My friends are all better off them me!
BVannillie
Posts: 140
I spoke to an old friend recently and we had a catch-up, and she was telling me how well she's doing in her career right now and ugh, she's just accomplished so much! She got offered a dream job over in California and she's moving there next month and she's going to be mega rich and I am so jealous. 
And the thing that bums me out even more is that all my friends are like that. They have all gone on to really good things, I am literally the only one who is 'stuck in a rut'. My life isn't bad, but I know that i've made some bad career moves in my life that have greatly affected my success.
I hate having to talk to them about it because they're always telling me how awesome their lives are and when I tell that that I'm still working at the same old place they just sort of give me this awkward 'pat on the back' kind of thing. Like 'Hey kiddo, keep your chin up!'.
And I was voted on two separate occasions to be the most likely to succeed in life at my schools and I swear my friends just rub it in that they are better off them me. I feel crappy now. Has anyone else had this experience? How did you deal with it?
And the thing that bums me out even more is that all my friends are like that. They have all gone on to really good things, I am literally the only one who is 'stuck in a rut'. My life isn't bad, but I know that i've made some bad career moves in my life that have greatly affected my success.
I hate having to talk to them about it because they're always telling me how awesome their lives are and when I tell that that I'm still working at the same old place they just sort of give me this awkward 'pat on the back' kind of thing. Like 'Hey kiddo, keep your chin up!'.
And I was voted on two separate occasions to be the most likely to succeed in life at my schools and I swear my friends just rub it in that they are better off them me. I feel crappy now. Has anyone else had this experience? How did you deal with it?
0
Replies
-
You need to define Success? Apparently it involves money and the ability to accumulate things. Success is different for everybody. Am I successful? I don't even make $40,000 a year, yet I own a home, land, have more real friends than anyone should, I have a loving wife for 20 years now and am raising 2 boys. I feel very successful.0
-
You need to define Success? Apparently it involves money and the ability to accumulate things. Success is different for everybody. Am I successful? I don't even make $40,000 a year, yet I own a home, land, have more real friends than anyone should, I have a loving wife for 20 years now and am raising 2 boys. I feel very successful.
I don't think anyone will beat this answer.0 -
A few things:
-- Maybe your own insecurity is making you feel like they're "rubbing it in" when they're really just talking.
-- If they are actually rubbing it in, they're not really your friends, so why do you hang around them?
-- Try being happy for your friends' success. If you can't do that, then you're not being a very good friend to them.
-- Identify what you want to change in your own life, and make steps toward those goals. Nobody handed your friends' successes to them. They worked for it. So get out there and get yours! You're worth it!0 -
Scotty has a good point, and I might add "What kind of friends rub their success in your face"? It sounds like your friends are not the truest of friends... Aside from that, you should make a change for yourself if you are not happy. You can be rich and successful in your career also. It seems you may have lost your way!0
-
Scotty has a good point, and I might add "What kind of friends rub their success in your face"? It sounds like your friends are not the truest of friends... Aside from that, you should make a change for yourself if you are not happy. You can be rich and successful in your career also. It seems you may have lost your way!
Ditto!0 -
A few things:
-- Maybe your own insecurity is making you feel like they're "rubbing it in" when they're really just talking.
-- If they are actually rubbing it in, they're not really your friends, so why do you hang around them?
-- Try being happy for your friends' success. If you can't do that, then you're not being a very good friend to them.
-- Identify what you want to change in your own life, and make steps toward those goals. Nobody handed your friends' successes to them. They worked for it. So get out there and get yours! You're worth it!
Wow. I never actually said I wasn't happy for them. :S Some of them have worked very hard, some of them haven't at all and are just very lucky, I don't hate them for it or feel they don't deserve it. I just don't like feeling that I haven't made as much of my life as my friends. I guess I am a tiny bit 'resentful' because I have worked my butt off and haven't gotten as far as them, but I certainly don't think less of them. Obviously my original post has made me sound like a total *****.0 -
You need to define Success? Apparently it involves money and the ability to accumulate things. Success is different for everybody. Am I successful? I don't even make $40,000 a year, yet I own a home, land, have more real friends than anyone should, I have a loving wife for 20 years now and am raising 2 boys. I feel very successful.
:drinker:0 -
A few things:
-- Maybe your own insecurity is making you feel like they're "rubbing it in" when they're really just talking.
-- If they are actually rubbing it in, they're not really your friends, so why do you hang around them?
-- Try being happy for your friends' success. If you can't do that, then you're not being a very good friend to them.
