Help me.. help him
Ueropa
Posts: 73
Last July when I finally decided to start getting healthy my husband was happy that I wanted to start hitting up the gym because he wanted to start working out too. He talked about wanting to get his six pack back.. he liked the little bit of extra he gained since we got married almost 7 years ago and to be honest I liked it too. I never really was attracted to "skinny guys" and to me he looked more grown up and manly. Mind you.. I love him so much I will always be attracted to him.. no matter what. Well.. he never went to the gym with me. Most of his time is spent on the computer. He's a production supervisor and works nights in a factory so he eats most of his meals at night.. and his meals consist of fast food. He doesn't eat normal portions either.. it's not uncommon for him to blow through 3000 cals of taco bell in one sitting. The wake up call was last September during his physical.. his cholesterol was through the roof and he had developed high blood pressure. Then when his Mom had a heart attack last January at the age of 50 I really started to worry. No matter how I approach him about my concernes he doesn't get it. He always says he'll start eating healthy and getting some exercise in.. but he never actually does it. I'm not asking him to go to the gym and come home looking like Ryan Reynolds. I just want him to get healthy so we can grow old together. I don't know how to talk to him about it anymore.. he doesn't seem to want to do it. I'm asking for any tips or suggestions.. anyone else in a similar situation with their significant other? - Thanks for reading 
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Replies
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Unfortunately for my husband, it took a hospital stay and the need for a stent in one of his arteries for him to start making some changes. Now he takes his meds and has changed his diet somewhat. He could be better, but it is a vast improvement over the way he was eating. I haven't been able to convince him to join the gym though. I would just explain to your husband how concerned are especially given the family history with his mom. Ultimately, it is his choice to get healthy though. Good luck.0
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He has to want to do it. He prob does but he might be depressed about where he is at so than he doesnt do anythign about i tbut really actaully wants to. I have found if you wuit bringing something up it wil majically start happening. Good luck hun0
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i know it may seem harsh but only your husband can decide to change all you can do is support his decision to do what he wants to food wise as im sure he does with your life choice, im sure he will come around eventually i know its not what you want to hear but unfortunately it is down to your husband if he doesnt want to change thats his choice,
its like my father and his drinking, he was going through a ltr a night but something happened within the family and hes now reduced to a small bottle to relieve his withdrawal symptoms and im proud of him for it but it was HIS choice no one elses0 -
This is definitely a tough one. I know what you mean though. After moving in together 5 years ago, my boyfriend and I have both put on weight, I had my turning point and am headed in the right direction now but he isn't there yet. I feel guilty because he was pretty healthy and thin when we met and I was a mess and overindulged all the time. Of course my bad habits were easier to adopt than his good habits, so we both ate like fools and didn't exercise. Now, I started running (something he used to do A LOT of) but he always has an excuse not to join me. It's frustrating because I know he's not happy, but his "larger" pants are getting tight and rather than change any habits, he's talking about buying even bigger pants. Don't get me wrong, he's not super huge or anything, in fact I still think he's pretty ravishing, I just know the path he's on all to well. He's really sensitive about anything I may have to say about it though.
I think the best you can do is be a good example and if you can, reduce the amount of junk food you keep in the house and make fruit and other healthy snacks easily accessible to encourage reaching for them. Good luck!0 -
Not only is my man not interested in getting fit he tries to sabotage all my efforts. He's on the road a lot for his job so he's constantly eating out. He LOVES food. Here recently he's stated that if I switch from jogging to power walking then he will go with me, which cuts my calorie count by about 100. I'm willing to give up my 100 count calorie burn to get him healthy and in shape. My plan is to get him comfortable with a good three mile power walk and then put him on the c25k program! He just doesn't know it yet! Would your guy be willing to do something similar with you? It's also great quality time.
Can you pack him healthy lunches/dinners? I tried that and he would eat them but he would still eat out!!! So I quit making them, I was just adding to his calorie count!!! But, your guy may be different! 0 -
Nagging him won't help him at all. I'm sure it's tough but let your lifestyle change be the thing that motivates him to want to change. He's got to want it for himself.0
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I got a gym membership for my husband when I started on this journey also but he has only used it twice... Have you packed lunches and late night snacks for him. I am really bad and not one to baby my husband and doddle over making his lunches but he drove semi and was always eating fast food and drinking pop and you could tell in his belly. I started packing his lunches and there began to be a significant difference in his weight. That would be my suggestion. Maybe put some notes on his napkins saying that you love him and that you want to grow old with him (mushy stuff like that). Good luck!!!0
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If he doesn't want to go to the gym then see if he will take a walk with you or go on a bike ride etc. You could also start cooking healthier meals and if he has a refrigerator at work maybe he could take something from home to heat up. I would also start by just calmly trying to talk to him about his lab results and see if you can get him focused on that first and let him know how worried you are and that you don't want to lose him especially at an early age. Like the other person said it is going to have to be him that makes the decision to get healthy and I would say just don't push....talk about it, wait for a few days or so and then try again just try not to make it sound like you are nagging.
