Just Started - I Don't "Hate" My Body

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obrendao
obrendao Posts: 318
in Introduce Yourself
Ok I read so many posts of people who are in a healthy weight range "hating" their body and being depressed, frustrated, etc. It's very discouraging. I think it is a societal problem, where women are programmed to think we need to be stick figures. Snap out of it!!!!!!

I myself am 5'5" and 221 lbs right now. I lost 13 lbs and I feel great! Since starting cardio kickboxing and drills with a heavy bag, I am stronger, leaner and have great balance thanks to some killer ab routines.

The thing is, I have a goal weight that is realistic at 175. I don't want to be "skinny." I want to be healthy, with real womanly curves - the kind of woman that MY kind of man will love, and the picture of health that people will respect.

It's not about being thin! It's about being HEALTHY, and FEELING beautiful, and health and beauty radiate from the MIND and the HEART, not from numbers on the scale!!!!

Prick those ears up ladies, its about CONFIDENCE! (Sorry for caps I usually don't go crazy with them LOL) You can be a supermodel type but if you lack confidence it shows...lets work on ourselves, support eachother and shine through.

-Brenda
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  • mpe1967
    mpe1967 Posts: 24
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    I noticed when I was between 175 and 165 I look healthy and curvy and guys were looking at me and when I go over that they did not. The point is 175 is still too high for my height 5'2 but I looked good and felt great and I felt noticed. If I went down to the size that the charts say I'm supposed to be, I would be too thin. Some people can carry their weight well. I like curves and so do most guys.
  • obrendao
    obrendao Posts: 318
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    I am totally with you. You exuded confidence because you felt good! Don't look at charts and BMIs, I think they are wholly inaccurate. I also believe some of us carry our weight well - from good musculature beneath the fat. So we have to be realistic about the numbers, not relying on them as much as say, measuring tape.

    You're right about most guys, and I agree, I would not feel comfortable without them - its what makes us womanly! :D

    .
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
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    Okay, no.

    I hate when people speak for me. I don't hate my body because I am not 'stick thin'. I hate my body because I am overweight and unhealthy and these are not attractive qualities.

    Every time I say I hate my body, someone has to chime in and tell me I got to learn to love what I got? Sorry, but I think that is ridiculous and it only encourages us to remain unfit and unhealthy.
  • obrendao
    obrendao Posts: 318
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    You don't have to learn to love what you got, you can hate your body all you want. If it motivates you and it sees you through to your goal, go with it. We all do it in a different way.

    It just so happens that I feel totally valid in my opinion and believe that hating your body does not work in the long term. But, you can respectfully disagree with me, I won't judge.

    If I went about hating my body, I would NEVER be satisfied, no matter how I looked. Because I would not be addressing my inner demons. That negative energy just happens to pull me into an abyss and I refuse to go there anymore.

    The goal for all of us is to be fit and healthy, realistically so. Unfit? Sure lets work on that. Overweight? Nyah...whose to say? Measuring tape works better than the scale.

    You can be superficial and fix things on the outside for the rest of your life but it won't make you love yourself any more. I've been there and done that. Game over. Time to nurture the self!
  • cmm7303
    cmm7303 Posts: 423 Member
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    Okay, no.

    I hate when people speak for me. I don't hate my body because I am not 'stick thin'. I hate my body because I am overweight and unhealthy and these are not attractive qualities.

    Every time I say I hate my body, someone has to chime in and tell me I got to learn to love what I got? Sorry, but I think that is ridiculous and it only encourages us to remain unfit and unhealthy.

    But hating your body doesn't solve this. Wanting to improve it, sure. But it is best to realize that your body is good, and capable of great things.

    You're also possibly overweight based on BMI, but I'd guess by very little, and your goals are a bit scary (ribs, hip bones, light as a feather). Your GOAL is stick-thin, which is what the OP was talking about.
  • cmm7303
    cmm7303 Posts: 423 Member
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    I'm 5'3" and started this at 208. In football (my freshman year, before puberty hit), I was 125 lbs and a size 9/10. I had almost no body fat, no boobs, and had 6 hour workouts 6 days a week for 3 months, and then 2-3 hour workouts 5 days a week for another 4 months.

    I'm now down around 175, with D-cups and generous curves. I can jog a half marathon, run a 5k, lift decently and bike forever. I'm getting smaller, which is great, but my goal weight is still about 160. That puts me square in a size 12, and I look AWESOME.
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
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    I don't have 'inner demons' I need to address. I'm just sick of being fat.

