People are so mean...

BrendaLee
BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
edited September 20 in Motivation and Support
So...I took my daughter to dance class tonight at the Y, and I thought I'd take a walk while I was waiting for her. There's a really nice park across the street, so I decided to walk around it, and I was really enjoying myself...it's a beautiful night. I noticed a group of young people hanging out, and I thought...great...because I knew exactly what they were going to do...So, of course one of them starts cat-calling...hey pretty lady...whistling...and not in that "hey there's a hot girl" way...but in the "hey there's a fat girl let's make fun of her" way. I was pretty much devastated, and they did it until I was out of eyesight which seemed to take forever...then I sat in my car and cried for half an hour. I've been dealing with that sort of thing literally my entire life...and I'm so tired of it. It's humiliating and disheartening...It just makes me realize what people are thinking when they look at me, but most people don't have the nerve to say...but a group of teenagers? Never fails. I did tell them to f-off...I didn't know what else to do. It makes me so mad that I'm trying so hard to lose this weight, and I can't even take a peaceful little walk through a park on a lovely fall evening....ya know? :brokenheart:

Replies

  • mszSHOGAN
    mszSHOGAN Posts: 2,277 Member
    Teenagers can be the most evil beings out there. I'm sure they won't be saying that when you meet your goal! You're already well on your way - don't let them bring you down. Use it as motivation to change this one thing about yourself and shine as the light you were meant to be! :wink:
  • candessb
    candessb Posts: 52 Member
    I'm sorry...keep your head up! Those punk kids have nothing better to do than pick on people, and you should be proud of your accomplishments and how much you've grown. They will never have the determination or strenth to make a decision like you have and stick to it.
    God Bless! Keep on trucking!
  • littlebigbird
    littlebigbird Posts: 88
    I'm so sorry you had such an awful experience. You're right - people can be very cruel. To be honest, that kind of group would pick on anyone just to make themselves feel big. If it hadn't been you, they'd have found a reason to pick on someone else.

    Please try not to let it get to you though. You're doing incredibly and going for a walk in the park was a great way to improve both your health and your spirits . . . so don't let a bunch of bullies ruin it for you.
  • Wecandothis
    Wecandothis Posts: 1,083 Member
    I wish I could hug you Brenda Lee. I don't even have any advice to tell you, but I do know how that feels, because I've experienced it as well.

    But what I can say in utter truth is that you ARE beautiful. We've seen your pictures. You ARE beautiful. Every one of those pictures you have in your profile is proof of that. This is not flattery. This is not a pep talk. This is a fact.

    I realize that especially right at this moment you may not be able to accept that. But my prayer for you is that you will see yourself in truth, not colored by evil lies.

    And the irony is that I would bet money that those kids DID think you were beautiful. I'm betting that's what started it. But you know how stupid kids are - if you are a few pounds heavier than popular media says you should be they would feel weird being attracted to you. You are beautiful. And they recognized that, even though they displayed it in an entirely inappropriate way.

    Brenda - hear this if you hear nothing else. I've looked at your picture and been envious of how beautiful you are. :-) Honestly. And in addition to your physical beauty you are kind, and encouraging to others, and will come to the defense of those in need.

    You are a warrior, and I know that though this stung, it won't keep you down, cause I don't think anything can.

