What is wrong with me?

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Beezil
Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I thought I could get things back under control. I know I still can, it's just proving to be a lot more difficult than I expected. I've been eating like someone who weighs twice as much as me should be for far too long now. I go over my daily limit by about 1000 calories a lot more than I should, sometimes more, and it's always with junk. Cheese, sandwiches, ice cream, crackers, pizza, chips, fast food...

I've been doing this whole fitness thing for over a year total, kept myself at my goal weight of 130lbs for near 9 months, and suddenly it's like everything is so hard. I want to eat ALL THE TIME, and it's not like it used to be when I would eat just out of sheer boredom or from depression. I'm literally STARVING all the time. At first I thought maybe I needed the extra calories, maybe I was underestimating the calories I was burning... but I can tell I'm gaining weight. Little by little, I'm watching the scale move upward. I'm noticing my clothes fitting tighter. It may be slight, but to notice at all says a lot to me, as I've not felt like my clothes were snug at all for a long, long time.

I'm so pissed at myself right now. I'm letting myself fall back into old ways and it makes me want to cry and scream. All the work I've put into this, my body, my health, my life. Why am I throwing it all away just to eat ice cream and sandwiches and stupid junk food? I don't know why I can't stop. Rather, I don't know why I won't. I know I can. I'm just not. It's like I just don't care anymore. I only care after it's too late and I've completely pigged out on everything in the house. I feel like I'm failing and I don't know how to stop this horrible cycle... I did it once before, why is it so hard to stop it again now? I could really use some advice or just some encouraging words...

I'm really angry and disgusted with myself right now... I try so hard to be a good friend to the people on MFP who connect with me. I try to be a good role model and give good advice, but right now I feel like such a hypocrite and a fraud because I'm not practicing what I so often preach. I'm eating like a pig and I know it's finally catching up to me. I've failed myself and I'm sorry. I need to get back into the mindset I had when I started all this, I just don't know how.

Replies

  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
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    first of all, quit being so hard on yourself. I went thru this the last time i lost weight too. you haven't put it all back on, just a few pounds. make this a wake up call to get it together. go thru the pantry and get rid of everything that makes you want to overeat. and dont buy any more junk!!!!!!! you still look fantastic! you are still the same amazing, supportive friend that I love. Think about why you dont care. Obviously something is bothering you to make you want to eat like this again. sit down and write out your feelings. it helps rather than eating them away. and if you can still fit into the same clothes. you haven't done that much damage. its like when you dent the car on the light post, yes theres damage, but it can be fixed because it is minor. you can do this! realize that this is where you need to dig your teeth in, tell yourself you can! because I know you can! Most women would kill to have a body like yours, again, quit being so hard on yourself. its a learning curve and sometimes we need to tweak things a little bit.and that is what we are here for. support, encouragement, and we need to talk to ourselves like we talk to all of our other friends on our list!
  • coppertop_4
    coppertop_4 Posts: 258 Member
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    What's wrong with you???? YOU'RE HUMAN! And you're surrounded by junk food in this day and age.
    You fell off the wagon... most of us do at some point! Now you just have to dig down deep, and figure out the WHY part
    this issue.

    Are you sad? Stressed? Lonely? Bored? Life changed? Other habits changed? There is a "why" somewhere in there. And if you can't find the "why" then maybe it's simply because you need change.

    Do you feel good after you eat the junk food? I always feel like crap and regret the "cheating" so that helps me stay on
    track.

    Luckily for you, there are people here who are willing to try and help you out. And don't feel bad for falling off the wagon... because that's just going to make getting back on that much harder. Accept what's happened, and move on. Only you can get back on the wagon ;) (here's hoping one of us pulls you back on)
  • natika33
    natika33 Posts: 154 Member
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    I think we all get like that sometimes. I know I have days where I see something that looks delicious and then completely forget why I'm not supposed to eat it. I can totally understand how once a goal has been reached it becomes even harder to focus, but don't worry! It's just a bump in the road to learning how to do maintenance... for the really really long haul.

    I think it's good that you are feeling bad about it and venting on here. Let it all out - yell at yourself, cry etc., then get back up and get back on the bandwagon.

    I don't know what your strategy was before, but perhaps a good maintenance strategy would be to schedule treats or have off times (like a Friday night or a birthday party) where you forget about being strict. It might help if you have a treat day to look forward to, so you can avoid bingeing on other days.

    Good luck! Don't worry!
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
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    Thank you guys. :heart: :heart: :heart:

    You're right. I gotta stop feeling sorry for myself and stop hating on myself for letting the food get the better of me and just stop letting the food get the better of me... lol. Food is not that important. Food does not deserve the best of me! I do. My family does. My life does.

    You guys are the best. :drinker:
  • talamer
    talamer Posts: 516 Member
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    I think they replies above answers ur questions..

    Beez u don't have to hate ur self and life ur live :) we always have the same problem.. we are HUMAN!

    we like to eat! stay focus on exercising it will definitely help u a lot ...

    :)
  • BeautifulAmazonGoddess
    BeautifulAmazonGoddess Posts: 49 Member
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    forget what you did yesterday. it doesn't define you any more. the thing that defines you is what u r gonna do today. get rid of junk food and sit down and do ur emotional laundry. dig deep and answer urself why r u doing what u r doing.

    u r awesome and u ll get through this. and this shall pass.

    xoxo
  • CSU2012
    CSU2012 Posts: 145 Member
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    Psycho analyze yourself. Is something else driving you to eat? Stress? A relationship? A new job? Any other recent change in your life? Once you figure out what's wrong, you can resolve that issue. Then you will be able to get back on track.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
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    take a cheat week, enjoy your food, then get back on track.
  • oftheearth
    oftheearth Posts: 104 Member
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    I know that very little can be interpreted just reading a message, but your tone in your initial post said to me that maybe there is a reason you're eating so much - because you feel bad that you're not gaining/eating so much.

