Weight Loss = Bad Attitude????

cdub78
cdub78 Posts: 88 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Just curious if anyone else has experienced the same thing with friends. I have a very close friend who lost about 110 pounds over the course of about a year and a half. I am very proud of her and told her that I am. However, she does not eat during the day hardly at all and pretty much only eats dinner. She lost her weight from HMR shakes and eating healthier but NO exercise at all!

Here is my issue....since she lost all this weight she has become an unbearable and rude person. She makes fun of "fat" people and has no regard for others feelings. Some of the things that come out of her mouth sometimes are unbelievable and I point out to her that she was once in that persons position and should be nicer..well then her meanness turns to me and I have to deal with her attitude. It's gotten to the point where I hardly hang out with her anymore. Do you suppose her attitude is because she is crabby from not eating enough?? What would you do? I've been friends with her for 12 years and would hate to throw a friendship away but I seriously do not like the person she has become.

Replies

  • krisiepoo
    krisiepoo Posts: 710 Member
    My guess is she doesn't know/believe she's as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. We don't get fat (usually) because we're happy, confident people.

    I would tell her exactly what you wrote here. Let her know you love her who she WAS on the inside and not who she is now. She may have lost the weight, but she'll lose a friend if she doesn't knock it off.
  • dellieve
    dellieve Posts: 35 Member
    A similar thing happened to me about 7 years ago when I first lost a lot of weight. I honestly didn't realise I was being rude, but when you've been overweight your entire life and you lose a lot, especially quickly, a bit of arrogance and cockiness comes out unfortunately.

    Took a good friend of mine to say something and that got me to pull my head in, so you might need to stop with the soft way and put her in her place..I know it sounds harsh but it definitely worked for me.
  • Puddles0308
    Puddles0308 Posts: 74
    Yeah, I've noticed that weight loss = the "i'm better than you" attitude.
  • NamibianRose
    NamibianRose Posts: 151 Member
    Yeah, I've noticed that weight loss = the "i'm better than you" attitude.

    Or how about weight loss = "I am now God's gift to men" attitude. LOL

    I
  • Colli78
    Colli78 Posts: 135
    She's hungry! Whenever I don't eat, I become withdrawn and a little rude as well. It's REALLY noticable when I go out with some of my friends that wish they could lose weight but are steady chowing down fried foods and desserts. I make healthy choices and then become rude towards them because of their lack of effort. And, I'm a little jealous because I want to eat those foods as well. I bet if she ever ate during the day you would notice a huge difference!
  • patchesgizmo
    patchesgizmo Posts: 244 Member
    Or how about weight loss = "I am now God's gift to men" attitude.

    REally????? OOOOOHHHH I want that attitude! roflmao.

    Now seriously about the friend, I would share with her. I agree with another poster that she does not truly feel pretty on the outside so she can't be pretty on the inside.
  • ekz13
    ekz13 Posts: 725 Member
    might also come from a "I busted my butt to lose it and it's possible, what's thier excuse?"
  • Feathil
    Feathil Posts: 162 Member
    It could be projecting anger onto other people that she regrets that she was something she didn't like until now. It was kept bottled up until now and that's the way it's coming out. But only you can judge why she's acting like that cos I can't tell what her attitude seems like without seeing her.

    Just sit her down and try to calm her attitude, she's letting it out of hand basically. Tell her bad feelings about others will just make her feel bad in general, for using her energy to be annoyed.
  • Brittonloves
    Brittonloves Posts: 60
    My guess is she doesn't know/believe she's as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. We don't get fat (usually) because we're happy, confident people.

    Such a wise statement!
  • Cornn
    Cornn Posts: 11
    I definitely think it's a reflection of how she feels about herself. When she sees a fat person, she basically sees herself (as she was before) and hates it. Putting that person down is basically her putting herself down. Sounds like she has some self esteem issues to work on.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    I have seen this. Sure, it's possible that she's resentful of people who aren't hungry.

    My "dear abby" type response would be something like this: "We've been friends for a long time and your friendship means a lot. I'm really proud of you for the weight you lost, that's a big deal. But I don't know if you realize how angry you act toward people who are overweight. It's become difficult to be around you at times like these, and I miss your positive attitude. I'm not sure what you're struggling with lately but as your friend, I hope you know you can talk to me if you need support."
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    Just curious if anyone else has experienced the same thing with friends. I have a very close friend who lost about 110 pounds over the course of about a year and a half. I am very proud of her and told her that I am. However, she does not eat during the day hardly at all and pretty much only eats dinner. She lost her weight from HMR shakes and eating healthier but NO exercise at all!

