Anyone else find this odd?

13»

Replies

  • twinkle320
    twinkle320 Posts: 23
    My family seems to have a healthy balance of supporting me and worrying about me. I have a history of eating disorder so when they see me losing they worry that I may fall back into old bad habits but usually when I assure them that I am losing in a healthy way this time, they don't harp. But friends, acquaintences and co-workers really irk me. I am tired of the phrase "If you lose anymore we won't be able to see you when you turn sideways". And several times I have been asked "Are you done now? You're getting too skinny." I feel like saying "What business is it of yours?" I didn't hear anyone saying to me "You're getting too fat" when I was gaining the weight, so why is it okay now to tell me you think I am getting too skinny. I think that only those closest to us realize that this is about health and not just about appearance and the people that don't know us base their often unneeded opinions just on how we LOOK. I enjoy the support I find online as well as the support I have received through my Weight Watchers meetings. I truly believe that not going it alone helps and being surrounded by people who know what you are going through really gives you the strength to keep going.
  • amivox
    amivox Posts: 441 Member
    Man, can I relate to that. Lots of the people who I'm closest to have started calling me "obsessed". I go to the gym for one hour a day, which is the minimum recommended daily cardio amount, and I watch what I eat. And I'm obsessed. Heaven forbid I turn town some kind of fattening food or a 3rd beer when everyone else is indulging. "What's wrong with you?" "Geez, live a little! Stop being so hard on yourself! It's just food!" And then I want to say "Exactly. It's just food And I don't want it, so leave me alone."

    MFP is where I find my support. Mostly everyone in my "real life" is tired of me "obsessing" about my weight.

    Oh my gosh, the alcohol thing. I only want 2 beers and everyone else who is drunk keeps telling me I know I want more. No, I really don't. lol
  • fabafter5
    fabafter5 Posts: 200 Member
    Yes! When I go out with friends to eat (maybe once every 2 months) I eat what I want. They don't understand that most every other day I am "on" so I splurdge a little when I go out. They say things like "she will have the lettuce". Or say "Wow so you really do eat!" blah blah blah.

    Once we went out and I had a bowl of soup and a few shared appetizers and I was full. I went ahead and canceled my entree and you would of thought I just slapped the President or something. Everyone was appauled lol. Was I going to stuff myself to be social ? Nope!
  • AmyM713
    AmyM713 Posts: 594 Member
    My mother just visited and I love her to death but I got a lot of your OCD about working out, oh I'm eating healthy because I'm at Amy's house. I don't know how you can take the time to measure all your food.

    I guess its just because when I look in the mirror and see who I have become I feel that all the work and dedication is worth it to me to feel this good about myself.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Family and friends suck. Its that simple.
    They tell you what they think you want to hear because they really really really don't want to deal with your body image problems and any changes they might have to make to accommodate that.
  • amivox
    amivox Posts: 441 Member
    My mother just visited and I love her to death but I got a lot of your OCD about working out, oh I'm eating healthy because I'm at Amy's house. I don't know how you can take the time to measure all your food.

    I guess its just because when I look in the mirror and see who I have become I feel that all the work and dedication is worth it to me to feel this good about myself.

    Holy crap! Your back is amazing, you should feel good about yourself!
  • minkakross
    minkakross Posts: 687 Member
    I've been pretty lucky so far, I'm at just over half my goal weight and my friends and family have all been really excited for me.
  • MtnKat
    MtnKat Posts: 714
    I get NO help, encouragement, whatever from my family...only here on MFP and my friends who are in the same boat as I am.

    Mostly I hear "Mom's on her health kick again"

    Sad.
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
    I think its that we are all here for the same reasons.. To lose the fat, build muscles and get healthy.
    We talk about this stuff here all the time. People who dont need to dont..
    So we tend to flock together and be supportive of each other.. The more Im supported here the more I want to support others here..
    I am real lucky I have some support outside of here as well. Not quite as good but better than most people do.. Thank God for my family and great freinds..
  • AmyM713
    AmyM713 Posts: 594 Member
    My mother just visited and I love her to death but I got a lot of your OCD about working out, oh I'm eating healthy because I'm at Amy's house. I don't know how you can take the time to measure all your food.