    All I can offer is a virtual hug, but it comes from the bottom of my heart. *HUG*
  • mabella17
    mabella17 Posts: 93
    Keep your head up!! Some kids just do not have any respect or manners anymore :angry: It can piss you off beyond belief and make you break down, but they are doing to make themselves look cool infront of their other ignorant friends. They wouldn't do it if they were by themselves.
    Just keep on track and and don't lose sight of your goals. You can do it :wink:
  • gramgin
    gramgin Posts: 5 Member
    Please, please don't let people define you, don't let them make you feel bad about yourself! Personally, if I had seen it coming I might have turned around and walked the other direction. You don't need to subject yourself to their stupidity!
  • Mina133842
    Mina133842 Posts: 1,573 Member
    I've had the same thing happen so many times... So, now I go group walking, and we've had it done to the whole group....although we're "bigger" than they are, never ceases to amaze me how someone has the need to put someone else down like that, ESPECIALLY when you're doing something to change it.... so I use the good ol' standby immature response "I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I'm losing weight, what are YOU gonna do?!" - I know, I know, not mature, but, sometimes it makes ya feel better. At least you can think it, right?! (and they are ugly - they're acting REAL ugly).
  • JD44
    JD44 Posts: 2
    F%^) THEM!!! 42 lbs that is absolutly amazing. I am sure you are one hot MILF!! LOL Karma will get them. Keep up the good work!!
  • MFR1974
    MFR1974 Posts: 92
    I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I understand exactly what you mean. I've been overweight my whole life and people feel like they need to point it out to me sometimes. Usually it happens when I am exercising outside. Good for you for taking advantage of a beautiful night and getting some exercise. Just remember like the song says "You were made to fill a purpose, that only you could do. There could never be a more beautiful you." If you want to make a change, I believe it has to come from a true desire to be healthier. Not from a need to fit in to what society demands we look like. Add me as a friend if you would like and we can support each other.
  • BrenNew
    BrenNew Posts: 3,420 Member
    So...I took my daughter to dance class tonight at the Y, and I thought I'd take a walk while I was waiting for her. There's a really nice park across the street, so I decided to walk around it, and I was really enjoying myself...it's a beautiful night. I noticed a group of young people hanging out, and I thought...great...because I knew exactly what they were going to do...So, of course one of them starts cat-calling...hey pretty lady...whistling...and not in that "hey there's a hot girl" way...but in the "hey there's a fat girl let's make fun of her" way. I was pretty much devastated, and they did it until I was out of eyesight which seemed to take forever...then I sat in my car and cried for half an hour. I've been dealing with that sort of thing literally my entire life...and I'm so tired of it. It's humiliating and disheartening...It just makes me realize what people are thinking when they look at me, but most people don't have the nerve to say...but a group of teenagers? Never fails. I did tell them to f-off...I didn't know what else to do. It makes me so mad that I'm trying so hard to lose this weight, and I can't even take a peaceful little walk through a park on a lovely fall evening....ya know? :brokenheart:



    I'm so sorry they hurt you! :sad:
    Kids are cruel, that's for sure! It bothered me growing up when kids were mean to me, but it REALLY killed me when I heard kids on the school bus yelling "bye you big fat hippo" to my 8 year old son! :mad:
    I guess all you can do is try your best to tune them out.
    Keep up the great job you're doing! :flowerforyou: :smile:
  • pinbotchick
    pinbotchick Posts: 3,904
    You are such an inspiration - you have lost 42 pounds - WOW. I am sorry this happened to you. I do feel that anyone that walked through that park would have been made fun of or demeaned in some way - I'd like to think those are probably the teenagers that will do some jail time later in life. I enjoy reading your posts and hope that you will continue to be an inspiration to the rest of us :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: I think it's great that you were out getting more exercise. Maybe it would help to think of the kids in orange jump suits (aka jailbirds) next time they are rude and just laugh at them :wink:
  • iRun4wine
    iRun4wine Posts: 5,126
    Brenda, I currently work with middle schoolers, and worked with high schoolers in the past. I can tell you first hand how nasty, rude, and downright mean they can be. I can also tell you that the same kids that have told me to "go #*%@ myself" are the same kids that will breakdown and cry in front of their peers over something stupid. My point is, that even though teenagers often look like little adults, they are NOT- they're still just babies (which was evident in their behavior tonight). Believe me, my point is NOT that they don't know better, rather my point is they opinions shouldn't matter. Please, please, please don't let a bunch of poorly brought up kids (shame on their parents) ruin your day. I bet you never shouted rude comments and strangers, and I didn't either... know why? Because we knew better and were raised better. Their opinions do NOT matter. No doubt these comments still cut to the bone, but you have to find a way or a strategy to kick those comments and the feelings and emotions that come with them to the curb (right next to where I'd toss those kids if I had my way! :laugh: ) Hang in there, you have plenty of friends here that will beat up those jerks if ya need us to! :wink:
  • ucaminax
    ucaminax Posts: 157 Member
    As my husband always tells me when I get upset about people... "Don't let them live rent-free in your head.' ;-)
    And as for teenagers, if you think back on that time, teenagers, no matter how fat/thin smart/slow rich/poor etc etc they are, are SO insecure themselves, especially when they are in a group like that. They probably were all feeling self conscious around each other, and feeling "less than", so when someone else walks by, no matter who that person is, they are going to try to find something to deflect any negative attention away from themselves, and get a little self-esteem boost by being a little ringleader. Not that it excuses their behavior in anyway, just that for me, it makes me feel better when I can imagine that people like that are even more insecure on the inside than they tried to make me feel. It makes me so mad that kids don't have respect for strangers (heck, even for non-strangers!)