    Here is my issue....since she lost all this weight she has become an unbearable and rude person. She makes fun of "fat" people and has no regard for others feelings. Some of the things that come out of her mouth sometimes are unbelievable and I point out to her that she was once in that persons position and should be nicer..well then her meanness turns to me and I have to deal with her attitude. It's gotten to the point where I hardly hang out with her anymore. Do you suppose her attitude is because she is crabby from not eating enough?? What would you do? I've been friends with her for 12 years and would hate to throw a friendship away but I seriously do not like the person she has become.
    Your friend is miserable having lost the weight crash dieting and through deprivation.
    She wants to eat fabulous foods, but having stifled her metabolism, she is forever stuck in this mode of continuous dieting.
    Further, your friend hates fat people, because she hates herself as a fat person, and she is terrified of going back to that.
    I run from such people.
    They are NOT a good influence, because they don't know how to live life and just be happy.
  • cskalaj
    cskalaj Posts: 94 Member
    My sister actually went through something similar when she lost ~80 pounds and went from being 220-ish to being 140-ish. In picking it apart afterwards, she realized it was because she was actually bitter that people who wouldn't give her the time of day when she was big were now trying to talk to her or date her and it made her frustrated that what was on the outside was ultimately what mattered most to more people than she would've liked to have thought. Give her some time. She has to get it into her head that she's not "the big girl" any more (even if she acts arrogant, she likely will see herself as fat for years to come) and love herself for what's on the inside and then let other people love her for that, too.
  • NamibianRose
    NamibianRose Posts: 151 Member
    Or how about weight loss = "I am now God's gift to men" attitude.

    REally????? OOOOOHHHH I want that attitude! roflmao.

    Girl YES! I've seen this a few times with some girlfriends over the years.

    To OP: There could be so many reason's for this but I would just flat out ask her what her problem is. I have seen some people lose weight and seem to have some sort of resentment towards "fat people". I think it probably reflects more of how they felt about themselves when they were bigger that is coming out towards others now that they have lost the weight.
  • LindaCWy
    LindaCWy Posts: 463 Member
    Just curious if anyone else has experienced the same thing with friends. I have a very close friend who lost about 110 pounds over the course of about a year and a half. I am very proud of her and told her that I am. However, she does not eat during the day hardly at all and pretty much only eats dinner. She lost her weight from HMR shakes and eating healthier but NO exercise at all!

    Here is my issue....since she lost all this weight she has become an unbearable and rude person. She makes fun of "fat" people and has no regard for others feelings. Some of the things that come out of her mouth sometimes are unbelievable and I point out to her that she was once in that persons position and should be nicer..well then her meanness turns to me and I have to deal with her attitude. It's gotten to the point where I hardly hang out with her anymore. Do you suppose her attitude is because she is crabby from not eating enough?? What would you do? I've been friends with her for 12 years and would hate to throw a friendship away but I seriously do not like the person she has become.

    Captain obvious answer... she needs therapy. True story. Maybe she just needs to talk, who knows. Whenever you say something to her, she gets defensive and feels like she is being attacked. Maybe people tell her she's lost too much and shes obsessed etc etc and is constantly on the defensive. If I had a nickle for every time someone told me to "stop losing weight" or "you're obsessed" I'd be rich enough to buy new boobs.
  • jcmartin0313
    jcmartin0313 Posts: 574 Member
    Just curious if anyone else has experienced the same thing with friends. I have a very close friend who lost about 110 pounds over the course of about a year and a half. I am very proud of her and told her that I am. However, she does not eat during the day hardly at all and pretty much only eats dinner. She lost her weight from HMR shakes and eating healthier but NO exercise at all!

    Here is my issue....since she lost all this weight she has become an unbearable and rude person. She makes fun of "fat" people and has no regard for others feelings. Some of the things that come out of her mouth sometimes are unbelievable and I point out to her that she was once in that persons position and should be nicer..well then her meanness turns to me and I have to deal with her attitude. It's gotten to the point where I hardly hang out with her anymore. Do you suppose her attitude is because she is crabby from not eating enough?? What would you do? I've been friends with her for 12 years and would hate to throw a friendship away but I seriously do not like the person she has become.

