I have no support! HELP

kendrabones
kendrabones Posts: 3
in Health and Weight Loss
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months and were very happy together! But, when i met him i weighed 135 pounds. It was my highest weight and i was very uncomfortable. Back then, i spend everyday with my bestfriend(who was overweight) and it caused me to be around a lot of food and i gained 15 pounds from it. When me and my boyfriend started to be together more and i wasnt around my overweight friend(210 pounds at 17), it gave me a chance to realize i was eating too much and kept gaining. I also stopped working out. My boyfriend is very fit, has a 6 pack and works out all the time. i needed to change my ways. I joined MFP and have lost 13 pounds in 115 days. its amazing! Slow, but still working. Im so happy and i can see my clothes fitting better.
Everything seems perfect right? well no. Im losing support from my boyfriend and hes starting to tell me to stop losing weight. I dont think i need to/dont want to stop losing until im comfortable again. I love keeping track of what i eat cause if i dont, i know i will gain it right back. Why doesnt he get that? He eats alright and works out all the time, so why cant i keep my body looking nice too? does he want me chubby!?
Also, my sister is older then me and has some what of a gut. she gets mad at me and yells at me for being on a diet and wanting to lose weight, and it working. i HATE it how she doesnt support me. is she jealous? it hurts me. it makes me feel like im doing something wrong when im just trying to be healthy!? :,(
does anyone else have no support from family or friends? should i hide the fact that i use MFP?!

Replies

  • butterflylover527
    butterflylover527 Posts: 940 Member
    my guess is that your bf wants to be the skinny and fit person in the relationship and you're threatening that. which i think is amazing lol! your sister might be jealous b/c she doesn't think she can compare to you. idk, thats what its like in my family :/
  • callikia
    callikia Posts: 226 Member
    Don't you wish we had an "ignore" button in real life?
    Haters gonna hate. Ignore them. Unless you're doing some unhealthy crash diet (13 pounds in 115 days does not sound like it) or somehow abusing your body, do what you know is best for you.
  • jkrau37
    jkrau37 Posts: 11
    Welcome - there's a number of us in similar boats. My daughter is think (size 2- 0 US, 6-8 Aust) she is also extremely fit (dancer) yet she was the one who introduced me to MFP - I;m the one who has been on the weight loss journey for a long time (i have a lot to lose after being ill for a long time and putting on a lot of weight)

    My daughter uses this site to check that she is eating healthily - she is maintaining her weight and now with the diary it reminds her that she needs to eat - how does this help you?
    Present this idea to your boyfriend and family - tell them that you are using the site as a maintenance program - the diary is to help you ensure that you are eating a healthy diet - after all the diary doesn't just count calories, it counts all nutrients for you and takes out all the guess work.
    This site is great as i was doing it all on my own and i was stuck after losing 30kgs and feeling quite depressed about it all - but now I;m back on track and can communicate with people who are on similar journeys and don't judge!
  • Steph1576
    Steph1576 Posts: 8
    Maybe your boyfriend just genuinely thinks you look good now and doesn't want you to think you need keep losing weight for him (even if your not doing it for him, he's not inside your head). Like the other poster said- haters gonna hate. Just ignore them, you'll inspire others that aren't as insecure. And definitely do not hide using MFP!!
  • MissTammie77
    MissTammie77 Posts: 18 Member
    havent got much time to post atm as off to get the kids but feel free to add me as a friend :)
  • vsecret921
    vsecret921 Posts: 100 Member
    I would agree that he might feel a little threatened. If you look "too good" then he might think other guys will think so as well.... do what makes YOU feel good! In the end you are the only one that will be with you your entire life.
  • Anna800
    Anna800 Posts: 639 Member
    They don't want you to get too thin which isn't always a pretty look.
  • Lisaherbalmomma
    Lisaherbalmomma Posts: 63
    Well, first off, you look totally great in your photo! You mentioned you were working out so that is soo great! Do you go to the gym? Whether you do or not, go for one visit to get with a personal trainer. They will let you know what areas you need to work on and if you need to lose a few pounds or not. If certain people in your life are not supporting you getting healthy, then do not share this journey with them. I'm sure you and your sister can find some other things to share together-maybe even encourage her to get fit. The boyfriend sounds a little controlling. It's easier to control a fat girl. Lisa
  • Hayleighs_mom
    Hayleighs_mom Posts: 48
    Feel free to add me.

    I think that your sister is jealous. She may want to be your weight as a goal whereas you want to be smaller. As far as your boyfriend goes, he may love the way you look now. Try talking to him and let him know that you are uncomfortable and just want to be healthy. Let him know your goal weight. It's hard for others to under stand why a "skinny person" wants to loose weight whereas everyone agrees a "fat person" should loose 100+ pounds.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    We've been friends on mfp for a while, so I've seen your diary a number of times and seen many posts where you don't seem very happy with your body.