-- Identify what you want to change in your own life, and make steps toward those goals. Nobody handed your friends' successes to them. They worked for it. So get out there and get yours! You're worth it!
Wow. I never actually said I wasn't happy for them. :S Some of them have worked very hard, some of them haven't at all and are just very lucky, I don't hate them for it or feel they don't deserve it. I just don't like feeling that I haven't made as much of my life as my friends. I guess I am a tiny bit 'resentful' because I have worked my butt off and haven't gotten as far as them, but I certainly don't think less of them. Obviously my original post has made me sound like a total *****.
No actually I feel just like you. My dad ran into a friend's dad and apparently she's now a Pilates instructor in Hollywood married to a surgeon. Yet another in a long line of friends from dance/high school that has "made it" and meantime I'm stuck at home cleaning toddler pee/poop from the floor, 100 lbs overweight, sick, and in a sexless/loveless marriage.
My advice? Allow yourself the pity party for a while and then pick yourself up and move on with your day/life. Otherwise you'll obsess over it. Hang in there :flowerforyou:0 -
Try porn, I think ud do well0
-
A few things:
-- Maybe your own insecurity is making you feel like they're "rubbing it in" when they're really just talking.
-- If they are actually rubbing it in, they're not really your friends, so why do you hang around them?
-- Try being happy for your friends' success. If you can't do that, then you're not being a very good friend to them.
-- Identify what you want to change in your own life, and make steps toward those goals. Nobody handed your friends' successes to them. They worked for it. So get out there and get yours! You're worth it!
Wow. I never actually said I wasn't happy for them. :S Some of them have worked very hard, some of them haven't at all and are just very lucky, I don't hate them for it or feel they don't deserve it. I just don't like feeling that I haven't made as much of my life as my friends. I guess I am a tiny bit 'resentful' because I have worked my butt off and haven't gotten as far as them, but I certainly don't think less of them. Obviously my original post has made me sound like a total *****.
No actually I feel just like you. My dad ran into a friend's dad and apparently she's now a Pilates instructor in Hollywood married to a surgeon. Yet another in a long line of friends from dance/high school that has "made it" and meantime I'm stuck at home cleaning toddler pee/poop from the floor, 100 lbs overweight, sick, and in a sexless/loveless marriage.
My advice? Allow yourself the pity party for a while and then pick yourself up and move on with your day/life. Otherwise you'll obsess over it. Hang in there :flowerforyou:
At least I'm not alone! Thank you, I think I will pity myself for a while, but not too long.
0 -
I'm doing exactly what I have always wantes to do and I still feel like that at times. My husband is extremely successful considering his background, and he tends to compare himself and feel less than at times. It may not be healthy, but it's normal. I hope things look up for you. Remember, you still probably have a much better life than a large percent of the world population.0
-
I guess it depends on what your definition of success is.0
-
I spoke to an old friend recently and we had a catch-up, and she was telling me how well she's doing in her career right now and ugh, she's just accomplished so much! She got offered a dream job over in California and she's moving there next month and she's going to be mega rich and I am so jealous.
And the thing that bums me out even more is that all my friends are like that. They have all gone on to really good things, I am literally the only one who is 'stuck in a rut'. My life isn't bad, but I know that i've made some bad career moves in my life that have greatly affected my success.
I hate having to talk to them about it because they're always telling me how awesome their lives are and when I tell that that I'm still working at the same old place they just sort of give me this awkward 'pat on the back' kind of thing. Like 'Hey kiddo, keep your chin up!'.
And I was voted on two separate occasions to be the most likely to succeed in life at my schools and I swear my friends just rub it in that they are better off them me. I feel crappy now. Has anyone else had this experience? How did you deal with it?Scotty has a good point, and I might add "What kind of friends rub their success in your face"? It sounds like your friends are not the truest of friends... Aside from that, you should make a change for yourself if you are not happy. You can be rich and successful in your career also. It seems you may have lost your way!
I don't think they're rubbing anything in her face. If you're not where you want to be right now, you don't like your job, you think everyone is better off than you then yes, your friends talking about their new job, new move new whatever will become irritating and feel like they're rubbing it in your face. You shouldn't be jealous or feel "put down" by them. YOU are the only person who can change the way you feel when you're with them and change your future. Your attitude is what needs to change in this situation. You need to be more positive about things even if it seems impossible. What you project out to others is what they take in and if you're bummed out because your job sucks, etc. etc. and you're projecting this emotion outward then you're not going to attract good things in your life. Sounds like bull but it's actually true. When I walk around with a smile on my face and tell myself I'm awesome, successful and no one is better than me guess what? People smile back. They say hi and strangers will talk to me in line at stores because I'm projecting something positive.