    It's just a thought. Hundreds upon hundreds of times have I eaten not because I'm hungry (but it often feels like that, it's just not...genuine like other times when I feel hungry), but because I'm upset that I was hungry earlier and when I ate I went way over my daily. Then my daily is already blown, etc. etc. End up going over 1000 instead of a couple hundred BECAUSE I felt bad about going over by a couple hundred. It doesn't make any sense when I think about it clear-headed. Or, I guess, it makes sense, I know that it's real, but I see how it is just a bad idea, all around. And yet I repeat it all the time.

    Anyways, I ramble. I hope you find yourself in a good place very soon!
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
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    I agree that trying to get rid of the junk food is a good idea. Also, can you remember why this was so important to you when you started? If you wrote it down anywhere, a journal or your profile etc, find it read it and reflect a little on your initial motivation so you get that strong mindset back. But most importantly I'd say recognize that you are closer to your lifelong goal than you are from it. Make your decisions based on strategies that bring you closer still. You're going to be fine. You're strong, motivated and have support around you. Try to be mindful more often than not. Give yourself an "I forgive" pass for whatever behaviors youve slipped into cause it's not worth focusing on. Keep going forward. :heart:
  • Bookchick887
    Bookchick887 Posts: 126 Member
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    Go up to SEARCH and look up 'A Binge is a Message' by Geneen Roth. She is a sensitive writer who has been through everything we have when it comes to eating. You can find her books in the library, I have read them all.
  • Athijade
    Athijade Posts: 3,249 Member
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    Misread, sorry...

    Sometimes my brain derps if I have not had enough to eat after a workout! LMAO
  • brookef81
    brookef81 Posts: 286 Member
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    Beez-you are amazing and you will get through this. Chalk it up to a bad few weeks and start fresh. Maybe set a new smaller goals? Like, if you eat healthy (healthier) for a week or something then get a pedicure or some new treat. You will get back on track. I think that we are all so afraid to lose (gain) all of the hard work that we have done. Also, just think of how far you have come, you are not going to ever go back to the way you were...Hope you feel better!
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
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    If there is something wrong with you, there is something wrong with me. About 18 months after I lost a good chunk of weight (83 pounds) I went through the same thing. Some days I did good, many days I didn't. I regained 20 pounds over 6 months. I read an article a couple months ago that explained the bodies response to losing a lot of weight fairly quickly(I can't find it now). It is your bodies natural response to what it thinks is "famine" or lean times. It kicks up the production of "I'm hungry" hormones to make you eat and restore what the body thinks it needs to survive the next "famine". The article said that some bodies respond more intensely than others, but those that had been "yo-yoing" for years had the worst reactions because it had become a "learned response".

    At the suggestion of that article I upped my calories to 200 above maint. and used the extra to get in more good fats and protein. I stopped feeling hungry all the time. Then I started to slowly reduce my calories every couple weeks until I started to lose again at about half a pound a week. I have lost half of what I had regained, and am planning to continue to lose, but at a slower rate than what I did the first time around. It may be complete bull-poopie, but it made sense to me and thier advice seems to be working....for me.

    Good Luck!
  • jamielr1987
    jamielr1987 Posts: 4 Member
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    This has happened to me time and time again. I am not severely overweight, but I have put on almost twenty pounds since getting married two years ago. I would do great for a few weeks, then start eating horribly again, especially when work was stressful or I wasn't getting enough sleep.

    One other thing I have noticed is that running a lot makes me overeat. It ups my metabolism so much that I am starving at some point in the day and I end up eating a ton of carbs. I am now doing the 30-day shred and just walking or jogging a little each day and I am not having that problem.
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
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    bump
  • ncates00
    ncates00 Posts: 51
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    Plan your meals out ahead of time ad eat what you planned for on mfp. Also, perhaps get some support. For me, it was just a decision I had to make to MYSELF. You have to commit and stay focused. I have been there. I would skip workouts, because I was too tired or had a long day. Or I would eat just a little more food. Measure your food out, plan ahead, and stay committed. It's something YOU have to do.
  • RobynMWilson
    RobynMWilson Posts: 1,540 Member
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    You're human and we are bombarded my junk food all day, every day. Then some of us get ridiculed for living a healthier lifestyle, which I go through in my line of work (school bus driver lol) and in my redneck home town lol. Part of you is fighting so keep fighting! And writing down your feelings is a great suggestion, as well. Surround yourself with like-minded ppl, even if only on the internet...that helps me stay on the beam when my folks are eating hot dogs once per week lol. Hang in there and just get back on the horse one day at a time and recommit daily!
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
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    Wow, thank you everyone for the amazing responses! :) My husband and son are out at his mother's house for the day today, so I think I will take advantage of that and cook myself a healthy dinner. The pool is right across the street too, so I might just go have a good swim before that.

    Thank you guys so much. It's given me a lot to think about. I know I can put myself back on track.
  • email4jenp
    email4jenp Posts: 52 Member
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    This is the time where it's really important to take a step back and really look at your plan, re-evaluate and take steps to fix it. You don't want to gain that weight back.

    Just start simple and small. Write out a menu plan for the next few days. Make sure to eat your breakfast. Make sure to eat protein with each meal. If you like veggies, prepare extra and eat more. I find that when I over eat the veggies, I am full and satisfied and I crave for nothing (If I am full and satisfied!)

    Just take a step back and write your plan down. You'll get back on track! The first step is noticing your off track. :o)

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