Being obese means you can't give advice!

jyuubi
jyuubi Posts: 109
in Chit-Chat
I'm obese. There's no way to get around that fact. And I've always had problems losing weight. But then I found the strength, motivation, MFP, and I've lost 6lbs. I haven't been doing anything special, just living, but in a better way than I was before. Different choice of foods everyday and making sure not to go over calories, exercising, you know, the usual.

My boyfriend came across a young girl who is losing weight by eating one meal a day (only a salad), and filling up the rest of her day with nothing but water. As far as I know, she's also pushing herself to exercise every single day, pushing herself beyond limits, and ended up losing 12lbs a week. She says she's 140lbs. She encourages people to live this way too because it may be unhealthy, but it works, so she insists!

I decided to point out on the site I'm on that people don't need to starve themselves, and they don't need overwork themselves. They're only going to get hurt in some way. It sounds like common sense, doesn't it? Who honestly thinks the best way to lose weight is to eat one meal, fill yourself with water all day (which I assume is well over 8 cups if water is a replacement for meals), and exercising all day long.

I was told by someone that I have no right to "preach" because I'm morbidly obese.

I guess being obese means that you can't give advice. Of course, I wasn't even trying to give advice! I was just trying to assure people that they don't need to starve and push themselves until they get sick from not being used to it. I know a lot of people can encourage people to do stuff like this. Does being obese mean I have no right to tell people they don't need to do that and it isn't safe for them?

Replies

  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
    I can see that the advice you are giving this girl is logical...however, most people, when seeking advice, want it from people that they deem have gotten results from their own advice. I'm not saying this to be mean-if you have a friend whose hair is a hot mess, split ends everywhere, etc-are you going to let her cut/style your hair or would you take haircare advice from her? If your neighbor's car is broken down in the driveway with cobwebs, are you going to let him work on your car if it breaks down? It's just how people work. You're getting there, you've lost some weight, and as you lose more and more, people will notice and probably ask you how you are doing it. You'll have plenty of time to give advice. Don't let these few people get to you, keep working hard.
  • jyuubi
    jyuubi Posts: 109
    People have already asked me, and I'm not insulted, but I wasn't even trying to give advice. I wouldn't give advice on losing weight or gaining weight, I just tell people what I'm doing.

    I wasn't in no way giving advice, but it's common sense to know what these types of people do is dangerous. And it bugs me, so I spoke up, because those kinds of people have always made me feel like I couldn't do it because they made it seem like starving and working until you passed out was the only way.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I have felt torn on this topic a few times while I was losing weight. I mean, I know that some people in my life surely were thinking, "shut up, you have no idea what you are talking about" when I would give any kind of nutrition or exercise advice. I was an athlete all of my life so I know a fair amount about exercise and for the most part I have always eaten healthy, just in excess over the last few years. All of that said, people generally don't want advice from anyone, so you might have gotten the same reaction even if you were at your goal weight. The girl wants to do it her way and that's what she'll settle for. People like us who want to lose weight in a healthy manner are in the minority. The best thing you can do in situations like this is say that you just started using MFP and were surprised by how many calories you were actually allowed each day and are happy to be losing weight at a nice steady rate. If they want to know more about it, they will ask! Good luck with your goals!
  • una48
    una48 Posts: 43
    I think you have a sensible attitude to losing weight, and I think your advice, if you want to call it that at all, was sound. At the end of it all, there is a far higher possibility of your keeping the weight off, then someone who loses weight in such a drastic fashion. They will figure out that you were right when that happens!
  • LHudson53
    LHudson53 Posts: 126
    You tried to help. And I think that's a good thing.
  • spartangirl79
    spartangirl79 Posts: 277 Member
    People rarely want to hear what they're doing is wrong, unless they are specifically asking for advice (ie, this *isn't* working for me, what else can I do?).

