To Delete or not to Delete??

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Curvimami
Curvimami Posts: 1,853 Member
in Motivation and Support
*DISCLAIMER* Its really not THAT serious but I am in need of an outside perspective on this. Whenever I get a new friend I go to their page when I have a chance and I try to learn something about them. You know, what we have in common, their goals for this journey (that we all share in common). Their reasons for starting and committing for the duration. Just to get a sense of who they are. I dont want or need alot of "friends" that arent serious about this journey. Who arent open and honest about their intentions. I don't need to see your comments everyday. Just knowing you're growing and transforming is good enough for me. SO why add me/request me as a friend if your profile is set to private and all I can see is a pic of you and you dont post in the forums?What is the point? I mean why ask for a friend when you really dont want a "friend"just a full "friends" list. I feel bad about wanting to delete them, but I really dont need the extra "weight" (pardon the pun). What would you do?

Replies

  • BubbleGumKisses
    BubbleGumKisses Posts: 156 Member
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    No pic, private diary, or proanna all get deleted by me!
  • _stephanie0
    _stephanie0 Posts: 708 Member
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    to be honest, i only add people that are serious about it....when people have motivating status' and give you encouragement it's much more rewarding than seeing the friend # increase... i also don't add people that eat less than 1200/day...its not PERSONAL but i find that to be extremely unhealthy and im here to get healthy, not watch people destroy their bodies....

    its personal preference, really :)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,692 Member
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    I accept everyone, with or without a message. But if there's no activity for 30 days, I delete them.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • callikia
    callikia Posts: 226 Member
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    Do what you need to do, yo. Personally, I agree. And I *need* to hear about your ups and downs too, yo, cause I have them as well. Get serious, be honest, or move along. I'd prefer to have people that support me so that I feel it's worth my time to support them back. May sound completely selfish but this is my friggin' journey and the world is full enough of haters.
  • msmotivated86
    msmotivated86 Posts: 131 Member
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    I agree! Everything on my page is open and honest, even my food diary. I know everybody may have different reasons for having their food diary private, but I want mine open so I can hold myself accountable for what I eat. The more people will see it, the better I will eat. I also feel like the less friends, the better. I like to communicate with my friends and sometimes it's hard b/c I have so many. I don't want to be rude so I usually accept everybody unless its a male b/c I'm not doing male friends on here. I completely understand what you're saying though.
  • Bexyf
    Bexyf Posts: 42 Member
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    Im with you on this one :D x
  • sel254
    sel254 Posts: 273 Member
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    I've had this happen a few times myself and I've deleted them. I want to interact with, encourage, support and get to know the people on my friends list. I'm also pretty ruthless in deleting people who add loads of people and never seem to interact with anyone and people who haven't logged in for a long while. I used to delete people if they hadn't logged on for 2 weeks but now I do tend to wait a couple months as I know life can get in the way sometimes. I figure after 2 months, they're not coming back :(
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
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    Since being active in the message boards, I've gotten SO MANY requests. I have noticed usually it's the same people updating and actually working. I haven't gone through and deleted anyone (unless inactive for a month or more or I don't personally know them in REAL life...lol), but I think it's coming.
  • crooks_RN
    crooks_RN Posts: 69
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    I agree! I dont need a list of "friends" who I know nothing about! I need support and in return want to give support!
  • AmyLRed
    AmyLRed Posts: 894 Member
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    is it possible, especially if they are new to MFP that they dont even realize everything is set to private? i have come across so many that didnt know their diary wasnt open to friends or how to change it so that it wasnt private. When i signed up i had no clue just how social MFP was, so the idea of writing a bunch in my profile and keeping things public made no sense at the time. (I have since changed that!) I think some others might be in the same boat.
  • NewChristina
    NewChristina Posts: 250 Member
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    Do you know that they PURPOSELY set their profile to private? How many times did someone post a new topical question and said, "oops, sorry, I didn't know my diary was private". Just a thought.

    I would at least ask up front, "Did you know your profile is private, even to your friends?"

