Anyone else find this odd?

nlawing
nlawing Posts: 36
in Motivation and Support
After reading some of your posts, does anyone else find it odd that complete strangers, on an internet message board, provide MORE encouragement, support and motivation to you... MORE than the people, friends, family, coworkers, etc. that you've known in real life for years, or maybe even your whole life?

"You're getting too skinny"
"Eat more"
"You need to gain some weight"
"Stop losing weight"
"You'll get sick" - lol @ this one, like obesity isn't a sickness and is completely normal. Obesity is so common that it's becoming "normal" to most people now.
Or just generally giving you grief about your nutrition plan, exercising, being picky and conscious about your body, etc.

Humans can be a funny species sometimes. What's up with that?
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Replies

  • Gizziemoto
    Gizziemoto Posts: 430 Member
    Yes!! I just did a topic about frustrated and advice.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    No, I don't find it odd. People on a message board only see the parts of you that you choose to show them while the people in your real life see more, know you better and are more invested in you.
  • NNAhuja
    NNAhuja Posts: 669 Member
    After reading some of your posts, does anyone else find it odd that complete strangers, on an internet message board, provide MORE encouragement, support and motivation to you... MORE than the people, friends, family, coworkers, etc. that you've known in real life for years, or maybe even your whole life?

    "You're getting too skinny"
    "Eat more"
    "You need to gain some weight"
    "Stop losing weight"
    "You'll get sick" - lol @ this one, like obesity isn't a sickness and is completely normal. Obesity is so common that it's becoming "normal" to most people now.
    Or just generally giving you grief about your nutrition plan, exercising, being picky and conscious about your body, etc.

    Humans can be a funny species sometimes. What's up with that?
    The last time I was in my "normal body weight" range, I got A LOT of that from some members of my family. And I fear to get it again when I loose more.
  • rannawelch
    rannawelch Posts: 20 Member
    Completely agree. I have to visit MFP every day to get the motivation I need.. most of the people around me are too busy trying to tempt me with food because they're upset that I'm actually DOING something about my obesity.
  • Erica27511
    Erica27511 Posts: 490 Member
    "your on edge lately, you need to get laid"
  • Shannon2714
    Shannon2714 Posts: 843 Member
    I've learned this myself over the past year. For me, it's the "you're not fat" or the "you have such a pretty face"...um, yes, I AM fat. BUT, I'm working on it!! No one in my "real" life supports me in any way. Here, I have found support that I didn't even know existed. One of the best things I've ever done is join MFP.
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
    Man I totally understand your feelings on this one! I got asked the other day if my profile pic was ME. Why? I didn't have a chubby (round) enough face was one of the reasons! Another was that I didn't have long hair or highlights... This was by my sister in law :laugh: I replied "I'm standing in front of you NOW... do I have a chubby face? No. Do I have long hair? No. Do I have highlights? No. So, I ask YOU, does my profile pic look like ME?" and she says... "Well yeah..." :tongue:
  • Awake_Alive
    Awake_Alive Posts: 261 Member
    In my own life, the people around me are sitting in the same sick spot that we all were in for years, and they really don't appreciate the fact that I am going out of the box to find something better without them. They WANT to do it, and yet they just sit there and do nothing but judge me.

    That is why I come here. The support and motivation can't be beat!

    Good luck, and don't let the bastids getcha down!!!! :)
  • Dethea
    Dethea Posts: 247 Member
    This happened to my sister. She lost a lot of weight, and my mom kept asking her "are you eating? are you losing too much weight?"

    It's annoying! Then I start working my butt off to lose weight after years and years of an unhealthy relationship with food, and no one believes me that I have an actual problem!

    People are ridiculous.
  • janinermt
    janinermt Posts: 15
    you ARE correct! The advice and support can come from all sorts of places(tonnes from strangers on the internet)......my strategy is to surround myself with people who like to do the same things as me, so that way the criticism is lower....lol.
  • squishycow7
    squishycow7 Posts: 820 Member
    YES!!!!!

    All my friends and family just tell me I'm great just the way I am.
    All my MFP friends tell me to keep going until *I'm* happy.

    I know I'm not "fat," but I'm fatter than I want to be. That seems to be the point I can't get across to my real life peeps.
  • phinphanbill26
    phinphanbill26 Posts: 574 Member
    The people, the wonderful people, on this board have the same common goal - fitness. Everyone else is out life does not have that goal.
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    My husband and kids support me in losing weight but from the rest of my family and most friends, it's *crickets chirping* time.
  • CanuckTracy
    CanuckTracy Posts: 245 Member
    Totally agree with you! I think it's because we're all on here aiming for similar goals...to get healthy, lose weight, be more active and our friends, family members are not on the same page so to speak....
    I am lucky to have a lot of support but at the same time, there's some jealousy there....I have worked my *kitten* off for this weight loss, so I earned every bit of it...when people ask how I'm doing it, my response is always Hard Work! Exercise and watching my cals...then they don't want to do it..everyone wants a magic pill
  • livinginwoods
    livinginwoods Posts: 562 Member
    I don't find it odd. You will always get more encouragement from people with like goals.
  • megsi474
    megsi474 Posts: 370 Member
    I feel that lack of support comes from two places. One is a projection of their own shortcomings- they haven't been able to adopt a healthier lifestyle and seeing the amount of work and dedication that needs to go into it can be very scary and confrontational, even if it's somebody else they care about doing it. The other is just simply being used to the way someone looks at one weight and the physical transformation catching them off guard. I rarely get told I'm "too" skinny but the few times have been after I started exercising and lost a lot of my mom belly. I looked much smaller and I guess it was alarming to some people but I was in no way unhealthy.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    No, I don't find it odd. People on a message board only see the parts of you that you choose to show them while the people in your real life see more, know you better and are more invested in you.