    I faced this problem as an overweight personal trainer. The advice I gave my clients, and the workouts I designed for them, did not work for me, but they worked great for them. It has taken me a long time to figure out WTF is up with my body and it was always difficult for me to train very fit women who clearly had less weight to lose than I did. Whatever though, I just kicked their butts and that was that. :) Slightly different on a message board!

    Just keep on keepin' on and share your successes -- if people want to know more they will certainly ask.
  • bleacheblonde
    bleacheblonde Posts: 333
    "Does being obese mean I have no right to tell people they don't need to do that and it isn't safe for them? "
    Hell no! Just because you are obese doesn't mean you lack knowledge. Anyone who says being obese means you can't give advice is just being a huge a-hole, and a-holes suck :)
  • Silverkittycat
    Silverkittycat Posts: 1,997 Member
    Does being obese mean I have no right to tell people they don't need to do that and it isn't safe for them?

    I don't think it matters how much you weigh. People don't like to be told how to live their life. :)
  • vibrantval
    vibrantval Posts: 46
    "Does being obese mean I have no right to tell people they don't need to do that and it isn't safe for them? "
    Hell no! Just because you are obese doesn't mean you lack knowledge. Anyone who says being obese means you can't give advice is just being a huge a-hole, and a-holes suck :)

    Couldnt have said it better myself!
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    You can give advice but not with credibility, because you do not have the the valid fruit of your philosophy.
    We must sell ourselves before people will buy our ideas.
    It's like a smoker preaching about how to quit smoking; people just don't want to hear it.
    It's not that you're wrong.
    Remember, people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care, and that starts with how we care for our bodies. Most people are not going to receive health and fitness advice form a fat person. That's life.
    Is it right? NO!
    Is it fair? NO!
    Is it realty? Yes, it is...
    Don't let it get you down, stay the course, and one day you have the credibility to advise people. In fact they will come to you begging for help.
    Until then, buck up, and keep punching :drinker:
    ALL IS POSSIBLE
  • jillica
    jillica Posts: 554 Member
    Obese, overweight, skinny - it does NOT matter!

    If you've been successful losing weight, you can give advice. I would not want advice from a skinny person who has never had to worry about their weight. I've been successful losing the SAME 20 LBS! I know what works for me, but I DON'T HAVE A FLIPPIN' CLUE how to stay motivated and not fall into old habits - so I won't be giving any advice on maintenance.
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
    Well think of it this way, you tried, and eventually at this rate she will crash and burn because you know this is an unhealthy way to move forward. At least you know you are doing it the healthier way. The weight was not put on in a day and it will not come off in a day. So keep moving forward and doing what you are doing!
  • mamabosha
    mamabosha Posts: 22
    I don't care if a person is obese or not, common sense advice is common sense no matter where itcomes from. If folks believe that is healthy, direct them to the anorexia (i know i'm spelling them wrong and i am sorry) and bolemia web sites. I'm sure they may have thought they had a great plan until their bodies said enough. I have heard so much bs from skinny folks because they think they know more or ar better than folks that struggle every day with the weight.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    It doesn't matter if you're obese or thin, no one wants unsolicited advice.
  • small_ninja
    small_ninja Posts: 365 Member
    You can give advice, but I don't think you should be surprised if people don't take you seriously, given it looks like you've only just started out. Just like I wouldn't take advice on how to study from someone with a C average, I wouldn't trust the advice about how to lose weight from someone who's overweight. It's just a credibility issue - even if it's sound advice, the message I get is either that it doesn't work, or it's too hard to put into practice because the adviser hasn't done so themselves. Also, it might just be a case of someone not wanting to hear what they're doing is wrong - she's obviously happy with her results, even if she's going to extreme measures to get them, and doesn't want someone telling her she should switch to a method that's going to take longer to come into effect. Plus, she probably knows deep down that this isn't sustainable and as soon as she stops she's gonna gain most of that weight back... It sounds like you've been doing well so far though; keep doing what you're doing and people will be crawling to you for advice :flowerforyou:
  • mskiera
    mskiera Posts: 1
    I really hate that word morbidly obese. Yes I am over weight but I agree with you the way that young girl is losing weight is totally unhealthy. Your body needs fuel to survive just not as much as we are putting in. Cut back on the calories and the weight will come off.
    mskiera :smile:
  • cboscari
    cboscari Posts: 16 Member
    Well, the evil in me says wait till she crashes and burns, as someone put it, and then do a few "ha ha, told you so!" as you gracefully hit your goal weight. but that's mean. So resist, even though it will happen.

