Depression setting in .....
findfan4ever
Posts: 153 Member
..... well here I am. Looking back at the time when I was in great shape. I can remember a time scaring my daughter's boyfriend during a workout he. While talking with him I was doing an isolateral row machine that one puts free weights on. He was surprised I was using 90 lbs per side as my warm up weight for three sets. By the time I was done, I was rowing 225 lbs per side. I remember how men half my age would be jealous of "the old guy," as some affectionately called me. LOL.
The last job I had before my car accident in 2009, I was loading and unloading DC8 cargo aircraft. I was one of just a very few that could push a 5000-7000 lb air pallet back to the tail of one of those things. That's approximately 105 feet from just behind the cargo door to the rear of the aircraft. I was also the oldest person that could do that.
I was in good shape back then.
Now, as I tried to do the 30DS with my wife, I realized just how far I have fallen since the accident. For those of you who have tried or done the 30DS, there are some strength training components of it. I damn near came to tears when I couldn't do one unassisted push up. The amount of atrophy and weakness really hit home tonight. I didn't think the amount of nerve damage would have been that bad, but it is. I had to do assisted push ups, and could only do a handful at that.
All I could think was, "What the hell happened to man you once were? You are pathetic now."
And that, my friends, is where I am now. If only I hadn't gone out to run an errand I never would not have been at the intersection some careless driver ran into the back of me at 45 mph, destroying my car and my neck in the process. Yes, emergency neck surgery several months later took care of the pain and other issues, but the nerve damage was already done.
I hate feeling week. I hate being fat. I hate how I allowed myself to get like this. Its no one's fault, but mine. I accept that. I just hate feeling so week and useless; like I will never amount to much. If only I didn't that errand.
The last job I had before my car accident in 2009, I was loading and unloading DC8 cargo aircraft. I was one of just a very few that could push a 5000-7000 lb air pallet back to the tail of one of those things. That's approximately 105 feet from just behind the cargo door to the rear of the aircraft. I was also the oldest person that could do that.
I was in good shape back then.
Now, as I tried to do the 30DS with my wife, I realized just how far I have fallen since the accident. For those of you who have tried or done the 30DS, there are some strength training components of it. I damn near came to tears when I couldn't do one unassisted push up. The amount of atrophy and weakness really hit home tonight. I didn't think the amount of nerve damage would have been that bad, but it is. I had to do assisted push ups, and could only do a handful at that.
All I could think was, "What the hell happened to man you once were? You are pathetic now."
And that, my friends, is where I am now. If only I hadn't gone out to run an errand I never would not have been at the intersection some careless driver ran into the back of me at 45 mph, destroying my car and my neck in the process. Yes, emergency neck surgery several months later took care of the pain and other issues, but the nerve damage was already done.
I hate feeling week. I hate being fat. I hate how I allowed myself to get like this. Its no one's fault, but mine. I accept that. I just hate feeling so week and useless; like I will never amount to much. If only I didn't that errand.
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I hope this doesn't sound cold, but you did go out on that errand. Comparing where you are now to what you once were is pointless, and certainly doesn't seem to be making you feel better or inspiring you. It is really tough that you used to be so strong and now are struggling. That sucks, and deserves to be grieved. But you can only start from where you are--you will get stronger if you choose to keep trying. Whether or not you ever get back to where you were after such a serious accident is up to the fates, but you can work toward getting as strong as you can possibly be at this time in these conditions. I would go after that. I wish you good luck and positive thoughts. I know you can do it.0
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no one will post a better response than that.I hope this doesn't sound cold, but you did go out on that errand. Comparing where you are now to what you once were is pointless, and certainly doesn't seem to be making you feel better or inspiring you. It is really tough that you used to be so strong and now are struggling. That sucks, and deserves to be grieved. But you can only start from where you are--you will get stronger if you choose to keep trying. Whether or not you ever get back to where you were after such a serious accident is up to the fates, but you can work toward getting as strong as you can possibly be at this time in these conditions. I would go after that. I wish you good luck and positive thoughts. I know you can do it.0 -
I am so sorry for what you are going through and can totally understand the "what if" you are feeling. It's normal. The only thing you can do now is fight like hell to get back to where you were. I wish you all the best and I hope you have the support in your life to get you where you need to be.
