Needing support and motivation after Miscarriage

skinnybitchbarbie27
skinnybitchbarbie27 Posts: 306 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi, My name is Kayla. I am not really knowing where to start but here it goes. I have lost upwards of 80 pounds. I was a lot bigger before starting MFP and it has helped me a lot. About three months ago I found out that my husband and I were going to finally be parents. The weight was coming off and the struggle to be a mom finally was going to be like a dream come true. We had been trying so hard for over a year. Last week I suffered a miscarriage and they had to do a procedure called a D&C on me. It was hard because at the 12 week ultrasound where they didn't find a heartbeat we could see our little babies arms and legs and body. After we found out about the loss of our baby I binged, and still am binging. I have gained 10 pounds back and now that I am cleared for my exercise- (to include weight lifting and zumba, before the pregnancy I was doing 2 hours of exercise daily) I am having a hard time even knowing where to start. I know what to do. I manage a gym for a living. But it feels like something is missing now. I feel the need for someone to hold my hand and lead me through this darkness. Anyone have some tips or advice on how to get myself motivated again? I have about 70 more pounds to lose and I really don't want to fail at this battle with weight loss.

If anything, thank you for listening.

Replies

  • niftyafterfifty
    niftyafterfifty Posts: 338 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss! I have never personally experienced a miscarriage, but someone very close to me has. It was brutally painful for them and for us. We grieved for the lost child and our hearts ached for the parents. I would be happy to offer whatever support I can.
  • ncthomas09
    ncthomas09 Posts: 322 Member
    I'm terribly sorry for you loss! I have never experienced anything like this myself. But just think, if you get back to exercise and your healthy eating that will make your body even healthier to try again. The healthier you can be the better for you and a future baby. I know it is hard, and yes obviously you feel something is missing because it is. Just try to stay positive and healthy!

    i would love to help motivate and support in anyway I can.
  • jadejadelee
    jadejadelee Posts: 12
    It hurts doesn't it? All I can tell you is what helped me, best done through my story:

    We tried to fall preg for over a year, doing it becomes a chore and every month brings disappointment, frustration ands depression. Will we ever have a baby I can't stop thinking about it. After seeing a specialist, having tests, ovarian drilling and some ovulation inducing clomid we happlily conceived our first baby. Ava is now 5.

    Second bub was a snap, we decided the gloves were off and I fell preg immediately, no hitch, Penny is 3yrs.

    Time for number 3, easy fell pregnant immediately. But then had a miscarriage, I was already attached to my baby, even though it was a before 12 weeks miscarriage it was heartbreaking.

    Then i realized that it was ok, I just haven't met her yet.

    I believe in Jesus, I believe that I am going tonheaven after here and that my baby girl is there waiting to meet me. But she is happy, she doesn't miss me she is with Jesus and is looking forward to our arrival.

    I read this book called 'heaven is for real' about a boy that dies and goes to heaven and comes back (try not to be skeptical, he was only 4 and explainewd things written in the bible that he couldn't have known). Any way after a year or two after the incident whilst playing he said ton his mum "mum I have another sister".

    The mum is shocked, he didn't know that mum had a miscarriage before he was born.

    After some discussion mum Found out that her miscarriage was a little girl who looks like here other daughter but with different hair and some other things. When she asked her son what her daughters name was he replied " she hasn't got one because you didn't name her, she can't wait till you get to heaven so you can give her a name"

    I don't know where you are at spiritually but for me knowing that I will see my baby makes it alright. If you wan't to talk privately message me