    You haven't lost too fast, but, if your diary is correct, you have been under-eating for days and days at a time. If someone in my life was eating as little as you are, I would be concerned too. If someone as slender and beautiful as yourself was very unhappy with their body I would be equally worried.

    Haters are going to hate. Lovers are going to love. I accidentally went below my ideal weight and my mum threatened to force feed me if I lost more (n.b. I was on 1900 calories at the time!). Did I think she hated me? No. I knew she loved me.

    Why not try eating more AND still losing weight. Is your goal weight still within the 'healthy' limits? If not, I'd rethink it. Please try to see that it is far more likely that your friends and family speak out of love, not hate, as do I.

    Xxx
  • abbylg1983
    abbylg1983 Posts: 177 Member
    I feel EXACTLY the same way. I am at a healthy weight for my body type, and according to most body fat calculators using measurements am at around 17-19% body fat and wear a size 2. Great right? No, because I am so flabby everywhere. I have a muffin top, I have jiggly thighs, I have a jiggly *kitten*, and a potbelly. I look fine in clothes, but even partially undressed I hate the way I look.

    My husband however finds my fat loss efforts annoying. He tells me I look fine and not to worry so much about looking like a Hollywood starlet because I can't compare myself to them. I think he's trying to be nice but I actually find that statement quite insulting- so you're saying that body type is unattainable to me no matter what, and I should lower my standards?

    Oh, he also is disappointed because I have lost about 6 pounds in the last 3-4 months, and my boobs went from a C to a B.

    Just keep eating healthy, and maybe choose someone else to vent to. I don't bother going to my husband anymore because I know I won't get the support I need from him.
  • kendrabones
    kendrabones Posts: 3
    youre all amazing for showing me that i have a right to geel upset with the way their treating me. i think my sister is jealous like a lot of you said, though i would never EVER say that to her. she is 4 inches shorter than me and weighs the same amount so thats deffinetly not her best dream. and my boyfriend loves my body right now, but i think it could get better, i wish he understood. he should understand i feel! hes my boyfriend right? i do under eat a lot, but i went on vacation last week with him and was over every single day! i actually lost a pound while i was there, so im confused as to what to do. my mother supports me for the most part ive begun to realize(i introduced her to this site actually!) but not my dad sister or boyfriend. :( youre all so great and understanding i love it! im gonna add you all!
  • jesz124
    jesz124 Posts: 1,004 Member
    I feel EXACTLY the same way. I am at a healthy weight for my body type, and according to most body fat calculators using measurements am at around 17-19% body fat and wear a size 2. Great right? No, because I am so flabby everywhere. I have a muffin top, I have jiggly thighs, I have a jiggly *kitten*, and a potbelly. I look fine in clothes, but even partially undressed I hate the way I look.

    My husband however finds my fat loss efforts annoying. He tells me I look fine and not to worry so much about looking like a Hollywood starlet because I can't compare myself to them. I think he's trying to be nice but I actually find that statement quite insulting- so you're saying that body type is unattainable to me no matter what, and I should lower my standards?

    Oh, he also is disappointed because I have lost about 6 pounds in the last 3-4 months, and my boobs went from a C to a B.

    Just keep eating healthy, and maybe choose someone else to vent to. I don't bother going to my husband anymore because I know I won't get the support I need from him.

    Please please dont take this the wrong way, but judging by your photo you put on your profile of you in a bikini further weight loss is not what you need. I can understand your husband's point of view if I'm honest. If you are concerned about things wobbling I think weight training would be a good route for you to take. I honestly do not think you need to lower your body fat at all. You already look very slim. You sound very unhappy with your figure which is really sad.
  • tami101
    tami101 Posts: 617 Member
    I feel EXACTLY the same way. I am at a healthy weight for my body type, and according to most body fat calculators using measurements am at around 17-19% body fat and wear a size 2. Great right? No, because I am so flabby everywhere. I have a muffin top, I have jiggly thighs, I have a jiggly *kitten*, and a potbelly. I look fine in clothes, but even partially undressed I hate the way I look.

    My husband however finds my fat loss efforts annoying. He tells me I look fine and not to worry so much about looking like a Hollywood starlet because I can't compare myself to them. I think he's trying to be nice but I actually find that statement quite insulting- so you're saying that body type is unattainable to me no matter what, and I should lower my standards?

    Oh, he also is disappointed because I have lost about 6 pounds in the last 3-4 months, and my boobs went from a C to a B.

    Just keep eating healthy, and maybe choose someone else to vent to. I don't bother going to my husband anymore because I know I won't get the support I need from him.


    Just for the record, many of those pictures of hollywood startets are photoshopped to make them look thinner, more toned, etc. so in fact they are not really attainable no matter what. I'm not telling you not to lose weight if you think you need to, it's your body. Just don't try to be what isn't real. Good luck! =)

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