    Women get such a rough deal from other women about this sort of thing. If we're not entirely happy with our size/weight/whatever, it must be because the evil media is brain-washing us into thinking we're only beautiful if we're skin and bone! I don't think that's the case at all. In fact, I think the media is a lot more aware of body image and it's influence on us nowadays and is trying to combat it by using healthy-looking fuller ladies in advertising and 'glamorising' the curvier and larger celebrities.
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
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    Your GOAL is stick-thin, which is what the OP was talking about.
    No, it isn't. I've said in other threads, I don't like the stick-thin look. I just want to be slim (maybe bordering skinny) and petite.

    I think it's funny how people get chastised for wanting to look skinny but it's perfectly normal and in fact admired for wanting to be slightly larger and 'curvy'.

    Edit - Also, I think you chose to ignore my goal weight (120lbs) which is a healthy weight for my height.
  • PrayerofAmity
    PrayerofAmity Posts: 176 Member
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    Goal weights and what looks "healthy" and curvy varies with so many factors. I'm 5'3" and my goal weight is 170 simply because I have always had a LOT of muscle naturally, so at 170, I actually look a lot smaller. If I went down to say 130 (which I have been before) I look like skin and bones. Others though, at my same height and without the same muscle, might look heavy at that weight. Its all relative I guess and depending on the individual. You are right about the confidence though. Heck, I'm 318 right now and still go to the beach in my bathing suit with my head held high. Great post and thanks for the vote for team healthy curves :happy:
  • Jezebel9
    Jezebel9 Posts: 396 Member
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    Hating in general just doesn't work for me. I love my body, and as a result I am going to treat it better. I don't do good things, or things which take a lot of time, effort, energy etc for things or people I hate.
    I choose love instead, it works for me.
    I put energy into the things and people I love.
    And that includes my husband when he is an *kitten*, my child when he is a brat and my body when it is fat and sick.
    Peace~
  • batesss
    batesss Posts: 24
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    I have always loved my body. No matter what state it is in. There are things that I want to change, and I want to be healthy, I'm not just looking for a number on the scale here. I feel that chasing that number is always going to leave you unhappy if you still don't love your body. Weight-loss and health are just as much physical as they are mental.
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
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    Personally, I get annoyed when people equate "skinny" with not having "womanly curves". I don't have womanly curves, never have, and never will, because I've got no hips, broad shoulders, and am much more muscular naturally. But I'm not overweight, I'm just athletic. Am I less "womanly" because I don't have curves? Hell no. I managed to give birth and then breastfeed for two years straight, without any curves to speak of. If that isn't "womanly", I don't know what else is.

    I realize that people need to up their own confidence, so they point out attributes they like about themselves. I get it. It's cool, point out things you love, and love away. But then when you equate those attributes as being more "womanly" or "feminine" than anything else, it turns your argument into utter bull crap. Woman come in all shapes and sizes, with or without curves, and they're all "womanly". If you like your curves, say "Hey, I love my curves. They make me feel confident, sexy, and awesome. I like myself just the way I am, because my shape suits me" That right there needs no other justification. There is no need to try and make yourself feel more "womanly" than a skinny person by saying your curves are anything other than they are: Curves.

    Mkthanksbye.
  • MrsSherrill
    MrsSherrill Posts: 58
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    I'm 5'3" and started this at 208. In football (my freshman year, before puberty hit), I was 125 lbs and a size 9/10. I had almost no body fat, no boobs, and had 6 hour workouts 6 days a week for 3 months, and then 2-3 hour workouts 5 days a week for another 4 months.

    I'm now down around 175, with D-cups and generous curves. I can jog a half marathon, run a 5k, lift decently and bike forever. I'm getting smaller, which is great, but my goal weight is still about 160. That puts me square in a size 12, and I look AWESOME.