    People just don't want advice. Especially if they believe things are going their way. It has nothing to do with you, even though she thinks it does. She wants strokes for being an "expert."

    Hmm. As a follow up, I think this goes both ways though. Some people who have had weight problems their whole life don't want to be told how to lose weight by someone who "hasn't been there."
  • jeannette120
    jeannette120 Posts: 65 Member
    Just because you are obese doesn't mean you lack knowledge. Anyone who says being obese means you can't give advice is just being a huge a-hole, and a-holes suck :)

    This!!! I know you were not trying to give advice, just making a comment. Oh well, her loss for automatically dismissing what you said because of your weight. I am obese as well and i'm a cancer researcher looking for new drugs to treat children with relapsed leukemia. I'm pretty darn smart and have been successful. Despite my work record, sometimes my comments and contributions are dismissed because of my size. Regardless I move forward with my projects and show people that just because I am large, I am not a waste of a human life.

    Hang in there...just focus on you and you'll get there!
  • LillyMosley
    LillyMosley Posts: 166
    You tried to help. And I think that's a good thing.

    This exactly. Of course you have the right to offer your opinion, which is all you did. Don't let the negatives get to you as there are plenty of them around.
  • jenniferlmartinez
    jenniferlmartinez Posts: 95 Member
    "Does being obese mean I have no right to tell people they don't need to do that and it isn't safe for them? "
    Hell no! Just because you are obese doesn't mean you lack knowledge. Anyone who says being obese means you can't give advice is just being a huge a-hole, and a-holes suck :)

    seriously agree
  • trinitylyons01
    trinitylyons01 Posts: 126 Member
    "Does being obese mean I have no right to tell people they don't need to do that and it isn't safe for them? "
    Hell no! Just because you are obese doesn't mean you lack knowledge. Anyone who says being obese means you can't give advice is just being a huge a-hole, and a-holes suck :)

    I have been morbidly obese for many years and have gone up and done in weight for a long time. I have just started to lose weight and settle into a healthy lifestyle. Why? Because I finally started doing all the things I knew I should be doing and stopped doing so much of the bad things I always knew I shouldn't be doing. Therefore, just because I'm fat does NOT mean I didn't know what to do or that I wasn't qualified to give advice.

    There are many over weight people who know exactly what it takes to live a healthy lifestyle. It's not just the knowledge it's the "doing" that makes the difference. Some people may not want to hear it from someone who is overweight but that doesn't mean an overweight person is never qualified to offer advice.
  • MrsR0SE
    MrsR0SE Posts: 313 Member
    As other posters have said, unfortunately people aren't going to take advice seriously from someone whose body doesn't give good advert for the advice. Perhaps you could just start compiling a list of websites, books etc with sound nutritional advice and 'share' them with people? That way they don't have to rely on it being 'your' advice only and can see several reputable sources that give ht you're saying credibility. Or just direct them to this website :)

    It is frustrating though I can totally empathise with you about that. I've always known about nutrition and healthy eating, I learnt in school home economics lessons, biology, cookery etc. just because I chose for a few years not to act on that knowledge doesn't mean I didn't know about healthy eating! Just look at my children - they have ALWAYS been given given balanced healthy foods whilst I scoffed crisps and takeaways secretly.. However, it's only on the last few months when I've lost three stone that people are starting to ask me for 'advice'!
  • nsimportant
    nsimportant Posts: 170 Member
    I think that You or that girl is in no place to give any advice's on weight loss. You can only say what works for You and stop thinking Your way is the "better" way. While I think eating a salad a day would be insane for my goals, but if she likes is well awesome.
    You need to experiment with your macro/micro-nutrients and see what works best for You online articles and calculators do work in some extent but they are only a base from where You can start.

