As a good Father....
seanson4774
Posts: 56 Member
I am disgusted about this article for children need their fathers too...
Court rules obese dad 'unfit' to parent, kids placed up for adoption
Does a weight problem make you an unfit parent? That's what one dad who lost custody of kids fears. The 360-pound father of two claims his size affected the court's decision to turn his kids over to the state.
The 38-year-old Ottawa man, whose identity is protected by Canada's Child and Family Services Act, plans to appeal a decision to place his two young sons, ages five and six, up for adoption.
In an exclusive interview with Canada's CTV he claimed family court medical advisers were concerned he was "too fat, and couldn't keep up with my children."
For the past year, the boys have been in foster care, taken from their mother's home after her suspected overdose and mental breakdown. Because of their father's history of legal problems stemming from accounts of public fights and threats, they were placed in the care of the Children's Aid Society.
But over the course of a year, the father has been trying to rectify his past and earn the right to care for his own children. While he admits he hasn't been a model parent on paper, he's convinced it's his struggle with obesity, not his past anger issues, that's left him childless.
While the judge in the case hasn't released an official statement, a doctor's report submitted to the court backs up the dad's claim. The assessment by a clinic adviser warns the man has "struggled with obesity for years, which impacts significantly on most aspects of his life including [his] functioning as a parent." It continues: "He was short of breath or winded in simply walking short distances about the clinic and he lacks both the mobility and stamina required to keep up with young and active children."
But since his custody battle began, the father claims to have already lost 150 pounds and hopes to lose more. Weight shouldn't be the deciding factor in whether a person can parent, claims the dad, though he does believe in living a healthier lifestyle.
"I believe every obese parent out there needs to understand that the quality of life will improve dramatically through weight loss," he told a CTV reporter.
But his battle with his weight is swiftly becoming a war against Canada's justice system.
In addition to plans for an appeal, he's staging a hunger strike today to protest the court's decision.
Obesity has become a recurring figure in the family courtroom. Last year, an opinion piece in the Journal of the American Medical Association created a firestorm, when a leading medical expert called extreme childhood obesity a "justifiable" reason to remove a child from his home. In October that actually happened, when the state separated a 200 pound, 8-year old Ohio boy from his mum until he lost weight. He returned home in May after an extended court battle involving the ACLU.
While kid's dietary habits are being scrutinized in family court, parents' weight hasn't really entered the debate until now. With a third of adult Americans legally obese, according to the CDC, do parents have to worry about losing their children? Could those pounds threaten their ability to parent, and should the courts really have a say?
In terms of adoption, it may already be a major determinant. "When someone has a health risk that could produce a risk to permanency then it has to be looked at," a representative for the National Council for Adoption told ABC News. A few years back, an American man underwent gastric bypass surgery, fearing his weight would make him a less viable candidate for adoption. Not long after the surgery, his adoption went through
Court rules obese dad 'unfit' to parent, kids placed up for adoption
Does a weight problem make you an unfit parent? That's what one dad who lost custody of kids fears. The 360-pound father of two claims his size affected the court's decision to turn his kids over to the state.
The 38-year-old Ottawa man, whose identity is protected by Canada's Child and Family Services Act, plans to appeal a decision to place his two young sons, ages five and six, up for adoption.
In an exclusive interview with Canada's CTV he claimed family court medical advisers were concerned he was "too fat, and couldn't keep up with my children."
For the past year, the boys have been in foster care, taken from their mother's home after her suspected overdose and mental breakdown. Because of their father's history of legal problems stemming from accounts of public fights and threats, they were placed in the care of the Children's Aid Society.
But over the course of a year, the father has been trying to rectify his past and earn the right to care for his own children. While he admits he hasn't been a model parent on paper, he's convinced it's his struggle with obesity, not his past anger issues, that's left him childless.
While the judge in the case hasn't released an official statement, a doctor's report submitted to the court backs up the dad's claim. The assessment by a clinic adviser warns the man has "struggled with obesity for years, which impacts significantly on most aspects of his life including [his] functioning as a parent." It continues: "He was short of breath or winded in simply walking short distances about the clinic and he lacks both the mobility and stamina required to keep up with young and active children."