    I guess its just because when I look in the mirror and see who I have become I feel that all the work and dedication is worth it to me to feel this good about myself.

    Holy crap! Your back is amazing, you should feel good about yourself!

    Thank you! :smile:
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
    I used to find it odd and it would piss me off. Sunday, my boyfriend's dad told me I was so skinny I looked like I'd blow away. I'm finally at a healthy weight but very far from blowing away. I think people who make these comments just don't get it. They don't understand how much *kitten* it kicks when you lose another pound, increase your lifting capability at the gym or run that extra mile. Like many have said, they don't share the same goals as we do, therefore, our lifestyle changes might be foreign to them. Now I just let these silly comments go in one ear and out the other because deep down, I know I've discovered something they haven't.
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
    After reading some of your posts, does anyone else find it odd that complete strangers, on an internet message board, provide MORE encouragement, support and motivation to you... MORE than the people, friends, family, coworkers, etc. that you've known in real life for years, or maybe even your whole life?

    "You're getting too skinny"
    "Eat more"
    "You need to gain some weight"
    "Stop losing weight"
    "You'll get sick" - lol @ this one, like obesity isn't a sickness and is completely normal. Obesity is so common that it's becoming "normal" to most people now.
    Or just generally giving you grief about your nutrition plan, exercising, being picky and conscious about your body, etc.

    Humans can be a funny species sometimes. What's up with that?

    I bet none of those people even stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night, either! :huh:
  • NOchieng
    NOchieng Posts: 1 Member
    When people express those concerns, often they are concerns. One of my friends lost over 100 lbs, and I would see her only once or twice a year. Once when we got together, she was constantly cold, had bags under her eyes, and her hair was brittle. Worried- heck yeah!! Did her body look nice--yes, but I don't think her health was very good at that point.
    She now runs 2 hrs/day. It's her thing. She can eat a gazillion calories and the runner's high makes her happy. Do I agree that it is the most healthful thing? No, I think ::::blah blah blah:::: it doesn't matter what I think, it's her life. Does she agree with how I eat, No, but it's my life. We agree to disagree.

    I was reading a post yesterday about someone trying to keep at around 1200 calories. I think that is a bunch of starvation nonsense, but again, your life. I've learned to keep most of my opinions to myself, especially when I'm around anyone but my husband and kids, or online :)
  • asamuels85
    asamuels85 Posts: 170 Member
    I do find it odd but i will admit that THAT is the reason i came here and have stayed here and have lost 11% body fat, and have worked harder for this than anything in my life, and Im very happy.. I actually have to come here to talk about it because it hurts to listen to the critics on the outside :(