    Umm, your 5'3 and 175 pounds. I am no one to say you are not thin or too thin therefore neither are you! you cant sit there and say that 120 is stick thin just because thats the way you feel. everyone carries their weight different and i know ladies that still look healthy at 120 so you shouldnt jump to conclusions on how someone should look and or what their goals should be. I'm 5'2 and my heaviest was 167 and at a size 8-10ish and i felt like ****! I was still healthy, very curvy and still very toned but i could feel it all weighing me down still. currently at 148 and i feel 10 times better but i still have a way to go to get to my goal at 130 which is about a size 4. i have thighs and calves considering i used to play soccer and am still very athletic, i also lift weights therefore have arms to go with my legs. No, even at 130 i was not "skinny" i was healthy, still had curves esp since im pear shaped and have a big butt! you really shouldn't put other people down just bc of what you look like and what your number on the scale says. everyone is built different and even at the recommended weight i still would be very curvy and healthy looking because of the way i carry my weight. some of us feel healthy when we dont have a roll while sitting down, and yes that includes me. i dont want to be skinny, i want to feel good and i dont feel good when i am out of breath walking up the stairs or when my stomach feels like its being crushed together by my jeans when i sit down.
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
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    Personally, I get annoyed when people equate "skinny" with not having "womanly curves". I don't have womanly curves, never have, and never will, because I've got no hips, broad shoulders, and am much more muscular naturally. But I'm not overweight, I'm just athletic. Am I less "womanly" because I don't have curves? Hell no. I managed to give birth and then breastfeed for two years straight, without any curves to speak of. If that isn't "womanly", I don't know what else is.

    I realize that people need to up their own confidence, so they point out attributes they like about themselves. I get it. It's cool, point out things you love, and love away. But then when you equate those attributes as being more "womanly" or "feminine" than anything else, it turns your argument into utter bull crap. Woman come in all shapes and sizes, with or without curves, and they're all "womanly". If you like your curves, say "Hey, I love my curves. They make me feel confident, sexy, and awesome. I like myself just the way I am, because my shape suits me" That right there needs no other justification. There is no need to try and make yourself feel more "womanly" than a skinny person by saying your curves are anything other than they are: Curves.

    Mkthanksbye.
    What's worse is when people say "real women have curves."

    WOW. I mean, I have curves - I am an hourglass shape - but I would never ever say I am more 'womanly' than you because of that. This is the kinda thing women say to make themselves feel better but it's all bull****.
  • MrsSherrill
    MrsSherrill Posts: 58
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    Personally, I get annoyed when people equate "skinny" with not having "womanly curves". I don't have womanly curves, never have, and never will, because I've got no hips, broad shoulders, and am much more muscular naturally. But I'm not overweight, I'm just athletic. Am I less "womanly" because I don't have curves? Hell no. I managed to give birth and then breastfeed for two years straight, without any curves to speak of. If that isn't "womanly", I don't know what else is.

    I realize that people need to up their own confidence, so they point out attributes they like about themselves. I get it. It's cool, point out things you love, and love away. But then when you equate those attributes as being more "womanly" or "feminine" than anything else, it turns your argument into utter bull crap. Woman come in all shapes and sizes, with or without curves, and they're all "womanly". If you like your curves, say "Hey, I love my curves. They make me feel confident, sexy, and awesome. I like myself just the way I am, because my shape suits me" That right there needs no other justification. There is no need to try and make yourself feel more "womanly" than a skinny person by saying your curves are anything other than they are: Curves.

    Mkthanksbye.

    YES!! Exactly!
  • jadedone
    jadedone Posts: 2,449 Member
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    Personally, I get annoyed when people equate "skinny" with not having "womanly curves". I don't have womanly curves, never have, and never will, because I've got no hips, broad shoulders, and am much more muscular naturally. But I'm not overweight, I'm just athletic. Am I less "womanly" because I don't have curves? Hell no. I managed to give birth and then breastfeed for two years straight, without any curves to speak of. If that isn't "womanly", I don't know what else is.

    I realize that people need to up their own confidence, so they point out attributes they like about themselves. I get it. It's cool, point out things you love, and love away. But then when you equate those attributes as being more "womanly" or "feminine" than anything else, it turns your argument into utter bull crap. Woman come in all shapes and sizes, with or without curves, and they're all "womanly". If you like your curves, say "Hey, I love my curves. They make me feel confident, sexy, and awesome. I like myself just the way I am, because my shape suits me" That right there needs no other justification. There is no need to try and make yourself feel more "womanly" than a skinny person by saying your curves are anything other than they are: Curves.

    Mkthanksbye.

    ^ Thumbs up, I completely agree!
  • jadedone
    jadedone Posts: 2,449 Member
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    This is a good sentiment, you can love what you have now and work on improving it. We only get one body, so we might as well make the best of it. I am a full believer in being confident in your own skin.

    But on the flip side, I am really sick of this whole concept of "real women have curves." and being heavier = curvy. Even though it benefits people shaped like me.

