Time to get serious!

I've had weight issues all my life, a little over 5'10" and I can't remember the last time I was under 200 lbs. Used to be fit in my high school days (I'm in my late 30's now), played basketball, baseball, football, but was still 200 or a bit higher. At least back then I was built well, very muscular, lifted weights and ran because of my sports involvement... Got to college and stopped playing sports, got focused on part-time jobs and schoolwork and still ate like I did when I was active. It didn't take long for all that beautiful muscle to get soft and turn to flab. Graduate school and work in a place that gives free soda pop. Every day I'd have a stack of empty Mountain Dew cans around me, signs of all the liquid calories I had consumed.

At one point I realized I needed to do something. I'd make a halfhearted attempt, walk up the stairs instead of the elevator, eat at subway instead of McDonald's (but I'd still get the foot long covered in mayo, mind you). I'd keep telling myself that it was baby steps, that next week I can switch to vinegar and oil, and next month I'll start going to 6" subs... Well, next week, next month, they never seem to come. In fact, someone at work would invite me to go to the Chinese buffet for lunch with them and I'd go. Before I know it, I'm back to the same habits.

About 2 years ago I am looking at photos. Every one of me is... well... omg... YUCK! How can I look that bad? I'd find myself going into places, looking around and seeing if I was really the fattest one in the room. A lot of the times I was. I'd think to myself "Our country is having an obesity epidemic and I'm actually the fattest one here!" I hop on the scale, I'm 255 (36.6 BMI). I got to do something!

Thanksgiving 2010 (at 255 lbs) I give an honest effort at it, bust my butt... I actually make progress... 249 hits quick, I tell myself "I'm NEVER letting myself get to 250 again". 239... bye bye 240, never going to see you again... In May of 2011 I'm down to 220 (31.6 BMI). I am proud of myself, I look better than I remember... Still quite heavy, but at least I can go into a place and I'm no longer the fattest guy there. I don't feel as self conscious, I physically feel great, no more acid reflux, no more getting winded, so many great things! I feel motivated to keep going, would love just once to catch a woman giving me a second glance as I walk by (haven't experienced that since high school either).

Well, work gets crazy, stressful, people are laid off, I do multiple jobs, stop working out over lunch (which I've found to be the best time for me to exercise). I turn to my old faithful crutch, food. It never turns you down, it instantly gratifies, it's easy! I stop paying attention and I go back to feeling down about things (including myself) and honestly just stop caring. I don't hop on the scale, I don't look in the mirror, I eat what I want when I want, I do all the bad things that get me where I didn't want to be.

A dream of mine has been to learn to fly a plane. I don't have money to do it now, but I really want a pilot's license someday. Well, I get a gift, an initial flying lesson... Good till the end of October of this year... The catch? Weight limit: 239... Well, I was 220 about a year ago, shouldn't be a big thing... I hop on the scale? 261!!! Holy cow, 261!?!?!?!? Not only did I go back to the numbers I swore I'd never go back to again, I set a new record for myself!

I've disappointed myself, made myself back into the person I worked so hard to work away from. But again, I have motivation, at least for the short-term. 22 pounds (plus a few more for clothes since I assume I will have to be clothed to fly a plane) need to drop off. I'm already down 3 pounds and I am well on pace to lose it in time (though there's always those inevitable plateaus). More than that, I want to make sure this time it is PERMANENT! No more letting it go, no more sitting on my heels, patting myself on the back, then going back to the bad habits.

Today I met with a personal trainer for an introductory session. He absolutely kicked my butt. I imagine I looked like those guys on "The Biggest Loser" the first day there, where the trainer is pushing them and their bodies just want to give out. You know what, my body gave out several times, but I'm determined... I rested a couple seconds then willed myself to pick the ball back up, to get back into that squat, to press out the two more reps the trainer wanted... I hurt, I'm tired, my legs feel like jello, but I'm happy.

Trainer gets to kick my butt again Friday (upper body) and again next Monday. After that I need to kick my own butt until I get another session with him in a few weeks.

Bottom line: I'm going to get back on track and somehow, someway, I'm going to make it stick this time!!!