Can't stop worrying about what others think

jennifer907
jennifer907 Posts: 84 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am pretty down today. My goal was to be a certain weight by the time college starts back up. It's only 8 weeks away and it is now impossible for me to be there by that time. I feel mad at myself because it wasn't an unrealistic goal at the time, but I feel like I'm not making progress fast enough.

What bothers me the most is that someone who used to know me, made it a point to come to my work and tell me I'm fat. She said I am a lot bigger than I use to be but it's ok because I look good fat. WTF? She had almost perfect timing because she said it right when I had realized I've gained quite a bit of weight (for the 1st time in my life), but there was no need for someone to point it out. I laughed it off at the time, but ended up crying in my car. :(

I can't figure out why a grown woman would do that. I know she doesn't like me because I was her boss until she quit, but she's almost 50 years old so why would she feel the need to go out of her way to bully a 21 year old? I just feel like it was really low of her.

This was like.. 2 months ago but the comment that she made resonates with me all the time. I know I need to get over it, but right now I'm dreading going back to school because I will most likely bump into people who know me and I am honestly terrified at everyone noticing I've gained weight. It's actually getting bad because I now hate going out in public because I never want anyone else to have the opportunity to say the same thing to me. I know it's not normal for me to feel this way but idk what to do. Has anyone else ever felt like this?

Replies

  • CynthiaAnnGA
    CynthiaAnnGA Posts: 95
    I wouldn't let that awful woman upset you one more min. She only said it to hurt you, you can choose to do something about it & that will really get her! Your young & when your 21 things like that really get to you, she knows this & that is why she did it.
  • Homa24
    Homa24 Posts: 33
    Don't let the turkeys get you down. My mom used to say "do they eat at your table?" about bullies, etc. and I'd say no and I think she meant that they don't matter like friends or family. That is what this person was doing, bullying you. Maybe it made them feel good in a twisted way but they had no right to make you feel that way. Just keep saying to yourself that NO ONE has the right to make you feel that way.

    I've had people say stuff that crushed me, that I replay in my mind, and I think it hurts because I thought even though I was struggling I was still doing okay. Hang in there, I know nothing I can say will make it better but think of it this way, think of your friends that might not be magazine perfect. Do you look at them and see their flaws? No! You see their energy, their smiles, you think of all the great things about them and to you they are beautiful/handsome. I don't look at my friends and think they don't look good, no matter their size. In fact, I have friends that are so much more stylish and confident than me and probably weigh a lot more. Own your body, you are who you are now and if "they" don't like it then feel sorry for them that they have to live in their own head and be such negative people.

    And next time someone says something that floors you, have this practiced: "I can't believe you feel comfortable saying something like that." Gets them every time. Maybe they'll stop being jerks, you never know. Judging by your ticker you are doing GREAT work, keep it up!
  • SageGoddess320
    SageGoddess320 Posts: 2,589 Member
    I'm sorry that happened to you. You'd be surprised how much you can accomplish in 8 weeks. Take advantage of MFP, it works. Don't put it off being happy with yourself any longer Jennifer. Start today!
  • hempist
    hempist Posts: 1
    Gosh what a B**CH! That was a terrible comment and no one with any couth would say "oh you're a lot bigger than you used to be but it's ok you still look good." That was crappy and why are you letting her stupid comment stick with you? Please don't dwell on it. When you start to think of that comment or that moment, say to yourself, "Jen, stop it!!!" I get discouraged about my weight loss too but I just keep making good food decisions and keep exercising and I know it will come off. You can do it too! Good Luck!
  • omma_to_3
    omma_to_3 Posts: 3,265 Member
    The best thing is to not set time based goals. I know it's hard to do, but our bodies, even if we do everything right, don't always cooperate. I do look at my losses by time frame, and I make predictions, but I don't get upset if I don't hit them. As long as the overall trend is downward I'm good.