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Sounds like you're such a badass that you had to start weight training again in hard mode to give everyone else a chance. Go forth and kick some *kitten*!0
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Hi. I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. I am in the same position as you, I was in the Navy and was very fit and played sport. Three kids later, ex Navy and I have piled on the pounds. I am taking anti depressants for different reasons and to be honest, I am really struggling with my life right now. The point to this is, you're not alone and you mustn't give up or beat yourself up over the accident. It's happened and yes, you may have put weight on but you CAN get back to how you used to be. Try to accept where you are at this point in time and try to think positive and look forward to the future. You WILL get back in shape, you just need a little nudge in the right direction. Have you told your family how you're feeling? If not, you must as they can support you and spur you on. I do know how you feel. Today is the first day back on here for me properly as it was only yesterday that I decided that sorting out my health and weight will help me and it's funny that I have read your post as I dont normally read these so THANK YOU for helping me too! Good luck and take care and please don't give up - you can do it!!! 0
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Sorry to hear about your accident and it's after-effects, but huge congratulations on making the decision to get back into a healthy, fit lifestyle.
I know where you're coming from - I fell full-length when out Marathon training in ice and snow and tore the ligaments in my shoulder. I couldn't so much as open a door for months and even had to use my left hand to move my right hand from the keyboard to the mouse. I couldn't even do up or undo my own bra or wear clothes than went over my head. The less said about going to the toilet the better!
Most exercise was out for me - I even used a sling while running as the impact hurt so much. I used to be a racing swimmer as a youth, but couldn't manage any stroke, my arm just wouldn't move for me. When I started back after the first year I was more or less swimming in circles because I was so much weaker on one side than the other!
But the body is an amazing machine. The fact you're able to do as much as you can now means you're well on your way to recovery, you just need to build the strength back up. Many people who have never had a similar injury can't do as much of the 30DS as you can. It's only because you can remember your former strength that it's extra frustrating. You'll get there.
Three years on from my accident, I can swim properly again and take part in Body Pump classes, even overhead presses. Push ups I still find very hard, but I gradually worked my way back up using these gradual stages. You might like to try them:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/BerryH/view/how-to-do-10-full-push-ups-what-worked-for-me-126396
Hope that helps, and good luck achieving all your goals :flowerforyou:0 -
No one can change the past, or what choices you made. It hurts, I know. I hope that from this pain you find that strength you once had. And I'm not talking about the muscles that could do all those wonderful things.
Because believe it or not true strength comes from that determination to work out everyday, to push your body to its limits to become that Strong 'old man'....... THAT strength is what you need now, because that strength will carry you through life. I don't know if you can ever get back what you've lost. But I hope you'll work and try like hell to get there.
Positive thoughts and hopes are coming at you. But ultimately it's all up to you. See those bootstraps? Grab and pull.0 -
I'm ticked off that my back is messed up, but at least I'm not mad at myself over it. I didn't pick my DNA, and you didn't ask that driver to rear-end you.
I get that you're upset, but what's with this blaming yourself for it? Sometimes things happen over which we truly have no control. You can be as mad about that as you want to be, but don't be mad at yourself. You know where you sleep.
The entire human condition quite frankly sucks, mainly because we don't have control over everything. Until one of us bright little hairless monkeys figures out how to let us have that control, we just have to deal with it. I guess this isn't a very good pep talk, but I'm truly shocked that you're blaming yourself for this.0 -
bump0
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There are some really fantastic responses to your post, and I'm glad you put it up there because lots of people are where you are now (for whatever reason) and need to see these responses.
I'm am really sorry that you have to work through this. I actually believe that everyone, everyone, has something in their life that limits them. Whether it's mental or physical. We all struggle with something in life. I have a bad back that really only feels better with exercise, but man does it hurt when I exercise! But hey, unlike my cousin who is in a wheelchair for life and risks death everytime he gets a head cold, I can walk. I can exercise. I live a relatively normal life. I'm friggin lucky! And so are you.
You've already started simply by posting here, so keep it up. Find out what you still can do. And keep inspiring others to do the same!0 -
MARCH 17, 2007
I was in peak condition, and went mountain biking.
SHORT VERSION :bigsmile:
I went off a cliff - oops!
So, I woke up in the hospital all banged up with a cracked open skull and major brain trauma. I am still a bit retarded to this day over it when it comes to short term memory and such.
I went from a solid 185 to 277lbs - a complete whale of a human.
Life was miserable. I was fat - F.A.T.
F is for fatal, A is for awful, T is for terrible....
FAT!
I joined MFP and never even put a picture up; I fought my way back long and hard. YOU CAN DO THIS!
ALL IS POSSIBLE!
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I think this is only the beginning of your story.
You weren't the strongest "old guy" you knew by accident.
You are still that tough, hard-working guy! Stop tanking your own efforts & giving yourself reasons that failure would be logical and romantically sad - you are no teenage girl!