    I have been hearing on the news something about how, pretty soon, 50% of Americans are going to be obese. Not just fat but obese. Your story reminds me of Dr' Seuss' story The Sneetches. DOes anyone remember that? It's a great one. Dr Seuss' stories had such great messages. The Sneetches gang up in groups, and at first the sneetches with stars are the popular ones, and this guy makes a bunch of money selling stars to Sneetches. Then, when stars become so commonplace, it's the sneetches without stars that are popular, and the same guy makes a bunch of money with a machine that removes stars. I guarantee, that in a few years, when those kids stop shooting up like beanstalks, at least half of that group will be fighting obesity (to say nothing of the male-pattern baldness, impotence, toenail fungus, jock itch, dandruff, and general male grumpiness that they will surely also be afflicted with lol!) And meanwhile, you will be fit, beautiful, and most of all KIND ON THE INSIDE! :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • tabbydog
    tabbydog Posts: 4,925 Member
    You need to remember one thing.... those people would pick on anyone. Usually a person that would be mean to a stranger, would be mean rather you were fat or thin, pretty or ugly, rich or poor, etc... It doesn't matter. They need to bring someone else down to fill the emptyness inside them. Those people being *ssholes does not make YOU less of a person.

    That being said, you are georgeous. You would be at 300 pounds, 200 pounds or at your goal 135 pounds. Nothing can change that, certainly not those people.

    You have lost 42 pounds. You are doing a great job! You are going to come through the other side of this healthy, happy and beautiful, because you will have accomplished something, and you will feel good about youself and that will make you shine! Shine every day, with every ounce lost, and with every bit of exercise you do and every healthy bite of food you put in your mouth.

    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

    Remember that. Nothing can change it! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • iRun4wine
    iRun4wine Posts: 5,126
    As my husband always tells me when I get upset about people... "Don't let them live rent-free in your head.' ;-)

    Wow, I'm going to have to remember that. I've been known to let people get to me in certain situations. Thanks :smile:
  • ucaminax
    ucaminax Posts: 157 Member
    As my husband always tells me when I get upset about people... "Don't let them live rent-free in your head.' ;-)

    Wow, I'm going to have to remember that. I've been known to let people get to me in certain situations. Thanks :smile:

    I know, I love that saying of his! And he always says it to me at the right time :heart: It always makes me stop and take a step back from the situation, and kick those freeloaders out of my head! :happy:

    And this is off topic, but Tabbydog, that picture of your horse is adorable!!!! It makes me want to move to Vermont and buy some horses :wink:
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    There are really some great people on this site...some of the best I've ever come across online or otherwise...wise too. :flowerforyou:
  • j_g4ever
    j_g4ever Posts: 1,925 Member
    As my husband always tells me when I get upset about people... "Don't let them live rent-free in your head.' ;-)

    I love that saying and I'm going to use that.
  • bettersusan
    bettersusan Posts: 240 Member
    Oh, what a bunch of idiots!!! :angry: When I was in middle school kids were cruel like that. It was horrible. They are total losers and I wish I were there to put them in their place. :angry: They do that so they can feel better about themselves. Unreal. I wish I could give you a hug. :ohwell:

    Look, you are doing AWESOME! :happy: Those skinny bratts are going to end up not looking so great themselves in a few years because their metabolisms will slow down and they never had to watch what they ate before. YOU are going to be beautiful inside and out. Please don't let them get you down. Feel sorry for them. Feel GREAT about what you have accomplished and don't let them win by quitting!!!! YOU CAN and YOU ARE doing this!