    In my case its mostly folks that are finding a way to demean my accomplishments. Its like a slap in the face, like being accused of cheating on a test that you aced from weeks of studying and dedication, only this is my LIFE I have literally SAVED.
  • YankeesLvr52
    YankeesLvr52 Posts: 64 Member
    @nlawning - Nothing surprises me anymore in life. I just thank the stars that my MFP "family" is here to provide me the impetus I need. Would be honored if you would be a part of that "family" as well. Please feel free to add me if you would like. Thanks. Dan
  • jeanzbeanz
    jeanzbeanz Posts: 64
    ^^^^ Best picture on a ticker - hands down. Had to do a double take.
  • mmarcy7
    mmarcy7 Posts: 227 Member
    My husband and I recently moved to a new city, away from family and are finally doing something about our weight. It's refreshing to live in a new place when losing the weight and not have to deal with the pressure and questions from everyone around you. When I lost weight before we lived near family and friends. On one hand it was nice for people to notice and compliment me on the weight loss, but there is a lot less pressure now, living where no one knows me well, at least not well enough to comment on my weight or what I am eating.
  • saustin201
    saustin201 Posts: 270 Member
    Yes, I've noticed this too. But my sister has been very encouraging since she's on the same weight loss goal I am.
  • jgotteiner
    jgotteiner Posts: 13 Member
    Wow you hit the nail on the head!! Crazy the skinny people who never eat when at my house are trying to force food down my throat when I VISIT THEM. when I don't eat THEY SULK AND WHINE...wtf
  • spdoman7
    spdoman7 Posts: 121 Member
    Isn't the real reason people give motivation and support on MFP because they are looking for the same in return? Family members and friends may have other hot buttons.
  • izoom3
    izoom3 Posts: 56 Member
    I used to find it odd but after thinking about it I don't anymore. People who know and love us have their own wants and needs and tend to project them on others. Here on the forum we all have the same want and need and to an extent project the same on everyone else here.
  • lauras777
    lauras777 Posts: 237 Member
    I've gotten mixed comments, most very positive, some of the "you aren't going to lose any MORE weight are you?" comments...my husband is also on MFP and has lost 40 pounds and is within 10 pounds of his goal, it is a dramatic weight loss for him, and he's gotten so many weird comments....his own Mother asked if he was sick....since she hadn't seen him at this weight since he was a teenager!! :laugh:
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
    My kids are CONSTANTLY supporting me, coming on walks with me, asking me if I'm sure I want to eat something (lol). Other people are definitely less so. I think maybe it's because people generally don't like change, and when they see YOU changing, it makes THEM uncomfortable in their own skin, because of a change they have not been willing to make (doesn't even have to be weight-related, we all have changes we know we need to make that we procrastinate on).
  • MuffRuff
    MuffRuff Posts: 238 Member
    I completely agree with you. I definitely have more support on here. However, I do have support in my life as well. In the real world many people want you to be like them. I have had criticism from people. Just the other night I was exercising, since I split up my exercises yesterday, got a call from someone, and told them I couldn't talk because I was exercising. The person replied, "Who exercises at midnight?" It wasn't even midnight. So, I replied, "When was the last time you exercised?" Needless to say the conversation went dead. A lot of times people are jealous because you are doing something they would like to do. I love the support here on MFP because it definitely keeps me going.
  • blynn2708
    blynn2708 Posts: 262 Member
    I agree! I was told today that I am getting too thin, to stop losing weight. I'm at my goal, focusing on maintaining and definition now. I get absolutely NO support from my real life friends and family. It's sad, no one is interested in what I'm doing, the first time I ran 5k I was so excited, but none of them cared, I actually cried! I turned to MFP to share my excitement! And I share nothing with my family anymore:grumble:
  • sapienti
    sapienti Posts: 17
    I have been fortunate that my family is supportive, but people who do not really have a "weight" problem don't realize that the fat on our belly is a reflection of how bad our health is, and in some cases their health probably is probably as bad, since they eat the same or worse than we do, it just will eventually manifest as something else besides fat.

    My wife is thinner, not skin and bones, but slender, and she has to try to keep her weight up to her healthy self image. It's taken me years of explaining to help her realize that whatever is good for her might not be good for me, and lately we've been eating differently. it helps for family members to realize this. people in general are programmed to eat the same food at the dinner table.

    Some of it has to do with ones persona. if the Jolly Green Giant suddenly became a skinny purple dude, he'd not be worth putting on a vegetable label. i figured it out when my wife freaked out about McGee on NCIS. Last season he came back to the show thin, and she freaked, said he was too skinny, etc.

    So, sometimes it is not about what features people find attractive or healthy looking in general, but what physical features people associate with your personality. when you change - or threaten to change - your physical looks, it messes with people's heads. they become insecure about their relationship with you. it takes time for people to associate the change or the new look with your personality.

    --dan

Categories