I want this so bad..but I'm so scared to fail!

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elenakristine
elenakristine Posts: 29 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey guys.. I'm trying not to lose faith right now, and to let time work with me- but when I go searching for reasons why I deserve to lose this weight and feel better, I come up with the same old answers I gave myself when I was younger and struggled with eating disorders:
"You'll never be any better"
"Everyone else can do this but you, because you never succeed. That's just how it is"

I'm afraid to fall into the trap of cutting and cutting and cutting calories. I've set my calories at 1650 so I still eat good and plenty of food and lose at a steady (but slow) pace, but my brain is trying to trick me into 1400, 1200, 1000 calories..

It's hard to feel like you're working against your body, I desperately wish my heart, brain and body were all on the same page. All I want is some peace, some trust in myself and knowing that this is gonna work. I'm going to get there, I'll be able to feel free of my own doubts and fears.

Is there anyone out there who's been here? Or who is here? Or anyone who has some words of wisdom for me?
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Replies

  • annahiven
    annahiven Posts: 185
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    It's a marathon, not a sprint.

    That is all you need to remember.
  • xLexa
    xLexa Posts: 482 Member
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    It's a marathon, not a sprint.

    That is all you need to remember.

    wow :) That is a great way to sum it up. I have been doubting myself also this week, and frightened of failing again and telling myself I am happy how I am... I have been picking myself up the next day to start again and make it a good day but sometimes it is hard... but guess what, no one said it would be easy. I keep reminding myself of the reasons I am doing this, for myself , my health and my kids. I also look at the success stories forum when I feel this way. I think for me anyways even if I have a bad day or even a weird week, I have to keep sight of my goals and my reasons. That is what keeps me going. Good luck dear :) It is hard and I am struggling right along beside you but we can do this! We can! :)
  • sunnie326
    sunnie326 Posts: 721 Member
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    It's a lifestyle change, not a diet. I use to hate when people said that, but man it is oh so true!!! I don't deprive myself of my cravings. I have something sweet everyday. I just eat a lot less and exercise a lot more. Do not deprive yourself of food. It isn't good to keep cutting back on calories. Set little mini goals. Celebrate every single victory, no matter how small it is. Clothes fitting a little loser, a new muscle showing, feeling a little less tired. It is a slow process but you will get there and it gets easier as you go. Hang in there girl!!!!
  • sharleengc
    sharleengc Posts: 792 Member
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    It's not a race! I have my goal set at 1lb a week which is 1320 calories. I rarely hit a 1lb a week...I loose in "packs"...For example, I'll loose like 3-4lbs in one week then the scale won't move for like a month. On average, I think I have lost between 1/2lb and 3/4lb a week. It feel slower than others I have seen posting but I have been able to keep losing and not gain anything back for over a year so, overall I am happy with my progress even though I feel like I'm moving at a snails pace.
  • elenakristine
    elenakristine Posts: 29 Member
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    It really is. Do you ever get impatient, though? I just feel like .. I can't explain - my boyfriend and I are both trying to lose weight, me 3 times as much as him. We eat the same food, thus we both lose weight - still for the past 2-3 weeks he's lost just as much/more than me. I eat less and work out more and end up with the lesser results.. it feels ****, tbh.
  • vcreinert
    vcreinert Posts: 83
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    You may want to talk to a therapist. Sounds like a self image issue and a therapist (not a psychiatrist, but a licensed therapist) can help you with that.
  • DaveC29
    DaveC29 Posts: 232 Member
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    You want to go slow... so your body has time to adjust to your new, healthy lifestyle. Your skin will shrink with your loss, your body will be used to receiving what it needs so it doesn't pack it back on when you reach your goal, you will feel healthy and energized, not deprived and craving!

    You CAN do it!! Go slow and enjoy the fact you are indeed, melting away a little at a time!
  • tabulator32
    tabulator32 Posts: 701 Member
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    There is no definitive point of failure.

    Every day, every meal, every mouthful, every moment is a decision and an opportunity.

    You have good moments and bad moments.

    Have more good than bad at the end of each day.
  • DaveC29
    DaveC29 Posts: 232 Member
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    It really is. Do you ever get impatient, though? I just feel like .. I can't explain - my boyfriend and I are both trying to lose weight, me 3 times as much as him. We eat the same food, thus we both lose weight - still for the past 2-3 weeks he's lost just as much/more than me. I eat less and work out more and end up with the lesser results.. it feels ****, tbh.

    Everyone is different and you will find your journey to be different as you go. Big chunks of loss, plateaus, toning- all that! Just trust in yourself and the system and it WILL happen!
  • elenakristine
    elenakristine Posts: 29 Member
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    It's a marathon, not a sprint.

    That is all you need to remember.

    wow :) That is a great way to sum it up. I have been doubting myself also this week, and frightened of failing again and telling myself I am happy how I am... I have been picking myself up the next day to start again and make it a good day but sometimes it is hard... but guess what, no one said it would be easy. I keep reminding myself of the reasons I am doing this, for myself , my health and my kids. I also look at the success stories forum when I feel this way. I think for me anyways even if I have a bad day or even a weird week, I have to keep sight of my goals and my reasons. That is what keeps me going. Good luck dear :) It is hard and I am struggling right along beside you but we can do this! We can! :)

    Thank you, this does really make it feel better. I try to look at the success stories on here too, there are so many amazing people out there. Still, I have that annoying little grinch inside me that says "they did it because they worked hard, you on the other hand, will never do this". It's rare that I listen..but some nights (like tonight) I just feel like wow..maybe he's right.