    We love you. We've been there too you know!

    Susan
  • tabbydog
    tabbydog Posts: 4,925 Member

    And this is off topic, but Tabbydog, that picture of your horse is adorable!!!! It makes me want to move to Vermont and buy some horses :wink:

    Oh, but I looked, and you live in Virginia! I would LOVE to move to Virginia and bring all of my horses with me! In VT, there are about 5-6 months out of the year that you can't ride unless you have an indoor. Alas, I will never get my hubby out of VT, so grin and bear it! :bigsmile:

    I have been looking through the responses to BrendaLee, and I am inspired by how many truly nice people there are out there, EVERYWHERE. I love this site!

    Brenda honey, you hang in there. In another year, you will be thinking back on this, and it will make you smile, because you will know how much you have accomplished. I love the quote about people living rent free in your head, it is cute, but my favorite is "that which does not kill you makes you stronger." You hang in there! :heart:
  • k92monica
    k92monica Posts: 15
    Girlfriend! Screw them! You continue to do your thing and don't worry about them! You are doing a damn good job with your weight loss! Keep your head high!
  • courtney_love2001
    courtney_love2001 Posts: 1,468 Member
    That is so terrible. I have no idea how someone could treat another person like that. Just take heart in knowing that they are just pathetic teenagers trying to look "cool" in front of their friends and trying to make themselves feel better about their poor, pitiful lives. You are amazing and you are beautiful...this is YOUR journey and no one can ruin it for you :) Keep on truckin' girl!! :flowerforyou:
  • vhuber
    vhuber Posts: 8,779 Member
    BRENDA LEE ???? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ALL THESE PEOPLE ??? They care and are telling you the truth, you have read more praise and support from these post's than what those dip *hits said to you! Take each word from your pals and paste them on your heart because you are worth it!! I thank you for coming to us and sharing your hurts, that is what friends are for! Chin up girl! They don't own the block so keep on walking!! I would have probably punched someones friggin face in! This sorta thing happened with some girls and I one night, he was derogative and I picked the little *kitten* up by the shirt and said apoligize NOW!!! And he did!!! We had a good laugh later but I always want to protect people from those ugly barbs they throw!! Guys words always seem worst to me, I don't know why ,not saying girls can't be vicious too! Anyway put a smile back on that beautiful face and remember people do care about you and your feelings!!!!
  • leavinglasvegas
    leavinglasvegas Posts: 1,495
    I am sooo sorry Brenda Lee!!!! I know that has to hurt, and it can be so hard to put it into perspective as it is happening. Remember something very important... Its not really about you. Remember being a teenager? It was a traumatizing time for most of us is some way or another. The teens who do the worst things, tend to come from the worst situations. I'm not downplaying what they did, just stating both sides of the fence. They probably don't realize that they actually can impact another persons life, I doubt that most teens do realize that. I bet you there was only one teen with the bad manners and the rest just followed suit because they just don't think independently at that age. People, regardless of their age, do mean things to boost them selves. We've all done it on some level, at some point. When that happens to us, we have to remind ourselves that this is OUR journey through life. Nobody can take anything away from you that you don't give them.

    You have strong support here on MFP and you are a strong supporter! Even if you were some hot little twiggy chick, they would have sad things to you. They needed and outlet and you were just walking in the wrong place at the wrong time. Don't take it personally, their ignorance is their problem, not yours. You are a grown woman, you are strong, courageous and amazing in every way shape and form! That is YOURS! Nobody can take that from you! If they don't see it, then its their loss. I can see it, so can everybody else on here. Stick with positive people and positive people will stick with you.:flowerforyou:

    Holly
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