i need advice! ASAP please

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Jessicaruby
Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
sorry to be a damn debbe downer, but i have been feeling very under the weather lately. i was eating super clean and being uber strict with macros for 5 weeks and finally caved in and binged because i hadnt allowed myself any indulgences. so i tried getting back to the mindset that this is a lifestyle change not a diet and i need something i can stick to for life and never eating cheesburgers and pizza is not realstic for me. so i decided to start adding back "healthier" versions of things i love and having a indulgence day everyonce in a while when the occasion arises (nothing planned out). well i went out last night with the inlaws who came in from out of town and binged AGAIN.

now before i ever started on MFP i weighed 135lbs at 5'7 and 24yrs old, last year. i had never really binged (maybe once in my life) before this site. i am working so hard to get muscles and some damn abs and i feel like its taking over my life. i suffer from OCD and that doesnt help. i love this site, the friends i have made, and being able to track my food and see my macros but i feel like its starting to mess with my head. before MFP i ate whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted. i ate healthy foods and "unhealthy" foods. i just ate like a normal person, when i got hungry, and stopped when i was full. i didnt stuff my face because i was "allowed" to go over my calories for the day and i didnt know when that would happen again. thats why i find myself binging. because i tell myself i can indulge for the day, and it all tastes so good because i havnt had it in forever. then i start saying well i might as well eat it all now because i dont know when i will allow myself to indulge again. so then i eat all kinds of things!!! i never binged when i ate what i wanted because in my mind there where no restrictions. i didnt worry about macros or calories. i didnt worry about if it was ok to go out to dinner and order a damn cheeseburger or a glass of wine or dessert. if i wanted it i order it and ate it until i was full.

i dont want to gain weight and i SO badly want to get my defined muscles and abs but maybe logging is not for me? but i feel like if i stop and start eating like i used to i will gain alot of weight? again im sorry for whining but i feel lost in this and i dont have anyone else to talk to but you guys. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Replies

  • mrsRhughes
    mrsRhughes Posts: 122
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    I know you have been struggling and I feel for ya! I also have OCD tendencies (that's the reason I'm here, because I like to "write down" every little thing I'm putting in my body!!) For me, though, I have finally moved past that point where I feel "bad" if I "mess up", let the scale control my life, and FREAK out about being perfect. I honestly think that if you really feel you are becoming obsessed, unhappy, and like it's taking your life over, maybe you should take a break for a little while (from MFP, from tracking, etc) and see how it goes for you. I KNOW you're not going to totally overindulge, and it may be hard to not track/log/etc. for a little while, but maybe if will do your mind some good! And, maybe not and you'll be back and want to start tracking again. You eat really healthy, work out hard, and are doing EVERYTHING right. You need to feel good about that! I know nobody can "make" you feel good, even with words of encouragement, it's just something that is going to have to change on it's own. I really wish you the best and hope you find the balance that you're looking for!!