    I have to agree with this. Usually, though, if someone really cares about you (in IRL), then they learn not to say those things to you. So even if they keep their opinions to themselves, they are still supporting you.
  • itgeekwoman
    itgeekwoman Posts: 804 Member
    There is objectivity here. We aren't basing our opinions on you, but your actions and your requests. There is also an assumption that you really want to get healthy. If not, why else would you be on this site?

    I didn't even tell my family I was losing weight until I hit the -30 lb mark. I don't see them often and I figured their input wasn't as important as mine. I'm not doing this for them, and I didn't want the peanut gallery chiming in on how to lose it.. if I should lose it and when I should stop losing it.

    Now they know and I have actually put my mother on a limited view of facebook so that she only gets to see what I want her to see. This way I can control what she knows about me and won't make snap judgements about my weight loss.

    I love MFP.. and my family, but both for different reasons.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    People we surrounded our self with reflect where we were - not where we are going.
    It's natural for them to discourage.
    Your success only highlights what failures they are.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    I find it odd when I read posts like this. I guess I'm just lucky, but my family and friends in real life are very encouraging. They may say something like "You don't need to lose weight", but I just take that as a compliment.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    I thank my lucky stars that I have a very supportive group of friends and family who have never said these sorts of dumb comments!! Only a couple co-workers who are acquaintances at best have said such things to me like "you're not going to lose anymore weight, right?". I kind of hate it when people call me skinny (partly because I'm not really there yet and partly because that has nothing to do with my goals) but I understand that's just how people think so I just smile and say thanks.

    On one hand, I get it, I've been heavy for so long people are just used to me looking that way so it's kind of a shocker. On the other hand, I've lost my weight slowly over the last 2 1/2 years and they see me going to the gym every day and even see me going to the candy store or buying a cookie in the cafe - so it's obvious that I'm not starving myself or going to extremes.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    No, I don't find it odd. People on a message board only see the parts of you that you choose to show them while the people in your real life see more, know you better and are more invested in you.

    I have to agree with this. Usually, though, if someone really cares about you (in IRL), then they learn not to say those things to you. So even if they keep their opinions to themselves, they are still supporting you.

    For the most part, people in my real life don't discourage me. My mother went through a few moments of thinking I was anorexic (at 130 pounds when I was 110 most of my life, but whatever ...) and that was it. But I can see how in some cases people IRL may have a genuine concern even if it's unfounded.
  • nlawing
    nlawing Posts: 36
    To all of you on this thread:

    Keep being awesome! :bigsmile:
  • tadpole242
    tadpole242 Posts: 507 Member
    I’m sure people here provide more support, but that is because they have a vested interest in the subject, go on a cog head site, and you can talk cycling all day without a single rolling of the eyes, same for a gear head site, or any other [insert your passion/obsession] Here most people are all in the same place with the same interest.
  • mmarin81
    mmarin81 Posts: 241
    I think it is mostly because on here we all share a common goal. Also for someone who sees us everyday when we were bigger and then we lose a bunch, to them we just dont look the same or right to them I guess. If any of that makes sense.

    But I do totally agree with you on that. I have been lucky to have a good deal of support but its not 100% across the board with everyone I know. But I am happy with the support I receive on here as well as real life.
  • christinedadali
    christinedadali Posts: 4 Member
    Unfortunately after reading some of the other posts, this is a recurring theme..........I too do not have good support group at home. I think that's why we have ( at least for me) we have come here to get support from others who are in the same boat. I am new here and don't have any friends yet but am hopefull to finally find the support I have been lacking in my life. My frustration comes from people in my life knowing and expecting me to be the fit person I used to be but I had some setbacks in life ( not an excuse) and stopped taking care of me. Now I am trying to relearn how to be healthy and anyone who has any advice I would greatly appreciate it! Please add me if you would like and have a wonderful day all!
  • escloflowneCHANGED
    escloflowneCHANGED Posts: 3,038 Member
    I keep getting "180lbs!!! You will look sick...don't do it, stop now!"

    I like this website, I like my friends on MFP more than my IRL friends lol too bad they all live so far away!
  • Sam3622
    Sam3622 Posts: 172 Member
    Totally agree!
  • futuremalestripper
    futuremalestripper Posts: 467 Member
    I keep getting "180lbs!!! You will look sick...don't do it, stop now!"

    I like this website, I like my friends on MFP more than my IRL friends lol too bad they all live so far away!

    Word.
    As one woman said "If you get to 170lbs, you won't be attractive anymore."
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
    I know I'm not "fat," but I'm fatter than I want to be. That seems to be the point I can't get across to my real life peeps.

    THIS is exactly the same boat I'm in right now. I feel you. :)

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