But since his custody battle began, the father claims to have already lost 150 pounds and hopes to lose more. Weight shouldn't be the deciding factor in whether a person can parent, claims the dad, though he does believe in living a healthier lifestyle.
"I believe every obese parent out there needs to understand that the quality of life will improve dramatically through weight loss," he told a CTV reporter.
But his battle with his weight is swiftly becoming a war against Canada's justice system.
In addition to plans for an appeal, he's staging a hunger strike today to protest the court's decision.
Obesity has become a recurring figure in the family courtroom. Last year, an opinion piece in the Journal of the American Medical Association created a firestorm, when a leading medical expert called extreme childhood obesity a "justifiable" reason to remove a child from his home. In October that actually happened, when the state separated a 200 pound, 8-year old Ohio boy from his mum until he lost weight. He returned home in May after an extended court battle involving the ACLU.
While kid's dietary habits are being scrutinized in family court, parents' weight hasn't really entered the debate until now. With a third of adult Americans legally obese, according to the CDC, do parents have to worry about losing their children? Could those pounds threaten their ability to parent, and should the courts really have a say?
In terms of adoption, it may already be a major determinant. "When someone has a health risk that could produce a risk to permanency then it has to be looked at," a representative for the National Council for Adoption told ABC News. A few years back, an American man underwent gastric bypass surgery, fearing his weight would make him a less viable candidate for adoption. Not long after the surgery, his adoption went through
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Replies
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I am an excellent mom. I have to struggle every day. Yet my kids, 7 and 4 work out with me. Poor guy.0
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this makes me sick0
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That's tricky, but I don't necessarily disagree with the decision. It sounds like the judge made his decision based on a number of factors and the obesity was only one part of it. It doesn't sound like the father has a great past or gives us much of a reason to believe he's really ready to be a good father.
On the other hand, it is really sad that those kids will grow up parentless. They are at such an impressionable age and this will probably scar them emotionally for the rest of their lives. But would it really be wise to have the raised by a man who not only has a dark past, but couldn't even keep up with them?
What a sad situation.0 -
That is so sad. I may be overweight, but I'm a damn good Mom. Although, I am trying to be an even better one!0
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That's tricky, but I don't necessarily disagree with the decision. It sounds like the judge made his decision based on a number of factors and the obesity was only one part of it. It doesn't sound like the father has a great past or gives us much of a reason to believe he's really ready to be a good father.
On the other hand, it is really sad that those kids will grow up parentless. They are at such an impressionable age and this will probably scar them emotionally for the rest of their lives. But would it really be wise to have the raised by a man who not only has a dark past, but couldn't even keep up with them?
What a sad situation.
Um I read the article and nowhere does it state that he has a dark past unless you know the person?? And I am sorry but Father can make great solo parent and have a positive impact on a childs life...0 -
That's tricky, but I don't necessarily disagree with the decision. It sounds like the judge made his decision based on a number of factors and the obesity was only one part of it. It doesn't sound like the father has a great past or gives us much of a reason to believe he's really ready to be a good father.
On the other hand, it is really sad that those kids will grow up parentless. They are at such an impressionable age and this will probably scar them emotionally for the rest of their lives. But would it really be wise to have the raised by a man who not only has a dark past, but couldn't even keep up with them?
What a sad situation.
Um I read the article and nowhere does it state that he has a dark past unless you know the person?? And I am sorry but Father can make great solo parent and have a positive impact on a childs life...
From the article:
"Because of their father's history of legal problems stemming from accounts of public fights and threats, they were placed in the care of the Children's Aid Society."
"But over the course of a year, the father has been trying to rectify his past and earn the right to care for his own children. While he admits he hasn't been a model parent on paper..."
He himself admits he hasn't been a "model parent." Sure he SAYS he's ready to change, and maybe he is! But unfortunately words don't mean much these days. Just take it from my father :grumble:
And I NEVER said a father can't make a great solo parent! I definitely believe that one can. I'm just saying there's not necessarily a reason to trust this guy. The media likes to put a spin on things so of course this article makes it seem like obesity was the main reason. And maybe it was, but how do we know? There could be a million other factors that led to the judge's decision.0 -
Of course, there is more to this story.
