Offended by a compliment
believeandtry
Posts: 64 Member
Today, I was at Crossfit and I have progressively been lifting heavier. I joined the eat more to weigh less group and have been eating more and have gained a little over 10 lbs in the process and will "reset" for few more weeks before cutting my calories.
ANways, one of the guys at my gym (who is almost 40 and married, but super strong) commented "wow! you're getting stronger and your thighs are getting muscular.. they look like one of those Crossfit competitors!"
He absolutely meant it in the best way possibly, but as a single girl who is turning 23 next week, I don't want to be MUSCULAR. I want to burn my fat and have lean muscle but i dont want "muscular thighs." I think there is a huge difference between being tones and lean, vs muscular... i hope this makes sense.
i want to be toned and lean, but DO NOT want "muscular thighs"....
i love that i am getting stronger, but for the sake of bigger thighs makes me want to cry. I already have thunder thighs with a lot of fat especially on my inner thighs and the inner thighs and my bat wings are problem areas for me so its just a sensitive topic i guess. l am hoping and wishing that this muscle will "eat" the fat away sooner than later.
i think im rambling but hope this makes sense. i am venting and confused about this compliment... gosh i need to find a man soon LOL. Thanks for reading!
ANways, one of the guys at my gym (who is almost 40 and married, but super strong) commented "wow! you're getting stronger and your thighs are getting muscular.. they look like one of those Crossfit competitors!"
He absolutely meant it in the best way possibly, but as a single girl who is turning 23 next week, I don't want to be MUSCULAR. I want to burn my fat and have lean muscle but i dont want "muscular thighs." I think there is a huge difference between being tones and lean, vs muscular... i hope this makes sense.
i want to be toned and lean, but DO NOT want "muscular thighs"....
i love that i am getting stronger, but for the sake of bigger thighs makes me want to cry. I already have thunder thighs with a lot of fat especially on my inner thighs and the inner thighs and my bat wings are problem areas for me so its just a sensitive topic i guess. l am hoping and wishing that this muscle will "eat" the fat away sooner than later.
i think im rambling but hope this makes sense. i am venting and confused about this compliment... gosh i need to find a man soon LOL. Thanks for reading!
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Replies
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or maybe you're getting less fat and muscle is showing through... giving the illusion of getting bigger when you're in fact getting smaller.0
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That was a super awesome compliment you should be happy! It's not like he said your legs look fat. Muscle is the new skinny! Be proud of your hard work.0
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I would be extremely pleased if someone said that, then again I'm trying to build muscle. Instead, I went into GNC yesterday for supplements and the clerk told me I didn't need half the crap I was buying because I was "too skinny already". THIS offended me, because I'm trying to look tough lol.0
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I don't think you should be offended. I have pretty sculpted square cut thighs after working out for a while and doing squats, but my legs are much smaller. Muscle is sexy, don't let a compliment offend you. You've worked hard for your muscles and they are awesome!0
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Today, I was at Crossfit and I have progressively been lifting heavier. I joined the eat more to weigh less group and have been eating more and have gained a little over 10 lbs in the process and will "reset" for few more weeks before cutting my calories.
ANways, one of the guys at my gym (who is almost 40 and married, but super strong) commented "wow! you're getting stronger and your thighs are getting muscular.. they look like one of those Crossfit competitors!"
He absolutely meant it in the best way possibly, but as a single girl who is turning 23 next week, I don't want to be MUSCULAR. I want to burn my fat and have lean muscle but i dont want "muscular thighs." I think there is a huge difference between being tones and lean, vs muscular... i hope this makes sense.
i want to be toned and lean, but DO NOT want "muscular thighs"....
i love that i am getting stronger, but for the sake of bigger thighs makes me want to cry. I already have thunder thighs with a lot of fat especially on my inner thighs and the inner thighs and my bat wings are problem areas for me so its just a sensitive topic i guess. l am hoping and wishing that this muscle will "eat" the fat away sooner than later.
i think im rambling but hope this makes sense. i am venting and confused about this compliment... gosh i need to find a man soon LOL. Thanks for reading!
Well, if you're eating more, and getting stronger and getting heavier. Then you're adding fat as well as muscle. Weight gains is controlled by calorie consumption. If you're eating a surplus, you're going to gain fat too. Its simple.0 -
Thanks everyone. The MFP Community is great and I LOVE YOU ALL! I am praying to God that it is this added fat from eating more and it will go down when i cut my calorie #s in a few weeks. I went from eating 1500 to eating 2200 calories a day. In a few weeks, I will cut to 2000 and hopfully will lose some fat and the weight i did gain.