    I find myself being judgmental way too often these days. I think it does come from a place of "what's their excuse" but I remind myself that I had excuses for years and frankly have no big secret as to what finally pushed me to change. I think she needs to understand that we all have weaknesses and need to help each other.
  • Nutrition1st
    Nutrition1st Posts: 216 Member
    That's sad. Most people I know (including myself) were so happy we lost the weight that we became better people to be around.
  • weeblex
    weeblex Posts: 412 Member
    Could actually be symptomatic, I get really cranky when I don't get enough sugar, its almost like that candy bar ad (Does anyone else find seeing Roseanne Barr hit with a log refreshing?), my wife gives me sugar and the world gets better.

    If she is not eating maybe she is just a cranky person. Give her a candy bar and tell her to lighten up :)
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,903 Member
    Maybe she has some internalized shame that she used as motivation in an unhealthy way, and now she's projecting it on others. Of course, I'm not a professional and I don't know her, so I could be completely wrong.
  • spikefoot
    spikefoot Posts: 419
    I have a theory about this site, it doesn't include everyone since there are some super cool awesome people. But I think at lot of people suffer from this, they used to be fat and now they feel good about themselves and are getting noticed and stuff.

    For example look at all the fights, debates and sometimes blabber on about who knows what just to see themselves "talk"

    Also, who the heck needs a rate the person above you post that lasts forever....Just saying, I have no problem with that post in ways, compliments make you feel good and sure some people are just curious about their new look.... But if that is what you have to do to feel good about yourself then that is lame...

    Ideally we should become supporters and advocates for a healthy life. We should be able to relate to and not shun people who were just like us. :)
  • cdub78
    cdub78 Posts: 88 Member
    Wow, thanks for the responses. I think you are all correct! I know she has some "mommy" issues with never being good enough. As well as the comment from LindaCWY she has told me about people telling her she is obsessed and lost too much weight etc. I have NEVER told her that. I have been nothing but positive with her. She's just really really sensitive right now. For instance, 2 weeks ago we had a HUGE blowup fight and I was seriously considering not talking to her anymore! She quit smoking cigarettes (major achievement I know, I quit almost 2 years ago cold turkey) However, she switched to one of those E-Cigarettes. So we are talking and she says "Aren't you so proud of me for quitting smoking?" Mind you I have told her every time I see her the past 6 weeks that I am proud of her. So I replied with "Yes I am proud of you but I will be 100% proud of you when you quit all together and stop the e-cigarette and break the habit completely" Now mind you this is at a party with about 50 people...she starts screaming at me that I am not supportive and am a bad friend and stormed out of the party!! Party went on just fine without her and I waited a week before asking her if she was done being psycho!!!

    P.S She was being a rude person before she quit the cigarettes so it's not a recent thing
  • blueday617
    blueday617 Posts: 50 Member
    I have a theory about this site, it doesn't include everyone since there are some super cool awesome people. But I think at lot of people suffer from this, they used to be fat and now they feel good about themselves and are getting noticed and stuff.

    For example look at all the fights, debates and sometimes blabber on about who knows what just to see themselves "talk"

    Also, who the heck needs a rate the person above you post that lasts forever....Just saying, I have no problem with that post in ways, compliments make you feel good and sure some people are just curious about their new look.... But if that is what you have to do to feel good about yourself then that is lame...

    Ideally we should become supporters and advocates for a healthy life. We should be able to relate to and not shun people who were just like us. :)

    I agree 100% with this!!!
  • NamibianRose
    NamibianRose Posts: 151 Member
    Perhaps she really is just a rude person in general and now she just feel more free to show her true colors now that she's thinner?

    Or maybe she thought if she lost the weight she would be happy and now realizes that is not the case?

    I hope you are able to work things out, it seems like you truly care about her. But at the same time, you really don't need toxic people in your life. A friend of mine had a counselor tell her that there are times that we have to cut people from our lives and sometimes it's a true tragedy, but needs to be done. (Not a exact quote!).
  • Eisskween
    Eisskween Posts: 84 Member
    Sorry to sound harsh here, but there is no legitimate excuse for treating others badly. Your friend obviously forgot what it feels like to be mocked and taunted due to weight issues. She's turned into a self-righteous bully. This is the same as the smoker who quits and then badgers others who have a hard time doing so, or the alcoholic who stopped drinking and makes fun of others not being able to achieve sobriety.

    She needs to be advised that her behavior is unacceptable. Maybe she also needs to be reminded how awful she felt when people bullied her. Shame on her. No matter how much weight you lose, or how pretty you are, sometimes ugly cuts straight through to the bone.

    Good luck to you. If it were me, I'd give her an earful and walk, telling her to call me when the tin man returned her heart.

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