Thankful, but kinda sad.

leavinglasvegas · November 2009

Does anyone else come from a family that they don't feel like they belong in?

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. It's just that when we get together for the holidays, I see how much I just don't fit in. They constanly criticize my lifestyle, but its a healthy lifestyle, I've gotten used to that by now. I've also gotten used to the racial ignorance that seems to flow effortlessly through these gatherings. But tonight I was actually shocked. My sister and I were talking about Adam Lamberts new album. Thats it, just his music. It unfortunately provoked the typical conversation about his lifestyle. I know that my family keep themselves sheltered from diversity, which is why my sister and I never bring friends around. But the sad thing is, my 12 year old cousin just went off on a tanget about how he Hates gay people, but girls kissing is okay. What is even sadder is that his parents never bothered to let him know that his words could be hurtful. My sister and I even left the room to listen to the cd. My little cousin followed, telling us not to play it. I got really irritated and told him if he doesn't want to hear it then just leave. Finally he started saying stuff again as everyone was getting ready to leave. I'd had enough at this point and I got angry and told him to knock it off. I also reminded him that his words could really hurt someone, and that if he really feels that way then he should stay away from my house because I don't want him offending my friends. His mother heard the whole thing and just laughed it off. How sad. Look, I'm not saying you have to like everyone, but have some decency. Disagreement does not have to lead to hate.

Whats really sad is...both of my sisters are gay, but no one knows. And I'm pretty sure they will never be able to be themselves around our family. I couldn't imagine the pain of having to pretend to be something your not, all the while listening to how your own family thinks you are disgusting.

By no means do I want this thread to turn into a debate. I just needed to vent. Its hard to have a family that is so different from you. But, I guess I can be thankful that I'm not like them. That I have the ability to be me, and still love those who are not like me. Its one thing to walk into a house and be made fun of because you cooked a healthy dish. Its another to have to sit and listen to them talk about how disgusting and unnatural your lifestyle is.

Please remember that blood is thicker than water. When you can't count on your own family to accept you, you end up pretty darn lost.

Silver_Dream · November 2009

I don't have any advice, but I did want to say Good for you for standing up for yourself and others. *hug* :flowerforyou:

leavinglasvegas · November 2009

Thank you!

People always joke about that "Can't we all just get along" saying. But seriously, it would be nice.

tiffanygil · November 2009

My family is the same way, maybe even worse. But I have 3 cousins that are gay, and 2 family members that had mixed babies. I really thought no one would except them but the odd thing was they did. Blood is thicker than water. You might be shocked, most people just repeat what they have heard said but honestly dont believe it.

I knw your thinking that it cant be worse, but I am from a very small town in oklahoma and the "N" word and other racially charged words were somthing I heard constantly until my dad had to eat his own words and except an african american child as a granddaughter and a mexican grandson. I think he has learned a lot. Good Luck!

katielouhoo · November 2009

I think your awareness and sensitivity to your sisters' feelings is really commendable. In a family like this you cannot possibly shelter them from all hurtful remarks, but you can let them know you are in their corner.

You may have to continue to stand firm that prejudicial statements about other people are not allowed in your home. The old "if you can't say something nice..." As guests they need to not speak about offensive things. As hostess you can try to steer conversations away from charged topics, but you can also cut off conversation and say "we aren't going to speak about that, Dan tell us about..."

I have not had this particular issue with my immediate family, but we've had plenty of others. sending positive thoughts your way- katie

leavinglasvegas · November 2009

You are right. My family finally laid off the "N" word when my cousin showed up at our Christmas dinner with her newborn mixed baby. She hid her pregnancy for that very reason. They have come around alot! Its sad how it had to happen, but at least it did. I'm sure it could be worse. I just feel so sad to think that my sisters are litterally being insulted to their face, even if nobody knows. I have a friend who came up in a family like that and attempted suicide after he finally came out. I can't imagine feeling that ashamed of yourself. I truly wish that I could reach out and hug every man woman and child who does not feel worthy.

Secondly, I think it is so sad that a child would say the hateful things he said, and not be talked to about it. Its kind of scary.

katielouhoo · November 2009

I totally agree and have from everything I see I managed to bring up my 3 kids without all this underlying hate.

But, I remember plenty of conversations with them about things others said and attitudes we observed.

It happens by example, but also active instruction.

Wishing you well- katie

leavinglasvegas · November 2009

Right on Katie! I look at my daughter and I want to see her in a better place than I can even imagine for myself. I want her to know that she has a right to love herself and at the same time so does everyone else. It is comforting to know that it can be done, not that I ever doubted it. I think the conversations and example are the key elements. Thanks!!

arewethereyet · November 2009

I just wanted to say that I am proud that you expressed YOUR opinions and didn't brush off hurtful and harmful words.

LaurelFisher · November 2009

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I have had the great pleasure of having quite a few homosexual and lesbian friends and relatives. My daughters have, since they were in high school, had many gay friends. Most of them were v ery fortunate to have caring and loving families. On the other hand there was one young man whose family disowned him and made him feel as if his life was not worth living. They chose not to have this amazing person in their lives. For those bigoted people out there, they need to walk a mile in the shoes of those who live a different lifestyle. Do not judge a person on their sexual orientation, race, or anything else. Only God has the right to judge. He will not only judge those who break his commandments but those who are intolerant and judge others. People who are intolerant and bigoted just may lose the chance to know someone who could bring them great joy and make a difference in their life. Have a wonderful holiday, Rosemary

Silver_Dream · November 2009

I'm gonna try to raise my daughter to know that she is loved and accepted for whatever path she chooses in life. I just hope it's not a bad path. It makes me nervous to think of her as a teenager and the kind of trouble she can get into. I just keep hoping she doesn't come home one day and say she's pregnant! Oh god!

Thankful, but kinda sad.

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