this this past weekend. He brought me home a bag of peanut M & Ms....my very favorite. I told him to put them in the cupboard. I forgot about them thankfully...and HE got up in the middle of the night and ate half of them :laugh: They are still sitting up there. I don't have any great advice other than to just keep reiterating to him that you need his support. My husband says he loves me no matter what size I am, and I say thank you but remind him that I am only doing this for me. I'm 41 but my body believes it is 81. The weight is literally making me hurt. Even if you are doing it for more aesthetic reasons, just telling him the stats on all that unhealthy food might help him understand that your path is a good one. Take it from me....the older you get, the harder it is to lose and the damage it does to your joints and bones is hard to fix.

    LOL! @ your hubby eating the M&M's!
    The problem is... it is much harder to put fast food or ice cream in the cabinet! LOL! If it is something I can hide and let him or my son have- I'll do it... But when it isn't, I feel bad if I don't eat it... But I feel worse if I do... I have told him (more than once) everything my doctor has told me and that I WANT and HAVE to get healthy. I am so sick and tired of this up and down weight game; it has taken a serious toll on my body (and my mind). I have explained the ridiculous calorie counts and fat grams in some of the food he regularly chooses, but he has no weight issues, so he doesn't care. Calories and fat are just numbers to him... Numbers that do not have any effect on the numbers on the scale. MEH! He also says I still look the same to him, still beautiful, doesn't matter what size, etc, etc, etc.... that is NOT how I feel about myself. Last year, I was comfortable in a swimsuit, my clothes fit, I was confident. Not so much this year! :( So depressing! Anyway, I guess the real answer is just finding it within myself to stick to my guns and turn goodies down enough times that he stops wasting money... But it is SO hard!
  • charelg
    charelg Posts: 599 Member
    Girl, tell him how you feel, if he doesn't respect your goals, then just say no thanks, Im sticking to my plan. You will learn self control over food. I stopped eating fast food, and don't miss it. If he doesn't want to support you find people tha will! This site has helped me a lot w support! Good luck,
  • Werglum
    Werglum Posts: 378 Member
    I did early on in my weight loss - my husband would bring me home chocolate bars which call to me and drive me crazy until I eat them!! I had a talk to him and basically asked him why he was doing that when I was really REALLY trying to lose weight and regain my health and it turned out that he was worried that I would get 'really hot' and not want him any more!! I reassured him that wasn't going to happen and since then he has been a great support. Maybe there is something a bit deeper going on?!?
  • Creativeballance
    Creativeballance Posts: 57
    My wife is a pretty short lady. When I first met her she was...not exactly chubby, but rather rubenesque. I was really skinny. After a couple of years, I got big and she got small. Funny thing I noticed however, is that whenever I loose weight, she gains (and vice versa). I think its because she doesn't finish her food, and I eat what ever is left. When I don't eat her leftovers, she eats them herself.

    I guess my point is, if your husband puts the bad stuff in front of you, don't eat all of it. Nothing wrong with that.
  • Creativeballance
    Creativeballance Posts: 57
    ...oh, and why do men do that? I think it's because we get "programmed" into thinking "Candy makes wifey happy. She doesn't look happy. Bring candy."
  • justjenn1977
    justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
    one of the things I do when my kids do stuff like this.... (I work nights and they love to make me a snack when I wake up at noon and I am starving but too tired to get up and cook)... I explained to them nicely what I was trying to do... I showed them my log... and then whenever I go to eat something I log it (I don't log anymore regularly... only when I plateau) and then I say something like... oh that snack you brought me has 400 calories... I only budgeted 200 for this snack... can you share it with me?

    I have been on this "kick" for several years now... and they have gotten the point and understand and they have figured calories too...

    it really has helped my daughter now that she has hit puberty and is getting pudgey... and my youngest who is trying to GAIN... they understand calories and being fit :)
  • Shakera30
    Shakera30 Posts: 4 Member
    I was in your same shoes when i started my life style change in may .... No one in my family wanted to take part or support my idea... I told my mom I want to be a size 8 she told me i will never be a size 8... After she said that it made me want to push harder. I find myself watching Youtube at different people success stories and i told my self i want to make a video as well when am at my goal weight... For myself when it comes to loosing weight it had to come from me and no one else... I had to meditate and visualize how healther I wanted to be I made that my manifestation. Yourself is the most important support you have.. look deep within and you will do it...
  • sweetybird09
    sweetybird09 Posts: 70 Member
    What a shame that your husband does that with the candy and the fast food, not sure why he is doing it other then what others have said, he thinks he is being nice and does not realize what you are doing for YOU.

