Help please

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michellegoljar
michellegoljar Posts: 36
in Introduce Yourself
My husband and I went to doctor appointment on Monday and was told I only have to lose another 60lbs before December/January so we can start IVF treatment. I had a long talk with him and asked him to support me because we only have 6 months to go. I came home from work last night to find he has bought me chocolate ( a big bar) I threw it away. I really dont know what else I can say to him I dont why he cant see that this behaviour can hinder our chances of having the family we both want. His response is ' one won't hurt' Any suggestions? x

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  • Lindaendall
    Lindaendall Posts: 177 Member
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    Oh dear - my first thoughts about your husbands actions are 'How hearless is he?

    From your post it is obvious how much this means to you and he should be buying you flowers and a gym membership!! Please, please, please take this comment how it is intended as I would not want to be callous or anything, but are you sure he wants this process as much as you do??

    As for helping you, you are already doing the right thing by being on MFP, I have looked at your profile and you have loads of friends, do you regularly communicate with your friends and help and support each other??

    good luck in your future plans :flowerforyou:

    Linda
  • michellegoljar
    michellegoljar Posts: 36
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    yes I know he wants this as much as I do. He was the one suggesting us to get the tests and he is always talking about wanting to be a DAD - I just think he see's chocolate as treating me - but I keep telling him it is not helping
  • trollydollymolly
    trollydollymolly Posts: 107 Member
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    Hi there,

    Maybe your husband is totally out of his depth and reverted to buying chocolate because that is the only way in the past that has made you happy.

    Talk to him... what you are about to embark on will affect your entire future life. You have to be open and support each other, even if it means hearing things you might not want to hear. Explain how upset you were that he had given you chocolate despite him knowing what the doctor had just told you.

    I truly hope everything works out for you... but you are a partnership and what you need to achieve must be for the both of you.

    I wish you every success.

    Regards

    Sue
  • julesw734
    julesw734 Posts: 100
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    I understand the stress with infertility issues.. My husband and I have been trying for 7 years. I would sit your husband down and tell him exactly how you feel about him bringing you those kind of treats.. Also, tell him the importance of what thos weight loss is for. Good luck with everything... ;) If he brings anything else just say thanks, but no thanks..
  • cari_o
    cari_o Posts: 6 Member
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    I think you just need to put him in his place and actually SHOW him your being serious about the situation... I dont think he was being heartless by getting you chocolate because im sure little gestures like that made you happy before...If he sees the actions your taking to conquer your goal im sure he'll follow soon enough...Thats just my opinion :D

    Good luck and I wish you the best =D
  • Smudgie2001
    Smudgie2001 Posts: 3
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    How about approaching it in a totally different way? Tell him that the next six months are going to be a challenge for both of you and you may both need a treat or two to encourage each other to keep going. Come up with a list of treats you'd each like and put them in a lucky-dip box. Then, when one of you feels the other deserves a special treat, dip into the box and choose something, in the full knowledge that it WILL be something the other one WANTs. Maybe even have a third box of treats you can share, like a day out somewhere. It may just be that he knows how much you love chocolate but doesn't really know what other things might be just as special a treat.

    Is there something he could be doing too in preparation for a hoped-for change in status? Does he want to stop smoking or cut down on drinking or spend less time watching football or learn how to cook or some other enterprise that he could take up alongside you so you each have something you can encourage the other to do?

    I wish you both all the best in your hopes for parenthood in the future. What better motivator?
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,554 Member
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    Maybe he just doesn't know what to do to treat you - maybe you need to be really specific and say "thanks for the lovely thought, but I'm not going to eat this chocolate. Can you take it to work and give it to someone else. If you want to buy me a treat, I'd love some different herbal tea or crackers or [insert something else that you would like]".

    If he still buys chocolate, keep throwing it out -he'll soon learn!
  • alipene
    alipene Posts: 945 Member
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    Hey, look on the bright side here...you threw it away :happy: Good for you! It just shows how much willpower you have to reach your goal. Be proud! I'm sure your husband didn't intend to be insensitive, and if you threw the chocolate away he'll probably think twice before buying that sort of treat again. Good luck with everything!
  • jus_in_bello
    jus_in_bello Posts: 326 Member
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    You have to give him time to adjust to a huge change you've decided to make. Give him time, suggest new treats, a walk together after dinner, a night watching your favorite movie, or flowers. It's not just an adjustment for you, he has to change his thinking as well, it can be a lot harder for those who aren't directly involved, but he obviously wants to support you, so just be patient and willing to explain often.
  • michellegoljar
    michellegoljar Posts: 36
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    Thank you I like your idea about a box with alternative treats Im going to run this by him tonight.
  • Ralphrabbit
    Ralphrabbit Posts: 351 Member
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    Maybe he just doesn't know what to do to treat you - maybe you need to be really specific and say "thanks for the lovely thought, but I'm not going to eat this chocolate. Can you take it to work and give it to someone else. If you want to buy me a treat, I'd love some different herbal tea or crackers or [insert something else that you would like]".

    If he still buys chocolate, keep throwing it out -he'll soon learn!
    Yup this! and make sure he has a list of suitable treats like pedicures & beauty treatments, flowers, your favourite perfume etc. These can be updated with a new dress or gym stuff when you start getting too small for the stuff you have now,,,,
  • michellegoljar
    michellegoljar Posts: 36
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    Maybe he just doesn't know what to do to treat you - maybe you need to be really specific and say "thanks for the lovely thought, but I'm not going to eat this chocolate. Can you take it to work and give it to someone else. If you want to buy me a treat, I'd love some different herbal tea or crackers or [insert something else that you would like]".

    If he still buys chocolate, keep throwing it out -he'll soon learn!
    Yup this! and make sure he has a list of suitable treats like pedicures & beauty treatments, flowers, your favourite perfume etc. These can be updated with a new dress or gym stuff when you start getting too small for the stuff you have now,,,,
  • michellegoljar
    michellegoljar Posts: 36
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    im going to take all of these ideas and see if it helps x

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