I need a RANT!

Breathe, breathe and BREATHE!

A friend of mine is in the opposite of this- she lies in, doesn't work, doesn't really clean the house, whereas her hubby gets up EVERY morning with the kids, even if hes had a late night and she hasnt!

I know it's probably hard to do, but calmly telling him how you feel might help? Ask for more help and if that doesnt work, take a set of keys to the COD disk

nickiduke

Ok im calm now, got my beathing under control lol
I do tell him, he does well for an hour maybe then thinks he has done his fair share!
Honestly its like having a 36 year old son!

Mmmmm not a bad idea.......... :laugh:

Apply Rule #5

Rule #5?

What am i missing?

You, yes you, need to tell your guy to Harden the **** up, as in get a grip on his life, this is not a practice, this is real. 10 shifts a month... light weight. I work 5 x12 hours a week. I'd work nights and still spend a couple of hours with the little one. Day shifts I'd come home and my wife would get her rest when I took over till bed time. Metro men :shakes head:

Maybe when you ask him for some time to your self you feel a little bit guilty for whatever reason and he knows it, so plays on that by complaining and acting like it's this massive thing and Bam! You don't end up taking the time you deserve.

Let him complain a little bit, but take the time you need. Turn it into a regular thing, like every Tuesday for a couple of hours or whatever. Don't ask, don't discuss, just take the time, let him deal with it any way he pleases (while you're not there) and refuse to feel guilty.

Sometimes we need to be selfish for a little bit so that we can recharge. Good luck!

Here's an idea - on a day when you are both off and the babies are home - make sure that there are meals prepared and the nappies etc are fully stocked.

Then Clamly hand him the little ones, take the car keys, and tell him that you are going out for a few hours and he is on baby sitting duty.

Smile sweetly, give them all and kiss and Leave....


call up a girl friend and go speand a day out and about just having some "me" time :-)

the kids may be dirty when you get home - but hey nothing a bath can't fix :-)

Tell your husband to consider the alternative and get off his tuchas! You should be a team! I am a single parent, the father doesn't help me at all, and I have no family that is able to help me. I have to rely on paid child care so that I can work full time, 3rd shift and provide for her. It is so easy to take a partner for granted I suppose when you don't think about the alternative.

I've been married for almost 20 years. We have three kids, ages 17, 14, and 11. When we first got married and had our first child, I did e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. I worked full time, took care of our daughter, cleaned house, cooked dinner...I was wiped out! One day, I was "ranting" to my mom about it, in the nicest way possible, of course. My mom listened patiently while I told her how tired I was..blah blah. When I finished, she smiled at me and told me something that changed my life: "You teach people how to treat you by your actions." She then went on to explain that my husband didn't help me then because I was doing it all<<seems so simple, right? She said that if I wanted help, I would have to ask for it. Men are not mind readers. She even said that, in fact, I would have to ask more than once...again and again...always in a respectful but firm way. It took him a bit of time, but he (and I) changed. He's a wonderful husband and father. I'm very thankful! We both had some growing up to do, though. Now, understand I'm not telling you to "nag" him. Men HATE that. Just choose one thing you would like to be different and talk to him about it. Don't expect him to change everything to the way you want all at once...one thing at a time. Now, my husband is so attentive that I can say, "It's hot in here," and he'll get up and turn on the fan for me. We both cook(which is SO fun!) He gets time to himself for his hobbies and he gives me my girls' night out. We also have date nights every week. Don't give up! Lots of acknowledgment, as someone else mentioned...when he does it right, say so!:happy: You'll see a change before you know it.

i do tend to take over and like things done my way!

My wife (of 39.9 years) is like that. I do the washing up and dry the stuff and put them away. 30 mins later she is pulling everything out of the cupboard to dry it all again. "to make sure it is dry" ?

As I say married for 40 years it is not going to change now.

Oh dear

Some of these suggestions sound like you guys are training a puppy or something...seems almost disrespectful. I think that if you are in a relationship with someone, man or woman, you should be able to have an intelligent discussion about your requirements of each other and have some compromise. Why does someone need praise for doing something like taking out the trash, unless they are child? Just seems wrong to me.

I see what you're saying. I do. I definitely did NOT mean that I trained my husband by any means whatsoever. We both just grew up and learned how to be in a relationship together. My mom is right, though. You do show someone how you want to be treated by how you act around them. If you let someone walk all over you...that's what they're going to do. My husband never "walked all over me," but he didn't help me with anything when we first were married. I grew up with a mom who did most of the stuff around the house, but she stayed at home for 17 years and was fine with it. She still didn't let my dad trample her. My husband grew up with a mom who did everything for her kids, never really teaching them the basics. We were just 21 years old when we got married, so when I say we needed to grow up...I'm not kidding! When I say that a wife(or husband) should thank/compliment their spouse, I don't mean it in a derrogatory way. I mean genuinely thanking my husband when he does something nice for me...even something like getting out of bed to turn on the fan. It's sweet of him to do it, and I never think of him as a dog to be trained. Just like when I get up from the dinner table just to get him more iced tea. He thanks me for it. That's what marriages/relationships are anyway...give and take...learning about the other person so that you can be a better mate...is it fair to keep quiet and just be mad because you're not happy with how things are going? Or is it better to speak up and help your mate to understand who you are and what you need/want? I think my husband would rather I speak up instead of making him guess.

Again, I understand where you're coming from. I hope I've explained better where I'm coming from now.

Remember the Rule "Two of Three"

You can tell them what to do
You can tell them how to do it
You can tell them when to do it

Pick Two

As I say married for 40 years it is not going to change now.

Exactly. Better change it now or it'll be the same complaint in 10 years.

It's good to let it all out! You sound fed up doing the same old same old. Hubby sounds like a good man, next step, talk to him! :-) good luck.

It really is sad that all women's rights appears to have done is add a 40 hour work week ontop of child birth and house work. *sigh*