Since increasing my calories, Ive been feeling really big and self conscious so just needed to vent. again, you all are so great
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I wanna be called muscular but despite lifting heavy & eating on a calorie deficit, I still look soft :sad:0
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2000 plus callories is quite a big diet and is a diet usually used if you want to gain mass muscel, if you are just trying to burn fat your diet should be about 1500 or less. If you changed your diet you would probaly see a huge diffrence in the apperance of the muscel and fat. Also certain foods you eat at certain times as well as how you exercise makes a big difference.
But as one of the girls said strong is the new skinny and own it!0 -
Happy Birthday in advance. I would look at it this way. The guy is complimenting you in your progress and I see that its better than saying, "Dear lord have you let yourself go?" or something along those lines. I myself don't take compliments well but I always run to someone else to analyze it for me. Its ok you are doing great in improving your life. Wish the best for you and good luck in finding a man and send me some luck my way too because I want one too.
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2000 plus callories is quite a big diet and is a diet usually used if you want to gain mass muscel, if you are just trying to burn fat your diet should be about 1500 or less. If you changed your diet you would probaly see a huge diffrence in the apperance of the muscel and fat. Also certain foods you eat at certain times as well as how you exercise makes a big difference.
But as one of the girls said strong is the new skinny and own it!
That is her maintenance calories and it includes any excercise calories. She was probably eating too low (the diet you recommend) and now by doing a reset and eating at maintenance she is trying to fix her metabolism.
You should never eat below your BMR and if you exercise and your net happens to go below BRM then you should eat enough calories to at least get a net at BMR.
I am 115 and was eating around 1700 - 1800 calories before and now increased it to around 2000 (since May) because I wanted to stop losing weight.0 -
Take it at face value and know that your body is changing and it looks attractive and undoubtably your probably healthier. Big thing for me was when I learned to say "thanks" to a compliment instead of belittle-ing (spelling) it. Take in the compliments and do let them go to your head. You've Worked hard for them. Relax, Enjoy :flowerforyou:0
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http://games2009.crossfit.com/assets_c/2009/06/lauren-plumey-thumb-300x451-1020.jpg
that girl looks great. ya i think your over thinking this. fit is fab. you don't want to be a bag of bones. be proud of your progress, nothing wrong with muscle and being fit/healthy. Its a good thing dear.
I actually WANT to fit toned well. I think thick muscular thighs (not mr universe thick, normal fit thick) are hot! I am trying to get there.
I would love to look like - http://www.athleticka.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/CrossfitGirls1.jpg - crossfit girls. I say GO YOU!0 -
I think I'd be in heaven if someone said I had muscular thighs! I was working out with a my coworker the other day in a room at the gym with mirrors. Generally I find them distracting and I loathe looking at myself. However, as I was doing lunges, I kept noticing that my quads are developing quite nicely. I think I would've giggled with joy if someone else had noticed and complimented me!! Then again, I'm 40 and a momma so that may explain a bit of our differing perspectives! LOL
Keep Crossfitting!! My good friend is an instructor and I admire the living daylights out of her. She's had 6 kids, runs a business, her husband is the pastor at our very large church and, without question, she's ripped! Lean, muscular, strong, and even though I'm a girl, I can say it, she looks amazing! You're gonna love the results if you keep pushing yourself!!!0 -
An amazing compliment
Perhaps the man didn't want to come off as "that creepy gym guy" and wanted to give you props for all the hard work he has seen you doing.
All in all I think your hard work is paying off if people are coming up to you and saying you look great . keep kicking *kitten*:flowerforyou:0 -
Keep in mind, it was a guy giving you the compliment. I would say that most guys view being called muscular a very good thing, so he was simply giving you a compliment how he would another male. I'm sure you look fantastic and I agree with the other ladies who posted - I would KILL to have someone tell me my thighs were muscular!