You know you're stuck in a rut and have made some bad choices but it's not too late to change that. Get rid of the "poor me" attitude and jealousy of your friends and DO something about your career and make it better.
Oh, and just because they sing the praises of their jobs and how much money they'll be making doesn't mean that their lives are any better.0 -
Scotty above mostly got it right
However, I'll venture to guess that they embellish a little because 'they' are probably insecure about the same things. Lets face it, LOTS OF TIMES throughout life things go wrong, or are going wrong.
The woman w/the very financially successful husband may see him less than his girlfriend on the side does.
Or the financially successful woman may be miserable because she has no time to have a partner, or family.
^^^^Just examples-examples your friends would never bring up when talking about how great they are.0 -
Try porn, I think ud do well
Gotta make a livin'!
End/0 -
You need to define Success? Apparently it involves money and the ability to accumulate things. Success is different for everybody. Am I successful? I don't even make $40,000 a year, yet I own a home, land, have more real friends than anyone should, I have a loving wife for 20 years now and am raising 2 boys. I feel very successful.
Good Answer :happy:0 -
A few things:
-- Maybe your own insecurity is making you feel like they're "rubbing it in" when they're really just talking.
-- If they are actually rubbing it in, they're not really your friends, so why do you hang around them?
-- Try being happy for your friends' success. If you can't do that, then you're not being a very good friend to them.
-- Identify what you want to change in your own life, and make steps toward those goals. Nobody handed your friends' successes to them. They worked for it. So get out there and get yours! You're worth it!
Wow. I never actually said I wasn't happy for them. :S Some of them have worked very hard, some of them haven't at all and are just very lucky, I don't hate them for it or feel they don't deserve it. I just don't like feeling that I haven't made as much of my life as my friends. I guess I am a tiny bit 'resentful' because I have worked my butt off and haven't gotten as far as them, but I certainly don't think less of them. Obviously my original post has made me sound like a total *****.
You didn't sound like anything, I just think it's good to take stock of your own feelings sometimes. Know what you're feeling and why you're feeling it, and then move forward with trying to solve the problem. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad, that wasn't my intention. My main point is that if they're making you feel bad on purpose, they're not really your friends, and if you want to be successful, you CAN. Make it happen. 0 -
Scotty above mostly got it right
However, I'll venture to guess that they embellish a little because 'they' are probably insecure about the same things. Lets face it, LOTS OF TIMES throughout life things go wrong, or are going wrong.
The woman w/the very financially successful husband may see him less than his girlfriend on the side does.
Or the financially successful woman may be miserable because she has no time to have a partner, or family.
^^^^Just examples-examples your friends would never bring up when talking about how great they are.
Right? I have an aunt who likes to make it look like she has everything. And it looks like she does, except her husband is a cheater who has no real skills beyond schmoozing to get high paying executive jobs (which he has been fired from in the past).0 -
Thanks for the advice guys, I will try and get off the pity pot!0
-
Many of my friends have "more" than me. They have homes (I rent), families (I've never had children and haven't yet married), nicer cars, and incomes more disposable than mine (or so it seems).
When I get to feeling 'sorry' for myself, I remember that I got out of bed feeling good, I'm relatively healthy, I can go out for a run if I so choose, I have plenty of free time to do with as I please, I travel, etc. Many people don't even have *those* things.
I know it sounds sappy, but it's helpful to remember what you *do* have rather than to worry about what you don't.0 -
Comparing one's life to others tends to make those comparing miserable. There are exceptions (people from broken homes, abusive relationships, etc) but if you're average and looking at "rich and famous" people and comparing, then usually there's an issue about how you see yourself.
I have a couple of friends who are millionaires. Huge mansion, nice cars, pools in the back, etc. But they are very overweight and their health sucks. What good is money if you're 6 feet under in a few years?
Personally I love my life. My wife and I ALWAYS do things together (including working out), my kid is my life, I get to help people achieve their goals, and I'm in great health. To me that's success.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Try porn, I think ud do well
I would take this as a compliment. He prob. thinks you're hot...0 -
In my experience, most people who claim to be successful and have "made it" are usually hiding something. Cheating spouse, alcoholism, crushing debt. ( Have to keep up with the Jones's next door ) Don't let it get to you.0
-
In my experience, most people who claim to be successful and have "made it" are usually hiding something. Cheating spouse, alcoholism, crushing debt. ( Have to keep up with the Jones's next door ) Don't let it get to you.