    Jade
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    I am sorry your your loss! I never experienced a miscarriage. Maybe going back to exercising will help you strengthen your body and mind. My friend had a miscarriage in April and 2 friends had miscarriages this month and it was really heart breaking that I cried for them and the babies that could've been. I suggest go back to the gym and get healthy so you can try again. Hugs to you and your husband :flowerforyou:
  • missyjg99
    missyjg99 Posts: 246 Member
    I"m very sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I can relate all too well. We suffered multiple miscarriages and a still born. I too binged as a way of dealing with my grief, unknown and the anger I had. It's far to easy then to deal with the pain that results in losing a child. It's a pain you can't describe or put into words. It's a gaping hole in your heart. But somewhere, I found the courage and self worth to pick myself up and lose the weight for me. I pray that you can find comfort and peace with this and move on. Give yourself time. Try to do things that you like and enjoy that don't revolve around food. Surround yourself with supportive family and friends. I also prayed a lot. It helps to know that my babies are in heaven waiting for me. Huge giant hugs to you. Good luck to you.
  • ichellebereel
    ichellebereel Posts: 55 Member
    I miscarried at 12 week as well, I know your pain, I was a walking zombie, I knew I had to snap out of it and I began writing about my emotions, that's what gave me motovation. I had to stop existing and start living. Now, Merci is 15 years old (and I wasn't even trying) When I relieved myself of the stress, my body was able to function properly. Take it day by day. Go to the gym and start at a pace that's comfortable and you will work your way up. My prayers are with you.
  • hippychickuk
    hippychickuk Posts: 93 Member
    Kayla, I'm so very sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. I can imagine it must be frustrating as well that a lot of us are replying to your story, but have not suffered miscarriages ourselves (me neither). I thought, there must be a group on mfp? So I did a quick search and found a binge eaters group that you might find helpful? Maybe you should search on miscarriage as well?

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/376-binge-eating-support

    All the best to you..
  • Diyah13
    Diyah13 Posts: 76 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss. I suffered a miscarriage, too. I was pretty active in the martial arts and had been taken precautions while training so I could continue. What helped me get through it was letting people know that I was going through a hard time and needed some space. They were very accommodating and sympathetic. Even though I grieved for a long while, after a couple of days of "checking out" I started back into my routine. At first it was like "going through the motions." Then I started to focus on what I was doing and a little less on the grief. I started asking questions about why it happened and found myself on a path I never knew existed. It was a good journey for me--helping me put closure to the loss.

    In all, it took some time and some small steps to climb out of it. Though I still think, "what if . . ." every now and then, I still have to focus on what I need to do today and for my future. In time, my husband and I came to be parents of two children who really enjoy keeping us on our toes.

    Good luck. I feel for you.
  • NoMoreJellyRolls
    NoMoreJellyRolls Posts: 142
    I have never experienced a miscarriage but alot of my close family and friends have, including my gym pal. Try to focus on dropping the weight so when you do have a successful pregnancy it will be a healthy one... unlike mine. When I found out i was pregnant i was 315 pounds, I was high risk. i had gestational diabetes, oligo, and toxemia. I would not wish this kind of pregnancy on anyone and I would have focused more on losing weight before I got pregnant, but was she was a suprise.

    You can do anything you want to do, just put your mine to it. If you want a successful pregnancy then hit the gym hard and focus on a heathy you.

    If you need more support/motivation please feel free to add me. Good luck hun and remember God only puts you through things he knows you can handle (believe me I know it seems like BS)
  • danifo0811
    danifo0811 Posts: 544 Member
    I'm sorry for your loss. We also found out at our 12 week ultrasound that I had a miscarriage. I took it very hard and gained 10 lbs during the one month recovery and one month until I got pregnant again. My eating was horrible that pregnancy and I'm still fighting to regain normal eating.

    just take it one day at a time.
  • DeeDel32
    DeeDel32 Posts: 542 Member
    My heart aches for you. Losing a baby is he most heart wrenching thing. But, you will begin to feel better. You'll never forget, but, days will get easier. You'll begin to make it through an hour, then a few, then a day, then a couple of days, etc. I still think about my lost baby and what could have been, but now remember the happiness of that short but very real pregnancy and the pain no longer cuts like a knife. Be strong, stay healthy, for yourself and your future family. It will happen. *hugs*
  • MadeToCraveHIM
    MadeToCraveHIM Posts: 213 Member
    I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through this. I had an ectopic pregnancy in 2010 after trying for nearly 8 years that nearly broke my spirit. You're definitely doing the right thing in reaching out for support. I've met some wonderful people on here.
  • jcragsdale
    jcragsdale Posts: 10 Member
    One in three pregnancies end in miscarriage according to the medical professionals.Due to products like EPT and others, women are finding out they are expecting much earlier. Based on the experience of many, including my daughter, the next pregnancy will result in a beautiful little one that will rock your world and fulfill your maternal side. She lost her baby at 11 weeks upon learning her planned child had no heartbeat in the same emergency room her father was placed in only a year and half before and died. She lost her baby in March, 2008 and gave birth to a healthy and beautiful 6 lb 2 oz baby girl in April, 2009. She found out she was pregnant with Miss Wonderful in August 2008, but didn't disclose her pregnancy to anyone due to fear until Oct., 2008. Not that you will ever totally forget the loss that you just incurred,. Most women get pregnant within the first 3-6 months after a miscarriage. Look forward and leave the past behind. Live healthy, your future child is awaiting an amazingly healthy mom. God bless you and your future family:-)
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    That is heratbreaking. I am so sorry that you and your husband had to go through such a tragedy. This site is full of great people that will be happy to support you. All I can say is never to give up. Give yourself a little time to heal and be well, then I suggest trying to be the best and healthiest person that you can be. Time heals all wounds, even the deepest like this one, and I have faith that one day you and your husband will have the family you desire and absolutely deserve.

