Confessions from a former anorexic

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madammamstiff
madammamstiff Posts: 3
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi everyone :) I'm new. My name's Lindsey.

I've battled with weight my whole life. In early high school, I started at 165 lbs. I became anorexic and dropped to about 125-130 in about 8 months. Luckily for me, I overcame anorexia rather quickly (about four years from when I started to when I had it under control), although you're never truly "cured." However, during that time and now, my life has changed so much, especially when it comes to family dynamics. I don't really want to get into it. Anyway, I've developed compulsive eating. I've ballooned to 204 lbs; I don't even feel like this is my body anymore. I've been trying to lose weight, but it's so difficult for me because it brings on so much anxiety. I do calorie counting, began swimming frequently at the local Y, and eat lots of fruits. I'm trying to figure out what my anxiety is from, what's causing me to feel the need to eat, and how to get it under control.

I'm tried of feeling like I'm suffocating under my own weight. :/ I'm ready to lose it and understand why I gained all this weight in the first place.

Is this common for people who have suffered eating disorders to develop another one later in life? Has this happened to any of you before? How can I control my anxiety and stop turning to food for comfort?

Replies

  • senyosmom
    senyosmom Posts: 613 Member
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    Hello!

    First off its great that you overcame your unhealthy habit before! Great job!

    I think you should seek some help from professionals since your situation si more delicate than most. Best of luck on this journey!
  • madammamstiff
    madammamstiff Posts: 3
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    Thank you :) I think that's a good idea. I'm going to look into that right now.

    Congrats on your seven pounds :D
  • MaitreyeeMAYHEM
    MaitreyeeMAYHEM Posts: 559 Member
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    I agree with the quote you made about never being cured. I went though high school with anorexia, four years later I am still trying to figure myself out. I still under eat but I found diet and exercise as my way to keep the weight off instead of not eating.
  • Justkeepswimmin
    Justkeepswimmin Posts: 777 Member
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    Hello!

    First off its great that you overcame your unhealthy habit before! Great job!

    I think you should seek some help from professionals since your situation si more delicate than most. Best of luck on this journey!

    I agree with this - I'm definately not a medical professional :( Wish I could help more. Either extreme is definately not healthy, I don't know what would would trigger either behavior. I do think in general once you talk to someone focusing on behaviors and outcomes other than 'weight' are a great thing to do for anyone. For example being fit enough to lift X or run X or meeting protein or sodium goals.
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
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    We definitely seem to have similar issues here. I was anorexic in high school. I started working at McDonalds at 15 and gained over 60 lbs my freshman year of high school. I was about 160 when I stopped eating. I liked the control...I liked being able to decide what I put in my mouth and when. My mom complimented me as I got thinner and I felt like my dad would accept me when I was there. However, I didn't know how to stop and got down to 103 lbs (I was 5'6") in 3-4 months. My friends made me realize I needed help and I had my mom bring me to a psychiatrist. It took me 3-4 years to resolve my issues, but while dealing with my anxiety, I was so scared I would relapse to anorexia that my weight ballooned up. It wasn't until I hit 195 that I realized I needed to change.

    You definitely need to get your anxiety under control...learn coping techniques and channel your stress into something healthy. Right now, I'm using exercise, but I am careful not to overdo it and also to give my body the fuel it needs. Feel free to add me if you need support and I will do my best, but I really recommend talking to some kind of counselor to learn coping techniques.
  • prism6
    prism6 Posts: 484 Member
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    i have the problem of alcohol over consumption..or I did. I have discovered that I am riddled with anxiety with just about everything.Drinking and eating became my world. for about 7months I have worked very hard at 'dieting', not drinking, and I have talked to a counselor.I take anti anxtiey meds. if I feel a situation will call for it..ie. group, or family situations. Try to find someone to talk to,they may be able to help you,but for now, just focus on cutting back where you can and walking or biking instead of nibbling. I wish you all the best.
  • madammamstiff
    madammamstiff Posts: 3
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    Thank you, everyone, for your encouraging words.

    I need to remember that I'm not the only one--one member sent me a message. She said, "First to know that you haven't been the only one to go through this and second that there is going to be some solace." That's what I'm looking for--solace. Hopefully I--and everyone else having issues similar to mine and beyond--can find it.

    Please, anyone, feel free to friend me. I'm going to try to become active on this site, make friends, and have a support group of sorts. :)

    Thanks again.
  • Whitney_J
    Whitney_J Posts: 8
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    I think what you are going through is all too common! I underate/ overexercised in college and dropped down to the smallest in my life. (I was never overweight, but have ALWAYS had body image issues). That lasted for about five years until my mom threatened to check me into the hospital. I moved away from my home town and got out of the bad relationship driving my eating disorder...

    And then started binging/ throwing up. THAT lasted for about 4 years and was HORRIBLE. I only gained about 40 lbs (and needed to gain about 20 to get my periods back), so I didn't become overweight by clinical standards, but the toll it took on my mind and body was terrible even without crazy weight gain. I feel like I lost years of life.

    Thankfully, for the last three years or so, my relationship with food has improved immensely. But, as you know, one is never cured. So, it is still a daily struggle. The all or nothing part of me REALLY has a hard time dieting and being healthy. I keep working on it, though!

    I think a HUGE part of getting a hold of it is to seek counseling. Talk to someone and find the reason you are eating like you are. A disorder is a disorder, and sometimes sheer willpower alone isn't going to be enough. Good luck!

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