If it makes you feel any better, a customer who I haven't seen in maybe 4-5 years came in to my work the other day. We were talking and finally he asked if I was the same girl who used to work in the office a few years prior. i said yep, that was me! His response? "HOLY CRAP! You've lost a TON of weight!" ... yeah. Lol. I've lost MAYBE 7-10 lbs since he's seen me last. A ton?! Really?! I know he was trying to compliment me, but still. OUCH!0 -
That was quite a compliment. You don't want to be muscular? You need muscle to burn fat!0
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Perhaps what he classifies as muscular (for a woman) is what you see as toned and lean.0
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I learned a long time ago that sometimes the things I find attractive aren't the things a chick wants to hear. In my early 20s I commented on a chick I was dating's wide hips. I thought they were awesome. She didn't. That didn't end well. After several more of these incidents I learned to keep my mouth shut about big butts and thick thighs and other stuff I find attractive. There was a chick running at the middle school track where I was running last week who was doing sprint intervals. She had obviously been working on running/conditioning for a long time. She had big thick muscular thighs and I thought "wow, those are some awesome huge thighs" but I used my inside my head voice - both because I've learned that girls don't always like to hear those things and because younger chicks probably don't want to hear that the creepy old guy is looking at their thighs.0
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some guys just don't know the difference between toned and muscular. i'm sure he meant it as a compliment because most guys want to be muscular - to them it's fit. (oh and i have thick thighs and a big butt myself). maybe next time you can gently correct him - when he says you're muscular you can say with a smile and giggle you mean toned right.Today, I was at Crossfit and I have progressively been lifting heavier. I joined the eat more to weigh less group and have been eating more and have gained a little over 10 lbs in the process and will "reset" for few more weeks before cutting my calories.
ANways, one of the guys at my gym (who is almost 40 and married, but super strong) commented "wow! you're getting stronger and your thighs are getting muscular.. they look like one of those Crossfit competitors!"
He absolutely meant it in the best way possibly, but as a single girl who is turning 23 next week, I don't want to be MUSCULAR. I want to burn my fat and have lean muscle but i dont want "muscular thighs." I think there is a huge difference between being tones and lean, vs muscular... i hope this makes sense.
i want to be toned and lean, but DO NOT want "muscular thighs"....
i love that i am getting stronger, but for the sake of bigger thighs makes me want to cry. I already have thunder thighs with a lot of fat especially on my inner thighs and the inner thighs and my bat wings are problem areas for me so its just a sensitive topic i guess. l am hoping and wishing that this muscle will "eat" the fat away sooner than later.
i think im rambling but hope this makes sense. i am venting and confused about this compliment... gosh i need to find a man soon LOL. Thanks for reading!0 -
Muscular means a lot of things to a lot of people, it goes hand in hand with being "toned" or "fit". It's the same thing. What a great compliment!!! YES, keep training and keeping putting on the muscle because it's only going to help you lose weight faster and look incredible!!! Unless you've noticed a difference (i.e. an increase) in the girth of your thighs from all of this lifting, have no fear! A little weight gain comes with eating more and training hard. Just wait until you start dropping the pounds like crazy... It'll happen and you'll get the toned/muscular/fit look you're going for!0
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I would be extremely pleased if someone said that, then again I'm trying to build muscle. Instead, I went into GNC yesterday for supplements and the clerk told me I didn't need half the crap I was buying because I was "too skinny already". THIS offended me, because I'm trying to look tough lol.
The clerk said that to you? What a no no...0 -
I learned a long time ago that sometimes the things I find attractive aren't the things a chick wants to hear. In my early 20s I commented on a chick I was dating's wide hips. I thought they were awesome. She didn't. That didn't end well. After several more of these incidents I learned to keep my mouth shut about big butts and thick thighs and other stuff I find attractive. There was a chick running at the middle school track where I was running last week who was doing sprint intervals. She had obviously been working on running/conditioning for a long time. She had big thick muscular thighs and I thought "wow, those are some awesome huge thighs" but I used my inside my head voice - both because I've learned that girls don't always like to hear those things and because younger chicks probably don't want to hear that the creepy old guy is looking at their thighs.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
So true... I've heard guys say those well-meaning and totally innocent comments before. I absolutely HATE the word "thick" being used to describe any part of my body. The word itself is just so... Off putting. For me, anyways. I much prefer words like strong, muscular, tight, or even voluptuous to... thick. Women who have strong and muscular legs like me (and the OP) shouldn't hide them!!! They are great powerhouses that can do amazing things, especially with a squat bar. I love my legs and butt! And as soon as they're chiseled, I'll love them even more!0 -
A lot of people confuse muscular for toned. He could have been commenting on how tone your legs are.0
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Strong is associated with muscular doesn't mean you are looking BUFF LOL - Crossfit tightens and tones everything keep up the good work! Remember muscle helps burn fat so enjoy and bask in the compliment and your new founds strength0
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Today, I was at Crossfit and I have progressively been lifting heavier. I joined the eat more to weigh less group and have been eating more and have gained a little over 10 lbs in the process and will "reset" for few more weeks before cutting my calories.