This slug can't hold a job or support them. He's also on government support.
He's a welfare bum with a history of violence.
It's not like the government is going around removing kids from fat parents.
That's absurd.0 -
Of course, there is more to this story.
This slug can't hold a job or support them. He's also on government support.
He's a welfare bum with a history of violence.
It's not like the government is going around removing kids from fat parents.
That's absurd.
While I don't appreciate the slurs against people on welfare, this was basically my point.0 -
The media is trying to make another class of victims out of fat people.Of course, there is more to this story.
This slug can't hold a job or support them. He's also on government support.
He's a welfare bum with a history of violence.
It's not like the government is going around removing kids from fat parents.
That's absurd.
While I don't appreciate the slurs against people on welfare, this was basically my point.
Totally absurd. If this guy was not such a loser, he'd have his kids.0 -
I believe everyone deserves a chance to change and if he is making right for his children then shouldn't we or society try and encourage him to change instead of pointing one's finger and say no you have a history, you're no good. And holding him down? I mean this site is awesome (tho a differant aspect) but we are here because we are trying to make change for the best and tho I am sure none of us are violent and have a history like this gentleman we are here to share our experiance and to get encouragment to better ourselves for the best and so why can't we extend the same principle to this gentleman??0
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it really bums me out because if he has truly lost 150 pounds... he is showing that his kids mean more to him and that he is willing to take whatever strides possible to be there for them when; and as they need him..
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Is there anything else that they have reported that has contributed to them making the decision for the kids to be placed out of the home?0 -
doesn't seem to me that this is about weight. seems HE is the one "spinning" the weight factor. It says he has a history of legal proceedings with fights and stuff. That's where this all stems from.0
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This is a disgusting over-reach by their judicial system. WTH??0
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No, because you fail to take into consideration the kids. They are the focus - not this loser.I believe everyone deserves a chance to change and if he is making right for his children then shouldn't we or society try and encourage him to change instead of pointing one's finger and say no you have a history, you're no good. And holding him down? I mean this site is awesome (tho a differant aspect) but we are here because we are trying to make change for the best and tho I am sure none of us are violent and have a history like this gentleman we are here to share our experiance and to get encouragment to better ourselves for the best and so why can't we extend the same principle to this gentleman??
The courts must do what is best for these kids.
And it's not any one thing with this guy. I am a convicted felon with a history of violence, but I have 5 kids all doing well in a marriage with a nice home and steady money. When we take care of our own, the government leaves us alone. When we do not, our past will come back to haunt us.0 -
I believe everyone deserves a chance to change and if he is making right for his children then shouldn't we or society try and encourage him to change instead of pointing one's finger and say no you have a history, you're no good. And holding him down? I mean this site is awesome (tho a differant aspect) but we are here because we are trying to make change for the best and tho I am sure none of us are violent and have a history like this gentleman we are here to share our experiance and to get encouragment to better ourselves for the best and so why can't we extend the same principle to this gentleman??
Speaking as a child who grew up in what sounds like very similar circumstances; a father with a history of violence and multiple felonies, parents with substance abuse problems, etc. I do fully agree that they should be given a chance to prove they are capable parents. If he has a job, has done some sort of counseling for his apparent anger issues and shown he is capable of controlling himself then he should be allowed custody of the children in my mind.
But again, speaking as a child who grew up in a similar situation I would have to agree with the state in removing the children until he has proven himself capable of caring for the children and creating a positive nurturing environment.
As far as the weight issue I believe this was spun in to create an outcry for the father. Who gives a crap about his weight? There are plenty of fantastic overweight parents who aren't dealing with this because it isn't against the law to be overweight. His children werent taken away from him because of his weight. Just like children aren't taken away from parents in a wheelchair because they "can't keep up". It's just asinine.0 -
No, because you fail to take into consideration the kids. They are the focus - not this loser.I believe everyone deserves a chance to change and if he is making right for his children then shouldn't we or society try and encourage him to change instead of pointing one's finger and say no you have a history, you're no good. And holding him down? I mean this site is awesome (tho a differant aspect) but we are here because we are trying to make change for the best and tho I am sure none of us are violent and have a history like this gentleman we are here to share our experiance and to get encouragment to better ourselves for the best and so why can't we extend the same principle to this gentleman??