    I have had to remove all or most sweet things, like cookies they are my weakness, if the stuff is not there is makes it easier, I would just suggest that you tell your husband in a nice but firm way that you DO NOT want any of the food items that he is offering you, and tell him just how hard he is making it, maybe he will get it more if you are really direct.

    Hope this helps somewhat.

    Take care
  • erikkasusann
    erikkasusann Posts: 104
    "Candy makes wifey happy. She doesn't look happy. Bring candy."

    This is hilarious. Mine brings home my favorite chocolate every time he buys a new toy for the garage. Or just when he thinks it might make him feel safer in general. ;)
    I used to eat a whole bar all at once, now I break it up & eat the bar in a week. Problem solved.
    We also found a place to get takeout that has burgers for him & lots of low-cal options for me.
    Communication & Compromise
  • LoFoSho100
    LoFoSho100 Posts: 66 Member
    ...oh, and why do men do that? I think it's because we get "programmed" into thinking "Candy makes wifey happy. She doesn't look happy. Bring candy."


    :laugh: How can we re-program it: "Jewelry makes wifey happy..." I'd take ca$h as well. Stop buying me food... and just give me the $10 instead!
  • KechiaG
    KechiaG Posts: 55
    I am not an expert on relationships, but after 18 years of marriage and hearing my mother's wisdom in her 45 year marriage to my dad, this is what I've learned. The sabotage, when it occurs (and it does), has nothing to do with me. My husband is a good guy and so is my dad. The truth is this: When I am over weight, I am attractive, but not a "hot chick". My loving husband can breathe easier. He doesn't have to pannic "too much" that I'll leave him for someone else. When I'm in shape and on "my game" physically, he's a little freaked out. Why would I stay with him? And he certainly doesn't want some other man trying to get my attention! Aaaaaakkkk, it's easier when she's just attractive not hot! Less stress on him....LOL!!!

    My response: I don't get angry. I give him a little more attention. Showing him that he's my guy, and fat or skinny.....I'm his girl. After 18 years and my weight going up and down, I think he finally gets it. He's my biggest supporter! <3
  • toxicat
    toxicat Posts: 79
    I think the key is to not let yourself get frustrated, realize it's just food, and ALWAYS say no when you are asked. He is trying to be nice, but he is also going against your request and he should be showing more respect! Definitely. But in the mean time, just be strong, stay proud of yourself, and say no thank you! :) You are the one in control.
  • amberleighM04
    amberleighM04 Posts: 108
    ...oh, and why do men do that? I think it's because we get "programmed" into thinking "Candy makes wifey happy. She doesn't look happy. Bring candy."

    ^^^^This :)

    Work on your willpower a little and have a talk with your husband, if he doesn't get it, say no to what he brings, or have a small portion of it. Good luck!
  • LoFoSho100
    LoFoSho100 Posts: 66 Member
    I am not an expert on relationships, but after 18 years of marriage and hearing my mother's wisdom in her 45 year marriage to my dad, this is what I've learned. The sabotage, when it occurs (and it does), has nothing to do with me. My husband is a good guy and so is my dad. The truth is this: When I am over weight, I am attractive, but not a "hot chick". My loving husband can breathe easier. He doesn't have to pannic "too much" that I'll leave him for someone else. When I'm in shape and on "my game" physically, he's a little freaked out. Why would I stay with him? And he certainly doesn't want some other man trying to get my attention! Aaaaaakkkk, it's easier when she's just attractive not hot! Less stress on him....LOL!!!