    For me (personally) I tracked my food/drinks/exercise religiously for over a year (a few years back). I stopped when I was pregnant with my song, and didn't start tracking again until a few months ago. I started again because I knew I was at a place where I wouldn't obsess if I went "over" (GASP!!) my calorie goal, and if I missed a day of working out. I just like to be more aware of what I'm eating daily, to keep myself in check. Plus it gives me some kind of friendships, which is nice because I don't have a ton of friends that live close!! :)
  • gretchenwb
    gretchenwb Posts: 70 Member
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    Perhaps changing your daily eating habits to make sure, #1 that you are eating enough calories according to your weight, height and body fat percentages (I like the eat more to weigh less group threads). You really don't seem very heavy according to your height. If you are not planning in some small treats/snacks during the day-they don't have to be junk- then I am not surprised you fall off the wagon on your treat day. #2 Life is too short to be ruled by your food! MFP is just a tool to help you become adept at planning your healthy lifestyle-just a tool. #3 Rethink your end goals-make sure you are trying to get fit for the right reasons and that your goals are reasonable for you. Just some suggestions, and as it is always true with free advice-you don't have to take it:)
  • droogievesch
    droogievesch Posts: 202
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    I think when you tell yourself you CAN'T have something, that's when you want it more. Looking at your food diary briefly, I saw there were extra calories quite a few days. If you want ice cream, have a single serving of ice cream-not the entire pint. If you want cakes or cookies, go for them as long as they fit into your goals. There is no point in telling yourself that you can enjoy food once in a great while. I think when you realize you can have whatever you want whenever you want, the junk food will be less tempting (I bought myself full fat potato chips the other day and told myself that they are X amount of calories for Y chips, and if I want them to just make sure I count out what I'm eating. All cravings for salty food went away once I realized I can have them whenever I want). So in a nutshell, stick with your goals here on MFP. Make sure you're getting enough protein to build that muscle mass that you want, but don't deprive yourself of anything either.
  • DizzyLinds
    DizzyLinds Posts: 856 Member
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    I know how you feel. I feel like giving up completely. I feel like this is torturing me now and although i feel great when i eat well and have a fantastic gym session. I just don't seem to be seeing the rewards of this physically. I've gained weight. When i gain i can't seem to push any of it away. I've tried everything in the book.
  • Lozze
    Lozze Posts: 1,917 Member
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    When did you binge? I've gone back to weeks and can only find one day you were over which was only 70 calories.
  • seekingstrengthX2
    seekingstrengthX2 Posts: 771
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    You should still be eating like a "normal" person, as you say. You can still eat whetever the hell you want. You can still have a cheeseburger and wine for dinner. Nothing should be banned from your diet. When people ban stuff, they end up...well, binging just like you are. You are becoming totally obsessed with all this...which makes sense since you are OCD. Sounds like this site isnt a good fit for you until.you get your mental health under control. I say that in all seriousness, not being snarky.
  • girlsonly04
    girlsonly04 Posts: 11 Member
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    Any diet if you omit foods it will fail. You ARE allowed to eat what you want just keep it to the recommended portion size ( believe me sometimes it is very hard to do) There is that 80/20 rule if you can be true to eating healthy and exercising 80% of the time take that 20% and have a extra piece of cake or that extra glass of wine. Just try not to over do it too much. Remember if you fall of the wagon get up dust yourself off and try try again.
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
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    its not that i cant control having snacks. i can eat a serving of ice cream, but i dont because i dont feel its worth it. then that leads to the binging. because i am so hard and restrictive on myself. i eat snack but they are all healthy. fruit, protein shakes, PB, things like that. but i freak out when an occasion arises where i cant control what i eat or when my family wants to go to dinner. i just want muslce tone and abs and by what i can see just working out is not going to get me where i want to be. so it must boil down to the food. (everyone says abs are made in the kitchen) i eat around 2000 cals a day ( about 1600 NET) i am 5'7 and after my bulk and trying to lose i am down to 145lbs which is 10 MORE lbs then when i started on this site. i eat ALOT of protein. and i do enjoy healthy foods but i cant seem to get my mind around the fact that i can eat other things and still reach my goal. because i cant seem to get this weight off that i gained bulking i just feel fat and that is also contributing to me being restrictive because i want to lose this weight. i ended my bulk in january and while i have lost inches i have only gone down 3lbs (which i probably all gained back last night :cry: )
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
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    When did you binge? I've gone back to weeks and can only find one day you were over which was only 70 calories.

    last night. i ate SO MUCH food i was embarrased to even log it. :frown:
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
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    Maybe logging is not for you. But this website still has a ton of great info! As far as you trying to get defined, have you done any weight lifting?
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
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    Maybe logging is not for you. But this website still has a ton of great info! As far as you trying to get defined, have you done any weight lifting?

    i did a bulk where i ate at a surplus and did heavy lifting for 4months ( i ate a bit to much over my TDEE and gained too much fat in the process which i am finding extremely hard to get back off) i have been cutting since january eating below TDEE and lifting heavy. i was doing full body weights 3x a week and cardio 3x a week i now do split muscle groups 5x a week and cardio 6x a week. rest day is always on sunday. i am just so upset already that i gained all this weight bulking. i was a size 3 before bulking but i feel like i was skinny fat. i am more muscular now but its not all very visiable. i want muscle that "pop" or are well defined. i went up to a size 7 when i bulked. i am down to a size 5 now in some brands but it makes me sad i cant fit into my 3s anymore. i feel fat after bulking i cant get the weight off.
  • halejr23
    halejr23 Posts: 294
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    When did you binge? I've gone back to weeks and can only find one day you were over which was only 70 calories.

    last night. i ate SO MUCH food i was embarrased to even log it. :frown:

    Don't be embarrassed. Learn from it. Log it and use it as a learning experience. Besides, it sounds like you don't "binge" very often so it should not be an issue. Truth is, shocking the body every once in a while is not a bad thing. From what I have read it appears to force the body to be a more efficient fat burner.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
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    Take a week off logging. See if you can go back to eating "right" without counting. If you can, great, if you don't think you can come back to counting but start allowing yourself treats. Don't tell yourself they are "worth it'. They obviously are worth it because they taste good and they will prevent binges.
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
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    When did you binge? I've gone back to weeks and can only find one day you were over which was only 70 calories.

    last night. i ate SO MUCH food i was embarrased to even log it. :frown:

    Don't be embarrassed. Learn from it. Log it and use it as a learning experience. Besides, it sounds like you don't "binge" very often so it should not be an issue. Truth is, shocking the body every once in a while is not a bad thing. From what I have read it appears to force the body to be a more efficient fat burner.
    i probably ate 5000 calories! thats just stupid ( for me and IMO)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I've learned that I don't do well with a restrictive "can't have this" or "can't have that" outlook on food. I've also learned that logging food doesn't work for me - it makes me far too obsessive about things. I've stopped logging and I feel so much better. It doesn't mean that I don't read labels (I focus on staying away from certain things - like high fructose corn syrup because it makes me ill) and don't worry or fret about calories and such. I've been doing this long enough to have a good grip on what is a serving size and honestly? When I allow myself free access to whatever I want, I don't overeat, binge or gorge myself because I know I can have whatever I want -- whenever I want it.

    I think you should take a break from logging. Don't worry, fret or focus on calories and food. Simply live.
  • rlmadrid
    rlmadrid Posts: 694 Member
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    I think when you tell yourself you CAN'T have something, that's when you want it more. Looking at your food diary briefly, I saw there were extra calories quite a few days. If you want ice cream, have a single serving of ice cream-not the entire pint. If you want cakes or cookies, go for them as long as they fit into your goals. There is no point in telling yourself that you can enjoy food once in a great while. I think when you realize you can have whatever you want whenever you want, the junk food will be less tempting (I bought myself full fat potato chips the other day and told myself that they are X amount of calories for Y chips, and if I want them to just make sure I count out what I'm eating. All cravings for salty food went away once I realized I can have them whenever I want). So in a nutshell, stick with your goals here on MFP. Make sure you're getting enough protein to build that muscle mass that you want, but don't deprive yourself of anything either.

    THIS x 1000.
    Seriously, I had the same problems. Though for me it's -25lbs and adding muscle. Focus on 1g protein per pound lean mass. So for example, my goal weight is 135. On days I lift weights, I aim to eat 125-145g of protein. On cardio days, I focus on about 100g of protein and up my carbs to combat muscle loss.

    HOWEVER... I stopped depriving myself. I'd eat clean for 5 days and then have Ice cream, pasta, and popcorn in a night. Not good. Now, if I feel like ice cream, I have 1 cup for 320 cals. With popcorn I have a half bag (or less) for 210. Half the time my cravings are more than satisfied before I finish my treat! The trick is to make it work. Feel free to add me as a friend and/or have a look at my diary. I work hard to find meals that help me balance my macros, but I do treat myself, sometimes 2-3 times a week.

    The success lies largely in the mentality. If I want a cookie right now, and tell myself "no" for 3 days, you can bet I'll eat an entire box of cookies on Sunday night. If I have one right now, I won't feel the craving for another for a while. As always, this is what works for me. Everyone is different, and every technique is relevant to the individual. You truly have to read through here and practice some trial and error. Good luck and good health my dear, don't let your food control your life. :flowerforyou:
  • wendsong
    wendsong Posts: 33 Member
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    I agree with those who said take a break from logging!! You don't need this making you obsessed and feeling stressed, life is too short for that! You will reach your goals in time the natural way, you said you were dong fine on your own. Trust yourself!! God Bless!
  • DizzyLinds
    DizzyLinds Posts: 856 Member
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    Thing is, i've educated myself so much into what to have i reckon i could carry on without logging and still eat the right stuff!
  • ohmyjustme
    ohmyjustme Posts: 3 Member
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    do you go to a gym? Eating is part of the battle- you need to exercise & build positive relationships. I've had years of serious food issues, and being a couch potato. I joined the Y, got a trainer, tried new activities, made a new "healthy" circle of friends and now work there and teach classes.
    Yes, still have some weight to lose

    I see so many people changing to a healthy lifestyle- as the positive people & new experiences happen, they seem to let go off the negative food issues.
    Aim for variety in all that you do & throw in some Yoga for body/mind awareness.
  • DizzyLinds
    DizzyLinds Posts: 856 Member
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    do you go to a gym? Eating is part of the battle- you need to exercise & build positive relationships. I've had years of serious food issues, and being a couch potato. I joined the Y, got a trainer, tried new activities, made a new "healthy" circle of friends and now work there and teach classes.
    Yes, still have some weight to lose

    I see so many people changing to a healthy lifestyle- as the positive people & new experiences happen, they seem to let go off the negative food issues.
    Aim for variety in all that you do & throw in some Yoga for body/mind awareness.

    I can speak for myself here and probably the OP....we exercise and we exercise hard.

    I have never not exercised. It's part of my lifestyle and has been for the last 10 years.

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