    But you are right, all of you! We can do this, it's just time.. time and sticking to it. After all, this is permanent.
  • hockeyfan87
    hockeyfan87 Posts: 206 Member
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    Completely understand. I was anorexic for 2 years, after I recovered I gained all my weight back and even more. The main thing that kept me from trying to lose was that I was terrified that I'd fall back into the same low calorie eating. I've been doing this new lifestyle change for 2 months now and I have 13lbs gone, slow and steady do win the race.

    If I can can do this, YOU can too! We're stronger then this. Don't let your brain trick you! The calories you set 1650 is healthy and it will defiantly benefit you in the long run :) Your more then welcomed to add me as a friend. I'll try my best to encourage you and help you stay on track :)
  • elenakristine
    elenakristine Posts: 29 Member
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    You may want to talk to a therapist. Sounds like a self image issue and a therapist (not a psychiatrist, but a licensed therapist) can help you with that.

    Yeah I think you're right. I've talked to my boyfriend about it, he thinks I should too. Considering I've been down that road with eating disorders before, I think it would be a good thing to maybe just get some things off my chest and get some advice on how to cope from a professional. Even when I lose weight now, it's not a victory - it's never good enough. Which is sad, because I mean, I should be happy about that. Thanks :)
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    Is It Really Worth It?

    It will require commitment and dedication.

    It will require you to say “no” sometimes.

    It will require sacrifice.

    It won’t be quick.

    It won’t be easy.

    It won’t be fun all of the time

    Your friends will laugh at you for doing things differently.

    Your coworkers will gawk and poke fun at your new eating habits.

    Your loved ones will call you crazy and ask you to “be normal.”

    You will have to change some habits.

    You will want to give up.

    You will want to go back to bed.

    You will want to say “eh, good enough.”

    And you will ask yourself: “is it really worth it?”

    You’re damn right is is.

    You will feel great when you set a new record for push ups.

    You will let out a rebel yell when doing your first pull up.

    You will feel awesome running faster this week than last week.

    You will be amazed at how far you’ve come when looking at old pictures.

    You will feel good when people ask “have you been working out?”

    You will smile when your kids say “I want to be strong like you!”

    You will be surprised when people come to you for fitness advice.

    You will feel pride when you look at yourself in the mirror.

    You will go to sleep knowing that you’re a better person today than you were yesterday.

    It is worth it.


    http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/08/31/is-it-really-worth-it/

  • gardengir48
    gardengir48 Posts: 7
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    It sucks but men lose weight easier then us... I understand your scared to fail remark. When I started I knew what I wanted but didn't have much faith in myself to stick with it. Now starting my 8th week I am exited to see the small changes and make it a challenge to find different meals that my husband and I like. I've notice that I'm eating more healthier and don't feel hungry all the time. Which keeps me from the junk food. I had a week that I gained so I really started watching ever thing I put in my mouth and measure ever thing also. Wow what a surprise... I work out on my thread climber 5 days a week and actually miss it the days I don't. So I take my dogs out. First month was the hardest for me and then it became a habit....STICK WITH IT. YOU CAN DO IT!!! And you will love the results :wink:
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    Just follow the MFP recommendations - simple deal.
    And if you're having psychological issues, go see a shrink.
    No shame in that.
    Anything you need to do to help you reach your goals, do it.
    Good luck - ALL IS POSSIBLE!
  • chanson104
    chanson104 Posts: 859
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    I agree with, well, all the above posters. I've lost 100 lbs over the last year. I felt like you, but I kept telling myself, "Just keep doing what your doing -- exercising, eating right, and the weight will have no choice but to come off." Therapy has been real helpful for me too. There is a reason (besides I like food and don't like exercise) that we knowingly live unhealthy. Until you deal with those reasons chances are you won't be successful. Remember, "A year from now you'll wish that you started today!"
  • Life_Is_Good2_Me
    Life_Is_Good2_Me Posts: 36 Member
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    Also remember, one meal or one day doesn't change your outcome to be healthy. If you slip or have a "bad" day, start again at the next meal. It doesn't make you a failure to eat something you want in moderation. It means that you will be more successful because you aren't denying yourself completely. I eat what I want and try to stay within my calories, fat and sugar goals each day. Sometimes you have to average the week. Stay the course! If I weigh the same at the end of the week as the week before, it's not a gain. Positive! People here can give you support and tell you they are or have been in the same boat. Life happens, don't let it control you and don't give up! You will feel good and be so proud of yourself in the end!!
  • VenomousDuck
    VenomousDuck Posts: 206
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    it is a process, don't beat yourself up.

    you have to overcome years of behavior!!
  • downwithbottledwater
    downwithbottledwater Posts: 44
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    I think we're all scared to fail. Maybe some people don't admit it, but we all think about it.

    I've lost 94lbs since Christmas. And I'm still scared to fail.

    I still wonder if I'll get below 200lbs. If I'll get to goal. If I'll manage to keep the weight off for the rest of my life.

    Such a high percentage of people regain some or all of their weight. Something like 90%!

    With those statistics, you would be a fool if you weren't scared.

    Just have to get up every morning and try your best. What else is there to do?
  • dvisser1
    dvisser1 Posts: 788 Member
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    when I go searching for reasons why I deserve to lose this weight and feel better, I come up with the same old answers I gave myself when I was younger and struggled with eating disorders:
    "You'll never be any better"
    "Everyone else can do this but you, because you never succeed. That's just how it is"

    How about: You deserve to be happy and healthy!

    You do deserve it. I deserve it, everyone here deserves to be happy, healthy and feel physically invincible! It's not fast, it's not always easy, but you can achieve that fit and healthy lifestyle you want. It doesn't matter if you struggle or even feel like you fell down for a day, as long as you get back up and step forward again. The only failure is if you never start or quit entirely without truly trying.

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