Dealing with "You don't need to lose weight"

JennMarieFitz
JennMarieFitz Posts: 73 Member
edited December 24 in Health and Weight Loss
I currently live in Italy with my husband and 1 year old son, but my son and I are being sent back to the States for a few months starting next week. I will be staying with my family, who do not eat very well. Granted, I'm not the healthiest eater, but I'm working on it, and I'm worried that all of my progress will be shot down by living with them again. They eat pizza and fast food almost every day. And if they don't, they eat a ton of beef in every meal. I don't eat beef because it makes me sick, but they don't believe me, so that continues to be the only thing they make. I've even bought ground turkey (which my brothers LOVE) to replace the beef, but I also can't afford to buy enough to feed 6 people every night. (I'm being forced to buy our tickets to the states, so that's 2k down...) Oh, and if I buy only enough for myself, that's considered rude, since my brothers will want it and there isn't enough.

They are also under the impression that I'm skinny enough to stop eating healthy, because they consider it "dieting", and I'm honestly just trying to be healthy! However, saying this is an insult to them, so I just try to be quiet most of the time. Being quiet about it inevitably leads to me eating the dang pizza or greasy beef laden food.

So, my question is... how do I continue my healthy eating progress while living with four people who are against it?


I asked something similar to this the last time I visited my family in the States, and got answers like "you're on vacation, take a break from "dieting" and then other people said "don't listen to what your family says, eat the way you want to" (the latter response was not as easy as it sounds!) I ended up eating like crap and not feeling well. I did lose 3 pounds, but I have no clue why.

Replies

  • casperuk
    casperuk Posts: 195 Member
    So you are being sent away for 2 months and 2k in plane tickets, plus you'd have to buy your own food etc.

    I'd rent an apartment or a cheap hotel room for 2 months in Italy and then not worry about it at all :)
  • bernieboom1
    bernieboom1 Posts: 11
    Try to tell them that it isn't all about how skinny or big you look, but it's about how healthy and energized you feel... maybe you could tell a few white lies like the pizza dough makes you bloat and gives you cramps, or the greasy food gives you a stomach upset...
    I've been to friends houses before when theyve cooked dinner and it is really hard to say no because you don't want to offend them, but sometimes you have put yourself first...
  • RoanneRed
    RoanneRed Posts: 429 Member
    Make the pizzas at home instead of buying them. You can use flatbread or mountain bread/wraps for the base, then perhaps a reduced fat cheese and other lower calorie ingredients.

    Another option for a base is one I've cobbled together from a couple of recipes (for 2):
    1/3 cup Cauliflower Rice
    1/2 cup Almond Meal
    1/4-1/2 cup grated Cheese (I use a reduced fat cheddar)
    1 Egg or 2-3 Egg Whites
    Garlic/Oregano if you want (I add mixed herbs when I'm doing the topping anyway)

    Mix it together then bake at around 180 Celsius for about 15 minutes (until browned/golden). This is a very runny 'batter', can only be spread by patting with fingertips and MUST be baked on baking paper. Might take a little practice to tweak the dry/liquid ingredients balance but can be eaten by hand as pieces once you've got the hang of it.

    While the base is cooking, I prep all the topping ingredients then, once it's together, give it another 10-15 minutes in the oven.
  • hcaden
    hcaden Posts: 2
    It has come down to this, you buy the healthy food for yourself and be rude or eat like crap. You can't afford to buy healthy food for everyone and you don't want to eat the crap so explain your position to them and if they are your family they should understand and respect the fact you are eating this way to be healthy. If they don't understand and respect that you shouldn't mind being rude as you say and eating healthy on your own while you are there visiting. Don't come down to their level because you think it's the poilite thing to do. You will be the one who lives a longer, healthier lifestyle. More power to you!

    Stand up for yourself and tell them how you feel. Understanding should be the only reaction you get. Bottom line.

    Good luck to you and stay on the right track, you will not regret it! :-)
  • BronnersHarris
    BronnersHarris Posts: 247 Member
    What about offering to cook 3 nights a week? That way your brothers can eat what you eat, but it wont cost you as much. Then you can all share the healthy meals and maybe it might help them all swing towards healthy food which would be better for you in the long run. Or going shopping with your parents and meal planning out meals? I would be anxious at the prospect of switching to all unhealthy foods (especially for the sake of my child) so you do need to work something out.

    Maybe try including home made pizza's so they can see it doesn't always have to be take-away. Depending on your brothers ages - they may like to help. If your brothers start requesting the same food as you, maybe your parents will start including more meals like that.

    I've just realised how lucky I am that when I go back home later this month I will probably end up losing weight as my parents are super healthy! They used to have these issues with me when they came to mine.
  • raechellg
    raechellg Posts: 30 Member
    i get told a lot that i'm fine and don't need to loose weight.. well i'm not comfortable in my own body so i disagree.. and for awhile my boyfriend would always wanna go out to eat and we ate lots of junk.. hence making up part of my weight gain..but i'm a big girl and could have chosen to eat healthier and stay more active at the time. so it's on me for gaining the weight.. but he has decided even for himself that it's not good to eat like that all the time thank goodness =) i wish you luck in you family visit because i know will power is so hard when bad foods are put in front of you.. heck they are hard to stay away from even when their not simply cuz you crave them lol
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    Honestly I don't believe of the good & bad food stuff. Food alone doesn't make one fat, its the calorie surplus that makes us gain weight. I heard of a professor before who lost weight by eating Twinkies & how about Jared who lost weight by eating at Subway or Christine who also lost weight by eating at Taco Bell (correct me if I'm wrong about this).

