Second baby?

BossyGirl
BossyGirl Posts: 173 Member
edited September 20 in Motivation and Support
Im starting to feel the maternal urge again to become pregnant. Right now I have a son that will be 2 in Feb. My husband says "no way" but its important to me to have my children some what close in age.
I have a brother and a sister that are 18 years older then me, a sister that is 6 years older then me, and I have a sister who is only 10 months younger then me. So I have seen the sibling-age difference from all angles. I have to say that Im very close to my younger sister, the one that is only 10 mos younger, then the rest. My husband was an only child and had a horrible childhood.He says no, he wants us to be completely done with school first (which is tottaly understandable) My husband has one year left until he gets his dergree.
Im in first year of pre-reqs for the nursing program- very strict program. 2 years long.
We both have good jobs and bring in decent money
We have no debt.
We have amazing support people.
we have the room.
I know we have the:heart::heart: :heart:

I want to have a second baby before im in the program. I know it wont be easier with 2 children but women do it all the time at the college. I get very sick while Im pregnant so being pregnant while in the program would absolutly not happen. Also Im very use to the diaperbag/bookbag combo so it wouldnt be a dramastic change of life.
My husband want to wait until im done with the program. Cameron will be over 6 by then!!!
I just dont know what to do! It puts a ache in my heart thinking to have a 6 year difference between them.
HAS ANY ONE EVER BEEN IN THIS SITUATION? HOW DID IT TURN OUT> HOW DID YOU CONVINCE YOU SPOUSE/ BOYFRIEND?

Replies

  • katielouhoo
    katielouhoo Posts: 676 Member
    A tricky question and situation. My own children (3 of them) 5 years between the first two then 18mos. between the next two.

    If I could choose (and timing was really in my control) I think perfect spacing is 3 years apart. 2 yr. olds still need their "Mommy" and they are not ready to share. 3 year olds, however, are ready to look beyond mom for entertainment & interest (that's why preschool starts for 3's not 2's). 3 year olds are ready to include others in their world- another reason for school- which is why adding to a family then makes sense.

    I understand your husband's reluctance with his background and foreseeing all the stress and demands that will be made on you during this program.
    I also understand your desire to have the kids close enough in age for them to bond with each other, rather than feeling they were brought up alone.

    One thing I will mention is that it is nice to have the family close to "being in the same stage at the same time". A few years of dealing with diapers and naps is enough, it is hard to go back and stop activities with the older child to accomodate an infant (we have to be home from- park-zoo-walk-etc in time for the nap). The family can plan and enjoy more group outings if they are close enough in age to: go on the same rides at the fair/amusement park, enjoy dinner at a nice restaurant together, go to the theater-concert-etc, swimming, skiing, whatever. Even taking 7 and 12 year olds to the movies really can point out the difference in things they like; the 12 year old may be all about seeing the transformers, while the 7 year old wants to see tinkerbell.
    That doesn't mean you cannot make it work, folks do all the time. I did too, but it was definitely easier with the two that were so close in age.

    Now, with that said. It is really important to sit down with spouse and explain you deep desire and longing to build closeness by close spacing of kids. He needs to have buy in with this idea. Perhaps if your pregnancy corresponding so that you would about to deliver the month or two after he finishes? But then you also have to be honest about your time for a new infant around the demands you are entering.
    Personally, I had soooo much time with my son that when i got pregnant again so soon after my daughter, I was racked with guilt. I felt she was still a baby herself and I was cheating her of my time. Yours would not be quite so close, but there will be sacrifice. The pay off could be totally worth it, but to be fair you must weigh the consequences fully and really listen you all your spouses reasons.

    Good luck- katherine
  • Shelley130
    Shelley130 Posts: 142
    My kids are 14 months apart and i wouldn't have it any other way. They are best friends!

    Maybe get some books on what the "ideal" gap between siblings is. I think they say 2-3 years is optimal for the best development. If your emphasis is on how it is beneficial to your firstborn it might soften your husband's perspective.

    Good Luck :flowerforyou:
  • BossyGirl
    BossyGirl Posts: 173 Member
    Thanks you two. I want to start "trying soon" because it took us alomost a year to conceive our son. My husband has low sperm count. So im sure my son will probably be close to 3 when and if there is a baby.
  • LaurelFisher
    LaurelFisher Posts: 407 Member
    Good evening. I am at the other end of the spectrum,
  • LaurelFisher
    LaurelFisher Posts: 407 Member
    Good evening all. I guess I am at the other end of the spectrum. Like Bossygirl and her siblings my oldest, a son, and youngest another son, are 17 years apart. I have been married for 35 years and had 4 children. My first 2 are 5 years apart. There are 10 years between my 2nd child and 3rd and 5 days short of a year between my last 2. My oldest 2 were really close when they were young and my daughter took it very hard when her brother was killed. She was 9 and he was 14. My youngest 2 a daughter born less then a year after my son was killed and another son born less than a year after his sister, were close until they started school. Then they hated each other until highschool. I don't think it matters how far apart you have your kids. It matters how you and your partner deal with raising the children. It is important to always give all your kids the same attention and love no matter what the difference is in age. My only problem with having kids at 35 was when they were teenagers. My daughter told me I was too old to be her mother and that all the other kids grandparents were my age. That really hurt. Just talk it over and do what is in your heart.
  • XFitMojoMom
    XFitMojoMom Posts: 3,255 Member
    My children are 19 months apart, and I tell everyone NOT TO DO IT. It was the HARDEST thing I ever have done. It is finally getting easier as they get older, but those first 9 months were so hard. I have to echo what LaurelFisher had to say in how you and your husband will deal with the stress of two. I was 35 when my first was born, and 36 when my second was born... My Mom was 40 when she had me, and again, I will agree with Laurel, I always felt embarrassed of my OLD Mom (when I was a teen).
  • BossyGirl
    BossyGirl Posts: 173 Member
    My children are 19 months apart, and I tell everyone NOT TO DO IT. It was the HARDEST thing I ever have done. It is finally getting easier as they get older, but those first 9 months were so hard. I have to echo what LaurelFisher had to say in how you and your husband will deal with the stress of two. I was 35 when my first was born, and 36 when my second was born... My Mom was 40 when she had me, and again, I will agree with Laurel, I always felt embarrassed of my OLD Mom (when I was a teen).
    Yes 19 months apart is too short. My son will be around three when the new one comes. Im only 21 so when my Children are in college, I will only be in my thirtys.
  • TByrd1325
    TByrd1325 Posts: 920 Member
    My brother and I are 8 years apart. He left home when he was 17 so we've never really been close. I've always wanted to be closer to him, but it's been hard with him living 4 states away for the last 12 years. We both have a child now, so we're slowly making more of an effort to talk on the phone etc...

    I would love for my son to have a brother or sister... but it just doesn't sound appealing starting from the beginning again. My son's dad was never very helpful. I've always thought about how much easier it could be to have someone to help me out taking care of him. (I moved back to my mom's about 7 months ago) I would love to have a big family, but I wouldn't want their ages so far from my son's. Who the heck knows if I'll ever meet the right guy? lol.


    Bossygirl - good luck on whatever y'all decided to do! :flowerforyou:
  • amberc1982
    amberc1982 Posts: 468 Member
    I have a 4 year old son. Well he will be 5 in Feb. I have wanted to have another child for the last 2 years but timing and finances haven't worked in my favor. I have 2 brothers and a sister. I am the oldest. One of my brothers is 1-1/2 years younger then me and my other brother is 4 years younger then me and my sister is 6 years younger then me. We all got along really well growing up. I was actually closer to my sister more then my brothers. So in some cases the age difference doesn't matter.
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