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Hugs
Bev0 -
How ironic. I was just thinking the same about my husband last night. I am not anywhere near my GW and I could exercise more and all of that BUT I have been eating healthy and exercising and just taking better care of myself in general. My husband is a big guy, he always has been and attraction has never been an issue but now that I am seeing the benefits of being healthier, I want him to be healthier too. He travels a lot for his job so he eats a lot of fast food (yuck). He eats healthy at home because I cook for the family and he will occasionally make breakfast or lunch and take it with him. Still, he does need to lose some weight but mostly, he needs to quit eating all of the junk food. I will always love him and like you, I want him around for a long time. I dont know how to approach him about this either, especially since I have such a long way to go.0
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I'd leave your post open on your computer for him to find. You obviously love him very much and your post is very genuine and loving.0
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It sucks, but aside from telling him that you want him around for a long time, which is why he needs to do something about his health, you can't really do much. It's his body and he has to want to change things to actually get results. Dragging him there, kicking and screaming, is futile.0
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If he is eating fast food every night, how about you cook him some healthy meals to take? Say you are saving money and eating better at the same time.
It has to click in his head that he wants to do this. My hubby did his weight loss almost 2 years before me. I was not on the same level as him at the time, i wanted nothing to do with it.
Now, 2 years later, I am finally on board and my whole house is eating better.. I have to do this for me and my kids. It will click in him one day. You just cant make it switch over night.0 -
OMG! I am in a very similiar situation with my hubs. I told him I wanted to join the gym and lets start eating better and he was all for it....that was last october. He has not been to the gym once since we joined. He is a hotel GM and just opened a brand new hotel and has been working crazy long days. Since all the craziness of his long days and running his *kitten* off has started, he has lost 25 pounds, but not becasue he has started exercising its becasue he forgets to eat. I told him that I need his support to lose weight myself becasue I can be doing good myslef and then when we are together I fall off the wagon really easily, because he wants to eat everything thats bad. Well I finally stopped waiting for him and I lost 17 pounds! Then he told me he lost 25 and I totally lost my motivation and started putting some of what I lost back on. UGGHHH, Im so frustrated and I really just want for us to get healthy together so we can grow old together as well. But anytime I try to talk to him about it, he gets annoyed with me and defensive and reminds me how many hours he works a day......Im at a loss too!0
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You look just like a girl I used to work with many, many moons ago...Which is a compliment! She was a very lovely, sweet person.
But to your concerns...what about doing something else besides the gym together? Taking up tennis or shooting hoops or something like that might appeal to him more than the gym. I have been working on this with my husband...he is not interested in machines or gyms or even walking regularly, but he does like to play games. So, that is the angle I'm going to be working here shortly...
Wishing you all kinds of luck, hon!0 -
He has to want to do it. I love my husband dearly but he won't eat healthier, cleaner or better or quit smoking. Those are his choices and as much as I have asked he won't. He has tried quitting smoking a few times but I know he just bummed cigarettes from friends, etc. As far as eating, sometimes if I am eating healthier he will join me but for the most part he won't. I'm not even sure if a health scare would get him to change his habits and trying to get him to go to the doctor for an annual physical is just about impossible. But I love him and I'm not his mother and I don't want to nag him (although it is tempting
). These are his choices to make - hopefully they don't take him away from me sooner - but if I worry about that all the time then I won't enjoy the time we have. Good Luck:flowerforyou: 0 -
Just try to help him eat healthier and by doing that try to eat healthy yourself so you can set an example. Instead of him eating fast food maybe he can pack his own meals to limits his meal portions as well as eat healthier foods (but he has to pack his meals with healthy foods). its all about moderation and watching the amount of nutrients you are taking in each meal and this app/site does a great job with that. I believe that you are a loving wife who can keep him motivated so just be there fore him and yourself when one of you are getting depressed or unmotivated and set a goal to reach each week so you stay interested and motivated.0
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There is not lot you can do to change someone who doesn't want to change other than show thru example and maybe cook healthier meals when you do the cooking. Thats not to say he's gonna eat it but you get an A for effort. Also if you need to play a little dirty, by your profile picture it looks like you have kids, getting them on board with eating healthy can cause a lot of 'daddy thats not good for your body' comments and there is nothing like a child guilt trip but 'daddy i want you to live forever'. I'm sure I'm gonna get yelled at for that one but hay sometimes you have to use what you have. My mother is a smoker, always has been, I did it to her as a kid and my kids do it now. Not that she has stopped smoking but when she lived with us she went from 2 packs a day to a pack every 2 days. Good luck and keep up your good work. Your kids will appreciate it 0
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Good luck! I hope it works. I started dating a guy about 3months ago, and he is a heavier guy which doesnt really bother me, but he does make comments bout his weight and how hes unhappy with where hes at. While im trying to get back into shape and get better, he'll talk about it, but hasn't really taken the steps yet. And im not sure on how to give him that extra push too. I'm trying to set good examples but so far it's been hard. But like they've said he has to want to do it. My dad is the same way. He wanted to lose weight and he did, but then gained it all back and now hes talking bout going back to losin his weight again but he just loves food!
