Reflection after Counseling and Working Out...

I sit here and think about how far I have come already and how far I still have to go and just wanted to post some of my thoughts. Over the last month, I have learned that weight loss is so much more than a physical transformation. It’s mental. There is so much psychological and emotion that go into losing weight as well as the physical aspect.
A little about me...I am 33 years old. I work full time in Emergency Services and volunteer as an EMT. At the end of May, I started showing all the signs that I was having a heart attack. When I finally went to the doctor a few days later, my EKG came back abnormal stating Inferior Infarct. I was a direct admit to the hospital on the Cardiac floor. My blood work came back ok showing that it looked like I had not had a heart attack but to be sure I had to undergo a stress echo before I could leave. That came back fine and so I was able to leave. That was my wakeup call because I was too young to be going through all that. I had tried to diet before but never stuck to it. Well for since I have been out of the hospital there has been no fried food, no fast food, my carbs have been cut drastically, my soda has all but been cut out, and I am sticking to this thing they call “diet”.
I was referred to a 12 week program working with Duke Dieticians and Exercise Physiologists and have been working that program for going on 3 weeks now. I am held accountable and meet weekly with the staff there. I have also started swimming at the Sportsplex next to my work on the days I can’t go to the Wellness Center. Well I make an attempt to go and swim on days…it doesn’t always happen but it does happen on days I can’t go to the Wellness Center. I made a decision during the 12 weeks to combine mental health counseling into my exercise program. I think I owe it to myself because I need to work on some things with me. So for the next 12 weeks I said it was about completely transforming me. My doctors, exercises physiologists, and dieticians love my approach and think it will be beneficial to my success in the long run.
I have already learned through counseling that on a daily basis I need to give myself positive affirmation and to believe it. I do it daily and it helps with my success. It also has helped me start to heal. But in order to heal as I found, old wounds are having to be reopened to find out why I got to the point I got to both physically and emotionally. Case and point, I am working on my self-esteem issues. I am working on being able to say “I am worthy and I am good enough” and believing it. I just got out of a relationship where that was a big issue for me. My weight often came up in discussion and I told her I was often repulsed by my body when I saw it in the mirror. She was often concerned about how I would feel if she gained the weight back that she had lost. Truthfully, I think she was damn hot when she was 330 lbs. She was super attractive because I have seen her pictures that she took when she started her weight loss journey and I would have given her my number a thousand times. Nonetheless though I guess what I am getting at is I found is part of my success has also come from the fact that I am incorporating counseling into my regime and learning a number of things about myself and how to deal with them and how to deal with people more effectively. My support group has been nothing short of amazing starting with my brother who tells me how proud he is of me and then my doctors and dieticians and exercise physiologists.
The more I thought about things and connected with music the more parts of the song "Doin Fine" by an independent artist named Ellis came to mind.
“It’s good to understand where you’re standing and it’s good to know where you've been and it’s good to work through the tough times and let the lessons sink in. I think were able to let go more baggage than we give ourselves credit for and the sunrise saying hello in the morning time makes me believe that more and more...I use this time to notice the country, I'm letting go and I'm feeling strong. I'm letting something in and I'm letting something good and I'm so thankful to be alive and even though time is passing slowly I am thoroughly enjoying this drive. I was in such a rut I was feeling so bad the weight of the world was pulling me down and I don’t know how it works how you let it go except you do and something new is found.”
I found something new. I found that I actually do think, love, and feel. I found that I am human.
I have only completed 20 percent of my goal right now but those 33 pounds I can tell a difference already. I can see it in my face and yes my love handles are actually starting to get a little smaller. Granted I still have a very long way to go but right now I am losing at a pretty good rate and its one I am happy with. While I am losing weight, I am gaining lifestyle changes and gaining my life back. That is what is important.