Finish the story. Write (literally this time) out where you want to be 1 year from now and don't let any excuse stop you.
Your strength has always and still does come from your mind... don't weaken that by continually looking at how hard it'll be.
One day at a time0 -
This response is no joke:
Make a list of at least 10 BENEFITS of that event on your life. And focus on it. Start the list and add to it. Use that list as your reference point....otherwise the IF ONLY's will become your reference point, possibly destroying all that is good in your life. Remember, you are precious to those who love you, but you will destroy that, and not even count it as valuable, if you allow yourself to go to If Only Never-Never Land.
I did this 10 benefits thing for a tragic event in my life and it saved me from turning into a bitter, aweful person. So glad!0 -
no one will post a better response than that.I hope this doesn't sound cold, but you did go out on that errand. Comparing where you are now to what you once were is pointless, and certainly doesn't seem to be making you feel better or inspiring you. It is really tough that you used to be so strong and now are struggling. That sucks, and deserves to be grieved. But you can only start from where you are--you will get stronger if you choose to keep trying. Whether or not you ever get back to where you were after such a serious accident is up to the fates, but you can work toward getting as strong as you can possibly be at this time in these conditions. I would go after that. I wish you good luck and positive thoughts. I know you can do it.
Amen!0 -
Depression is a real *****....Mine was brought on via menopause after a complete hysterectomy to get rid of my cancer....This was in late 2008....My doc put me on prosac but it didn't work....My depression got deeper and deeper to the point that I took 32 of those pills....There was nothing that could have stopped me because I knew one day it would happen.....
About 3 months ago I was told about some herbal pills that are used for menopause symptoms....I got some asap and within a week I could notice a big difference...Under my gp direction I weaned myself of prosac...my depression is not cured, I feel that it will always be there but these pills help control....If I forget to take pill I get a dose of depression...So I need to vigilant in taking them.....
I can totally understand this..My family have always treated me like **** but now they are just people I used to know...like I will never amount to much
You will amount to something....You will lose this weight....0 -
I can't imagine the pain you went through, but I do have struggles of my own. It is so easy to think about the past, what happened, whether or not it was justified, what you did, what you shouldn't have done, etc. But the truth is that you have this moment, this day, and that is is. The past and future are merely ways of allowing our minds to process the "now." Now is the only thing we can control, and by controlling the now, then you will have a different perspective on both the past and future.
I know VERY well myself how easy it is to get down about life's circumstances. But I realized that wasn't changing anything, and if anything, it was increasing my depression. Change stems from your mind and the way you think about life. If you want to change, you have to think about today, and today only.
Take inspiration from your past and prove to yourself you have the strength to overcome the trials you've been through and that you're capable of opening your own doors for yourself. Its an amazing accomplishment what you were in the past, but that isn't who you are now. Who you are now is who you decide to be. And who you will become depends on the dedication you put to the moment of the day itself. Not in how you view the past or future, but what actions will you take today to transform who you are?
Strength isn't measured in pounds, my friend. Its the fight and the positive choices you choose to make everyday. That is strength.
At one point, it occurred to me that I dwelt so much on what I haven't accomplished in the past. But that wouldn't change unless I made the decision to do so in the moment. I could only be proud of myself if I put one foot in front of the other, and keep going day to day. That's it. The past doesn't change unless your present does. It seems simple, but its difficult for people to process the present moment. I suggest adding a short mantra or daily meditation (even if only a few minutes) that allows you to focus your thoughts around your accomplishments and goals for TODAY. Because it is merely the combination of multiple "todays" that leads to both your past and future.
Best wishes and blessings~0 -
Awesome responses from all those people that can share and support others!!!!0
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Its tough.
Its good that are talking about it.
Good Luck.0 -
Ah you got the past and future problem going on. It's the secret cause of all depression, worry, anxiety, judgment and comparison.
But the past has already happened and there's nothing you can do about it, so there's no point in thinking about it. And the future hasn't happened yet, and since you're not a psychic you can't even begin to guess at it.
So you've only got one choice left - stay in the present.
The present is a pretty nice place when you open your eyes and look around. Nothing to compare stuff to. You just kick as much *kitten* as you can, at whatever it is you are doing right now, and be satisfied with your effort.0 -
Bump .......
I know I bumped my own thread, but I wanted to tell everyone who responded here how much I appreciate your comments, your compassion, your empathy, and honesty.
Please feel free to add me as a friend, if you are so inclined. You all seem to be great and supportive people. I want you all to share in my progress, successes, and "bumps in the road" and, I will of course lend my support to all of you, too.
Thank you so very much.
I am also hoping the comments made here will help others as well.0
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