My boyfriend was the same way about quitting smoking, i really wanted him to quit but i couldn't bring it up a lot in a nagging fashion, he knew how i felt about it n he said when the time is right I'll do it. Well I am proud to say that he is a month smoke free and doesn't even crave them. I helped him out along the way encouraging him making him believe in himself so i feel like when he makes the leap in losing his weight it'll be the same way. Like i said he's heavier and he wants to lose about a good 100lbs. it's a long journey but i hope they all decide to make that decision soon, good luck and if u do find any ways to help make a lil push please let us know!0 -
Good luck! It took my wife receiving an abnormal mamogram reading(negative by the way) and getting told by her doctor that she was diabetic for it to finally kick in. Nothing I said would sway her to do what she needed to do. Still can't say much to her about working out/eating right with out her feeling like i'm badgering her in some way.
But I'm glad she's finally taking an interest in improving herself.
Good luck!0 -
I had a conversation with my wife the other day asking her to keep on me about my getting healthy. I said I can accept the nagging about that because i want to get my butt in shape. I asked her what I could do to help her also, but got no real feedback so I am just going to continue setting the example and hopefully she will go with the getting in shape with me.. Just support and hopefully at some point he will decide to do it and then you can give him "boost".0
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I started getting serious in Jan of this yr. My husband saw how hard I was working and the results I was achieving and he decided to join on his own in Feb. Now he's lost more than me and helps keep ME on track! Hopefully if he just sees your commitment, he will follow a long. I agree that "nagging" won't get him to do it, it will most likely make him more resistant. Good luck!0
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Its not a ton of help but maybe he just needs to continue to watch you on your journey and eventually it will click. I am in a similar situation, my husband had what I refer to as a lean swimmers body when we met, and in our 9 years together, I have watched him flucuate all over the place. Prior to our wedding in 2009, I convniced him to go to Weight Watchers with me to lose weight for our big day. I told him I couldn't do it alone, which was no a lie, at that time in my life I knew I coulnd't sit and eat chicken and veggies while he had a domino's pizza. I needed him, and he knew he needed to lose weight so the 2 combined and he agreed. A month after our wedding I found out I was pregnant and we both stopped Weight Watchers and went back to what we had been doing and he gained sympathy weight right along with me. During my pregnancy he went for a physical and just like your husband, his cholesterol was WAY out of control, triglycerides dangerously high and high blood pressure. The doctor gave him 3 months to get in under control with diet and exercise but he didn't and now he is on meds that they say he will never be able to come off of, even if he changes. After my son was born I gave myself 3 months of slack and then it was back to Weight Watchers in May 2010. Through a combo of WW and MFP I reached my goal in April 2011 and have mostly maintained it (within a 10lb range) for over a year now. But 6 weeks ago, when I saw goal slipping away pound by pound I recommitted, added in a ton of exercise and am seeing change faster now then I did before and something about this 6 week period has motivated him! HE came to me last week and said "I need to do this, and I need you to help me". He tells me he's fat, and he's not! But he's right, he needs to do this, because like you said, I want to grow old with him. Keep doing what YOU are doing, keep telling him how good you feel, talk about your journey and even if it takes a while, he may eventually want to jump on board.0
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Thanks for all the tips and sweet words everyone
I do cook mostly healthy meals for my daughters and I.. I've lost 68 pounds myself since last summer. He'll cook himself a frozen pizza or something. I buy only healthy food.. he shops for himself and buys all sorts of junk.
Not to mention he does not eat fruits or vegetables.
I even make meals we all love.. but make a healthier version.. he just says it has no taste and he won't eat it.. I think it's all in his head.
Also.. the money we are wasting on his bad eating habits. I feel like we're supporting a smoking addiction or something.
He doesnt look over weight.. which I think makes him so comfortable with eating the way he is. He's been eating horrible since we met and has only gained 30 pounds. I ate horrible and gained 120 pounds...0 -
Who does the cooking in your house? Is it you? If it is then why is it difficult to cook him healthy meals as well? Drag him out for a walk after dinner and on the weekends. Tell him you just want to spend some time together. Or sit him down and tell him that you're worried about him and the results that he got from his latest doctors appointment and that you really don't want to be burying him any time soon. I disagree with some of the people who say that it'll take something bad to happen before he realizes he needs to get on the healthy band wagon because by that time it'll be too late. Do you want to wait for him to have a heart attack or a stroke? Even if you continue on your journey alone it might NOT click with him.0
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