The courts must do what is best for these kids.
And it's not any one thing with this guy. I am a convicted felon with a history of violence, but I have 5 kids all doing well in a marriage with a nice home and steady money. When we take care of our own, the government leaves us alone. When we do not, our past will come back to haunt us.
So since you're a convicted fellon with a history, where you given a second chance and was your kids taken from you and are your children still talking to you??0 -
No, because you fail to take into consideration the kids. They are the focus - not this loser.I believe everyone deserves a chance to change and if he is making right for his children then shouldn't we or society try and encourage him to change instead of pointing one's finger and say no you have a history, you're no good. And holding him down? I mean this site is awesome (tho a differant aspect) but we are here because we are trying to make change for the best and tho I am sure none of us are violent and have a history like this gentleman we are here to share our experiance and to get encouragment to better ourselves for the best and so why can't we extend the same principle to this gentleman??
The courts must do what is best for these kids.
And it's not any one thing with this guy. I am a convicted felon with a history of violence, but I have 5 kids all doing well in a marriage with a nice home and steady money. When we take care of our own, the government leaves us alone. When we do not, our past will come back to haunt us.
And so if he is convicted fellon and you labelling him a loser, does that mean you're a loser too??? Justsaying!0 -
It was never an issue, because I had a strong family and we are well off. And my kids are all living at home with us still - oldest is 17, youngest is 7. I have 5 kids, and they live well which is the whole point. Are kids at risk?
No, because you fail to take into consideration the kids. They are the focus - not this loser.I believe everyone deserves a chance to change and if he is making right for his children then shouldn't we or society try and encourage him to change instead of pointing one's finger and say no you have a history, you're no good. And holding him down? I mean this site is awesome (tho a differant aspect) but we are here because we are trying to make change for the best and tho I am sure none of us are violent and have a history like this gentleman we are here to share our experiance and to get encouragment to better ourselves for the best and so why can't we extend the same principle to this gentleman??
The courts must do what is best for these kids.
And it's not any one thing with this guy. I am a convicted felon with a history of violence, but I have 5 kids all doing well in a marriage with a nice home and steady money. When we take care of our own, the government leaves us alone. When we do not, our past will come back to haunt us.
So since you're a convicted fellon with a history, where you given a second chance and was your kids taken from you and are your children still talking to you??
In your sniveling, you keep leaving the kids out. This guy has no business raising kids.
My family lives a great life, and the kids do well in school, sports and socially. None has ever been in trouble and they've never seen me drunk ever.
That's how I planned it for them; success is a choice.
And I never let my business dealing bleed into my family life anyway.
As for second chances, what does that mean? I served my time, paid my debt and it's over.
I have zero regrets and no remorse.
As for being a "loser" people know a loser when they see one. I am an open book - not some anonymous guy on MFP. I have linked my twitter, Facebook and youtube pages. This is who I am for all the world to see.
Am I a "loser"
A guy married 29 years with a nice home, family and successful business is not. And again, my kids are excelling and thriving.
That's the difference.0 -
So this guy has paid his debt and getting his life back on track? Seems like you have a double standard.0
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The interest of the children should always be put first. And unless the parent is physically/sexually abusive, emotionally unstable or on drugs, kids should never be removed from the home, imo.
There is far too many f'd up foster homes and abusive foster parents and uninterested, negligent social workers. I have experienced this personally and its an ugly sad system. In no way is it better for the child to be torn from everything they know and are comforted by, to be placed in a home of strangers that may/may not be trusted to treat you like a human being, much less part of the family. Expecially young children who still seek comfort from "mommy" and "daddy" over friends, siblings and strangers. So you become an orphan guest in someone else's home, who only wants the money that you bring in. Its ludicrous and irresponsible to think this is better for the child's welfare and psyche then keeping their home intact while enforcing something like mandatory well-parent classes, course on healthy cooking/eating, etc.0 -
I believe everyone deserves a chance to change and if he is making right for his children then shouldn't we or society try and encourage him to change instead of pointing one's finger and say no you have a history, you're no good. And holding him down? I mean this site is awesome (tho a differant aspect) but we are here because we are trying to make change for the best and tho I am sure none of us are violent and have a history like this gentleman we are here to share our experiance and to get encouragment to better ourselves for the best and so why can't we extend the same principle to this gentleman??