Yep..the grass always looks greener on the other side....0 -
To be as cheesy as possible you need to take that frown and turn it upside down, LOL!!!
I used to be like you. Gazing into other people's lives with resentment and being mad at myself and my life seeing that I had done nothing with it. Then I just laughed it off as being a waste of time and took things into my own hands and went out and got what I wanted.
You have to start looking at the positive things in your life and its even more bonus if you are YOUNG and have all this time ahead of you to do what you want. Don't grow old and live to regret not trying to achieve what you want to achieve.
I love life because I decided I need to own it up and move forward. I got rid of the weight, got a great job, am in school where I want to be, have a wonderful marriage, eat very well, don't smoke anymore, take care of myself to look good everyday, have GREAT health overall and push myself into new things all the time. Life is too short!!! Most people with all that crap.... cars, flat screen TVs, designer clothes... they are all debt ridden with credit cards and loans. SOME aren't but most sadly are.
Just make the right choices that YOU want to make... not because your parents/friends are and you will see that you will get what you want.0 -
To be as cheesy as possible you need to take that frown and turn it upside down, LOL!!!
I used to be like you. Gazing into other people's lives with resentment and being mad at myself and my life seeing that I had done nothing with it. Then I just laughed it off as being a waste of time and took things into my own hands and went out and got what I wanted.
You have to start looking at the positive things in your life and its even more bonus if you are YOUNG and have all this time ahead of you to do what you want. Don't grow old and live to regret not trying to achieve what you want to achieve.
I love life because I decided I need to own it up and move forward. I got rid of the weight, got a great job, am in school where I want to be, have a wonderful marriage, eat very well, don't smoke anymore, take care of myself to look good everyday, have GREAT health overall and push myself into new things all the time. Life is too short!!! Most people with all that crap.... cars, flat screen TVs, designer clothes... they are all debt ridden with credit cards and loans. SOME aren't but most sadly are.
Just make the right choices that YOU want to make... not because your parents/friends are and you will see that you will get what you want.
You are awesome Oca!0 -
I know a lot of very successful people. I mean, obscenely wealthy to the point where it's just stupid that one person should have that much money. But, good on them. They can do whatever they want.
Typically, people are only half what they say they are. A friend told me once that if someone tells you how much they make, divide that by 2, and that's probably closer to the truth. Also, there's no job that's really that awesome. If you really saw what they did, you'd be like,'this is total BS". Things only sound good.
In conversation, it's always boring when someone is doing the same old thing. I have a friend that I hadn't seen in 20 years, and we got together and she's still at ATT. She pretty much started there after high school. I was like, WOW. But, the more I talked to her about the details, the more interesting it got about her journey in that company.
For some, work is a means to other things. I'm one of those people. It doesn't define me at all. Other things define me. I don't have a single friend or family member that have me pegged thorugh my work. It's because I am non-specific about it and I never talk about it. i actually define myself more through my hobbies; fitness and music.
There's more, but your friends sound shallow. I don't know them so it's hard to say that for sure. I don't want to be judgemental about that part. But, I do know what you mean. If you're in a group of people that are all talking about their awesome lives, one is a movie director, the other travels the world and writes about it, another is a famous well-paid fashion photographer, and you're sitting there, 'yeah, I'm still working at the Piggly Wiigly'. I get it. But, at the same time, that is your life. Highlight other things you are doing that are awesome.0 -
Yeah, this is it for a lot of my friends but then again most of my friends are older than me and have had more time to get what they want. I have a boyfriend who loves me (about to celebrate our one year anniversary) and earned my Bachelor's degree (with honors!) but I'm working in a warehouse and don't have a car or driver's license yet. I sometimes feel successful for even having a job, other times I feel like I'm wasting my life and skills. Life is a journey and everyone achieves their goals at different times. Hell, even Lady Gaga was learning to drive recently. So this makes me feel better. :laugh:0
-
In my experience, most people who claim to be successful and have "made it" are usually hiding something. Cheating spouse, alcoholism,crushing debt. ( Have to keep up with the Jones's next door ) Don't let it get to you.
This right here.^^^^ They may "have everything", but I am willing to bet the bank owns it all.0 -
Thanks guys, I feel so much better now. I still think certain aspects of my life suck, but I hold the hope that I can change that given time.
0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 394.1K Introduce Yourself
- 43.9K Getting Started
- 260.4K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 435 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153.1K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.9K MyFitnessPal Information
- 15 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.7K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions