Church Bulletins :-)

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church services :

The Fasting & Prayer
Conference includes
meals.



The sermon this morning: 'Jesus
Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for
Jesus.'



Ladies, don't forget the rummage
sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around
the house. Bring your husbands.


Remember in prayer the many who are
sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to
someone who doesn't care much about
you.


Don't let worry
kill you off - let the Church help.


Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will
not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the
congregation.



For those of you who have children
and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.


Next Thursday there will be tryouts
for the choir. They need all the help they can get.


Irving Benson and Jessie Carter
were married on
October 24 in the
church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school
days.


A bean supper will be held on
Tuesday evening in the
church hall. Music will
follow.



At the evening service tonight,
the sermon topic will be 'What Is
Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir
practice.


Eight new choir robes are
currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.


Scouts are saving aluminum cans,
bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple
children.


Please place your donation in the
envelope along with the deceased person you want
remembered.


The church will host an evening of
fine dining, super entertainment and gracious
hostility.



Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -
prayer and medication to
follow.



The ladies of the Church have cast
off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday
afternoon.



This evening at 7 PM there will
be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and
come prepared to sin.



Ladies Bible Study will be held
Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in
the
Fellowship Hall after
the B.S. is done.


The pastor would appreciate it if
the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for
the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.




Low Self Esteem Support Group will
meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back
door.



The eighth-graders will be
presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The
congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.


Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM
at the
First Presbyterian
Church.
Please use large double door at the side
entrance.