    That lady is not nice and likely jealous that she was working for someone so much younger than herself. Try to ignore garbage like that.
  • Jillian130
    Jillian130 Posts: 174 Member
    Now that lady was an *kitten*. Don't pay any mind to her! And don't pay any mind to that number on that scale either. You need to feel good about yourself from the inside out. Nobody goes through life having to be a certain "number" The point is you have to be healthy, and you have to love you for YOU. Just as you are. Wanting to lose weight is great, for the right reasons. Don't do it because you have a pre-determined number to reach, or to impress anyone else. Do it to be the healthiest, fittest, best possible you that you can be. End of story. When your happy with who you are, it will radiate from the inside out. You can accomplish a lot in 8 weeks. Just do your best, do it for you, and know that we are all here for you if you need advice, encouragement, or just an ear.
  • cjcjcjcjcj
    cjcjcjcjcj Posts: 19
    Girl, don't let what anyone thinks ever get you down, ever. And don't let this one stupid person get you down, that's a bad habit you need to drop. You're SO much better than that. Girls feel the need to pick on other girls because they themselves are self conscious. You're beautiful just the way you are! Don't be your own worst enemy!
  • jennifer907
    jennifer907 Posts: 84 Member
    Don't let the turkeys get you down. My mom used to say "do they eat at your table?" ...


    ..."I can't believe you feel comfortable saying something like that."

    I love both of these!! I am committing them to memory.


    Thank you to everyone for your support.I really appreciate all of your kind words. :) I also like what one said about not setting time sensitive goals. Idk why I hadn't realized previously that they are not a good idea, despite how many times they've gotten me down. I'll get to my goals when I get there and in the mean time I know I am not alone.
  • oceanbigwater
    oceanbigwater Posts: 100
    I think every one who has struggled with weight issues have felt what you are feeling in one way or another. Don't let passive aggressive middle-aged women disguise there jealousy of your youth and potential with suggestions that you are anything less than a beautiful girl with your entire life ahead of you and all the power in the universe on your side to be as happy as you want to be and achieve what you would like to achieve just stay the course be happy for yourself, you will reach your weight loss goal if you stick to it.
  • fabafter5
    fabafter5 Posts: 200 Member
    I think that it boils down to one thing.

    You have to learn to love yourself period. I know that it is easier said than done but you should love yourself no matter if you gain 15lbs or 40lbs. When you love yourself so much, it won't hurt as much if people say stupid things.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,026 Member
    Envy is the best revenge.:laugh:

    IF you really want this on a personal level, then you need to figure out what's really deterring you from getting it done. Then FIND a way around it.
    When someone sees you succeed in something they expect you to fail at, it's all you need to get "revenge".

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • eloralove
    eloralove Posts: 9 Member
    Don't feel bad about what she said. She's obviously unsatisfied with her own life or jealous of you if she needs to go out of her way to make you feel bad. Don't let that ruin you and rather make it your motivation. I believe in you! :smile:
  • laura2501
    laura2501 Posts: 107 Member
    YOU are a beautiful person, and SHE is not, when you lose weight or become happy in your own skin SHE is still a very ugly person on the inside and people can see this a mile away
  • merlyngrey
    merlyngrey Posts: 34
    What does or doesn't happen in the next 8 weeks is nothing compared to being healthy and fit for the rest of your life. Be proud of yourself for every good choice you make, every workout, every healthy meal, and even every pound you do lose by making those good choices over and over again. I bet she wishes she was 21 and still had so many opportunities for great things to happen in her life. She sounds very bitter, don't let her make you that way.
  • lionskitty
    lionskitty Posts: 72 Member
    Envy is the best revenge.:laugh:

    IF you really want this on a personal level, then you need to figure out what's really deterring you from getting it done. Then FIND a way around it.
    When someone sees you succeed in something they expect you to fail at, it's all you need to get "revenge".

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    I have to remember this too. Frankly, people suck sometimes. We can do this and they can be jealous or not, I have a feeling once we reach our goals, we really won't care if they do.
  • historygirldd
    historygirldd Posts: 209 Member
    I am sooooooo sorry that happened. Some people must make others feel bad to make themselves feel good. There will always be "mean girls" and I don't think they ever grow up. Don't let people like this steal your drive to lose weight and be healthy. Hold your head high and remember this:

    Don't waste your life in doubts and fears: spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours or ages that follow it.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Set your mind on the challenge before you. Eat well, exercise and even if you don't lose the weight you want to before going back to school, at least you are part of the way there. Continue in patience and it will happen for you.

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