Speaking as a child who grew up in what sounds like very similar circumstances; a father with a history of violence and multiple felonies, parents with substance abuse problems, etc. I do fully agree that they should be given a chance to prove they are capable parents. If he has a job, has done some sort of counseling for his apparent anger issues and shown he is capable of controlling himself then he should be allowed custody of the children in my mind.
But again, speaking as a child who grew up in a similar situation I would have to agree with the state in removing the children until he has proven himself capable of caring for the children and creating a positive nurturing environment.
As far as the weight issue I believe this was spun in to create an outcry for the father. Who gives a crap about his weight? There are plenty of fantastic overweight parents who aren't dealing with this because it isn't against the law to be overweight. His children werent taken away from him because of his weight. Just like children aren't taken away from parents in a wheelchair because they "can't keep up". It's just asinine.
Totally this ^
I know at my heaviest I struggled to be an active parent to my kids, I couldn't walk to the end of my driveway without getting short of breath. I still did everything I could, to the detriment of myself to not let that affect my kids upbringing. Now I am 40lbs down I am more active with them and that will only improve.
Never believe anything reported in the media as gospel, I would bet my last $10 that this guys history of violence was the actual reason he lost his kids.
People like him give single dad's who are doing an awesome job a bad name, I hope he is turning his life around but he should have to prove himself worthy of keeping his kids - making them doesn't make you a fit parent.0 -
What's next, ruling based on degree of education and if you are not educated to a certain point you're kids are taken away adopted by a family that fits the education expectations.0
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For the past year, the boys have been in foster care, taken from their mother's home after her suspected overdose and mental breakdown. Because of their father's history of legal problems stemming from accounts of public fights and threats, they were placed in the care of the Children's Aid Society.
But over the course of a year, the father has been trying to rectify his past and earn the right to care for his own children. While he admits he hasn't been a model parent on paper, he's convinced it's his struggle with obesity, not his past anger issues, that's left him childless.
He's convince it's because he's fat? I'm not.0 -
I believe everyone deserves a chance to change and if he is making right for his children then shouldn't we or society try and encourage him to change instead of pointing one's finger and say no you have a history, you're no good. And holding him down? I mean this site is awesome (tho a different aspect) but we are here because we are trying to make change for the best and tho I am sure none of us are violent and have a history like this gentleman we are here to share our experience and to get encouragement to better ourselves for the best and so why can't we extend the same principle to this gentleman??
Speaking as a child who grew up in what sounds like very similar circumstances; a father with a history of violence and multiple felonies, parents with substance abuse problems, etc. I do fully agree that they should be given a chance to prove they are capable parents. If he has a job, has done some sort of counseling for his apparent anger issues and shown he is capable of controlling himself then he should be allowed custody of the children in my mind.
This. I definitely believe that everyone deserves a second chance and the chance to change & to better themselves. In my opinion, as long as this guy does what he needs to do to make sure his children will be well taken care of, and their environment is stable, they should not be taken away from him.0 -
I believe everyone deserves a chance to change and if he is making right for his children then shouldn't we or society try and encourage him to change instead of pointing one's finger and say no you have a history, you're no good. And holding him down? I mean this site is awesome (tho a different aspect) but we are here because we are trying to make change for the best and tho I am sure none of us are violent and have a history like this gentleman we are here to share our experience and to get encouragement to better ourselves for the best and so why can't we extend the same principle to this gentleman??
Speaking as a child who grew up in what sounds like very similar circumstances; a father with a history of violence and multiple felonies, parents with substance abuse problems, etc. I do fully agree that they should be given a chance to prove they are capable parents. If he has a job, has done some sort of counseling for his apparent anger issues and shown he is capable of controlling himself then he should be allowed custody of the children in my mind.
