Really in need of some support

softballsharie
softballsharie Posts: 154 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey everyone!

A few days ago, my mom was diagnosed with papillary carcinoma (the most common form of thyroid cancer).

She has been my saving grace, and was the one who got me started on my journey towards a healthier life. We run together three times per week as we are training for a 5K in August. The reason we are training for this 5K is because she is a follow the fifty model of heart health (you can google it for more info), and I have been her coach for this program. It's a program of women over 50 striving for a more heart healthy lifestyle, and trying to spread their message of healthier hearts through the community. her efforts have been so inspiring to me. She keeps telling me that she's afraid that she will lose all of her running progress from this illness and the treatment that it involves. (We completed the C25K program two weeks ago, and are now striving to get a better time per mile.)

We also work out at the local gym together almost every day (zumba, yoga, etc.). We work together in the same office building, and we have a girls' day every other weekend. She is my best friend, my inspiration, and the woman that I want to be like when I grow up.

My problem is, she now has to get surgery on her thyroid to get it removed. I'm so terrified for her, and I'm not really sure what to do or say to be supportive. I feel horrible about this, because I'm about to be an RN in one semester, and I feel like I should know how to deal with this! I've had terminal illness patientsthat I feel like I've been able to support more easily, but it's just not the same when it's my mom I guess. I honestly wish there was a way that I could just take it away. She has always been there for me, and I want to do everything that I can to be there for her. I've never had to deal with someone so close to me having such a serious illness, and I could really use some advice and guidance from some people that may have dealt with the same thing, or a similar situation. You people on this site have been such an incredible support system to me, and I want to give the same kind of support to her. Help!

Replies

  • Karenzky
    Karenzky Posts: 34 Member
    I'll pray for you to have more strength especially in this trying times.. God Bless!!
  • jkrau37
    jkrau37 Posts: 11
    Hi - I feel your pain - I have dealt with the beast myself and am coming out of the depths of what it did to me. First remember not to listem to all the horror stories - EVERYONE is different in how they are affected and effected and how they respond.
    The reason you are having so much trouble being supportive is because you are so close. I had similar problem with my mum (although she;s much older) so I had to call upon all my counseling skills and treat her as I would a client, in that, I had to disassociate myself from the emotive stuff when I was supporting her, then I would have my little melt down away from her.
    Remember, no matter how advanced the C is, a person's recovery is heavily reliant upon their mental/emotional state.

    You also need to look after yourself, so continue with your 'normal' journey. I craved normality when I was undergoing treatment. So even if you mum can't join in with you for awhile I am sure she will take great joy in sharing your sucess. I was no longer able to dance (or even walk for awhile) and my daughter is a dancer/performer so I have taken great delight in seeing her come into her own and succeed.

    remind your mum to eat well - there are a lot of great probiotics out there to help with the side effects of treatment and find someone 'safe' with whom you can share a shoulder with on the occassions that you need to shed a tear or two.
    feel free to drop me a line whenever you need to vent - and find an activity for the two of you so you can vent together - boxing is great as you can sit and hit if needed and sometimes you just need to hit something.
    there is also a lot of C support groups out there.

    hope this helps. chin up.:flowerforyou:
  • vguynes
    vguynes Posts: 753 Member
    Continue to support your mother by talking to her and listening to her concerns about her condition and the future, but also let her know that she is going to "beat" this illness and that you are going to be there with her just as you have always been. Keep in mind that it's all about her and you will come up with the right things to say and do.

    Take care! :flowerforyou:
  • Chari_Jan
    Chari_Jan Posts: 157 Member
    I'm sure you are doing better than you give yourself credit for. We are always so hard on ourselves. Love your mom and remember to love yourself. :flowerforyou:
  • Bakerchk
    Bakerchk Posts: 424 Member
    I pray that you find the guidance to be there emotionally for your mom. I can't give you advice because every situation is different and even though I have had quite a few people very close to me suffer from illnesses, every situation is unique. I'm sure your mom knows how much you care about her. I pray for health for your mother and guidance for you. Best of luck dear.
  • afamini
    afamini Posts: 1 Member
    Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this. My best friend's husband recently underwent surgery and radiation for the same type of thryoid cancer. He is doing great! Obviously during the immediate post-op period he had to rest a lot but he has remained very active and not even had to miss too much work.

    Even if your mom can no longer run with you (for a short time), you guys can take walks, still have girl days and maintain your motivation and support of each other and your healthy lifestyles. Your mom knows you are scared, she is scared too I am sure! Just allow her the space to be scared, angry, tired and make sure you listen to her. And share your feelings with her, too! Having a moment of crying together is much better than you trying to be perfectly chipper or act "normal"- she is your mom, you are close, so she will know if you are not being real with her!

    Best of luck to you both in this new challenge, and i hope your mother heals quickly and completely from this illness.

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