ANways, one of the guys at my gym (who is almost 40 and married, but super strong) commented "wow! you're getting stronger and your thighs are getting muscular.. they look like one of those Crossfit competitors!"
He absolutely meant it in the best way possibly, but as a single girl who is turning 23 next week, I don't want to be MUSCULAR. I want to burn my fat and have lean muscle but i dont want "muscular thighs." I think there is a huge difference between being tones and lean, vs muscular... i hope this makes sense.
i want to be toned and lean, but DO NOT want "muscular thighs"....
i love that i am getting stronger, but for the sake of bigger thighs makes me want to cry. I already have thunder thighs with a lot of fat especially on my inner thighs and the inner thighs and my bat wings are problem areas for me so its just a sensitive topic i guess. l am hoping and wishing that this muscle will "eat" the fat away sooner than later.
i think im rambling but hope this makes sense. i am venting and confused about this compliment... gosh i need to find a man soon LOL. Thanks for reading!
You wanting to cry over this is absolutely the dumbest thing I have heard. If you are offended by a getting told that you are looking muscular, you should re-evaluate the work out you are doing. First off, while working out you are gonna drop fat, and look more muscular, that is your bodies natural reaction to exercise. Secondly that is a pretty beast compliment. I have what are refered to by most ppl as "Tree Trunk legs" and I love it. Eat your calories work out hard and gain muscle. You will look spectacular! BTW a compliment like that coming from a man, is a VERY good thing.0 -
Today, I was at Crossfit and I have progressively been lifting heavier. I joined the eat more to weigh less group and have been eating more and have gained a little over 10 lbs in the process and will "reset" for few more weeks before cutting my calories.
ANways, one of the guys at my gym (who is almost 40 and married, but super strong) commented "wow! you're getting stronger and your thighs are getting muscular.. they look like one of those Crossfit competitors!"
He absolutely meant it in the best way possibly, but as a single girl who is turning 23 next week, I don't want to be MUSCULAR. I want to burn my fat and have lean muscle but i dont want "muscular thighs." I think there is a huge difference between being tones and lean, vs muscular... i hope this makes sense.
i want to be toned and lean, but DO NOT want "muscular thighs"....
i love that i am getting stronger, but for the sake of bigger thighs makes me want to cry. I already have thunder thighs with a lot of fat especially on my inner thighs and the inner thighs and my bat wings are problem areas for me so its just a sensitive topic i guess. l am hoping and wishing that this muscle will "eat" the fat away sooner than later.
i think im rambling but hope this makes sense. i am venting and confused about this compliment... gosh i need to find a man soon LOL. Thanks for reading!
You wanting to cry over this is absolutely the dumbest thing I have heard. If you are offended by a getting told that you are looking muscular, you should re-evaluate the work out you are doing. First off, while working out you are gonna drop fat, and look more muscular, that is your bodies natural reaction to exercise. Secondly that is a pretty beast compliment. I have what are refered to by most ppl as "Tree Trunk legs" and I love it. Eat your calories work out hard and gain muscle. You will look spectacular! BTW a compliment like that coming from a man, is a VERY good thing.
If you don't want to look muscular, crossfit isn't exactly the right place? Am I missing something?0 -
I Love Crossfit and started it over a year ago in hope of being building muscle, losing fat, and getting toned. I can't really control how my muscles look or are built
I guess i want this and don't mind looking like this
http://www.flixya.com/photo/1393810/muscular-women
But when someone says muscular, I imagine this...I don't want this
http://womensmuscularlegs.tumblr.com/page/20 -
Thanks for all your replies and knocking some sense into me. I will keep working hard and hopefully shedding some fat will reduce the size of my thighs and just get fit overall! HUGS TO EVERYONE! 0
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Let's see your legs and get another opinion. Most guys don't know now to describe muscularity on a female.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I Love Crossfit and started it over a year ago in hope of being building muscle, losing fat, and getting toned. I can't really control how my muscles look or are built
I guess i want this and don't mind looking like this
http://www.flixya.com/photo/1393810/muscular-women
But when someone says muscular, I imagine this...I don't want this
http://womensmuscularlegs.tumblr.com/page/2
Even sure, those are some GLUTES! Damn!
Take the damn compliment, muscular is awesome, muscular is strong and big thighs are completely kick *kitten*! I now find skinny jeans a nightmare, do I get upset over it, no, because I can squat over my own bodyweight. Skinny jeans can f**k off, I'd rather be awesome.0
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