    I wish the best of luck to you, and sent you a friend request as well.
  • MauSalvaje
    MauSalvaje Posts: 15
    I'm really sorry for your loss, I know how painful it is. My story was a bit different, I suffered preeclampsia last year, I was in the hospital for 3 weeks...my baby boy was putting through all that situation, my body wasn't a suitable place for him any more...

    It's damn hard...in my case, I ate less, suffered nervous and paranoia attacks...what helped me was talking to a lady with spiritual connection to God, she told me when we grieve so much it's like carrying a dead body around us, since the soul has moved forward.

    The only thing that does help in grieving is time, and praying, for me. Don't be too down, think your baby is in a better place, and be healthy for your husband, because he must be suffering too and he wouldn't like you to get sick, and do it for yourself, you may be able to have a baby some day.
  • skinnybitchbarbie27
    skinnybitchbarbie27 Posts: 306 Member
    Thank you everyone. Your words of encouragement helped me a lot. I feel like I am ready to take on the next challenge in life and will know that when I get pregnant again my body will be in the best shape it can be.
  • elifmemis
    elifmemis Posts: 31 Member
    My husband and I struggled for four years to have our daughter. I suffered a miscarriage 6 months before my full term pregnancy, I was so worried during the pregnancy. Most of my fertility docs were jerks, but my ob/gyn was so wonderful! My advice is surround yourself by positive things (books, friends, family etc). Love yourself...It's so normal what your feeling. I read books on coping with difficult times by Pema Chodran. Her books helped me the most!

    Virtual Hugs to you!

    http://www.amazon.com/The-Places-that-Scare-You/dp/1570629218/ref=pd_sim_b_2

    http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/1570629692/ref=pd_rhf_cr_p_t_2
  • OnionMomma
    OnionMomma Posts: 938 Member
    The loss of a baby is soo hard. I have lost 3 and it doesn't get easier. For us, it was even harder as it took us years to conceive. Our son was born after 2 of those M.C. and it took us a total of 6.5 years to carry him to term. (I had another M.C. after him)

    My best advice, just get out there and get back to moving. Yes, you mourn for the fact of what might have been but as hard as it sounds, getting back to "normal" was the best thing for me.
  • mikmurphy
    mikmurphy Posts: 57 Member
    Aww I'm sorry. I had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks. With a d&c also. You said it was just last week? Be aware your hormones may take a bit to balance out. Be gentle with yourself. Took me about four months to stop crying all the time. But I eventually found something positive to uplift me. Feel better soon.
  • katejkelley
    katejkelley Posts: 839 Member
    I'm very sorry for your loss. Miscarriages are one of the toughest experiences for a woman. You shouldn't beat yourself up over the weight gain. You needed to mourn. Now you need to start taking care of yourself again. Just take it one step at a time. Start logging in your meals, so you can see where you're starting from. Since you're cleared to exercise, I always recommend walking. Walking is low-impact and does every part of your body good. You can increase speed and distance as your fitness level increases. After awhile, maybe start some light free weights, join a fitness class, or invest in some workout DVDs. Don't try to do it all at once. But build up your fitness level as you start to modify your eating habits. I think MFP is for life - not a quick fix. My best wishes to you!
  • Oksanaka
    Oksanaka Posts: 5 Member
    I know the feeling of losing your baby firsthand. My husband and I found out we were expecting a week before we got married. At the time, we were both scared and felt unprepared, but as time went on we became excited about being parents. I miscarried on March 10th after being at the ER for hours the night before (I Knew I was miscarrying). It still hurts when I think about it, and I did put on some weight while being pregnant because I had morning sickness almost 24/7. Hang in there. And always keep in mind, there wasn't anything that could have been done to prevent it.

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