    The key here is that no food will make us lose or gain weight. As long as you're in calorie deficit, you have nothing to worry about. Just eat them in moderation (of normal serving size) & you'll be fine. Of course with workout.
  • BronnersHarris
    BronnersHarris Posts: 247 Member
    Honestly I don't believe of the good & bad food stuff. Food alone doesn't make one fat, its the calorie surplus that makes us gain weight. I heard of a professor before who lost weight by eating Twinkies & how about Jared who lost weight by eating at Subway or Christine who also lost weight by eating at Taco Bell (correct me if I'm wrong about this).

    The key here is that no food will make us lose or gain weight. As long as you're in calorie deficit, you have nothing to worry about. Just eat them in moderation (of normal serving size) & you'll be fine. Of course with workout.

    That does apply with weight loss. Not with health though. If you want to eat a healthy diet, you can't do it on takeaways.
  • Vailara
    Vailara Posts: 2,473 Member
    It sounds like a really difficult situation, and I don't know what I'd do. It is kind of rude to criticise and refuse food that's been cooked for you if you're a guest. But if beef really makes you ill, then of course you can't eat it. The other stuff, like pizza, you could just have a smaller portion. Perhaps you could occasionally buy and make a salad or vegetables or something and have that on the table to share as well. It would bulk up your plate, and would look as if you're bringing something to the meal rather than rejecting it, if you know what I mean. You'll be OK as long as you're just having one or two slices of pizza rather than a whole one. Good luck :).
  • msshay2009
    msshay2009 Posts: 2
    I feel like maybe you need to explain your food choices as lifestyle changes; that this is not a temporary "diet". It 's how you choose to live and raise your son. Hopefully you'll be able to explain this in a way that they don't feel is attacking their way of eating. I compare it to not smoking or drinking alcohol in excess. It's a choice I make for a healthier, better me. It's not temporary. It's a habit change.
  • bananapineapplesauce
    bananapineapplesauce Posts: 8 Member
    It has come down to this, you buy the healthy food for yourself and be rude or eat like crap. You can't afford to buy healthy food for everyone and you don't want to eat the crap so explain your position to them and if they are your family they should understand and respect the fact you are eating this way to be healthy. If they don't understand and respect that you shouldn't mind being rude as you say and eating healthy on your own while you are there visiting. Don't come down to their level because you think it's the poilite thing to do. You will be the one who lives a longer, healthier lifestyle. More power to you!

    Stand up for yourself and tell them how you feel. Understanding should be the only reaction you get. Bottom line.

    Good luck to you and stay on the right track, you will not regret it! :-)

    ^this^

    You're not a kid still living at your parents house, you're an adult wife and mother, and you should be able to make your own food choices. Just stand up for yourself. I think as you age the family boundaries change, and it's important to be firm when you establish new ones. Since it sounds like you haven't seen your family for awhile, this next visit might be a great chance. Yes, your family may be unpleasant about it. But they don't make your decisions for you anymore. It sounds like you let them step on you a lot. You're making the right choices in what you eat now, and have the proof to show for it! You look great! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. You'll be so much happier spending those two months at home if food isn't an issue the whole time. I've been in the same boat. If you stick to your guns, they'll get used to the change soon enough.

    Also, you could tell them that buying healthy food and cooking for yourself is not negotiable, but I know it's not fun when someone makes something delicious and doesn't want to share. If they feel like you're being rude for not sharing, tell them that you'd be happy to make enough for them if they all pitch in for their share of the ingredients. You're out a lot of money for those plane tickets so you have a good excuse. That might shut them up quick enough. Or it might be the beginning of healthier eating for your family, which would also be great.

    Good luck!
  • scubachick2287
    scubachick2287 Posts: 57
    So you are being sent away for 2 months and 2k in plane tickets, plus you'd have to buy your own food etc.

    I'd rent an apartment or a cheap hotel room for 2 months in Italy and then not worry about it at all :)

    Me too! You are an adult and shouldn't have to explain anything to them..unless of course they want to try it themselves. From the sounds of your post they aren't open to that. My family eats ground beef most days of the week and ALL of them have had their gallbladders removed including my younger brother who is 23. As much as I love Mom's southern cooking, I would choose to make my own meals. I have had many guests stay with me and I generously offer them the use of my kitchen so they feel "at home" and can make whatever they want. I generally expect the same in return. Just be polite and say "no, thank you" when they tell you dinner is ready.
  • Galish
    Galish Posts: 6 Member
    Maybe try adding a salad bowl to the table? Or some vegetables?
    Then, eat a smaller portion of whatever they're having, but fill the rest of your plate with the healthy salad/veg.
  • Impy84
    Impy84 Posts: 430
    Buy and cook for you and your son and they'll get over you being "rude". Just because they cook it does not mean you have to eat it.
    Stay committed and stand your ground.
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