    My response: I don't get angry. I give him a little more attention. Showing him that he's my guy, and fat or skinny.....I'm his girl. After 18 years and my weight going up and down, I think he finally gets it. He's my biggest supporter! <3

    I wonder sometimes if this is part of it... I know he does love me regardless, but I DON'T love me regardless. He has to recognize that I looked better 60 lbs ago. And ultimately, I'd like to lose another 25ish on top of where I was when we met... Wouldn't he rather have the girl that his friends think is good looking (and the one who feels confident enough to want to go out at all)? Maybe it does make him feel insecure or like there's a risk something could happen. But there's always a risk- no matter your weight, if you wanted to cheat, you could! :) It's just strange to wrap your brain around it! It's hard for me to want to give him extra attention when I feel so frustrated! But I guess I do need to try. Maybe that would ease his mind. But sometimes I do think he just honestly doesn't think about it! It just isn't something that he has EVER had to worry about. It's like a strange concept for him or something! Anyway, lots of suggestions- I need to try some more strategies! My internal fit throwing isn't doing any good. lol!
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
    unless hes sitting on your chest and forcing the food down your throat its all on you. You need to learn to say no or the "mission" does not matter
  • LoFoSho100
    LoFoSho100 Posts: 66 Member
    I DO say no...That's what I'm saying.
    But then I'm upset because it doesn't seem to matter how many times I say no, he keeps doing it! It's frustrating. And then we discuss it and it turns into an argument because he DOESN'T GET IT! He's trying to be nice. But his niceness isn't supportive. If you want to be helpful- bring me some bananas! Or call and ask if I want a salad! (Most of the time he doesn't call, he just brings stuff...) I have tried over and over to explain these things. But just like it's hard for me to understand why he would think these offerings are appropriate, it's hard for him to understand why someone wouldn't want a milkshake! LOL! Maybe if I start bringing him salads and bananas (which he doesn't want) he'll get it?!?!
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
    unless hes sitting on your chest and forcing the food down your throat its all on you. You need to learn to say no or the "mission" does not matter
    Quote for truth. No-one can sabotage you but yourself.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    What you put in your mouth is your choice. Learn to say no. It isn't his job to manage your weight.
  • Jenph20
    Jenph20 Posts: 134 Member
    OH man. I definitely have friends like that. They don't seem to realize what you are trying to do for yourself. Support is definitely one o fthe hardest things about changing your life. If you have FB, I have a ladies only support group. We would love ot have you! :) Send me a message :)
  • lauralind5
    lauralind5 Posts: 133 Member
    My soon to be exhusband was like that and for years I was so angry at him about it, but then finally I changed my thinking to the following:
    1. aww he was thinking about me.
    2. No one can make me eat it. But I started taking a bite and throwing it away ( because I couldnt have it in the house).
    3. If he wanted pizza or burgers or whatever, I made better choices, even if it meant like above, taking a bite and not eating the rest and coming home and making a vegetable to eat.
    4. Hes getting attention, even if its negative attention by you having a fit when he does it. I know how much focus it takes to stay on track with food and exercise and all that, I go by the its 95% in your head and 5% what you actually do. Maybe he needs some of your focus?
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
    I DO say no...That's what I'm saying.
    But then I'm upset because it doesn't seem to matter how many times I say no, he keeps doing it! It's frustrating. And then we discuss it and it turns into an argument because he DOESN'T GET IT! He's trying to be nice. But his niceness isn't supportive. If you want to be helpful- bring me some bananas! Or call and ask if I want a salad! (Most of the time he doesn't call, he just brings stuff...) I have tried over and over to explain these things. But just like it's hard for me to understand why he would think these offerings are appropriate, it's hard for him to understand why someone wouldn't want a milkshake! LOL! Maybe if I start bringing him salads and bananas (which he doesn't want) he'll get it?!?!

    well there you go problem solved. just dont eat it,eventually he will get tired of wasting money on it. if you do have a food addiction hiding from food is not going to solve it,food is everywhere just because it is there does not mean you have to eat it. men are not women they do not think like women.
    and very rarely is it a case of them worried you are going to get "too hot" if you lose weight.
  • half_moon
    half_moon Posts: 807 Member
    I had the same problem!! Hubby would bring literally a box of rice crispy treats, crunch bars, etc. I just didn't eat them and told him he was wasting his money! After a month he learned, and the box of rice crispies is still sitting in the cabinet. It's empowering to say no! :)
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