    If you are naturally curvy, you'll stay that way as long as you don't drop below the "essential fat" level. You can be curvy at size 0, 8, and 28 (and at every other size). You can also be less curvy at any of those sizes. Or become curvy only when you gain weight. We can't control our genetic level of curry, we can control making our bodies live up to their full potential and living in the skin we have!

    It almost seems like prizing one body type, shape or size has to denigrate someone who is of a different shape or size. Beauty comes in all types of packages, and the only package that is important is the one you are happy in.
  • cmm7303
    cmm7303 Posts: 423 Member
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    you cant sit there and say that 120 is stick thin just because thats the way you feel. everyone carries their weight different and i know ladies that still look healthy at 120 so you shouldnt jump to conclusions on how someone should look and or what their goals should be. ... you really shouldn't put other people down just bc of what you look like and what your number on the scale says. everyone is built different and even at the recommended weight i still would be very curvy and healthy looking because of the way i carry my weight. some of us feel healthy when we dont have a roll while sitting down, and yes that includes me. i dont want to be skinny, i want to feel good and i dont feel good when i am out of breath walking up the stairs or when my stomach feels like its being crushed together by my jeans when i sit down.

    My issue, as I pointed out, was her self-hate and her stated goals, which are all about sing her skeleton through her skin (the definition of stick-thin, actually). I'm not putting her down, I think she looks fantastic. If she wants to tone, lose, get healthy, fine...but that is no reason to hate her body. That's the argument...not that 120 lbs is too skinny. I don't give a hell what she weighs, honestly.
  • mphlab
    mphlab Posts: 187 Member
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    Love your body because it works! After I had a stroke and was partially paralyzed, I longed for the days when it was fat but worked. It least I can lose weight! Getting the paralyzed to work is not so easy. I try not to judge people's journey's but if you are looking for bones sticking out I think that is looking for skinny- not healthy! I agree with "love what you have now and work on improving" and "Beauty comes in all types of packages" I wish you all luck & peace on your journeys.
  • obrendao
    obrendao Posts: 318
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    Personally, I get annoyed when people equate "skinny" with not having "womanly curves". I don't have womanly curves, never have, and never will, because I've got no hips, broad shoulders, and am much more muscular naturally. But I'm not overweight, I'm just athletic. Am I less "womanly" because I don't have curves? Hell no. I managed to give birth and then breastfeed for two years straight, without any curves to speak of. If that isn't "womanly", I don't know what else is.

    I realize that people need to up their own confidence, so they point out attributes they like about themselves. I get it. It's cool, point out things you love, and love away. But then when you equate those attributes as being more "womanly" or "feminine" than anything else, it turns your argument into utter bull crap. Woman come in all shapes and sizes, with or without curves, and they're all "womanly". If you like your curves, say "Hey, I love my curves. They make me feel confident, sexy, and awesome. I like myself just the way I am, because my shape suits me" That right there needs no other justification. There is no need to try and make yourself feel more "womanly" than a skinny person by saying your curves are anything other than they are: Curves.

    Mkthanksbye.

    Right, people can up their own confidence by pointing out what they like about themselves. Nothing wrong with that right? Whether it's curves, or their hair, or their feet, or their rock hard abs. I was talking on a very personal level about myself and what I like about it and DEFINITELY NOT about what OTHER people should look like. And if I was not comfortable without some meat on my bones, and if I was not comfortable with a musclebound body, its not to say others shouldn't and couldn't be comfortable with what they have. My OP and replies were mostly about having a good attitude and fostering a positive, LOVING energy and being accepting of who I am and what I have. Because as women, sometimes we are very HYPERcritical of ourselves and eachother and it does no good for anyone.

    And to say "womanly" curves, well what else to call them? They're not "manly" curves Men don't have them, that's all that is womanly about them. And if you have a straighter body type, whose to say that is not ALSO "womanly"? I have a wonderful friend who has a very straight figure, but she is NO LESS beautiful. You can't generalize and expound on an adjective I used and assume I think that everyone that doesn't have an hourglass or extra meat on the bones is not feminine. But this is simply not that case.

    But, I DO happen to think that curves are NICE and I LIKE them for myself and they look and feel good. Simply my opinion. Take it for what it is, don't READ into it.

    It doesn't make me frown upon every other body type out there at all. We are all individual. And nobody has the right to judge someone for what they look like. If I want to prop up the "curves," I have the right to do so, but I won't disparage anyone while doing so. I have as much right to what I feel and think about bodies as everyone else.

    I was trying to be positive in a place where its really easy to get disparaged and judged and I just don't buy into that energy...

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