    (Just realized Amy beat me to my point. :tongue:
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
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    The thing I don't really get with these topics is why having pics/lots of comments/lots of info listed is necessary for someone being "serious" or actually wanting the friend. I don't post pictures of myself because I hate how I look; I don't even show pictures of myself to my own family. I only comment on friends' statuses when I have something to say rather than platitudes or empty "WTG" comments. I haven't filled out all the profile information because, frankly, I never think to; I mean, when the hell am I looking at my own profile?

    But that doesn't mean I'm not serious about actual weight loss or health. It doesn't mean I'm just trying to "fill up a friends list." I request people when I see them on the forums and they say something I really like or connect with. I like seeing what they have to say. Just because I'm not a big talker doesn't mean that I don't care about anything. I believe that people appreciate what I do have to say when I find that it's worthwhile to say something; it doesn't seem right that anyone with my attitude would be judged and deleted for just not saying enough things.
  • oldmutt
    oldmutt Posts: 6 Member
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    I agree can't help each other if all communication is one way!! shared goals and diaries are more likely to
    be successful as we know that they are being used and working for others.feel free to add and look at mine:smokin:
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I only accept friend requests from people who either have included a message with their request (except once because it was clearly a generic message and she had something like 800 friends already) or I've interacted with either on the boards or through mutual friends.

    I found that anyone else is usually a friend collector and does not interact in the community or with their "friends." I don't care to be a notch on someone's belt in any way, including as an MFP "friend," so I would delete (except I probably wouldn't accept to begin with).
  • 75Juniper
    75Juniper Posts: 376
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    I haven't had anyone request me who had a private profile, but if it happened, I would delete. I don't see the point in sitting in some anonymous friends list without ever interacting or getting to know the person.

    That being said, I'm not quick to delete my friends and I don't delete if they haven't logged on in a while. Their inactivity isn't clogging up my news feed and they might need a friend if they come back. I have deleted people that I haven't meshed well with.
  • Curvimami
    Curvimami Posts: 1,853 Member
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    is it possible, especially if they are new to MFP that they dont even realize everything is set to private? i have come across so many that didnt know their diary wasnt open to friends or how to change it so that it wasnt private. When i signed up i had no clue just how social MFP was, so the idea of writing a bunch in my profile and keeping things public made no sense at the time. (I have since changed that!) I think some others might be in the same boat.

    You know this is exactly why I havent deleted yet. Maybe they dont know its set to private. And I try to wait for a month of no logging before sweeping them out. I just hate to think Ive given up on them. Because I would hate for someone to give up on me. But I like to think if they come back they will find me again if they like.lol
  • Curvimami
    Curvimami Posts: 1,853 Member
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    The thing I don't really get with these topics is why having pics/lots of comments/lots of info listed is necessary for someone being "serious" or actually wanting the friend. I don't post pictures of myself because I hate how I look; I don't even show pictures of myself to my own family. I only comment on friends' statuses when I have something to say rather than platitudes or empty "WTG" comments. I haven't filled out all the profile information because, frankly, I never think to; I mean, when the hell am I looking at my own profile?

    But that doesn't mean I'm not serious about actual weight loss or health. It doesn't mean I'm just trying to "fill up a friends list." I request people when I see them on the forums and they say something I really like or connect with. I like seeing what they have to say. Just because I'm not a big talker doesn't mean that I don't care about anything. I believe that people appreciate what I do have to say when I find that it's worthwhile to say something; it doesn't seem right that anyone with my attitude would be judged and deleted for just not saying enough things.

    Exactly, just because you arent the most active, doesnt mean you arent active. My question was? Why request me as a friend if it is a one way street. My diary, My profile, My Status updates are all open for response and scrutiny and all you have is well, nothing, and maybe a friends list. You dont have to have a lot to say. Just be honest. It doesnt have to be frequent. Just be present. It doesnt have to be a word. Maybe a smile (if that is how you feel) I dont always write words I dont always have words. sometimes XOXO, if they seem discouraged and need a hug. Sometimes a :-) to let them see that i noticed and am in their corner. A "friendship" is a two way street, so way request my "friend"ship if you are a "deadend"/ "no entry" ?
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
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    Sometimes new members don't realize that their profile is private, same with food log.

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