This. I definitely believe that everyone deserves a second chance and the chance to change & to better themselves. In my opinion, as long as this guy does what he needs to do to make sure his children will be well taken care of, and their environment is stable, they should not be taken away from him.
I don't know the facts in this particular case, but, a child doesn't get a second chance to live his/her childhood.
Some people shouldn't be parents.0 -
I agree that it's not his weight that is the only factor in the courts decision. I also think there's more to the story. Looks to me like he's pulling the discrimination card when what really needs to happen is he needs to straighten his life out a little more before he convinces them that he is a fit parent.0
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No, the courts have the standard. They decide. With this crumb, the answer is NO!So this guy has paid his debt and getting his life back on track? Seems like you have a double standard.
With me, it never even came up.
Again, stop sniveling over an unfit parent losing his rights.
You do not know the hell those kids had to endure with this loser and their nut-job mother.
Your sympathies are misplaced BIG TIME.
I suspect it's already too late for these kids.0 -
^^^^^^I believe everyone deserves a chance to change and if he is making right for his children then shouldn't we or society try and encourage him to change instead of pointing one's finger and say no you have a history, you're no good. And holding him down? I mean this site is awesome (tho a different aspect) but we are here because we are trying to make change for the best and tho I am sure none of us are violent and have a history like this gentleman we are here to share our experience and to get encouragement to better ourselves for the best and so why can't we extend the same principle to this gentleman??
Speaking as a child who grew up in what sounds like very similar circumstances; a father with a history of violence and multiple felonies, parents with substance abuse problems, etc. I do fully agree that they should be given a chance to prove they are capable parents. If he has a job, has done some sort of counseling for his apparent anger issues and shown he is capable of controlling himself then he should be allowed custody of the children in my mind.
This. I definitely believe that everyone deserves a second chance and the chance to change & to better themselves. In my opinion, as long as this guy does what he needs to do to make sure his children will be well taken care of, and their environment is stable, they should not be taken away from him.
I don't know the facts in this particular case, but, a child doesn't get a second chance to live his/her childhood.
Some people shouldn't be parents.
THIS
Kids are not tools for parents to practice their life skills.0 -
No, because you fail to take into consideration the kids. They are the focus - not this loser.I believe everyone deserves a chance to change and if he is making right for his children then shouldn't we or society try and encourage him to change instead of pointing one's finger and say no you have a history, you're no good. And holding him down? I mean this site is awesome (tho a differant aspect) but we are here because we are trying to make change for the best and tho I am sure none of us are violent and have a history like this gentleman we are here to share our experiance and to get encouragment to better ourselves for the best and so why can't we extend the same principle to this gentleman??
The courts must do what is best for these kids.
And it's not any one thing with this guy. I am a convicted felon with a history of violence, but I have 5 kids all doing well in a marriage with a nice home and steady money. When we take care of our own, the government leaves us alone. When we do not, our past will come back to haunt us.
And so if he is convicted fellon and you labelling him a loser, does that mean you're a loser too??? Justsaying!
^Bobby still has his family because he did his time, (which can be quite a feat for some people) and moved on from it. He bettered his life for his family and PROVED to the court that he could be a better person.They are not going to take away his family if he has not done anything wrong. The man in this article is obviously still screwing up.0 -
Did you miss reading about "legal problems stemming from public fights and threats"?That's tricky, but I don't necessarily disagree with the decision. It sounds like the judge made his decision based on a number of factors and the obesity was only one part of it. It doesn't sound like the father has a great past or gives us much of a reason to believe he's really ready to be a good father.
On the other hand, it is really sad that those kids will grow up parentless. They are at such an impressionable age and this will probably scar them emotionally for the rest of their lives. But would it really be wise to have the raised by a man who not only has a dark past, but couldn't even keep up with them?
What a sad situation.
Um I read the article and nowhere does it state that he has a dark past unless you know the person?? And I am sorry but Father can make great solo parent and have a positive impact on a childs life...
I'm a SAHD and I am committed to my DD so I do believe that a father has an impact on the a child's life. But there is a difference between a negative and positive impact.
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