I want my life back.

For one thing "people like you" should NOT be hanged. You WILL overcome this, and the great people here can and will help you along with your doctor. You always have us to turn to, and you can always message/add me if you would like. No, I don't know what it's like to suffer from what your going through, but I am always here if you need to vent/talk. You got this and you will make it through this.

People like me should be hanged.

Hi
I've been treated for depression for many years and although my depression has other causes than weight etc, your last comment has brought me to tears, as it's how I see myself.

You're wrong though.
We are wrong.

Use all the support you can get on here, from your doctor and anyone else you can.

I wish I could help.

Take care
Amanda

You don't see how strong you are...but I do. Your honesty takes courage, writing then posting this, facing what your mind is telling you. Extraordinary strength.

Recovering from anorexia is about so much more than eating more -- it's about receiving the help you need to make your mind well, also. I hope that you are in counseling, or that you will seek counseling.

You are not worthless, you are not a burden, and you certainly deserve life. Get well.

Wow, I was really moved by your post. First off, people like you do NOT deserve to be hanged. You have a disease/illness and you need professional help in treating it.

While I am by no means a doctor or professional, I do most certainly hope that you get the help that you need (and even sound like you want). If you have been diagnosed, then I hope that means that there is some option of treatment available to you. Please seek treatment... you are worth it.

as much as I know losing more will not make me happy, neither will gaining it back.

I'm not an expert by any means, but from what I've read - gaining back some weight actually might make you feel much better. Your brain chemicals are out of whack, honey - this is not your fault but as others have pointed out, a disease has done this to you. The more you deprive your brain of the nutrients it needs, the further off balance this becomes, and the worse you feel. Increasing your nutrition level and caloric level will help stabilize those chemicals to where you will start to see yourself differently and you will feel better.

And the better you feel about yourself, and the more energy you have from increasing your calories and nutrition, the more you will be able to do those things you miss - be present with your family and people who love you, have energy for hobbies, work, exercise, whatever you want to do. And all of that will make you feel even better.

I guess what I'm saying is, I think it's very important to trust the process. Take in the nutrition you know you need, even if you don't believe yet it will help you feel better. Try to find a support group who not only means well but actually understands what you're going through and where you're coming from. It may not work overnight, but I think you have the strength to see it through until it does. And in the meantime please stop beating yourself up over this! No one would bring this kind of torment onto themselves. It can't be stressed enough - this is NOT YOUR FAULT.

Best of luck to you - I hope you can find something very very soon that helps!

You can do it, I believe in you.
But you have to try to get rid of the negative thoughts, they don't help. Take things slow at first maybe just try to catch yourself when you are thinking negatively, then work your way up to finding positives about yourself. Sometimes finding positive things about yourself when you are depressed, anxious or in a bad place is difficult. But changing how you think and see the world might help.
I am no expert but this is what has helped me through rough times.
If you want friends, feel free to add me.

Disclaimer: The message below is really, really blunt. If you have any doubts about reading it, please don't. Skip it and go to the next person's reply.

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Most anorexics think that they're "fat" and that no one finds them attractive, but the very blunt honest truth is that most guys (and girls) who find girls attractive think anorexic girls look HIDEOUS. All the amazingly hot women we all emulate (or want to date) are NOT as thin as you think. They're actually height/weight proportional, and they work out. And when I say "they work out", I mean they lift heavy weights, with the result being that they have incredibly toned, sleek bodies. What you're aspiring to right now is a bony, saggy body, with no muscle tone and no energy. What you consider "thin" isn't thin, it's a fat person who's starving to death. "Thin" is a physically fit girl whose weight is proportional to her height.

So Step One is you need to figure out what the scientifically recommended weight for your age and height should be, and then set that weight target in MFP. Then eat the calories MFP tells you to eat, even if you think that's crazy, even if you think you'll get "fat" eating that much. Trust the medical experts (you are not one). Eat a lot of protein too, so that when you go back to the gym, you have plenty of fuel to build muscle. And then get back in the gym, and don't just focus on cardio! A lot of women think that they will get all bulky and hideous if they lift weights. That won't happen without years of DAILY lifting and massive testosterone supplements. Most women (and some men) don't have the levels of testosterone needed to build Conan muscles. Instead you'll end up with Jessica Alba, Beyonce' type muscles. In other words, you will look #@%&ing amazing and feel great and every man or woman that finds girls attractive will find YOU attractive, because you'll be THIN (thin = HWP and physically fit).

So to summarize: malnourished girls are NOT attractive, let MFP guide you to a sensible and healthy weight, and lift heavy things and put them down a lot. And if I don't get banned for this post, feel free to IM me if you have questions or need more brutally honest feedback.

I think you have two paths forward: one takes you toward starvation and misery and looking and feeling horrible, and the other path is a leap of faith into trusting the medical experts and eating more and lifting weights. The second path sounds crazy, but the first path has kinda sucked so far, right? Why not try the path that ends with you looking incredible, feeling great, and having everyone staring at you in a GOOD way? Good luck.
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