What comes after stress???

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Replies

  • April0815
    April0815 Posts: 780 Member
    Good idea. Saturday's turkey makes tuesday's sandwiches makes friday's soup - it's what fridges are for. I try to make big batches of everything for leftovers and lunchbox stuffers. Saves a little $ too. Get out your 5 gallon stockpot and take the gang to aldi and ask hubs to invent a soup, he might surprise you.

    Casper you sound alot like my hubby. He works offshore 2weeks out and 2 weeks home. When he is home he does all the cooking. He just throws different things together. He will also clean or do whatever when he is home on his days off and I am at work. Those two weeks he takes everything off of me. He brings my son to and from school so I can go to the gym before and after work. He knows when he is offshore that it's like I am a single mom I have to do everything on my own.
  • AmandaJ
    AmandaJ Posts: 1,950 Member
    My world fell apart in 2005 and 2006 when my youngest was diagnosed with Rett Syndrome. It is on the autism spectrum but it has many more issues. She trembles, has seizures, no hand function, is non-verbal and the list goes on. I gained 60 pounds because I didn't believe the doctors when they said she was a slow developer. I worked full-time and in the meantime my dh had hip and back surgery. Put on permanent disablitly and this whole time I slept very little as I would research for hours disorders ont he internet to try to find anything. I would eat crap and drink major pop to stay awake while I look for my daughter's diagnosis. I found it, demanded a referral and got the diagnosis. Also got her the therapy she needs, the meds she needs and SSI. The point of this while I did what I had to do, I didn't take care of myself. A person has to take care of them, others can't do it for them.

    I understand about your older kids being majorly helpful. My four year old dd basically ran the house while dh laid on the couch recovering and she dealt with the youngest when she could. That four year old is now 9 and my son is 14. They do more than any other child I know but they are growing into responsible people. I understand about not being able to take your 2 year old places. The lights, noise, touch is all too much for my youngest at times. We play games and other things with them,

    YOU HAVE TO MAKE TIME FOR YOU. I DON'T CARE HOW THAT HAPPENS, YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT. I do push-ups in the shower, lunges in the kitchen, do physical stuff with my 9 year old. My dh is a godsend but we dealt with the diagnosis in different ways. He was going to "fix" her, me baby her. Neither one worked. He became depressed, we dealt with it.

    I am begging you to look at your schedule because if you burn out, what is going to happen. My #1 advice for parents with special needs kids is take care of the caregiver.

    Editted to add: My dh is a godsend, he cooks, cleans, and whatever he cans because he wants do help. I love him so much, he is my rock!
  • kicklikeaGIRL
    kicklikeaGIRL Posts: 867 Member
    Your situation sounds exactly like my husband's family. He is the oldest, they have a 16 year old, 8 year old, and a 12 year old handicapped/cerebral palsy/autistic/alcohol syndrome/seizures/non-potty trained daughter. All of his siblings, including him have been adopted. And I have seen the stress that his mom is under. She works full time, has to attend to her daughter, cooks, taxis, follows activities, cleans, etc. And all of the kids also work so hard to help! (Your children will become EXCELLENT spouses by the way :happy: mine is perfect, and so helpful with everything, and a lot has to do with all the help he did taking care of his sister/family) .......

    So, I've been observing/helping them for a while. And I know that you NEED time to yourself. As the previous post said "you need to take care of the caregiver". Always know you can only do so much for everyone else. You are doing your very best! My mother in law's motto is "15 minutes a day can start an effective habit". You have limited time, just as she does....by sqeezing a little bit of exercise time COMBINED with good diet you can lose weight!!!! (Diet will be most important in your case, since you have limited time.)


    1) You are ALREADY burning a lot of calories in your day! I would say with all the running/errands/child caring, etc that you are doing...you are burning as many calories OR MORE than people who run on a treadmill for 15 minutes. If I were you...I'd go back to my "Settings" and change them. I would put that you live a "Sedetary" lifestyle--- meaning you work at a desk job, etc. Which you do! BUt, the important part is next. Since you are working so hard when you are at home you can count that hard work as exercise!! Go to the exercise box and leave it blank, and then press the search button.....scroll down and you will see "Cleaning- light/moderate effort". Now, I know you probably don't think its "light"...but, I prefer to underestimate to be on the safe side. So, if you are doing house chores/tending to children/laundry/cleaning/cooking, etc for 40 minutes, it burns 125 calories!!! Then, if you can fit in another small workout...you have your exercise in for the day!!!

    2) Do you have music that you enjoy and would get you "pumped up" to do your workouts?? You could do some calisthetics (sp?)--- sit ups, crunches, wall squats, regular squats, sumo squats, lunges, jump rope (even w/o a real jump rope), push ups, jabs, kicks, "military arm touches", jumping jacks....etc. I actually took an aerobics class in college, and the teacher spent a week teaching us ways to get our heart rate up and a good workout with absolutely nothing on hand except some good pumping music! Haha! Message me if you have any questions, or if you'd like me to set up a "routine".... you can do it to just about any music. And it doesn't cost a thing!!

    With 15 minutes of calisthetics combined with your 15 minutes of running around like crazy.... combined with a good diet....y ou CAN lose weight! In your case, a strict diet full of veggies, lean meats, whole wheats is going to be the most important for you because some days you just won't have that much time with all of the busy-ness!

    I believe in you, my fellow mid-western-er!!! (I'm from Minnesota) You can do this!! You can and you WILL make time for yourself!! You will feel happier and hopefully more energetic to be able to do everything you already do. Plus...if you are a mom like my mother-in-law...she struggles to get a good night's rest because she is thinking about what she needs to do the next day. The additional exercise will help you sleep better too!!!

    Message me if you need anything!!



    P.S. Your extra 15 minutes could come into play if you let your husband help out a bit with the cooking. I know how hard it can be for my husband to feel confident enough to cook the whole meal. But, he does help me do the other stuff, such as cooking the chicken for our chicken casserole, cooking pasta noodles, grilling up some pork chops, etc. Even if your hubby doesnt feel as confident, he can still help a bit to help you get your exercise in.
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    dawna, u always give the best advice. :blushing:
  • byHisgrace
    byHisgrace Posts: 175
    My world fell apart in 2005 and 2006 when my youngest was diagnosed with Rett Syndrome. It is on the autism spectrum but it has many more issues. She trembles, has seizures, no hand function, is non-verbal and the list goes on. I gained 60 pounds because I didn't believe the doctors when they said she was a slow developer. I worked full-time and in the meantime my dh had hip and back surgery. Put on permanent disablitly and this whole time I slept very little as I would research for hours disorders ont he internet to try to find anything. I would eat crap and drink major pop to stay awake while I look for my daughter's diagnosis. I found it, demanded a referral and got the diagnosis. Also got her the therapy she needs, the meds she needs and SSI. The point of this while I did what I had to do, I didn't take care of myself. A person has to take care of them, others can't do it for them.

    I understand about your older kids being majorly helpful. My four year old dd basically ran the house while dh laid on the couch recovering and she dealt with the youngest when she could. That four year old is now 9 and my son is 14. They do more than any other child I know but they are growing into responsible people. I understand about not being able to take your 2 year old places. The lights, noise, touch is all too much for my youngest at times. We play games and other things with them,

    YOU HAVE TO MAKE TIME FOR YOU. I DON'T CARE HOW THAT HAPPENS, YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT. I do push-ups in the shower, lunges in the kitchen, do physical stuff with my 9 year old. My dh is a godsend but we dealt with the diagnosis in different ways. He was going to "fix" her, me baby her. Neither one worked. He became depressed, we dealt with it.

    I am begging you to look at your schedule because if you burn out, what is going to happen. My #1 advice for parents with special needs kids is take care of the caregiver.

    Editted to add: My dh is a godsend, he cooks, cleans, and whatever he cans because he wants do help. I love him so much, he is my rock!

    I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. I am very familiar with Rett's. My daughter has trembles and seizures and has started using odd hand gestures, so for a while they were suggesting it as a possibility. In fact, I think they were surprised when the test came back negative. I have never been so relieved about anything in my life. I know we could have it worse, I know my daughter could be in a far worse position than she is and I thank God everyday for ever stride she has made!

    I sat here crying while I read you describe my life. Sitting up late online, researching everything I could, living on diet coke and boston cream donuts. I didn't believe it either, for months, I allowed her to be in early intervention only to satisfy my doctor and "better safe than sorry".

    As far as my dh, he will never be a rock, in fact since my daughter's diagnoses, some of my dh's aunts have confided in me that they believe my dh has Aspergers, and I suspect they may be correct, which is why shuttling the kids around for me is not going to happen.

    I am going to ask him to help with the cooking. Thanks to everyone for the recipes. We are going gluten and casein free to try to improve dd enough to be someday mainstreamed.

    Hugs!!! It really does help to hear it from someone who has btdt!
  • Mina133842
    Mina133842 Posts: 1,573 Member
    slow cooker meals. try doing a slow cooker stew or something every now and then, and just like everyone else said, try and make bigger batches of meals, and then you can live off the leftovers. Also, you can do rear squeezes while sitting, and flexing your legs... no one sees that! ;) Best of luck! You're in my prayers!
  • AmandaJ
    AmandaJ Posts: 1,950 Member
    Byhisgrace, if you ever need to chat, shoot me a message!!!

    Also one of my stand-bys is to cook hamburger or ground turkey in big batches and then freeze small batches so it is already cooked and can be made into casseroles or tacos or anything that calls for beef or turkey.
  • texaskat
    texaskat Posts: 2
    You might check with your local school about services for your 2 year old. Some states require the school system to provide services for preschool autistic children (don't know about Mich.), which might help your husband. Your doc may already have told you about this. I know in Texas there's an early childhood program (Cornerstone) serving children with disabilities up to age 3, when the local school district is required to take over. The special education department of your local school will know more about your state, and what services are available (speech, occupational therapy, physical therapy, respite care, etc.), even if they don't serve autistic children before age 3.

    As for exercise, I work for a school district, and when the weather's bad, my walking partner and I walk the halls for the same amount of time we walk around the track in good weather. Scenery's not great, but it gets the job done.
  • byHisgrace
    byHisgrace Posts: 175
    You might check with your local school about services for your 2 year old. Some states require the school system to provide services for preschool autistic children (don't know about Mich.), which might help your husband. Your doc may already have told you about this. I know in Texas there's an early childhood program (Cornerstone) serving children with disabilities up to age 3, when the local school district is required to take over. The special education department of your local school will know more about your state, and what services are available (speech, occupational therapy, physical therapy, respite care, etc.), even if they don't serve autistic children before age 3.

    As for exercise, I work for a school district, and when the weather's bad, my walking partner and I walk the halls for the same amount of time we walk around the track in good weather. Scenery's not great, but it gets the job done.

    Thanks. Every state is required to have an early intervention program for 0-3, here in Michigan it's called Early On. I do take her twice a week for ST, OT, and PT as well as social intergration at our local intermediate school district special education center. She's been involved in the Early On program for nearly a year, as they were my first call when her doctor started suggesting autism. They did home visits for therapy for a long time until she was "well" enough to try going to the school. They don't do respite care on site, but they do provide a list of providers. I've thought about it but getting her comfortable with a new person would just be one.more.thing and I really can't handle one more thing right now. It would be me having to get her comfortable with this person, which would require taking more time off work, which in and of itself is hard because even if I take time off, I still have to answer pages. Soo, respite care is out for now. Hopefully things will look up soon :)
  • AmandaJ
    AmandaJ Posts: 1,950 Member
    I don't mean to sound critical about respite care because it is a wonderful program, but the thing that I have found is the turn-over is very high meaning a parent works for weeks to familarize a child with a person only to shortly after have that person move on to greener pastures.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    Not only that, You absolutly cannot out excersise a bad diet. So if you don't have time excersise, spend what time you do have figuring out a way to eat healthier.

    I was going to comment along these same lines.
    Even if you can't make time to exercise, stick to portion and calorie control.
    Weight loss is 80% diet, 20% exercise.
    I've lost more weight focusing on my food than I have focusing on exercise.

    My heart goes out to you. You have a lot going on. Take time for yourself. Yoga, while not a high calorie burner, is a great way to stretch, increase muscle endurance, and build flexibility while finding a moment's peace. :flowerforyou:
  • byHisgrace
    byHisgrace Posts: 175
    Not only that, You absolutly cannot out excersise a bad diet. So if you don't have time excersise, spend what time you do have figuring out a way to eat healthier.

    I was going to comment along these same lines.
    Even if you can't make time to exercise, stick to portion and calorie control.
    Weight loss is 80% diet, 20% exercise.
    I've lost more weight focusing on my food than I have focusing on exercise.

    :) Heading out to whole foods, GFCF list (printable by store from their website) in hand! Thanks, I had really gotten it into my head that there was no way to diet my way back, because I've never really been one to diet. However, I think it's the place to start right now.
  • byHisgrace
    byHisgrace Posts: 175
    I don't mean to sound critical about respite care because it is a wonderful program, but the thing that I have found is the turn-over is very high meaning a parent works for weeks to familarize a child with a person only to shortly after have that person move on to greener pastures.

    Oh, I hadn't even considered that as an issue! I can see how the turnover rate would be high though, that just makes sense to me. We've already lost the social worker and one of the PT's that were originally on her team and they worked for the ISD, and she's not even been in the program a year, AND unemployement where I live is about 20%!!!
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    Not only that, You absolutly cannot out excersise a bad diet. So if you don't have time excersise, spend what time you do have figuring out a way to eat healthier.

    I was going to comment along these same lines.
    Even if you can't make time to exercise, stick to portion and calorie control.
    Weight loss is 80% diet, 20% exercise.
    I've lost more weight focusing on my food than I have focusing on exercise.

    :) Heading out to whole foods, GFCF list (printable by store from their website) in hand! Thanks, I had really gotten it into my head that there was no way to diet my way back, because I've never really been one to diet. However, I think it's the place to start right now.

    It's all about changing your mindset -- this isn't a "diet". This is learning to eat better. Cutting the junk and eating mounds and mounds of healthier, less calorie dense foods. Learning to use lots of spices to make food taste good in ways butter and fat can't begin. :flowerforyou:
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