    My opinion on weight loss is definitely based on Your goals

    general sustained change of diet (eating less then Your TDEE in whatever spins your wheels),

    "healthier" weight loss (eating less then Your TDEE and actually trying to get min of recommended micro/macro nutrients)

    and getting really leaned out but most ppl dont need this.

    Macro/micro nutrients depend from person to person (hormones,age,body conditioning, habits etc..) and most of ppl here cant help You with these because they arent professional consultants that have real life experience with different ppl.

    And in the end would I listen to an obese person to tell me a specific weight loss plan, well not really because everyone is really energetic starting their weight loss and most ppl think they know everything and until You look like what I think would be my goal result I will not take Your opinions because You didn't get there and have no idea how to get over some of the obstacles.
  • new_blossom
    new_blossom Posts: 111 Member
    Do we question overweight/obese doctors that give us advice on healthy living? Are they credible?

    What about parents that tell their kids, "Do what I say, and not what I do?"


    To the original poster, I think the girl you were speaking too, just did not want to hear what you had to say. You are a human being with knowledge. Knowledge is good and we should share it if we have it. That is what makes the world go round.
  • midschool22
    midschool22 Posts: 1,267 Member
    It doesn't matter if you're obese or thin, no one wants unsolicited advice.

    This.
  • BarbWhite09
    BarbWhite09 Posts: 1,128 Member
    I can see that the advice you are giving this girl is logical...however, most people, when seeking advice, want it from people that they deem have gotten results from their own advice. I'm not saying this to be mean-if you have a friend whose hair is a hot mess, split ends everywhere, etc-are you going to let her cut/style your hair or would you take haircare advice from her? If your neighbor's car is broken down in the driveway with cobwebs, are you going to let him work on your car if it breaks down? It's just how people work. You're getting there, you've lost some weight, and as you lose more and more, people will notice and probably ask you how you are doing it. You'll have plenty of time to give advice. Don't let these few people get to you, keep working hard.

    ^ this person said it perfectly!

    Grats on your loss thus far, though! Keep it up girly!
  • Marmitegeoff
    Marmitegeoff Posts: 373 Member
    I have felt torn on this topic a few times while I was losing weight. I mean, I know that some people in my life surely were thinking, "shut up, you have no idea what you are talking about" when I would give any kind of nutrition or exercise advice. I was an athlete all of my life so I know a fair amount about exercise and for the most part I have always eaten healthy, just in excess over the last few years. All of that said, people generally don't want advice from anyone, so you might have gotten the same reaction even if you were at your goal weight. The girl wants to do it her way and that's what she'll settle for. People like us who want to lose weight in a healthy manner are in the minority. The best thing you can do in situations like this is say that you just started using MFP and were surprised by how many calories you were actually allowed each day and are happy to be losing weight at a nice steady rate. If they want to know more about it, they will ask! Good luck with your goals!

    Several people have now asked me how I have lost weight the answer is by useing several meathods over many years, but the most successful is MFP. I under estimate exercise a little, I over estimate food a little, and I eat back most of my exercise calories, so that I am running a small deficite most of the time.

    One of the girls in the office yesterday said that I need some new clothes, as the ones I had on were so baggy, RESULT.
  • Veganniee
    Veganniee Posts: 460 Member
    I really hate that word morbidly obese. Yes I am over weight but I agree with you the way that young girl is losing weight is totally unhealthy. Your body needs fuel to survive just not as much as we are putting in. Cut back on the calories and the weight will come off.
    mskiera :smile:

    ooh i dunno. i quite like it. It sounds quite goth!

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