compliment or insult or both?

MartinaC32
MartinaC32 Posts: 63 Member
in Success Stories
I have a friend (friend of a friend actually) who like to chatter. I don't think she thinks before she speaks. Anyway, I ran into her last night and she was rambling on about stuff you won't care about but then she says..."you look so much younger since you've lost weight. Now you look my age"

All the while I'm thinking to myself...lady you are 3 years older than I am so how is that supposed to be a compliment. That means she must have thought I looked 10 years older than her when I was heavy. I always get told I do not look my age. When people find out I have a 20 and 24 yr old children they pretty much are shocked because they don't think I look my ago.

I'm just not sure how to take that compliment/insult.

:(

Replies

  • mariaperry
    mariaperry Posts: 6
    Something similar has happened to me when i lost 26 lbs 2 yrs ago. A friend of a friend said to me "you look great your almost as skinny as me now", well i took it as an insult because she was definately heavier than me even before i lost 26 lbs. I believe people that make comments like these are insecure about themselves, so with that said don't take what this person said to heart and keep doing what your doing....good luck!!!
  • MsKeelah919
    MsKeelah919 Posts: 332 Member
    Before I answer...did she KNOW how old you were? If she knows...then that was definitely a little jab!! However, you are WINNING...so who cares?? Chalk it up to things people say...
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
    Oh no! I told a swim mom I am friends with that she looked younger after having worked out doing p90x with her husband.

    I do know she is older than me - and she's always been a thin lady. But her face looked really great, tight, flawless.

    I totally meant it as a compliment! I know she didn't have a face lift.

    Maybe she doesn't realize your age.
  • nill4me
    nill4me Posts: 682 Member
    Something similar has happened to me when i lost 26 lbs 2 yrs ago. A friend of a friend said to me "you look great your almost as skinny as me now", well i took it as an insult because she was definately heavier than me even before i lost 26 lbs. I believe people that make comments like these are insecure about themselves, so with that said don't take what this person said to heart and keep doing what your doing....good luck!!!

    I wonder if it's insecurity, or a slant on reality. maybe they just have themselves convinced that they are /were thinner, or younger looking. Folks are like that....i told myself for the longest time i was not gaining weight. Guess what i was wrong....lol

    Agree with keeping up the good work. Take it all as compliments...you deserve every single one of them.
  • hannahchipmunk
    hannahchipmunk Posts: 50
    Yeah, I'm guessing she meant for it to be a compliment but it just came out wrong. If I feel hurt or upset about something I just use it as fuel to perservere (sp?). I bet when you hit your goal you are going to look WAY better than her anyway :)
  • senyosmom
    senyosmom Posts: 613 Member
    who cares what she meant - she noticed you lost weight and that is what matters
  • Dawna954
    Dawna954 Posts: 183 Member
    Sometimes people don't think before they speak and some people have a hard time being happy for someone else who has had success.

    I am 50, my eldest daughter is 30 and once I lost some weight, we had someone ask us if we were sisters. Awesome compliment for me but made my daughter think that she looked old.... after all, I am her mom. Comments can be interpreted completely differently by different people.

    Whatever the case.... don't sweat the small stuff. We are all here for support. You know you are winning the battle and we are all here to support you.

    D
  • shvrngrl
    shvrngrl Posts: 205 Member
    I laughed when I read this. I had the same thing happen to me. People either do not realize what they are saying or they are taking a jab due to jealousy. It doesn't matter though. I had a very large woman in my office show me her weight loss tips after I had lost 100 lbs and was in a size 4. I thought that was a bit odd, but chalked it up to her possibly having high self esteem.
  • Shelbert79
    Shelbert79 Posts: 510 Member
    I heard "You look good for having 4 kids" or "Now that you're losing weight, you've got a hot bod". I'm going to take both as compliments but I'd like to hear just plain old "you look good" not adding "for having 4 kids". You take what you can get though. :smile:
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
    Who cares? Take it as a compliment and you win. Take it as an insult and she wins. Don't let others determine the way you feel and keep smiling. Nothing frustrates somebody trying to insult you more than when the insult just rolls off you like water off a duck's back.

    "He who takes offense when no offense is meant is a fool. But he who takes offense when offense *is* meant is a greater fool."
  • spikefoot
    spikefoot Posts: 419
    I don't really buy into the whole "don't think before they speak" type people. I consider it an excuse. Yes they think, they are just stupid. It is not a free pass. IMO

    I know you probably played a bunch of scenarios in your head afterwards of what you wish you said etc.. (we all do it..lol)

    I once had someone do a similar thing to me and they were so ignorant that it still annoys me to this day. If you can't respond quickly and appropriately at the time it is a missed opportunity.
  • AnitaVolpato
    AnitaVolpato Posts: 204 Member
    Human's are stupid! Shake it off... I hear all the time "You are so pretty for a black girl" makes me want to slap the hell out of any person that says that to me. It is an insult to my race but people are so clueless at times.... Do You! Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.... life is much better that way.. :)
  • MNA76
    MNA76 Posts: 1,541
    That is what I like to call a 'back-handed' compliment.
  • MartinaC32
    MartinaC32 Posts: 63 Member
    who cares what she meant - she noticed you lost weight and that is what matters

    So true.. Thank you for putting things into perspective.
  • MartinaC32
    MartinaC32 Posts: 63 Member
    Before I answer...did she KNOW how old you were? If she knows...then that was definitely a little jab!! However, you are WINNING...so who cares?? Chalk it up to things people say...

    Yes she knows how (young) old I am LOL

    I'm not 100% offended it just makes you think...how BAD did I look before if she's making comments like that. Meh, like you said...who cares LOL thank you.
  • MartinaC32
    MartinaC32 Posts: 63 Member
    Who cares? Take it as a compliment and you win. Take it as an insult and she wins. Don't let others determine the way you feel and keep smiling. Nothing frustrates somebody trying to insult you more than when the insult just rolls off you like water off a duck's back.

    "He who takes offense when no offense is meant is a fool. But he who takes offense when offense *is* meant is a greater fool."

    Excellent advice. Thank you :)
  • mlynnea03
    mlynnea03 Posts: 41 Member
    Before I answer...did she KNOW how old you were? If she knows...then that was definitely a little jab!! However, you are WINNING...so who cares?? Chalk it up to things people say...

    Love your thought. I was thinking the same.
  • MartinaC32
    MartinaC32 Posts: 63 Member
    I just wanted to clarify that although MFP ticker states 5 lbs lost I have actually lost 70 lbs since I started this journey (for the 3rd time). I didn't know if I should put the previous 65 before I started on my ticker or not so I decided against it.

    Some of you may have been wondering how a 5lb loss could make that much difference LOL

Categories

Do you Love MyFitnessPal? Have you crushed a goal or improved your life through better nutrition using MyFitnessPal?
Share your success and inspire others. Leave us a review on Apple Or Google Play stores!